


Trust Me: A Dan Avidan Fic

by SkyWasMadeofAmethyst



Category: Dan Avidan - Fandom, Game Grumps
Genre: Angst, Drama, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fanfiction, Hurt/Comfort, Past Child Abuse, Past Domestic Violence, Romance, Thriller
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-01
Updated: 2018-03-19
Packaged: 2019-02-09 07:04:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 16
Words: 101,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12882654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkyWasMadeofAmethyst/pseuds/SkyWasMadeofAmethyst
Summary: Eleanor Brannock is a troubled young woman attempting to restart her life in California with her brother Jake. Jake's friend Dan has taken a liking to Eleanor. Can she learn to let her guard down long enough to trust him. And will Jake ever approve? What will happen when Eleanor's past returns to wreck havoc on her new life.





	1. Chapter 1

Jake Brannock was a pretty scary dude. Well okay to be fair, maybe  
scary wasn't the right word. Perhaps intimidating would be a better  
way to describe him.

Yes, intimidating that was the best way to describe Jake Brannock.  
Though Dan Avidan had been friends with Jake Brannock for years he  
still couldn't help but to find the man ever so slightly intimidating.

Dan guessed it was Jake's sheer size that made him intimidating. The  
man was well over six feet tall. Yes Dan himself was over six feet  
tall; six foot two to be accurate. Dan was far thinner than Jake had probably ever been in his  
life though. Dan felt more stringbeanish than usual anytime he stood near  
Jake.

Jake's towering height and muscular stocky frame had always worked in  
his favor. It worked in his favor in his job as a bouncer and one of  
the local clubs. He had played football at one point, in high school.  
That was one of the things that had helped Dan and he form a  
friendship, their love of football.

Music had been the other mutual love that had helped Jake and Dan form  
their friendship. Though Jake didn't have much time to dedicate  
himself to music as Dan, the pair still found time to jam and work on  
music with one another in their spare time.

Tonight the pair found themselves locked deep in another jam session  
at Jake's tiny apartment. It was a bit of a tight fit, but given that  
Dan shared a rental property with Barry, Dan hadn't wanted to disturb  
the man with Jake's and his noise.

Though Dan was trying his best to keep his mind locked on his notebook  
of lyrics he could tell that Jake's brain wasn't 100 percent on the  
task at hand.

He wasn't shocked as Jake spoke up repeating the same thing he'd been  
saying all night. "You can't stay for long tonight. I gotta pick up my  
sister at the airport."

"Yeah you've said that like eight times since I got here a few hours  
ago." Dan remarked trying not to laugh at how much his friend seemed  
to be repeating himself. He quickly failed though a small chuckle  
escaping his lips.

Jake let out a huff though he failed not to chuckle as well. "Yeah,  
yeah I know. I just haven't seen her in a few years. I'm excited that  
she's coming to stay. I actually haven't seen her in more than a few  
years. It seems like she was just a kid the last time I saw her."

"How old is she? What's her name again?" Dan blurted out curiosity  
getting the best of him.

Jake wasn't exactly the most open person when it came to anything  
about his past or his family. Dan knew that he was originally from  
Texas. Jake had left for California when he was barely eighteen and  
had been here ever since.

Dan had always gotten the feeling that Jake kept quiet about his  
family and his past because it wasn't the happiest past nor the most  
enjoyable family.

"Eleanor....though don't call her that unless you want her to kill  
you. She prefers Elle. She's twenty six. She was barely eighteen the  
last time I saw her....It was only for a few days though...Christmas.  
We met up for a couple of days in Galveston....Just me and her.  
Holidays are usually like that for us...not really anyone else for us  
to celebrate with. I haven't seen her since then....I probably should  
have kept better contact with her." Jake remarked his eyes drifting  
off to the corner of the room as he reminisced.

Dan couldn't help but to notice the twinge of guilt in the man's voice.

Jake quickly shifted his eyes back to Dan as he finished his statement  
stopping himself before he said much more. "Anyway. It'll be good to  
see her. I think California will be good for her. She needs a fresh  
start.....I want to make sure I get to the airport early just in case  
her plane lands. Last thing I want her to think is that I forgot about  
her.. This move has been pretty stressful for her. It was kind of a  
sudden decision."

Dan raised an eyebrow as he stared back down at his notebook. He was  
tempted to ask Jake what exactly he meant by a fresh start, and why  
her move was such a rash decision. He had a feeling that if he asked  
Jake wouldn't provide a clear answer.

Dan wasn't sure why he was so curious. He guessed it was because Jake  
had always been so hush hush about anything to do with his family.

It always puzzled Dan a little bit. After all Jake and he had become  
pretty close friends, or at least Dan considered them close friends.  
They hung out quite a bit when Dan wasn't working and Jake had the  
night off.

They had hit bars together and had always served as each others wing  
men when it came to hitting on girls. They worked together trying to  
break through when one or the other was stuck musically. They always  
watched football together especially if one of their home teams were  
playing.

So yes they were pretty close. Jake was one of the few local friends  
Dan actually had outside of work with the Grumps.

He had found the friendship and change of pace kind of nice. As much  
as he loved his YouTube career it was nice to have some friendships  
outside of that little social bubble.

While Dan may have shared plenty of stories about his own childhood in  
New Jersey, Jake had remained mostly tight lipped when it came to his  
own past.

The man's reluctance to say too much about his past only made Dan  
curiouser and curiouser. He'd even had some amusing private theories  
that perhaps Jake was some sort of outlaw on the run hiding from  
capture from the police.

Dan had a feeling though that Jake's reason for remaining so private  
about his past was probably far less exciting or dark.

Dan could also admit of course that he was a little curious to see  
just what this Eleanor looked like. Anytime he tried to picture her he  
always pictured Jake in a long brown wig and pink lipstick.

Although he guessed Jake wouldn't really need a wig. The man already  
had dark brown hair down to his shoulders.

Dan was pretty sure Jake wouldn't appreciate if he mentioned that he  
pictured Eleanor looking like a wigged make up slathered version of  
Jake.

The man was pretty far from feminine. Jake looked like he should be  
playing in some sort of death metal band. His wardrobe consisted of  
mostly the color black. And he was also covered in tattoos which only  
furthered his look of pure intimidation.

To be honest Dan had a feeling most people wouldn't believe Jake and  
he would have anything in common if they compared him to Dan on looks  
alone.

Dan was tempted to fish for a little more information to sate his ever  
curious brain, but didn't have a chance to ask any more questions as  
the doorbell rang.

Jake stood up from the drum kit, he'd been sat behind for most of the  
evening, making his way to the front door.

Dan was tempted to peek around Jake as he heard the man's shocked  
voice. "Elle what are you doing here? I was supposed to pick you up.  
Your flight was at eight right? I wasn't late was I? Is my clock  
wrong."

"Take a chill pill Jacob. My flight came early." An amused soft toned  
voice sounded from behind the massive blockade from Dan's vision that  
was Jake.

Jake let out a huff apparently not amused by the chill pill comment.  
"Well you still could have called. I would have picked you up."

"It's fine. I took a taxi. Besides I know you usually have jam  
sessions with that guy you always hang out with...Dave right?"

"Actually it's Dan." Dan blurted out introducing himself into the conversation.

Jake moved aside revealing Eleanor and Dan couldn't help but to notice  
her pale ever so slightly as she realized Jake and she were not alone.

Elle couldn't help but to straighten her spine ever so slightly her  
guard rising as she realized her brother had been blocking sight of  
his guest.

She silently admonished herself for being so anxious all the sudden.  
She couldn't help it though. She'd never done well around  
strangers...or men in general....well men who weren't her brother,  
though that wasn't shocking considering her past.

Elle cleared her throat trying to pretend that she wasn't a little  
intimidated by the stranger who apparently was named Dan and not Dave. 

She silently studied him for a moment trying hard to maintain control over her anxieties. He was almost as tall as her brother, probably only a few inches shorter. He was quite thin. The main thing she noticed was his hair. He had a lot of hair. It was so curly that it was practically a fro. 

She managed to speak silently hoping she hadn't noticeably been staring "Hi....sorry, I didn't know you were there."

Dan could admit he was a bit shocked at the sight of the woman. She  
wasn't at all what he pictured when he imagined Jake's sister.

She was tiny, delicate almost. The dark blue shirt she was wearing seemed almost baggy on her small frame. Dan couldn't help but to notice that She was quite covered up for the California heat. She was short coming only up to barely  
her brother's chest. Her hair was just as dark as Jake's but had a  
noticeable turquoise blue streak dyed through it. Her eyes were dark  
and wide. They almost had a doe like innocent quality to them.

What Dan noticed the most though was the spread of freckles across her  
cheeks and nose. It stuck out against her pale skin even with the  
attempt to cover them with makeup.

She was pretty and Dan of course might be lying if tried to say he  
didn't notice the spread of her hips nor the fullness of her breasts.

Dan cleared his throat suddenly feeling a little nervous himself  
though he was a little puzzled as to why. He spoke managing to work  
out the first thing that popped into his head. "Hi. Your brother said  
not to call you Eleanor."

This comment did manage to work a small smile from Elle's lips though  
she couldn't help but to remain mostly closed off. "He did? Good  
advice...I mean, yeah, I'm not too crazy about my name."

"Me either. My first name is actually Leigh...I just go by Dan, or  
Danny." Dan remarked clearly able to sense the woman's discomfort with  
his presence.

He had to wonder what it was about him that seemed to make her so  
stand offish? Perhaps he was just over-analyzing things.

She was probably just tired from her flight.

Jake was quick to speak breaking the pair's sight from one another as  
he all too clearly hinted that it was time for Dan to go. "Well we're  
probably done for the night. I'll set up the couch for you after Dan  
gathers his stuff and goes."

Eleanor was tempted to point out that no one had to make a fuss over  
her but she didn't have much of a choice as Jake took her suitcase  
from her taking it over to the couch.

Dan reluctantly began to gather his things a little shocked by Jake's  
quick attempts to kick him out and far away from Eleanor. He guessed  
though that the man was probably just excited to have some time to  
catch up with his sister without him standing by.

Dan couldn't help but to look Elle's way again as he shoved on his  
leather jacket. He gave her a small smile as he spoke. "Yeah I better  
go. See you later Jake. It was nice to meet you Elle. Maybe I'll see  
you around."

Elle did her best to return his smile silently praying that he didn't  
think she was horribly rude. She was almost tempted to blurt out that  
it wasn't him and that she was just remarkably screwed up and socially  
inept.

She kept this comment in though giving a simple nod of the head. "Bye.  
Nice to meet you too."

As Dan exited the apartment his brain couldn't help but to wonder to  
Elle and just how sweet her smile seemed.

 

And at that moment Dan Avidan knew he might not mind seeing Eleanor  
Brannock again soon.


	2. Give It a Shot

  There was a moment of uncomfortable silence after Dan left Jake's apartment. Elle shifted from side to side on her feet the silence making her feel antsy despite her own exhaustion from her long plane ride.

She failed to flinch despite her attempts to ignore the way her body ached. The long plane ride had done little to ease the pain shooting throughout her bruised worn body.

She ignored the way Jake's expression changed her older brother noticing the signs of pain in her eyes in spite of her attempts to hide it.

Elle was quick to speak uncomfortable with the way her brother was staring at her. She could see the pity in his eyes. "Your friend didn't have to leave....I mean I'd be fine staying out of the way while you two finish up whatever you were working on."

"It's fine. You're probably exhausted from your trip." Jake commented not wanting to admit that he'd been glad to see Dan go.

He'd been less than comfortable with the way his friend had been staring at his baby sister. He'd also be lying if he tried to say he wasn't too keen on the smile Eleanor had shot Dan's way either.

The two stood in silence for a bit longer before Jake finally spoke again struggling to address the giant elephant in the room. "Can I.....can I see....you know can I see it?"

Elle cringed at the request. She was almost tempted to refuse his request. It would be easy enough to do, telling him no. 

A little voice in the back of her head was quick to be indignant at his request: What right did he have demanding she show him what that bastard had done to her? Who'd he think he was? She was a grown woman. He had no right to request she show him anything. 

She held back the desire to be a giant brat and refuse to do what he'd asked of her. As much as Elle hated to admit it she knew that she probably at least owed her brother the proof to back up what she'd confessed to him in her frantic phone call a few weeks before. 

Elle gritted her jaw as she dropped her black fringe purse rather ungracefully on the floor beside her. She turned her gaze far from Jake as she reached down lifting her blouse to reveal a mess of dark purple and black bruises littered across her otherwise milky skin.

She focused on the corner of the room keeping her eyes fixed on a spider web as she tried to pretend that she couldn't feel her brother's gaze burning into bruises across her body. 

There were more of course. Her legs and hips had a few marks of violence as well.

She hadn't broken anything at least, or at least she was pretty sure she hadn't. 

Elle dropped her blouse covering herself as she spoke trying her best not to show any shame though she still couldn't meet her brother's gaze. "Adam was at least smart enough to hit me where I could hide it....he never hit my face."

She crossed her arms over her chest her throat tight as she struggled not to allow herself to fall apart. She spoke somehow feeling the need to explain herself; to say sorry for the mess she'd dropped at her brother's feet. "I'm sorry I had to get you involved....it wasn't your mess to clean up....I just...I had no where else to turn."

She let the tears fall as Jake took her by shock embracing her gently. He held on to her timidly almost afraid to squeeze too tightly and cause her more pain. "You don't have to apologize."

As ashamed as Elle was she still allowed herself to sink into her brother's hold. It was funny even though she was a grown woman her brother's hugs almost made her feel like a child all over again.

Jake spoke again his voice holding a dangerous tone as he allowed her to continue to sob against his chest. "I'm going to kill that prick."

Elle pulled back from the hug shaking her head as she tried to ignore the chill that ran down her spine at her brother's comment. She had no doubt he wouldn't have a problem following through on that threat. "No....I mean don't get me wrong I'd love for Adam to get a good dose of karma, but not from you."

She let out a shaky breath wiping her eyes as she allowed herself to voice her fears. "I don't want him hurting anyone else....He's...he's really gone off the deep end....I mean he's never hit me before this....I mean sure he was an ass sometimes, but......I don't know. Something pissed him off and I asked too many questions..."

Jake was quick to speak his eyes narrowing as he scolded Eleanor. "It's not your fault...you didn't deserve that. No one deserves that."

"I know....I do....I just. I feel really stupid, you know. I always swore I'd never date anyone who raised a hand to me. I guess at the end of the day girls really do pick men just like their dads." Elle remarked shaking her head. 

She felt beyond pathetic.

More than anything though Elle was afraid. It was almost hard to believe that she had loved Adam at one point. Now she couldn't even find that part of herself that had loved him. 

The girl she had been just a year ago was almost like a stranger to her. What she was now was a broken frazzled mess who'd run back to her big brother to clean up her mess and protect her. 

Now when Eleanor thought of Adam all she felt was pain, regret, and fear. 

She had come to the uneasy realization that the Adam she had been in love with wasn't the real Adam. He had been wearing a mask of sorts all this time; pretending to be someone she could trust and count on.

The reality was he was what she should have feared all along.

It was strange how her life had changed so much in just a month's time.

Eleanor had thought she had her life in order. She had left her family's ranch and had found a life at the Gulf Coast. 

She'd managed to get herself a job working at a little dress shop. She had been happy with the work even if her family had thought that it was below her.

She'd assumed she'd met a decent guy. Not just decent but seemingly perfect. Adam had been smart, charming, a real self made man.

Adam had given her everything she wanted. He had funded expensive shopping trips to buy expensive jewelry and designer clothing. He had given her a studio of her own to put her sewing machine and really work on her designs in a space that far out-shined her tiny little corner in the dress shop she had been working in. He'd given her a nice condo and keys to a new shiny red Corvette. 

So when Adam had proposed to her it hadn't taken her long to say yes. She had been looking forward to a life of ease with a man who would always provide her with the best money could buy. 

No it wasn't as though Eleanor was exactly a stranger to luxury. As much as Jake and Eleanor liked to keep it a secret, their own family had been old money. 

Their childhoods had been private schools, private tutors, nannies, and just about every single luxury their grandfather thought would lead to good breeding. 

Still though Elle had let herself be charmed by Adam's tendency to lavish her with luxuries.

He'd always been a bit intense of course....he was a jerk sometimes to be honest. He could be bossy and a little possessive. Sometimes he could be a little controlling and suffocating to be honest.

Eleanor had always forgiven those faults though. Sure he could be intense, but that was just a part of his personality. Yes he could be a little possessive, but that was just because he loved her so much. He was so easily jealous. Yes he could be controlling, but that was just because he was trying to help her better herself. He knew how impulsive she could be sometimes. He was just trying to reel her back down to earth.

Adam had never gotten violent with her before that night.

Something had changed in these past few months of her relationship with Adam. Something had happened with his work. 

He wouldn't say what, and when Eleanor had pushed for information he'd reacted with his fists.

Elle had been in denial at first. 

She hadn't wanted to admit that she'd fallen for someone who shared anything in common with her father.

Jake's and her father had been a strict disciplinarian.....or at least that's what he called it. Jake had always called it being a violent drunkard. 

Still though Elle had spent her entire life swearing she'd never stay with a man that hit her, but there she was with a man who'd beat her within an inch of her life.

Adam had apologized at first of course. He had sworn that he had just been under a lot of stress and had just lost his temper. He'd sworn it would never happen again, and Elle had foolishly believed him.

She'd tried to put it behind them, tried to forget.

His temper had been lost more and more often this past month though and more often than not Elle was at the receiving end of whatever reaction he'd had to that lost temper.

This last time had been the worst. 

She had found an earring in one of his cars. It wasn't Elle's and she wasn't stupid. She knew what it had meant. When she'd confronted Adam with the signs of his infidelity he'd reacted by beating her within an inch of her life. 

After that something in Elle's mind had clicked into place.

Elle wasn't sure if it was courage or maybe her common sense finally kicking in, but a little voice in the back of her head had screamed to get out, run, get far away from Adam.

So that's what she'd done. She had packed a few of her things and checked into a hotel before calling Jake. 

He'd arranged for her to come here to LA. Now here she was, trying her best to move on from the nightmare she'd left behind.

Jake cringed at Elle's comment about their father. The man had left their mother long ago, but still the memories of his treatment hadn't faded.

He spoke not wanting to get into those memories. Now wasn't the time to open those wounds. "Did you call mom? Let her know what's going on?"

Elle couldn't stop herself from scoffing at this question. "Is that supposed to be a joke?...Mom probably couldn't pull herself out of her Xnanx and vodka cloud long enough to answer a phone. It's not like she'd really care anyway. You know how she is."

She shook her head a heavy sigh escaping her lips. "It's not like I can call granddad either....hell if the nurses at the home let him talk on the phone he probably wouldn't even remember who I am. The last time I saw him he kept calling me Marion.....I don't even look that much like grandma."

Jake cringed at these comments knowing that Eleanor was right.

He was all she had. He had always been all she had in this world and he'd neglected being the kind of brother he should have been for so long now.

No more though. He was going to protect her now.

No one would get close enough to hurt his sister ever again.

Eleanor let out a heavy sigh discussing their shit show of a family always exhausting her. She had long ago quit trying to change who and what her family was.

They were what they were and what they were was a giant flaming mess of a garbage fire.

She did her best to stifle her yawn but failed to do so as she spoke up. "We can talk about all our family drama later. I'm sleepy and it's been a long day. So how about you set this couch up for me. I need my rest so I can go apartment hunting tomorrow."

"Tomorrow? That quick? I mean you know there's no rush right? You can stay here as long as you need to." Jake remarked failing to hide the concern in his voice.

She was planning on branching out on her own so soon? It was too soon for her to be by herself wasn't it? She should be here with him where she would be safe a little longer.

"Yeah I managed to look online on my phone already a little bit back at the airport. I don't think I'll have a problem finding my own place. I figured I might as well give it a shot, ya know. I know there's no rush but come on Jakey we'd drive each other nuts if I stuck around here too long." Eleanor remarked smirking at the way Jake cringed at the nickname she'd always called him back when they were kids.

She gave the couch a pat as she spoke again not giving him the chance to argue with her over her apartment buying plans. "Now come on get this thing folded out before I pass out. I'm exhausted."

Jake rolled his eyes giving into her. He didn't like that she was planning on leaving his nest so soon, but he had a feeling there was no changing her mind.

.....................

Arin Hanson raised an eyebrow as he glanced at his best friend out of the corner of his eyes. The man seemed distracted at best.

Dan had seemed a little distracted for about a week now and though Arin had been pestering Dan to spill the beans as to what had him so distracted Dan still wouldn't let on as to just what had him so dazed.

Arin tossed the wii remote down in front of him making a quick decision to try to get Dan to fess up again. "So what's up with you? You sick or something?"

"What?... no I'm fine." Dan insisted feeling a bit foolish.

As hard as he tried he couldn't get Jake Brannock's little sister off his mind.

He felt like an idiot. They'd talked for less than a few minutes. She had barely had time to shoot him a smile before he'd been practically shoved from Jake's apartment.

She should be just a fleeting memory, an acquaintance at best. Hell she didn't even really qualify as being an acquaintance. 

He shouldn't be thinking about her at all especially not a week later. 

Why did her sweet little smile keep flashing thorough his brain?

Sure she was cute, but he saw plenty of cute girls all the time. Why was she so special?

Arin saw straight through this comment letting out a small huff. "Yeah right! You barely got through that last recording. Come on, you know you can tell me. What's got you all off your game?"

Dan shifted in his seat feeling ridiculous. He was acting like some sort of love sick teenager. 

He let out a sigh already knowing that Arin wasn't going to let up until he got an answer he was satisfied with. "You know Jake Brannock right?"

"Scary dude? Looks like he should be headlining some death metal band?" Arin remarked not helping to wonder as to what scary as hell Jake had to do with Dan's distracted demeanor.

"Yeah scary dude....anyway did you know he has a sister?" Dan stated as he pulled his phone from his jeans pocket and pretended to check his texts.

Arin raised an eyebrow only able to picture Jake in lipstick and a dress. "Huh? She cute or something?"

Dan cleared his throat wanting more than nothing to jump up from the couch and run from the room. God this was such an awkward conversation.

It was like he'd fallen into a chick flick all the sudden. 

"Yeah.....I mean we didn't talk really or anything....We just exchanged hellos. She's kind of cute though.....I don't know if cute is really the right word though.....hot....maybe or I don't know. Gorgeous maybe....she has a nice smile." Dan blurted out his brain quickly finishing the rest of that statement and a nice figure that I wouldn't mind seeing more of.

"Shit. You have a crush. Ah my Danny is all grown up. Wait till I tell Suzy! She's probably going to start planning the wedding." Arin exclaimed unable to stop himself from making Dan even more flustered.

Dan rolled his eyes at this statement. "Oh God.... this is so stupid....I barely even know her. This is real life....I'm acting like an idiot. This is just lust at first sight. It's been a while....I've been so busy and she's cute so she's got me all worked up that's all. I should just forget her and then hopefully I can forget this entire conversation."

"It's not stupid. You can get to know her dude. Hit on her or something. Take her out for a drink. You're a cool guy. You'll be fine.Give it a shot." Arin remarked the answer clear to him.

He spoke again unable to stop himself from letting out a belch. "Ask her out. Maybe it's not just lust ya know? Give that love at first sight thing a shot. It worked for Suzy and me."

Dan let out a huff wanting to point out to Arin that Suzy and he had been friends for a while before love had even come into the picture. 

This entire conversation was ridiculous. It was as though their roles had been reversed. All the sudden Dan felt like the grump and Arin was acting like the not so grump. 

He didn't have time to say a word though as his phone chimed signaling a text.

Dan stared down at his phone his stomach dropping.

It was from Jake. 

Hey man, I hate to ask, but I got called into work and I'm supposed to help Elle move into her new apartment. I wouldn't ask but there's no one else I know to call. Can you help her out if you aren't busy? I'll owe you one I swear.

Arin stared down at the text smirking at the look on Dan's face. "See, love at first sight. Go get her Tiger."


	3. Hearts Skip Beats

Arin's words kept on ringing in Dan's head as he made the long drive in his SUV to the address Jake had texted him.

Hit on her or something. Take her out for a drink. Give it a shot. Ask her out. Maybe it isn't just lust at first sight. Give that love at first sight thing a shot. It worked for Suzy and me.

Arin was being more ridiculous than usual. This was the real world. Love at first sight was just a lie created to sell romantic comedies and romance novels.

It was a total crock of shit. 

Love at first sight, what a joke.

Dan knew that he barely knew Eleanor. He was acting like some love sick puppy over a woman who he'd shared barely a few words with a week ago.

This was totally out of character for him. He didn't do things like this. Sure he might have some OCD tendencies, but not when it came to things like this. He didn't obsess over girls with cute smiles that made his heart do a little flip. 

Sure he looked at girls. He had thought girls were cute before. He didn't have a problem turning on his charm and flirting with a girl or two. 

He had no problems getting a girl into bed with him. Of course he could admit that he wasn't the type to fall into bed with just any girl. He had to have some sort of a relationship or even a friends with benefits kinda relationship with someone before he was willing to take things that far. 

He would be a liar if he tried to say that he didn't have a bit of a sentimental heart even with his unconventional opinions on love. 

One night stands weren't really his thing. They never had been.

He did go out on dates sometimes. It had been a while though. He'd been so busy with work with the Grumps and work with his music. His romantic life had taken a backseat a long time ago.

The few dates he'd been on in the past year had never managed to turn into anything serious really. It had just been a fun time for him and whoever he'd taken out.

The girls he had taken out had an understanding with him that nothing serious was going to come of the date.

Dan wasn't into commitment....or at least that's what he told people when they asked.

To be honest he'd been crazy about a girl once before. It was something he didn't really share with people. 

Arin knew about it of course, but it had taken a long time for Dan to be willing to share that little factoid about himself.

The relationship had happened back when he was in his early twenties. It was way back before he'd ever even dreamed of moving to LA. He'd been in another band out in Philly; Skyhill.

He'd had a serious girlfriend then; Regina. She had been his everything. He'd been obsessed with her. He had thought the feeling was mutual. She'd been so proud of him even if he was a broke struggling musician. Or at least he'd thought she had been proud. 

Then one day things had changed. 

He'd been foolish enough to propose and Regina had obliterated his heart into a million little tiny pieces. He'd planned out the proposal with candles and roses and all that sappy crap that you were supposed to do for the perfect proposal. He had scraped his money together and sold his electric bass just so he could buy a ring.

He'd given her a speech straight from the heart and it had all blown up in his face.

She'd actually had the gall to laugh at him. He could still remember the words she'd said "Seriously Leigh? A proposal? You think my parents will be fine with me marrying a musician? I mean Jesus, Leigh. You might be going somewhere with this band thing, but don't you think it's time to grow the fuck up? None of your plans are realistic. This music thing isn't going to last forever. You and I aren't going to have the whole white picket fence bullshit. I deserve more than what very little you have to offer. This whole thing we've had has been fun, but that's all it was fun."

She'd dumped him like a piece of garbage on the side of the road and Dan had written an entire mopey album dedicated to her and how she'd stomped on his heart.

They went their separate ways and the last he'd heard she'd married some doctor, though he wasn't sure if that was true given that he'd only heard about it through the grapevine.

After that horrible terrible no good experience with love Dan had sworn off commitment.

He knew it sounded so dramatic. He was carrying around a broken wounded heart and didn't want to risk it breaking more.

He'd sworn off any possibility of a committed relationship, but here he was pondering Arin's suggestions to give love a shot.

Danny's brain had been so preoccupied with these thoughts that he'd barely even noticed when he pulled up to Elle's apartment complex.

He was tempted to slam his head down against the steering wheel. He was an idiot.

Why did he agree to this? Oh yeah because he was an idiot and Arin had practically shoved him off the couch and out of the Grump Space with chants of Go get her Danny.

He glanced up at the apartment complex a bit surprised by how nice it looked. It was a large two story red brick building. It was a new fancy development with a big pool and lots of palm trees. The complex was even gated. 

Thankfully Jake had texted Dan the pass-code to get into the complex or he would have been a little screwed gaining access to the place.

He was pretty sure he'd spotted a husky looking security guard glaring at him from behind the little security building beside the gate.

Dan had sort of expected Elle's place to be a dump to be honest. After all Elle was new to town and as far as he knew she was unemployed. How was she able to afford such a swanky looking apartment?

No it wasn't like Dan lived in a dump himself. Barry and he were renting a house that they were lucky enough to afford by scraping their paychecks together. It was a decent house, a little old though and kind of rundown because the landlord was too cheap to fix a few issues.

Still though it wasn't like he was living in cardboard box. Elle's fancy apartment complex made him feel a little less confident about his home though.

Dan shocked himself by yanking down his visor mirror and giving himself a once over in it just to be sure that he didn't have any snot hanging out his nose or spinach in his teeth or anything else that would be utterly humiliating for Eleanor to see. 

His feet moved on autopilot his brain still going a million miles an hour obsessing over Arin's advice, as he made his way up to the apartment door number Jake had texted him.

Dan rang the doorbell his stomach doing flips.

Little did he know Elle's stomach was doing just as many flips.

She had honestly been pretty stunned when Jake had blurted out that he was texting Danny to help out in his absence.

Jake had seemed pretty eager to get rid of Dan the other night. So Eleanor was more than shocked that he was seemingly fine with calling the man.

Eleanor wanted to say that she was cool with it, but to be honest her stomach was in knots.

From the very little interaction she'd had with Dan she had to confess that she found Dan kind of cute. She'd admit it even if it did make her anxious. 

Elle had been exhausted and a little nervous to be around a total stranger that night when she'd arrived at Jake's apartment, but there was something about Dan that had kind of stuck with her.

She knew it was silly. They'd barely talked for but a second but there was something about him that was kind of....she didn't know how to describe it. 

Maybe it was that smile he'd given her when he'd corrected her after she'd called him the wrong name. 

Even though she had been an exhausted frazzled nervous wreck Dan had still been such a ball of freaking sunshine.

He'd been a somewhat bright spot in a night that had honestly been brutal for her.

Elle was stunned to admit that thoughts of Dan had stuck with her in any way at all.

The last thing she needed was to develop some sort of stupid school girl crush on her big brother's friend.

After Adam Eleanor couldn't help but to think that she should probably avoid love for a very long long time. 

Elle tried to put a bright smile on her face as she answered the door her heart continuing to skip a beat or two as she and Dan made eye contact.

Okay scratch cute. Dan was actually sort of hot....in kind of a geeky sort of weird way.

His eyes though as dark as Elle's were stunning. Bright and full of more life than Elle was sure her own eyes could ever hold.

Elle couldn’t help but to suddenly feel a little self conscious of her appearance.

Her hair was a mess. She’d just piled it into a bun on to the top of her head.

She’d worn and old baggy black tank top over some black leggings. Her hoodie had long ago been abandoned. She had decided to wear her favorite pair of boots; a pair of socks marten like pink pastel combat boots.

She couldn’t help but to wish she’d done something more with her makeup.

Dan studied her with a completely differing opinion. The outfit she wore hugged her curves. Her tank top made her cleavage apparent in a way that made his heart race.

Her lack of makeup made her freckles all the more apparent.

She was gorgeous.

The two stared at one another in a nervous awkward silence for a short moment before Elle moved aside allowing Dan to enter her apartment.

She spoke a nervous energy entering her. "Hey, I wasn't sure if you'd come."

"Jake asked.....I figured I owed him one....He's a good friend." Dan replied cringing a bit at his won words.

A little voice was quick to scold him in the back of his brain; Great make her think this whole favor was some sort of giant burden for him. 

He spoke again attempting to correct his misuse of words. "I mean it's not a big deal for me to help out....I was done with work for the day and I didn't have any plans so."

Elle nodded her head unable to stop herself from chewing at her bottom lip. She couldn't help but to feel like a total socially awkward reject.

Dan's eyes couldn't help but to focus on her lips. They were plump and a nice baby pink. He wouldn't mind feeling those lips against his skin.

He cursed himself for the thought as he let his eyes scan the apartment. There were quite a few boxes. Large ones furniture he guessed.

Though the place was a mess thanks to all the boxes it was clear that it still seemed just as nice on the inside as it looked on the outside. It was a one bedroom place, with a kitchenette and a nice big living area. There was a little backyard space outside that was enclosed with a tall concrete fence.

Elle finally worked up the courage to break another uncomfortable silence as she spoke. "There really isn't' much to get from the van....to be honest most of this is furniture I had to buy...I-I didn't have much to bring with me from my old place. So really it's just more of a matter of unpacking these boxes and getting my furniture assembled."

She swallowed the lump in her throat thankful that Dan didn't seem to question why she had been forced to buy an entire new set of furniture.

She didn't want to get into how she had left Adam's and her condo with very few personal items. The last thing she wanted to explain right now was just why she'd made this sudden move to California.

"Okay no problem. We better get started then." Dan blurted out.

He swallowed the lump developing in the back of his throat as Elle motioned to a large box containing a bed frame.

He had to hope that this awkward energy would fade soon, hopefully before he made a fool of himself.

...........................................................................................................

The pair worked quickly making small talk as they moved; mostly Dan answering a few casual questions about what Elle should check out in LA.

By the time the doorbell rang signaling the arrival of a pizza delivery Dan was comfortable in saying that some of the awkward energy had fizzled out between Elle and he.

Elle carried three pizza boxes into the kitchenette placing them on the counter as she spoke. "I probably ordered what was entirely way too much pizza, but I had zero idea what you liked. So I figured I better order a few options."

"I don't think there's such a thing as too much pizza." Dan joked actually managing to work a small giggle from Elle's lips.

Dan tried not to melt over the little giggle. Crap, she even had a cute laugh.

Elle spoke as she moved over to her fridge. "Would you like some soda or maybe water..or a green tea....I would offer you some beer, but I'm not really a drinker....not anymore at least. I never could hold my liquor. Drunk me is kind of an asshole so I tend to avoid drinking."

She mentally kicked herself for this comment. Great unload some baggage on him.

Dan thankfully didn't seem to react to the small confession about Elle's low alcohol tolerance as he spoke. "Dr. Pepper is fine if you've got it....or green tea...whatever I'm not picky."

"I have Dr. Topper." Elle remarked pulling out a purple can that did in fact say Dr. Topper.

"Dr. Topper?" Dan remarked a small laugh escaping his throat as he studied the can.

Elle chuckled nodding her head. "Yeah. Jake bought it....I guess it's supposed to be generic Dr. Pepper. This is what happens when I let my brother pick up groceries for me."

She placed the can down on the counter as she spoke again. "Let me grab you a glass. I'll get you some ice too."

Dan couldn't stop his eyes from admiring her firm rounded bottom as she leaned over reaching down into a box containing dishes. One of the few items she'd managed to pack up when she'd left Adam.

Dan admired the sight her ass looking pretty nice in the black leggings she was wearing.

The heavenly sight was interrupted as she twisted a bit still searching for the proper cups.

The movement caused her shirt to ride up revealing a nasty mass of purple bruises across her skin.

Dan felt his blood run cold at the sight.

That cold blood however quickly began to boil.

Someone had hurt her? Someone had done that to her? 

The thoughts began to roll through his head.

How dare someone hurt her like that? She seemed so sweet and kind of funny and gorgeous and someone had so clearly harmed her.

Dan couldn't help but to imagine himself swooping in and beating the tar out of whoever had done this to her.

He had never been the type to get into a fight. He liked the idea though, punishing whoever had done this to Eleanor. Being her hero and making whoever had hurt her pay.

Elle quickly stood up a glass in hand her cheeks flushing bright red as she realized that Dan had seen it.

She stared down at the glass the pair finding themselves locked in another agonizing awkward silence.

Elle spoke her voice so tiny, vulnerable. "I guess I have some explaining to do."

She paused her eyes still locked on the glass. She didn't want to see any pity in Dan's eyes. 

"That was a gift from my ex.....He's kind of sort of the reason I moved here.....I'd rather not get into the details....not right now." 

Dan nodded his head shoving back his desire to hurt the bastard who'd done this, her ex.

She deserved so much more. No one deserved that. 

He could see the shame in her eyes even though she was avoiding his gaze. She looked so small; fragile.

Everything in him was screaming to stand up and make his way over to her. He was dying to take her in his arms and hold her. He wanted to rock her back and forth and tell her that it was all okay, that no one would hurt her. He would keep her safe.

He felt stupid at the thought. Who was he to keep her safe? Would she even want that?

She would probably think he just felt sorry for her. Or worse she would think he was some kind of creep swooping in on her when she was in a vulnerable position.

Dan managed to speak his voice gentle. "It's okay.....you don't have to tell me the details."

He paused as she finally looked up at him relief washing over her features. He spoke giving her a tight smile trying his best to reassure her. "I'm sorry someone hurt you. That wasn't right. You deserved better."

"I'm not so sure about that, but thank you....That is sweet of you to say." Elle remarked still unable to come to terms that she hadn't deserved this.

It was her own fault she thought. She had been dumb and fallen for the worst kind of man.

Why was Dan being so kind to her? Couldn't see she was some stupid little girl running away from a mess she'd gotten herself into?

Dan was stunned at this comment. What did she mean she wasn't sure she hadn't deserved it?

Didn't she understand that you didn't hurt the people you were supposed to love?

He was once again overwhelmed by the desire to take her into his arms and soothe her. He wanted to tell her that she deserved so much more. She never could have done a thing in the world to deserve someone treating her so horribly.

He glanced around the room looking for something to change the subject. He wanted to talk about anything that would make her smile.

He caught sight of a box labeled simply Tunes.

"You like music?" Dan blurted out feeling dumb for asking such a question.

Did she like music? Didn't everyone?

Elle was thankful for the change in subject. "Yeah....I really don't know if like is the right word though....it's more like I worship it."

Dan grinned at this response unable to stop himself from praising her. "A girl after my own heart. What are you into?"

Elle couldn't help but to feel her cheeks flush her heart fluttering at his praise. "Well a little bit of everything. I like punk....like the Queers, Rancid, Bad Religion, The Ramones, Iggy and the Stooges, Screeching Weasel, Husker Du, the Descendents.. The Casualties. I like Gogol Bordello....though I guess they aren't really punk, not in a classic sense....more like gypsy international punk."

Dan chuckled suddenly feeling a little out of the loop. He was familiar with some the more well known bands she had mentioned. Some of them though were a little outside his range. 

He almost felt embarrassed. He was a musician after all wasn't he supposed to be the one who knew all things obscure? "I have honestly never heard of some of those bands.....the Queers?"

"Yeah I know....odd name but catchy stuff. I also kind of like the classics; Led Zeppelin, Lynard Skynrd, the Rolling Stones, Janis Joplin....Nirvana....Alice in Chains, Pearl Jam..... but I don't know if grunge is really technically considered a classic yet." Elle explained it feeling good to talk about something that didn't feel so awkward.

Dan nodded his head feeling a bit more in his own lane. "What about Rush?"

Elle felt her cheeks flush an eyebrow raising as she noticed the t-shirt Dan was wearing; Rush.

"I've honestly never listened to them."

Dan dropped his jaw a noise leaving his throat that sounded like an offended squawk. "Shut your mouth young lady! You better be yanking my chain."

Elle let out a laugh the noise making Dan's heart skip a beat once again despite his shock. "I'm being honest.....I've never really listened to them....I'm taking that this isn't a good thing?"

"Well it's not great Elle. I have got to educate you immediately and show you the wrongness of you poor terrible misguided ways. Your generation I swear to God." Dan remarked shaking his head causing another laugh to spill from Elle's lips.

"I'm sorry I didn't realize I'd committed such a horrible horrible grievous sin." She teased surprised at how light and playful the conversation had become.

Talking to Dan about music was coming so easy. Conversations had never been so easy with anyone, outside of her brother, before.

Dan let out a chuckle shaking his head again. "You're forgiven but like I said we have got to give you an education."

Elle gave him a crooked smile an idea entering her brain. "Okay so how about....what is today Wednesday?.....how about Friday night I have you over for dinner. I'll make my famous spaghetti and you can give me a lesson in all things Rush."

Dan smiled the idea making his heart do a little flip. Dinner? She wanted to make him dinner and listen to him talk about one of his all time favorite bands?

"Okay then it's a deal." Dan blurted out the bright smile on Elle's lips making his own smile grow wider.

He spoke again suddenly feeling a bit awkward that he was having to bring this up. "One request though.....I really really really hate to be a burden, but I don't do so well with red meat....I have a really bad sensitive stomach and yeah. Me eating red meat usually ends with me being bloated and feeling like shit....so you may have to hold off on the spaghetti."

He wanted to kick himself for even saying this. That nagging voice was quick to pop up in the back of his brain. Good job Danny mention your horrible gassy sensitive stomach. Every girl loves a man who can't handle his red meat. So sexy.

He was relieved that this request didn't make Elle frown. She nodded her head a little shocked to hear him. "Really?....huh, I actually don't really like red meat either."

"You don't?" Dan asked a small part of him almost convinced she was just saying this to make him feel like less of a burden.

Elle nodded her head still a little surprised to find they had this diet preference in common. "Yeah...I mean I'm just not a huge fan of it really....I was actually a vegetarian for a while....That kind of broke when I wanted a steak though....I may not be big on red meat, but I can't resist a big juicy steak....It's the Texas in me."

Dan grinned at this information. He spoke praying she really was fine with his diet choice. "So it's not an issue....cause if it is I could always pick up some takeout or something on my way here."

"No it's not an issue....I can just use ground turkey to make my meatballs. If that's okay?" Elle stated doing some planning in her head.

It had been a long time since she'd cooked for anyone. She used to cook all the time. She used to love cooking for people. Adam hated her cooking though, so she'd just stopped.

"That sounds great." Dan replied noticing the excitement dancing behind Elle's eyes.

He liked it. She seemed excited and he couldn't help but to think he'd do anything to make her happy.

"Okay cool. Friday night then around six? Dinner and Rush."

Dan nodded his head in agreement. "Sounds good."

"Cool then. It's a date." Elle blurted out her cheeks flushing at her choice of words.

It was just an expression she reminded herself. This wasn't a date.

Dan's own cheeks flushed as well catching the word date.

A date? Was it a date?


	4. More Time

                     

                    The shine of the overhead lights in Dan's bathroom was seeping out through the half open door. The dull hint of light managed to give the bedroom a nice pleasant glow. 

Dan lied awake in his king sized bed his eyes drooping as he struggled to stay conscious.

He frowned ever so slightly a tiny more alert part of his brain wondering just why the bathroom light was on, and why could he hear the sink running?

More confusion entered his brain as the bathroom door opened the last person he'd ever expected to see stepping into the room.

"Eleanor?" Dan blurted out studying the figure in front of him.

A small giggle worked it's way from the figure's mouth a familiar voice sounding out. "Hey, no using that name buddy. It's Elle, or doe eyes, or baby girl. No Eleanor."

He furrowed his brow the table lamp on his dresser flipping on revealing the finer details of his unexpected guest.

It was in fact Elle. What the hell was she doing here? 

And more importantly what was she doing here dressed like this?

She was wearing very little; just one of his Rush t-shirts and the tiniest of tiniest thongs, a hot pink scrap of fabric that barely covered her lower half.

He felt his throat tighten at the sight. His t-shirt was tight across her breasts giving a full hint at what lied underneath the fabric. His lanky frame was far different from her curves causing the t-shirt to hug in the best places possible. 

The thong covered so very little. The pale expanse of her hips and the sight of covered center made all the blood in Dan's body drain to one place in particular.

He could see that her bikini line was clean as can be. She must shave. He groaned at the thought, was she totally shaved? Or was there a little patch of trimmed down brown hair over her center? 

He couldn't decide which option sounded better. 

She stood at the edge of his bed her dark eyes trained on him. She had the littlest of flirty smiles onto her plump lips. 

Her lips were that pretty pale pink that made his heart race. He could imagine those lips pressed to his his. They would feel so soft, so perfect.

Her long hair had been let down her locks hanging loosely around her face. There was not a hint of makeup on her face making the spread of freckles across the bridge of her pert nose so noticeable.

God, she looked perfect.

He spoke struggling to recover from the heavenly sight in front of him. "What are you doing here?"

There was that giggle again. How could one tiny giggle be both so sexy and so cute at the exact same time? "I live here Silly Man."

"Really? How long?" Dan blurted out his mind reeling. What was going on?

"A while." Was Elle's simple response an amused smile appearing on her features.

Dan furrowed his brow more the words spilling from his lips. "Why are you wearing that shirt? You don't listen to Rush?"

He was a bit stunned at this own question. That was what he was going to ask? That? His questions weren't going to be: Hey, have I gone insane? You're imaginary right? I'm totally batshit insane huh? 

That giggle spilled from Elle's lips again the amused little grin still on her face. "You taught me all about them Silly Man. You're a very good teacher."

"I did? I am?" Dan remarked his mind still spinning. What was going on?

He had to be crazy. He'd finally cracked. He was overworked and his mind had broken under the stress.

The teasing smile was replaced with a much more sultry one as she spoke. "Yes Dan. You're a very good teacher. The best teacher I've ever had."

She made her way over to the bed climbing in beside him.

Dan was stunned unable to make a move as she moved over him her voice still so seductive. "You've taught me so many things Danny."

He groaned as he straddled his hips leaning over just long enough to brush her lips over his.

The kiss was electric causing every nerve in his body to come alive. He worked up the courage to move his hands up to caress her hips. He moaned, into the kiss they were still locked in, in awe of just how silky her skin was.

The words left his mouth as her lips parted from his. His voice was suddenly far huskier than he'd ever thought it could be. "You're so soft."

She sat up rocking her hips over his waking member that little giggle leaving her lips followed by a soft moan. She spoke teasing him. "Something of yours isn't very soft right now."

Dan groaned realizing she was right. He was so very very far from soft right now. In fact he was pretty sure he was harder than he'd been in a very very long time.

Elle continued to rock against him her hands moving down to the hem of her borrowed t-shirt. She began to pull it upwards exposing more of her soft milky skin.

She opened her mouth to speak as her skin was revealed to Dan's hungry eyes. "bark...bark....bark, bark."

Dan's eyes flew open a groan escaping his throat as he struggled to adjust his eyes to his pitch black bedroom.

He sat up in bed rubbing his tired eyes his vision blurring a little without the aid of his contacts or his glasses.

Dan frowned his confused mind struggling to figure out what in the hell had just happened.

As his brain became more alert he could hear the neighbor's dog barking.

He let out a groan at the noise; well that explained the barks.

So it was just a dream, a wonderful, beautiful, sexy, perfect dream.

He sighed his head falling back as a sudden realization entered his brain; his little dream had definitely woken a certain area of his body.

He glanced down at the very apparent tent in his boxers a frustrated sigh leaving his mouth.

Dan rolled over another groan escaping his lips as his hardness pressed against the mattress.

He didn't have wet dreams not that often anyway. This was the first sex dream he'd had in a very very long time.

"Damn it. I've got it bad for her. I'm so screwed." Dan grumbled against his pillows.  

He finished this statement a sarcastic little voice sounding in his brain: And you aren't screwed in the way you want to be.

He sighed his hand sliding over to his bedside table for some lotion.

He might as well take care of this.  

How in the hell was he supposed to sit down to dinner with Elle tomorrow after having such a filthy little dream about her?

He couldn't help but to scold himself; he was such a pervert.

It was going to be a long sleepless night.

.......................................................

In an apartment complex not far from Dan's neighborhood Elle was locked in a dream of her own; this one much more unpleasant.

It was dark, so very very dark.

Elle frowned attempting to find her way through the darkness.

She let out a cry as her bare feet his something sharp.

She was tempted to bend down and yank the sharp shard from her feet, but she knew she didn't have the time.

She had to run. Elle had to run. He was coming.

Elle cringed covering her mouth trying to stifle her cries of pain as she moved through the woods. 

He was so close. She could hear his voice. He was angry, so angry.

"Eleanor! Come out from where you're hiding! Come on, I won't hurt you!"

She was tempted to scream out at this comment; liar. He was lying.

She continued to move struggling to to navigate through the dark dense expanse of trees and woods.

Elle glanced upwards trying to find the moon or stars as she walked. It was so dark.

There was no moon nor stars to light her way. What it cloudy? It smelled like rain.

Where was she? 

She frowned struggling to piece together just what had brought her here.

She felt down at her clothes hoping against hope that she had some sort of weapon on her person, something to fight back with when he caught her.

She held back a cry of defeat when she realized she was only wearing a nightgown, a white old fashioned thing. It was like something she would have worn when she was a child.

"Eleanor! Come out honey!.....Come on, come out from hiding!" The voice continued to ring out.

Oh God he was getting closer.

She had to keep running. She needed to get out of these woods.

The pain shooting through her foot had slowed her down. She needed to move faster, but the sharp shard of wood embedded in her foot was only getting deeper embedded into her skin. It was making her sluggish. She couldn't run.

The voice rang out again even closer. He was getting more and more angry that she wasn't obeying him. "Come on out you stupid bitch! You're not going to get away from me! You need to come out and take your punishment!"

Elle let out a cry as a hand grabbed her yanking her back harshly.

She stared to her attacker a cry escaping her lips as she faced him. "I'm sorry Adam! Please I'm so sorry! I'll be good! I'll be a good girl! Don't hurt me!"

As he raised his fist a siren sounded out.

Elle's eyes shot open her body jerking awake. She sat up in bed awareness entering her mind. It was just a dream. It was only a dream.

She cringed her body drenched in sweat. She could hear the siren of an ambulance outside now moving farther and farther away.

What in the hell was that?  

Adam had never taken her to the woods. He wouldn't be caught dead outdoors for any longer than necessary.

She cringed as she realized the only person who had ever taken her to the woods had been her father.

He had taken Jake and her hunting more than a few times.

The camping trips had been a big part of their time spent one on one with their father.  

Her father had eventually gotten fed up with it. She could remember his words directed to Jake on the way home from that final camping trip; "I'm done with you boy. You're useless. You'll never be strong. I'm wasting my time with these damn trips."

Jake wasn't the hunter their father had been hoping he'd be. He was too gentle. He was way too sensitive to take a shot at anything...there was no room for sensitivity with their father.

You had to be tough, be a man. The world was cruel and you should be just as cruel. Only the cruel would survive.

Reginald William Burke the Third had been a military man, a marine.

He could have avoided being in the military of course. His family was loaded enough to excuse him from any real combat. He could have landed a cushy job in the military safe and sound from danger. His father had the right connections with the right people.

Reginald had wanted to fight though, to be strong.

Reginald may have retired from the military with honors, but his mind had never left the military.  

He had insisted that you had to be ready to fight, you had to be strong. Only the strong survived. There was no room for weakness. The meek would not inherit the earth.   

Elle had always attempted to go above and beyond to please her father.  

It was no secret that he had been disappointed by her birth. He had wanted only sons.

A daughter was a waste, he'd often remarked, even if Elle was around to hear it.

So in a way Elle had tried to be the son of his dreams. She had to prove that she wasn't a waste.

She didn't cry in front of him, because crying was for the weak. She met every physical challenge their father threw their way. She excelled at shooting and archery and any other task her father declared was necessary for a man to know.  

He would say a real man had honor and met his duties. When you made a mistake you took your punishment and Elle made a lot of mistakes.

Elle had been a good shot. Her father had insisted that Jake and she learn to shoot. She had excelled where Jake had failed.

The hunting had just been Elle trying to please her father. When he was happy he didn't drink as much. When he drank less his violent tendencies were less prevalent, at least towards her.

It seemed that the violent tendencies he felt towards Jacob never went away.   

Elle could so clearly remember the only time her father had ever shown her any praise had been when she hunted. She could still remember his words when she'd landed her very first buck with her shotgun.

She could still remember his words. "Good job Eleanor. That's my girl. Look at it. Shit, kid. You landed a big one."

The glow of joy she'd felt from her father's praise had only faded though when her father had turned to Jake an insult flying from his lips.

"See that Jacob Reginald. Your baby sister is more of a man than you. Jesus Christ, boy, you're such a pussy. Eleanor has more balls than you. You're so pathetic...useless."

Elle could still remember how guilt stricken she'd felt as her brother's eyes had shifted to the ground.  

That had been the routine on most of those hunting trips. Elle had gotten the praise; she was the good tough girl. She was the angel who was going to take the world by the horns, the strong young lady. Jacob was the pussy, the sad excuse of a man, the little shit.

Elle let out a few heavy breaths trying to calm her nerves.

She hadn't thought of her father's hunting trips in years.

Her dad had left soon after the hunting trips had ended. He'd been in and out of their lives after that.

His family had had just as much money as their mother's though the fortune wasn't as massive as her mom's family's. So he'd gone back to his family's estate. He'd started showing up less when he'd landed a younger girlfriend.

Elle flipped on a light switch her stomach in knots. She hadn't had nightmares in a long time.

Her nightmares had always been about their father, though they weren't really fantasies. She tended to dream in flashbacks when it came to Reginald.

Why was her brain connecting her memories of her father with Adam?

She knew the answer of course, abuse. Both men were abusive bastards.

Elle sighed pulling her legs from beneath the covers. She needed a cup of camomile tea.

She wasn't going to fall back to sleep tonight.

......................................................

For Dan the next day at work seemed to drag on and on. Thankfully Arin and he had very little to record.

Barry was super behind on editing so Arin had at least taken some pity on him for once and was attempting not to pile too much more work on his desk.

Dan had spent most of the day trying to knock his dream from the night before out of his head.

He felt so ashamed. He'd gotten himself off to thoughts of Elle.

He'd imagined what would have happened if his dream had continued.

He'd imagined her silky skin against his. Her soft curves against his lanky form. He had pictured her sweet little giggle as he whispered little words of encouragement and praise to her. He had pictured her pink lips pressed to his neck and his chest. He had imagined her nipping at his exposed neck leaving little love bites in her wake, letting everyone know he was hers. He had imagined being buried inside her wet tight heat her moans filling the room.

She was so sweet. She was so kind, so cute, and perfect. He'd jacked off to thoughts of her like some kind of pervert.

Dan knew Elle had been through so much. The sight of her bruises and that little conversation they'd had about her ex and her reason behind moving here had proved that she was in a vulnerable place.

The last thing Elle had needed was him lusting after her.

She could probably use a good friend. He should be that friend, just a friend.

Friends didn't act like total freaks and lust after each other.

Dan cringed as Arin spoke knowing just what he was doing. "So hot date is tonight right?"

"It's not a date." Dan blurted out doing his best to defend his intentions with Eleanor.

Why did he even tell Arin about dinner tonight?

Oh yeah, because Arin wouldn't quit pestering him about it.

Thankfully Arin had held back on the Eleanor conversations until the camera wasn't recording.

Dan had no idea what he would do if this spread beyond Arin and he.

He didn't just mean to Barry while the man edited either.  

The last thing he needed was the entire audience knowing about his idiotic crush.

At least Arin was respecting his privacy in his nosy little need to pester him about this.

Arin let out a huff as noise escaping his throat. "Pssh...yeah right. It's dinner at her place. It's totally a freaking date."

"No it isn't. Dude seriously. It's just dinner between friends. She's thanking me for helping her move in and I'm showing her some Rush albums. We're just hanging out as friends." Dan insisted shifting on the couch his eyes locked on his Thai takeout.

The Pad Thai was making his stomach churn though so mostly he'd found himself picking at it as he tried to keep anxiety at bay.

"Sure. That sounds honest. Eleanor and you are only friends. You don't want her." Arin remarked totally not buying Dan's statement.

He was quick to speak again a smirk on his lips. "If you're just friends then why do you blush when I say her name huh?"

"I don't blush." Dan spat out mentally cursing as he felt a flush spread across his cheeks.

His own body was betraying him.

"Eleanor, darling...oh Elle, you're so cute. Oh Elle kiss me." Arin playfully taunted doing his best Dan impersonation, which to be honest sounded nothing like Dan at all.

"Who's Elle? Does Suzy know about her Arin? Cause I was at your wedding and I don't think your vows said anything about you being allowed to kiss any girls but Suzy." A voice entered the conversation Ross shoving his head into the room.

"No one." Dan blurted out his cheeks only growing more red by the second.

"Dan's girlfriend!" Arin provided at the same time Dan spoke.

Ross chuckled a smirk fixing it's place on his lips. "OH Dan's got a girlfriend? Wait till I tell Holly. When are we going to meet her?"

"Get out of this conversation Ross. She's not my girlfriend." Dan remarked slamming his container of Pad Thai down on the coffee table.

"Uh huh." Both Ross and Arin remarked sarcasm dripping from their lips.

"Shut up Arin. God Damn it Ross. Why are you even here?" Dan spat out hating both of his friends at the moment.

Okay he didn't really truly hate them, but he wasn't too happy with them at the moment.

"I was just going to ask Arin which game we're going to do for Steam Train. People are asking for another I Am Bread, but I don't know." Ross remarked thankfully dropping the Eleanor conversation for a moment.

"Eh I don't care. Ask Barry or Brian. They're the ones playing it with you. I think Brian had some kind of puzzle game in mind." Arin remarked only easing Dan's annoyance at the Eleanor talk for a moment.

That moment was ended as Arin spoke again. "So Danny you planning on buying Elle flowers? Because I'm thinking pink roses. I mean that's what I'd want. You gotta give a girl flowers on your first date."

"Eh Holly prefers daisies. I'd go with something different though. Maybe some pansies or red carnations. Something unique." Ross provided apparently deciding that he wasn't leaving this conversation anytime soon, especially if it was pissing Dan off.

"Carnations are what you buy for your mom dude. Not a chick you want to make out with. Roses are where it's at." Arin provided correcting Ross' flower suggestions.

Dan shot up from his seat cursing his cheeks for getting even darker at the mention of making out. His mind quickly flashed back to his dream the night before which only made his cheeks darker.  

"It's not a date. You are both idiots. Since we have nothing else to record today I'm getting out of this room. I'm going somewhere else. I can't take you two any more."

Both men broke out into laughter as Dan left the room his cheeks the color of a cherry tomato.

Dan slipped by Ross cursing underneath his breath at what idiots his friends were.

As he disappeared down the hall Ross was quick to speak a satisfied smirk on his lips. "Was it something we said?"

Arin chuckled a small part of him feeling a little bad for Dan.  

All this teasing was for his own good though.

He liked Elle and he was too stubborn to admit it.

Arin knew that Dan insisted he wasn't into commitment.

He knew though that what Dan really meant was he was afraid of jumping into a committed relationship with the wrong person too soon.  

Dan wasn't against commitment, he was against giving his heart to the wrong person.

Though Dan pretended he was happy by himself, Arin still caught Dan's sad little sighs when Suzy brought up the idea for a double date between Arin and herself, and Holly and Ross.

Dan was lonely and he was too stubborn to admit it.

If tormenting him got him to admit it then Arin had no problem being the tormentor.

He was only trying to shove Dan towards the right direction.

If the man really hated it he would take Arin aside and bluntly tell him to cut it out.

He wouldn't be doing the we're just friends song and dance.

Arin spoke shaking his head. "He's got it so bad for her. Wanna take a bet on how long it takes him to kiss her?"

"Sounds good. Put 50 bucks on next week for me." Ross remarked causing Arin to shake his head.

"I don't know next week is a bit too quick for Dan to move. Especially when he's this deep in denial. I'd say maybe a month from now...that's just me though. I'll put you down for next week though." Arin replied as Ross left the room.

Ross grinned satisfied with himself. This was just the little pick me up he needed for the day, it was better than coffee.

Yep Dan had it bad for this Elle chick. Wait until he told Holly. She and Suzy would love another girl to take on shopping trips and do all that girly crap with.

Not to mention they both loved Dan like a brother. They had said time and time again that they hoped he found a nice girl who deserved him so he didn't have to be the awkward fifth wheel any longer.

Maybe Ross would be fifty dollars richer by this time next week.

......................................

It had taken Elle forever to decide what to wear for Dinner with Dan.

She had almost picked out a pale blue knee length dress, but had quickly shoved it back into the closet.

A dress was too formal, it was way too....datey.

This wasn't a date. It was just dinner between two people who were forming a simple friendship.

Anything happening between Dan and she was totally platonic.

If it was so platonic then why did it take her so long to pick out an outfit?

She had ignored that lingering question as she had struggled to get ready for tonight.

After standing in front her closet with an agape mouth and a spinning brain Elle had finally picked something out.

She had settled on a nice pair of dark skinny jeans, a simple dark yellow tank top, a light gray cardigan, and a pair of yellow ballet flats.

It was a casual outfit that seemed appropriate for dinner between friends.

She had also struggled with how to do her hair and her makeup. A part of her wanted to get dolled up, but she had held back the desire.

Soft waves in the hair and red lipstick meant kiss me and stroke my hair. Her cheeks had turned bright pink at the thought.

What was she thinking? She didn't want Dan to kiss her right?

Of course she didn't.  

She was way too messed up to jump into kissing some guy she barely knew.

She had cringed as a little voice that sounded all too much like Adam sounded out in her brain

Look at you getting all dolled up for Dan. You barely left Adam and you are already lusting after a new man. You're such a slut. You're so stupid.

She had done everything she could to ignore that voice. She wasn't lusting after Dan.

If she wasn't lusting after Dan then why did she like his eyes so much? Why did she think his smile was so cute? Why did she want to dig her hand into his curls and yank his lips against hers?

Why did she want to be held by him, his long arms wrapped around her. He was almost a little over a foot taller than her. He could hold her so securely, make her feel so safe.  

She felt so horrible that these thoughts were dancing through her head.

After she had calmed down from her nightmare the night before her mind had shifted to dinner with Dan.

She didn't know him all that well, but he had been so sweet that day in her apartment.

He had been so okay with her not wanting to give him any real details about what Adam had done to her.  

He'd been so respectful.

Dan had been so insistent that she didn't deserve anything Adam had done to her.

Didn't he know how wrong he was? She was so stupid. She had fallen into an abusive jerk's arms. She had picked someone like her dad.

Dan was so kind. He was way too sweet to admit the truth.

He was so perfect. He was so so different from Adam.

It had been so easy to joke with Dan about music. He was so easy to talk to.

Why was he so wonderful and sweet and funny?

Why did her stupid heart have to develop a crush on him?

That's what was happening, a crush. She was smitten with him.

If she had half a brain she should cancel dinner tonight. She should do everything she could to avoid Dan and let this crush die out.

She should save them both the trouble of what being with her meant.

And who was to say Dan even wanted to be with her? Why would he ever want her?

She was just a dumb bitch. Isn't that what Adam said?

Dan could do way way way better than her. He could find a nice girl who had a nice normal family and no shitty ex.

And besides Jake would never approve of Dan and she getting together. Jake was so protective of her. He was going to get even worse now that he knew what Adam had done to her.

Jake had already texted her checking in on her, like some kind of mother hen, a dozen times over the past day and a half.

If she was smart Eleanor wouldn't let her heart lead the way. She'd listen to her brain and do whatever it took to stop herself from even beginning to fall for Dan.

She wasn't smart though.

In the end she had settled on keeping her makeup plain. She had applied some foundation, some powder, a bit of mascara, and some cherry chapstick.

She had pulled her long hair back into a high pony tail.  

It was simple enough and it didn't scream kiss me.

Dan himself had struggled with his outfit choices. No it wasn't like he had a big range in wardrobe, not in his everyday casual life at least.

In the end he'd picked a pair of jeans that didn't look too beat up, his NY Giants t-shirt, his usual tennis shoes, and his leather jacket.

It was simple enough and it didn't look like he was trying to impress Elle.

He had left his hair to do what it did best, which was be an unmanageable mess of curls.

He had almost taken a pony tail holder and pulled it back, but he'd decided that would make it look like he was trying to freshen up for Elle.

This wasn't a date. They were just friends. They weren't anything but friends.

If that was true then why did Dan do what he said he wouldn't do? Why did he buy flowers for her?

He hadn't meant to do it. He was just driving to Elle's apartment which he was surprised to find wasn't very far from his own neighborhood.

One second he'd been driving to her place and the next second he'd been pulling into the driveway of a florist shop.

He had felt like an idiot as he had struggled to pick out a perfect bouquet for Elle.

He had almost followed Arin's advice and picked pink roses, but roses meant love and romance and all those mushy little feelings.

Roses weren't meant for friends.

In the end he'd gotten a little bit of help from a florist who had taken pity on an obviously frazzled Dan.

He'd picked a nice bouquet of wildflowers; a pretty assortment of deep blues, whites, and vivid purples, with a few bright orange flowers thrown in.

Dan had struggled again when it came time to sign a card to attach to the bouquet.

He'd written the first thing that had popped into his head: Welcome to LA Elle, Danny.

He had felt stupid for choosing that phrase, but what was he supposed to write?  I think you're cute but we're just supposed to be friends.

Dan had left the shop a bouquet in hand and his stomach in knots.

.....

To say Elle had been stunned by the flowers would be an understatement.

She hadn't been able to stop the smile on her lips or the flush in her cheeks as she accepted to bouquet.  

"Wow....you didn't have to get me anything Dan." She had blurted out staring down at the flowers.

Dan cleared his throat trying to pretend that the smile on her lips or the flush in her cheeks didn't make his heart beat a little quicker.

"It's nothing...I, I just thought I should get you a housewarming gift...and a-a thanks for dinner." Dan insisted struggling to come up with an excuse for his gift.

Elle looked up from the bouquet her eyes connecting with Dan's. Why were his eyes so nice? So shiny and sweet.  

"Thank you. They're really beautiful."

Dan's brain was quick to throw out a perfect response Not as beautiful as you. He ignored his brain saying something entirely different instead. "You're welcome. I'm glad you like them."

Elle moved aside allowing him to enter the front door as she spoke. "I think I have a vase somewhere to put them in...if not a glass will probably work."

Dan followed her into her place his eyes scanning the room. She'd managed to make the place look a bit more lived in since a few days ago.

The couch was a nice black material that was a stark contrast to the bright orange living chair next to it. She had a nice flat screen TV and a record player.

There was a bright green and blue rug on the floor below the sofa.

Dan couldn't help but to realize that Elle must like bright colors.

His eyes caught a set of paintings hanging on the wall over the island counter separating the living area from the kitchenette.

The painting was simple; crows and cherry blossoms, black and pink ink on white paper.  

"You like birds?" Dan blurted out also taking notice of an empty bird cage set up by the wall against the hallway.

He suddenly noticed a theme to some of the very sparse décor she had so far acquired; birds.

Elle nodded her head replying as she found a vase amongst the box she still hadn't managed to unpack. "Yeah. I've always loved them. I kept parakeets growing up. I really like Corvids though...ravens and crows. I know must people think they're creepy....ya know, I mean they are used as Halloween decorations. They're actually really smart though...They have their own system of calls based on the area they're located. They've been studied even using tools...like sticks to pull out food and rocks to make water rise to drinking level."

She paused a little embarrassed that she was rambling on and on. He must be so bored.

She was relived that Dan simply smiled at her statements.

Dan couldn't help but to find it cute, she was so excitable when she talked about things she was passionate about.

"You should meet Holly. She'd love you." He blurted out.

Elle felt her stomach drop at this comment, Holly....who was Holly?

Was she his girlfriend? She couldn't stop a little ball of jealousy from forming in her gut.

He had a girlfriend? Of course he had a girlfriend, an amazing guy like him couldn't be single.

She was so stupid to have a crush on him. God she was an idiot.

She tried to play it cool doing her best to keep any hint of jealousy from her voice. "Holly?"

Dan nodded his head as he took a seat on one of the bar stools in front of the island. "Yeah she's my friend Ross' wife....well actually she's my friend too. She's super into birds. She draws them all the time."

Elle tried to ignore the sense of relief that washed over her at Dan's explanation.

Holly wasn't his girlfriend. Maybe he was still single.

She tried not to frown at this thought. What did it matter if he was single.

They were supposed to be just friends.

She swallowed back any hope trying to repeat something her mother had said once.

Hope is the rope God gives you to hang yourself.

She tried to sound casual a normal as she filled the vase with water placing the flowers in it before setting it on the counter. "That's cool....I wish I could draw. I can barely draw a straight line though."

Dan chuckled at this nodding his head. "Yeah me too. It kind of sucks because some of the people I work with are so ridiculously talented. Two of the guys I work with went to school to be animators."

Elle spoke as she began to get to work on preparing dinner. "Where do you work? Jake said you do something with YouTube. Do you like work at their headquarters in an office or something?"

Dan felt his stomach drop at this question.

People usually found his job immature. They thought he was childish, playing video games for a living.

People always asked what kind of audience there even was for that. They called his job stupid.

He tried not to sound insecure as he explained his career choices. "I actually make videos with some other people....video game playthroughs and stuff....We have a channel...Game Grumps....It's really taken off...the channel I mean. I wasn't there for the start of it. There was this other guy before me, but when he quit my friend Arin asked me to take his place. It's kind of a weird job I know. People usually don't get it. People like the channel though...we get to go to conventions and people sometimes recognize me....It's super humbling and to be honest super weird too...I mean having fans...if you'd call them that...It's amazing and wonderful but weird."

Elle raised an eyebrow a bit shocked at his answer. She tried her best to ease his clear insecurities and reassure him. "Yeah it sounds a little weird....but cool. It sounds like you like it. I mean you do enjoy it right?"

"Yeah I enjoy it...even if it is sometimes sort of surreal." Dan remarked thankful that she wasn't totally scoffing at his career.

"Then who cares if people don't get it. You have the privilege of doing something you love. Most people can't say that about their jobs. I think most people will admit that they kind of hate their jobs and dread doing them. As far as the whole fans situation...it seems like you haven't let it get to your head. You seem pretty down to earth..which is also more than most people can admit to being." Elle remarked as she filled a pot of water to boil.

Dan couldn't help but to smile at this. She understood. She really got it.

"What do you do? I mean for a living?" He asked unable to stop his curiosity from coming out.

He had been dying to figure out how she afforded the rent to such a nice place.

He knew he was being horribly nosy, but he couldn't stop himself from being so inquisitive.

Elle stared down at the pot of water on the stove her stomach in knots.

This was the part of the conversation where he discovered she was some privileged trust fund baby. This was the part where he wrote her off as a snobby heiress who didn't understand the real world.

"It's kind of hard to explain." She blurted out.

She continued to stare at the stove pretending she was just adjusting the temperature as she attempted to explain it all. "It's a long story....see my family...or really my grandfather...way back in his family...like generations ago back in Scotland. There was a family fortune. I've never gotten the full story of just how the fortune was amassed. I've heard everything from smart investments to my family being important back when there was still a King of Scotland like centuries and centuries ago. My grandmother liked to claim there was royal blood back there...which is probably total bullshit, because she was kind of eccentric and told all sorts of crazy stories."

She paused clearing her throat knowing she was rambling. She sounded so stupid.

She was almost tempted to announce that her family was known for two things a big fortune and even bigger misfortune in the form of insanity, addiction, and violence.

She kept this part of the story to herself though as she continued to talk.

"Anyway...my family on both sides has always had money...My dad's side in oil and my mom's side in...well wherever it came from. My great grandfather came to America from Scotland...Texas of all places if you can believe it. He put the family fortune into some smart investments...oil, a couple of businesses, some factories...and I guess the fortune grew and grew...My grandfather had a ranch too....I really successful one in the outskirts of this little town in east Texas...where I'm originally from. My family we lived on the ranch...the land there is huge so it was far enough away from my grandfather's old house. He had stock in a lot of the local businesses in town too....So long story short I have a giant trust fund...I usually don't like to mention it."

She paused again glancing over at Dan thankful to see only interest on his face, no judgmental frowns.

"I know I'm super super super privileged...I know that my family's fortune has provided me a lot of opportunity. People never fail to remind me when they find out about my family. I-I uh...well it's something that Jake doesn't ever talk about either...He's not as willing to use the money as I am I guess. Back in Galveston...before I met my ex. I did work in a dress shop...I helped make custom gowns...I don't know if I'll be able to find anything like that here. My family was really pushing me to go into music....I took piano lessons as a child...I think my grandfather wanted me to be some sort of child prodigy or something."

Dan could sense the discomfort in Elle's voice. He was stunned. He guessed that's why Jake kept so quiet about his past.

He could sense she was frightened he would write her off as just a spoiled rich kid.

He was quick to speak wanting to reassure her. He didn't like the fear in her eyes. "At least you seem to get that you've had a lot of privilege...I think that makes all the difference....I mean a lot of rich people...don't they kind of...aren't they out of touch with just how lucky they are? You understand that you're lucky."  

Elle felt a small smile tug at her lips. He didn't think she was a brat. He didn't think she was some poor little rich girl.

She was relieved as he spoke again. "You play piano?"

"Yeah not for a while though...I also took violin lessons and I took dance...ballet..My mother wanted me to be a ballerina...but she stopped paying for me to take classes once in her words; My ass got too big for me to ever be a ballerina." Elle blurted out.

She cursed herself for providing that bit of information.

Great announce what a royal bitch her mother was. That was attractive.

Dan was tempted to let the words leave his brain Your ass is actually pretty nice. It's perfect.

He kept that comment to himself knowing he'd sound like a creep.   

"I play in bands....I mean outside of the YouTube thing...I have a band; Ninja Sex Party." Dan blurted out his cheeks growing dark as the raised eyebrow the name of his band drew from Elle.

He spoke again explaining himself. "Really the band is just my friend Brian and I....We play characters...Brian is a ninja and I'm a superhero who spends a lot of time being awkward trying to flirt with women. We do some covers and some comedy stuff....you know songs about our dicks."

This explanation did work a laugh from Elle's lips. "Typical men...obsessed with their dicks."

Dan snorted at this so relieved that she seemed to have cheered up now that she understood he wasn't going to make any assumptions about her based on her financial situation.

"That's generalizing men don't you think? You're lumping us all into a group."

Elle chuckled at his defense. "It's true though. Men as a group are obsessed with their dicks. Women don't talk about our vaginas as much as men mention their dicks."

Dan burst out laughing nodding his head. "Yeah you have a point."

He felt a bubble of anxiety develop in his gut as she spoke. "You'll have to let me listen to your stuff sometime...I'd like to hear it...even if it is about dicks."

Dan swallowed the lump in his throat feeling a little anxious all the sudden. Play it for her? Let her hear it?

Would she like it?  

He felt his stomach roll realizing that he cared about her opinions of him far more than he wanted to admit.

"Yeah...that would be nice." He stated hoping it wasn't clear how anxious he was.

He did at least see a bright spot in letting her hear his music, that meant spending more time with her after tonight.

He changed the subject his stomach still knotting up. "Can I help with anything."

"Maybe slice some tomatoes for the sauce and some garlic too." Elle replied trying not to smile at the nervous look in his eyes.

She couldn't help but to feel a little giddy, she made him nervous.

Nervous meant like and like meant like like and like like meant romantic feelings.

She kicked herself for these thoughts. They were just friends.

They were just developing a platonic friendship nothing more.

Dan nodded his head standing up and taking a hold of the cutting board and a knife. "Okay hopefully I can handle that...to be honest I can't cook to save my life."

Elle smiled as she watched him slice into a tomato it clear just how bad he was at cooking. The slices were a little sloppy.

"Would you like to learn?" She asked an idea forming in the back of her mind.

"I don't know...I've never thought about it. It might be kind of nice to be able to cook something without starting a fire...I mean I mainly subside off of take out, microwaveable food, and sandwiches. I really love sandwiches but I wouldn't mind learning a few things." Dan admitted liking the slight sparkle in Elle's eyes.

She was excited about something and he loved that he had put a sparkle in her eyes.

Elle spoke hoping she wasn't being too push. "I could teach you...I mean I could teach you to cook...maybe on weekends...We can make dinner together and I can teach you some things...I mean if you want."

Dan felt his heart lift at this. Cooking lessons meant more time with her.

He'd like more time with her. "Yeah I would love that actually. It sounds fun."

He felt his cheeks flush at the word love.

"Okay, deal. Saturday you come back here and we'll have cooking lessons." Elle replied her own heart lifting.

More time with Dan. This meant more time with Dan.

Both Dan and she stared down at their chosen tasks for dinner prep.

Little did they know they were both thinking the same thing.

It was going to get hard not letting this crush thing get out of hand.

They were both beyond screwed and not in the way they wanted to be.


	5. Keep You Safe

                     

                Dan couldn't deny the giddy bubble of excitement floating around in his belly as he held his cell phone up to his ear. He tried to focus on both his conversation as well as gathering his belongings. The cramped space of his office always created a bit of a hindrance when it came time to pack up and head home for the night.

He tried not to fuss or really complain over the lack of space though, to be honest he was just relieved that he'd been given an office of his very own in the Grump Space. When he'd first started the job he'd been stuck sharing an office with Ross and that was a torment he wouldn't wish on his worst enemy.

After Ross and he had almost murdered each other a few times Arin had less than gently suggested that Dan take a smaller separate space that had been previously used as a storage room.  

The lack of real space was hard to work with especially when Dan allowed himself to get too disorganized. He tried not to let it happen too often, but when work piled up so did the clutter around Dan's desk.

He'd been a full blown slob when he'd been a younger man and occasionally he regressed back to it when he was overwhelmed.

Usually he would have spent his weekend at home lounging around the house or maybe at Brian's place jamming. Arin and he'd had some last minute recordings to do though. So he'd spent his Saturday at work.

Dan did his best to balance his iphone in his hand, keep focus on the conversation he was locked in, and pack what he needed into his backpack. "So you're sure I don't need to pick up anything at the grocery store? I mean you've got everything?"

"Yep I've got everything. I stopped at an Asian market this morning to grab a few extra ingredients. I think I have everything. I did wind up with both chicken and shrimp...I wasn't sure which sounded better to you. So I figure we could do both.  You might want to pick up some Pepsi unless you want Dr. Topper again." Elle remarked on her end hoping that it wasn't too obvious she was busy tidying her own surroundings.

How did a space she'd lived in for such a short time get to be such a mess?

"Ah don't hate on Dr. Topper. It's not his fault his parents didn't pay for him to get a more prestigious Ivy league education like his brother Dr. Pepper." Dan joked his heart fluttering at the giggle that left Elle's lips.

"That makes zero sense Danny. How are they brothers if they have different last names?"

Dan snorted at this comment as packed the last of his things into his bag. He spoke quick to defend his silly little joke trying to ignore the way his heart felt when she called him Danny. "Don't question the complex family dynamics in the soda pop family Elle."

"Okay, fair enough. Seriously though I have everything we need. So like I said no need to stop by the store unless you can think of anything you can't absolutely live without....ya know...like maybe some chocolate or maybe even some coffee ice cream....you know, just an example."

Dan snorted at Elle's less than subtle hint. "Okay I'll grab some pints of ice cream. Coffee for you and Chocolate for me."

Dan tried to ignore the nervous bit of energy that was threatening to burst his joy bubble. He couldn't stop himself from speaking again though. He was unable to resist expressing a bit of his worry. "Are you sure I'm ready for stir fry? I almost burnt the kitchen down last week."

"Yes I'm sure you're ready Daniel. Have some faith in yourself....and last week wasn't that bad...There really wasn't too much smoke....and I probably should have told you to keep an eye on that fish...it burns easy...I should have really made it clear how fragile tuna steaks can be." Elle remarked able to hear the sense of dread and hesitation in his voice.

She cringed slightly deciding not to mention just how long it had taken her to get the scent of burnt tuna to quit lingering in her apartment.

She had actually broken down and wound up burning some sage to rid the place of the odor. It was almost comical her burning sage trying to rid her apartment of the unholy spirits of burnt tuna steaks.

The cooking lessons had been in session for about three weeks now and honestly it really was a bit of a miracle that Dan hadn't burnt the place down to the ground yet.

No he wasn't just horrible, but he wasn't fantastic either.

The main issue was just that he was easily distracted. He had a tendency to space out when it came to standing in front of the stove and that tended to equal smoke and a loud beep from her smoke alarm. He also tended to try to rush when it came to chopping anything. It was amazing he hadn't chopped off any digits yet. Elle was seriously considering maybe banning him from using any sharp objects for a short while at least until she could trust him not to lose a finger.

Elle spoke again doing her best to ease Dan's obvious lack of faith in his cooking abilities. "This week should be less hectic. It's stir fry, so everything will go into the same pan. It's just going to be a ton of chopping and a lot of stirring. The most important thing will be to stir as often as possible...it'll stick if you don't."

"So Stir Fry literally just means stirring a fuck ton?" Dan blurted out feeling a bit dumb for his own lame attempt at a joke.

Elle let out a small chuckle thankfully not calling out his somewhat goofy comment. In fact she played into it fully. "Yes I do believe a fuck ton is the correct measurement. Betty Crocker listed that as the correct amount in her cookbook as I recall. You're catching on quickly young grasshopper."

Dan felt a grin spread across his face shaking his head as he spoke. "You're such a dork. I don't think you really have the right to refer to me as young. I'm almost a decade older than you young lady."

Elle let out a scoff but failed to stop the giggle from slipping from her lips. "Hey, for your information I'm very cool thank you very much."

She paused a small smirk working it's way across her lips as she spoke again. "And I know you're older than me. You are so freaking ancient Dan. You're practically a senior citizen. I'm going to have to start taking you to bingo night soon."

Dan let out a small huff at this comment mentally kicking himself for bringing up their age difference. He should have known she wouldn't miss a chance to poke fun at him for it.

He was relieved to say that in the past three weeks most of the awkward energy between Elle and he had lightened up. It had been replaced with what he guessed could be best described as a teasing almost flirty friendship.

He frowned slightly at this realization. To be honest he'd found himself flirting with her more often than not. He couldn't help himself. He lived for that cute little giggle of hers.

He'd tried to tell himself it wasn't flirting, it was just a bit of playful joking between two friends. It was no different from his interactions with any of his other friends.

Dan knew this wasn't exactly true though. Yes he joked with his other friends. The giant difference though was that he didn't have the overwhelming desire to take any of his other friends into his arms and kiss them until he passed out from lack of oxygen.

He felt his cheeks flush ever so slightly at the thought. He thought about what her lips would feel like against his far too often for comfort.  

He also was ashamed to admit that he thought about doing far more than kissing her far more often than he was necessarily comfortable in admitting. Needless to say his incredibly erotic dreams about Elle hadn't lightened up in the past three weeks.

If anything they'd gotten worse. Her giggle and sweet little smiles haunted his dreams. Though he wasn't sure if haunted was the right term. His thoughts of her were far too pleasant to haunt him.

Dan had tried just about everything he could think of to shake his growing crush on Elle.  

He had even briefly entertained the idea of breaking his no one night stands rule. He'd been so tempted to hit a bar and try to seek out some other girl to purge Elle from his system.

Maybe he could find someone totally different from Elle. Maybe he could find some skinny tall blonde who'd be able to knock any thoughts of Elle out of his brain for a short time at least?

He couldn't force himself to do just this though. The thought of Elle ever leaving his brain made him feel physically ill. It made his heart hurt as stupid as that realization made him feel.

The thought of seeking out some other girl made him feel all sorts of wrong. He felt foolish for it, after all Elle and he were strictly platonic.

They were both free to seek out anyone they wanted.

If that was the truth though then why did the idea of being with any one other than her make him feel so uncomfortable? And why did the thought of someone else touching Elle make him feel sick to his stomach?

As time went on it became more and more apparent that Elle and he were skating towards something beyond friendship.

Dan's heart was forever screaming at him to just let go and let it happen. His brain however was quick to silence any notions of the possibility of an exclusive romantic relationship.

Elle had just gotten out of a rough relationship. The last thing she needed was him attempting to romance her.

He could tell that she was just beginning to heal from her past. She probably wasn't even close to being ready to jump into anything with him.

Besides who was to say she'd even want him in the first place. She could probably do way better than him.

Dan did his best to shove these worries from his mind as he reluctantly ended his phone call with Elle promising that he would indeed remember the ice cream.

Though he'd come to her apartment on Saturday strictly for cooking lessons he had found himself at her place just about almost every day of the week during the past two weeks.  

He'd shown up with take out and offers to help her continue to unpack her place. Pretty soon it had become a bit of a habit. After work he texted Elle for permission to come over and there he was with take out.

They had spent a lot of time talking while he was there. Mostly innocent conversation about their hometowns and the occasional discussion about music and movies.  

It had all been pretty relaxing for both Elle and Dan, just hanging out. Dan had enjoyed every second of it.

Elle's apartment had easily become a place to go to decompress from his workload and every other worry in his life. He could go there and turn his brain off.

He could go there and listen to Elle's cute giggles and soak in her smiles. He could make her laugh and just enjoy her company.

He couldn't deny that he'd begun to look forward to Elle and his nightly dinners and hang outs.

It had been a long time since he'd just hung out with a girl like this. Yes he had a few female friends, but they didn't make him feel quite the way Elle did. To be more clear Elle somehow made him feel like an anxious teenager instead of a grown man well into this thirties.

It had been a long time since he'd felt that way around a girl. He had quickly become addicted to the feeling.  

As much as his brain was telling him to slow down his heart was telling him to keep on going.  

Dan was almost out the door and headed to the parking lot as Suzy's voice sounded out in a cheery sing-song tone. "You going to hang out with Elle?"

Dan took a quick turn facing Suzy cursing his own cheeks for flushing. He couldn't help but to silently curse Arin and Ross.  

The news of Dan's budding platonic relationship with Elle had spread across the office. Now it seemed that his friends were all way too eager to casually drop Elle's name in front of him just to see him squirm.  

Why did Arin have to have such a big huge fat mouth?

Dan quickly hushed this thought knowing that he probably didn't have the right to be irritated. Of course Arin would tell his wife. Hell Arin had said that he was telling Suzy himself.  

"Yeah...uh we're probably just going to wind up hanging out and watching a few movies. Nothing exciting." Dan lied not wanting to even begin to explain the cooking lessons Elle had been providing him.

The last thing he needed was for that bit of information to spread. His friends were already giving him a hard time as it was. The last thing he needed was to throw more fuel on the fire.

They would never let him live it down if they found out he'd been meeting with Elle every weekend for a cooking lesson.....well he'd stopped by her place practically every night but still.

"Oh. Have you seen her Instagram? She's so cute." Suzy exclaimed unable to stop herself.

From the moment Arin had told her about Elle she had been dying to bring it up with Dan.

Or course she had done a bit of snooping around online. It wasn't anything malicious or anything....Arin and she just wanted to make sure this Elle girl wasn't some sort of nutcase.

Plus both Arin and Suzy could admit that they felt a strange need to protect Dan from anyone out to take advantage of him. He was too sweet for his own good. He was way too trusting.

They just wanted to make sure that this girl wasn't just looking to leech off of him. She might be Jake's sister, but still. You just couldn't trust people now days.

"You looked her up online?" Dan groaned resisting the urge to slam his palm into his forehead.

Of course his friends would look Elle up. Everyone in the office had probably done a full Google search of Elle searching high and low for every single bit of information the internet may or may not have on her.

Why was everyone in this office determined to invade his privacy?

"Yeah....I was just curious....Arin wanted to know what Jake's sister looked like....I didn't mean any harm. I just wanted to make sure she wasn't some sort of psychopath or something." Suzy remarked struggling to defend her need to be so nosy.

Dan shook his head resisting the desire to scream out in frustration. He needed a vacation before he killed one of his friends.

He felt a tiny flicker of guilt as he spoke unable to stop himself. His curiosity was just too strong to ignore. "She has an Instagram?"

Suzy nodded her head motioning for Dan's phone. She practically snatched it from his hand as she began to type away. "Yep. It doesn't look like it's been updated in a long time though. She also has a Facebook but it's locked up tight so I didn't get to see anything."

Suzy spoke again as she handed the phone back to Dan nodding her head down at it unable to stop herself from sounding overexcited. "The photos are probably a few years old, but like I said she's so cute. There's some photos from what looks like when she was a teen on there. So she must have posted them as like a throwback Thursday kind of thing. It looks like she's got a few of the dresses she's made posted up too, she's really talented. You didn't say she sewed. She could probably make a fortune if she sold some of that stuff online. You should totally bring it up to her."

Dan stared down at his screen his cheeks once again betraying him by flushing a light shade of pink.

Her Instagram name was @OhElleNo. He had to chuckle at the silly choice in a name.  

There in front of him was in fact Elle, well a younger Elle. Suzy was right the photos were pretty old.

There were more than several photos; her at the beach, her at concerts, her out shopping, her at parties. There were even a few of her at a garden and a couple of her at an aquarium.  

The Elle on the screen still had a bit of a baby face making her cheeks appear a little rounder. Her hair was a bit shorter and most noticeably dyed a rainbow of colors. In one photo it was pink, in another it was green, and in another it was purple.

He guessed she must have dialed it back to just dying a streak or two as she grew older.

He silently remembered her commenting in a past conversation that she had had an aspiring hairdresser friend, back in Texas, who had enjoyed using her as a guinea pig.  

Dan shifted in place stifling back a slight groan at the sight of a photo of Elle at the beach. She wore a bright blue beach kimono that covered her back and most of her bottom half, but the tiny yellow halter bikini top she wore gave a healthy view of her ample cleavage.  

Dan couldn't stop himself from imagining being on that beach with her. He could imagine her wearing that bikini for him knowing just the way it made him groan. He could easily imagine himself spreading sunblock on her soft milky skin. He had to wonder if she had freckles on any other part of her body aside from her cheeks. He could picture watching the waves with her and pulling her back into his arms. He would hold her in a protective embrace as they rested on a towel under the hot sun.

Dan studied Elle's profile photo; the young girl smiling in the picture couldn't be over twenty one. Her hair was dyed a stop sign red. She wore an oversized black dress that looked like something out of the mod era. A pair of white Kurt Cobain styled sunshades rested on top of her head. Dan was shocked to see a gold ring pierced through her left nostril.

Elle back then was a bit different from Elle today. He couldn't help but to notice a change in her as he scrolled through the photos.

It seemed the more recent the photos were the less her personality truly shined through.

The smiley vibrant eccentric girl seemed to turn into a sad eyed young woman in what was clearly plain designer outfits. The outfits might be expensive but they didn't seem to match the Elle he had grown to know.

Dan felt his stomach drop as he noticed one photo in particular. Elle definitely did not look happy.

She had a tight smile on her face but her eyes seemed to tell a different story. She looked tired, almost worn down.

She wore a conservative black dress and pair of all too high heels. Her hair was pulled back into some uncomfortable looking twist.

It wasn't just her appearance that made Dan feel uneasy. It was the man standing beside her. He had a clearly possessive almost painful looking grip on Elle's waist.

It had to be her ex, Adam.

To say he was Dan's polar opposite would be an understatement. The man was tan and beefy to say the least. He looked like he probably spent a fair amount of time at the gym. Dan had to think that Adam could easily snap him in half with very little effort on his part.  

Adam was conventionally attractive. He was pretty much what people probably pictured when they described an all American boy. He made Dan think of a Ken doll. Adam was dressed in a nice suit. He was clean shaven with short trimmed dark hair and almost cold icy blue eyes.  

Dan couldn't help but to hate the sight of him. He had a distinct feeling that if Elle hadn't hinted at just what Adam had done to her, that Dan would still hate him.

He cleared his throat hoping that the sour look that had appeared on his face at the sight of Adam wasn't too noticeable. He spoke trying to sound casual as though he hadn't been taking in every detail of her profile. "Yeah some of those photos are pretty old."

"You should still follow her. Maybe she'll start posting again." Suzy encouraged him almost tempted to reach out and click the follow button for Dan.

She couldn't stop herself from already tapping into her inner matchmaker. She just had to hook Dan and Elle up. They'd be cute together. Elle looked so short and curvy and Dan was so tall and gangly. They'd be an odd but adorable match.  

Suzy knew that she would have to do a bit of pushing on her side of things. Lord knows if she left it up to Dan to handle on his own he'd take fifty forevers to make a move.

Dan bit the inside of his cheek debating Suzy's suggestion. Would it be creepy if he followed her?  

Would she think he was some sort of stalker creeping on her social media profiles?  

Haven't your coworkers already covered that? They probably know everything from what she ate for breakfast this on this day five years ago to what she did on her last vacation. A snarky voice provided in the back of his mind.

He could always just say she'd popped up on his suggested follows couldn't he? Or he could say he'd found her through Jake's Instagram....

Before he had time to overstress himself or over think it he clicked on the follow button his stomach doing a flip.  

Suzy smiled triumph it that she'd managed to badger him into following Elle. She decided to take a chance and badger him a little more as she spoke. "So when are you going to introduce her to everyone."

"I don't know." Dan blurted out his stomach knotting up.

He was tempted to throw same sass out and point out that there was no need to introduce her to anyone. She was just a friend.

He had a feeling Suzy wouldn't let him get away with giving any sass though.

Dan cleared his throat trying to sound noncommittal. "Maybe next time Arin and you have a cookout I'll bring her along."

He instantly regretted this statement as Suzy grinned the clockwork clearly spinning behind her eyes.

She was probably planning a cookout right now as she stared at him.

He spoke again wanting to escape this conversation before Suzy made any concrete plans. "I better go."

"Okay, yeah don't be late. Have fun." Suzy exclaimed.

She couldn't wipe the smile off her face as Dan scurried from the building before she had a chance to pester him more.

Suzy had to wonder if Arin would be up for throwing a cookout sometime very very soon.

.............................................................................................................

Her giggle was just as cute as it had been the first time he heard it. Or maybe it was getting cuter the more he heard it, Dan wasn't sure.

He had actually succeeded in making stir fry and now he found himself sitting beside Elle on her sofa. Elle's laptop was open in between them YouTube pulled up on the screen.

Elle had finally badgered and pestered Dan into following through and showing her Ninja Sex Party.

He had been purposely putting it off. He wasn't sure why. He'd never felt really that self conscious about letting people hear his music before.

He'd performed in front of people before after all.

There was something that made him feel uneasy at the idea of Elle seeing what he did though.

He cared about what she thought. He cared probably way too much about what she thought.

He couldn't help but to shift in his seat sensing just how close he was sitting to her. They were pressed side by side on the little sofa so close that Dan had found it tempting to slide his hand over Elle's a few times.

He chewed at the inside of his cheek his eyes locked down on the laptop screen.  

Given some of the more comedic and outwardly sexual nature of some of Ninja Sex Party's work Dan was feeling a little more than awkward at the concept of Elle seeing it.

He did after all pen songs called Accept My Shaft, No Reason Boner, and Three Minutes of Ecstasy. He couldn't help but to fear that Elle would think he was some sort of sex obsessed freak.

Yes he'd warned her that Ninja Sex Party sang a lot about dicks, but still. He didn't want her to get the wrong impression of him based on his alter ego.

A little helpful voice in the back of his head was quick to chime in on that worry It's not like you're ever going to get near giving her any ecstasy buddy. She sure as hell isn't going to get anywhere near your shaft anyhow so why are you worried?

He ignored the voice as Elle finally managed to speak through her giggles her stomach actually aching from laughing so hard. "I don't think I remember the last time I laughed so freaking much."

Dan couldn't stop himself smiling at this. Knowing that he'd made her laugh always gave him a sense of pride. He found himself craving that sense of pride more and more often when it came to spending time with her.

He liked making her happy. He kept thinking back to that night in her apartment, when he'd spotted the bruises on her back.

She had seemed so sad, so worried and upset. He had known from that second that he would do whatever it took to take away that sadness.  

"I hope that's a good thing." He remarked shrugging his shoulders trying hard not to sound as anxious as he felt about her reactions.

"Yes it's good. It's a really good thing. I needed a good laugh. It's been too long since I've genuinely laughed...to be honest I haven't had much to laugh at lately." Elle admitted unable to stop herself from smiling slightly as she realized just how genuinely nervous he seemed.

It was kind of cute that he seemed to care so much about what she thought.

She spoke again doing her best to reassure him. "I like it. I mean yeah it's goofy and pretty raunchy, but it's really really funny. It's super imaginative and creative. You look like you're having a blast."

She paused unable to stop herself from giving his shoulder a playful nudge as she decided to praise him a little. "Not to mention you have a pretty great voice. I wouldn't have thought that a string bean like you could have such a big set of lungs."

He snorted at the string bean comment. "Says the munchkin."

She giggled shaking her head not shocked that he had decided to tease her about her height. He did after all have well over a foot on her in height.

He spoke again a sense of relief washing over him. She did seem to really honestly like it. She didn't seem like she was just trying to be nice, or just telling him what she thought he wanted to hear.

He could admit sometimes he worried that people were just feeding into his ego when he asked for their honest opinion on his projects.

The more attention he got with the Grumps the more often it seemed that people wanted to suck up to him instead of telling them what they really thought.

"I actually sing all wrong...I sing from my throat instead of my diaphragm. That's why I'm stuck taking voice lessons every Sunday afternoon. If I keep doing the throat thing I'm going to totally wreck my vocal cords."

Elle chuckled not helping but to put herself down a little bit as she replied. "Hey at least you can sing even if you're doing it wrong. My grandmother used to make me sing along to gospel records when I was a kid and I sounded like a dying duck....like not just a dying duck but like a dying duck who has hemorrhoids and has just had all it's feathers plucked out."

Dan burst out laughing at her analogy. He attempted to reassure her giving her a playful pat on the shoulder. "Hey at least you managed to learn how to play the piano. I tried to take piano lessons when I was a kid but my teacher kept rapping me on the knuckles with a ruler when I hit a wrong note."

Elle let out a small laugh shaking her head. "Eh my teacher did the same thing. I went to a private Catholic School though. So I was tough enough to take it. Trust me you don't know pain until you have to take Latin from Sister Mary Francis. I have been rapped on the knuckles and knees many times by many a rulers."

"You're Catholic?" Dan asked not helping but to be curious.  

Jake had never mentioned much about his schooling. He had never really mentioned his schooling aside from mentioning he'd dropped out of college.

The more Dan got to know Elle the more he realized just why her brother had probably kept so quiet about his past.

"Not practicing. To be technical my father's side of the family was deep deep fire and brimstone Southern Baptist and my mom's side is super strict Catholic.....so as you can imagine my childhood was filled with all sorts of fun end of times talk and a ton of you're going to burn in hell imagery."

She spoke again shaking her head hoping she wasn't being offensive. "I was a terrible terrible Catholic anyhow. I never did my hail marys, I lied in confession, and I fully indulged in as many of the sins ,the nuns at Saint Catherine's screamed at me about, as I could."

Dan let out a small chuckle a big part of him tempted to ask her about those sins.

He spoke finding himself once again skating a line between flirting and joking. "So does that mean you have a Catholic School girl uniform tucked away somewhere around here? I've always heard Catholic girls are fun."

Elle shook her head attempting to ignore the way his flirty tone made her heart slam in her chest. She could admit his flirty tone made her preen a bit.  

Adam had always insisted no other man would find her attractive.

She was almost stunned that Dan seemed so willing to flirt with her....or at least she hoped he was flirting even if her brain kept telling her that she shouldn't get her hopes up. "Nope sorry to break your heart but I'm pretty sure I burned the damned thing the second I graduated."

Dan let out a small chuckle clearly able to imagine Elle burning the uniform. He'd quickly noticed that she had a hint of a rebellious streak.

He would have never thought the somewhat shy sweet girl he'd met at Jake's apartment that night could have the tiniest of a wild streak.

It was something she honestly had suppressed for a long time now. Now that she was away from Adam though she realized that she was free to actually be more of the person she had been before Adam, or at least as close to that person as she could manage to be.

She wasn't sure if she could ever really truly be who she had been before Adam. She was pretty sure that person had long ago given in and died away.

Maybe she could return to being close to who she had once been though, or maybe she could be someone even better.

Dan spoke shrugging his shoulders deciding he might as well open up about his own religious past as well. "I was raised Jewish. Both my mom and dad are Jewish....I even had my bar mitzvah in Israel....which was awesome but horrifying by the way...totally broke my fear of crowds though."

He paused clearing his throat as he spoke again. "I'm not really practicing anymore though...I kind of tend to believe in the big bang more than anything. It's kind of neat to imagine that the entire universe was just created out of one little atom ya know? It's sort of beautiful to think that everything we see and are is constantly changing and evolving ya know. I kind of think that the idea of that is just as beautiful as any religion....sorry if that was super nerdy."

Elle let out a small chuckle shaking her head. "It wasn't too nerdy. That does sound kind of cool to think about to be honest."

She allowed a small somewhat sad smile crossing her features. "I would like to believe in a higher power that loves us and wants the best for us....but to be honest I don't know if I would want to believe in a higher power would allow me to suffer...I know that sounds dramatic...but...uh yeah, whatever...I don't really know what to believe anymore."

Dan caught the mention of suffering. He was tempted to press for more information, but didn't have the chance as Elle spoke changing the subject.

She nodded down to the laptop wanting the light fun feeling she'd had just a few minutes before to return. "So you said you guys did some covers?"

"Ah yeah. We did a few." Dan replied a yawn reluctantly slipping from his lips.

Elle stared down at the time on her laptop her eyes widening. "Holy crap it's almost two am. I didn't realize it had gotten so late."

Dan cleared his throat reluctantly beginning to pull away from her fully expecting her to send him home.

He was stunned as she stood from the sofa her voice small and uncertain. "You can crash on my couch.....I mean if you want to...It's so late....I didn't mean to keep you up so late."

 

"It's okay....I'm a night owl anyway. Yeah I'll be fine sleeping here if you're sure it's okay." Dan reassured her not helping but to admire the way she stretched arching her back and loosening her sore muscles.

He couldn't help but to find the small moan she let out as her back popped so incredibly erotic.

He scolded himself for the thought. They were just friends, only friends.

Elle nodded a nervous energy forming in her gut. He would be sleeping here, right out on her sofa.  

How was she going to get any rest tonight knowing that the guy she was finding herself slowly growing crazy for was asleep out here on her sofa?

She bit the inside of her cheek trying to silence these thoughts as she picked up her cell phone from the coffee table. She shut off her laptop before pushing back on the cluttered coffee table.  

She frowned down at her cell a little surprised by the notification on her screen. "You followed me on Instagram?"

Dan felt his stomach roll. Maybe it had been a mistake? Why'd he listen to Suzy? "Yeah....uh you popped up on my suggested friends....Is that okay? I mean I can unfollow you if it's weird."

"No, no. I mean it's not weird....I'm just surprised that's all....To be honest I haven't used Instagram in a while....I haven't really used any social media....Adam didn't like it....He said it was distracting from our relationship." Elle admitted cringing a bit at the mention of her ex.

Dan tried not to frown at this piece of information. He guessed he shouldn't be surprised to find that Adam was a bit controlling. The bruises on Elle's torso proved that her ex wasn't a nice guy.

Elle was quick to change the subject moving to the hallway quickly before she brought up something else painful. "I'll get you a quilt and some pillows. Help yourself to anything in the fridge. I think there's some tea in the pantry that you're welcome to as well."

Dan nodded his head a short Okay working itself from his lips.

He stared down at his feet silently wondering if he'd get any sleep at all tonight.

Knowing at Elle would be so close by at night when his mind had way too much time to wonder to her and all the things he wanted to say and do to her made his heart beat a little too fast.

...................................................

Elle frowned her eyes peeling open. She stared up at a ceiling that was so clearly not her apartment's ugly popcorned ceiling.

The high wooden beam ceiling of the nursery at her grandfather's ranch greeted her sight.

She sat up in the little iron twin bed she was now laying in frowning as she stared down at her body. She was a child again, all of ten years old with a scrawny body that wouldn't start to even begin to resemble a girl until a few years from now.

She stood up from bed it suddenly hitting her that she was wearing an old green plaid dress. It was an old fashioned looking thing like something from the forties.

She could vaguely remember the dress from her childhood. She was sure that her grandmother had bought it at some expensive shop on her last vacation.

Elle had always found it so strange that her family chose to dress her in such old fashioned clothing. It seemed that they dressed her as though she was a doll instead of a living breathing human being.

It was always dresses and cardigans with high socks that always itched and felt too hot, or stark white nightgowns, or her school uniform.

She didn't wear a pair of blue jeans until she was old enough to buy her own clothing. She could still remember the disapproving click of her mother's tongue when she'd caught sight of Elle in a pair of Levis and converse chuck taylors. 

Elle studied the old nursery. Though she hadn't seen it in years now it still all seemed so familiar as though it was a sight she saw every day.

The nursery was a large room filled with more than a few old doll houses, an old black and white television, a rocking horse, old wooden toys that were probably as old as her grandparents, and more than a few porcelain dolls.

The large collection of antique music boxes had always been Elle's favorite part of the nursery. She would often sneak out of bed late at night and take one of the intricate little boxes into the adjoining bathroom just so she could listen to it over and over again. 

The toys were all so old fashioned. It was just another strange thing about her family.

It was as though things on the Brannock homestead had stopped progressing sometime in the fifties or the early sixties. Time had continued to roll on in the real world, but here on the family estate time stood still.

Most kids her age were playing with Game Boys and Tamagotchis. Jake and she got old dolls, wooden puppets, and more books than they could ever read.

Though the house seemed to be stuck in a time warp it was always clean, always way too clean. There was never a speck of dust or a smudge on anything. It always looked more like a museum than a home.

The entire house was quite grand, filled with antiques and her grandmother's houseplants. The house was too large. There was too much crammed into the large home making Elle feel a little claustrophobic. 

The house was as silent as usual. There was too much silence. 

Everyone kept to their rooms at her grandparent's home. Jake and Elle were always confined to the nursery where they couldn't be seen or heard. 

Of course it was that way in her parents house too. Her family had never been one to spend too much time together. It always felt like being in the same room together was just lighting up a brick of TNT and waiting for it to blow.

Portraits of family and ancestors lined the hallways along with more modern family photos. There was almost too much on the walls to be hones; paintings, art and décor. 

The house had always felt unsettling to Elle even as a child. She could never quite place just what about it made her feel so uncomfortable. Maybe it was just the family misfortune following her, seeping into her subconscious? 

Elle couldn't stop herself from running a tiny hand along the walls. Her great grandmother had been the one to have them painted. Scenes of a lush Southern garden, foxes, rabbits, deer, and songbirds adorned the walls. Elle had spent so many days sitting alone studying the mural.

She had to wonder if perhaps this was where her love of birds had come from.

Elle frowned her tiny feet padding across the cold room. Grandfather had never paid to put a heater into the house. They had fireplaces but the cold still drafted throughout the house in the winter time.

Elle moved quickly puzzled as to why she was so alone. It was late at night that much she could tell.

The moon was shining in through the long lace curtains hung within the nursery.

She snuck outside the nursery knowing that grandfather might not be pleased that she was up wondering the halls so late, but something in her drove her from the room, something drove her to move.

She walked her steps soft the hallways winding and dark. She frowned already growing tired of walking.

The halls had never twisted and turned so much before. Or at least she didn't think they had.

She frowned her stomach dropping as he heard a familiar enraged voice sound out from somewhere with in the darkness. "You aren't supposed to be awake Eleanor. What are you doing outside the nursery? Are you being bad? Are you disobeying me?"

Elle felt her stomach drop at the voice. Her father's voice was dripping with danger.

It was a danger she knew far too well.

A sudden inclination to run hit Elle and her little legs began to speed up moving a bit quicker.

It seemed as though the walls were growing narrower. That couldn't be possible though could it?

The air was so cold, chillingly cold. She was almost sure she would be able to see the fog of her breath if enough moonlight hit her.

"Eleanor where are you? Come on and take your punishment!"

Elle felt her stomach twist her breath coming out in short panicked bursts. What would the punishment be? She knew it could be one of two things and both options made her heart constrict.

She struggled to move ahead her speed waning. Why was it so hard to move all the sudden? It felt like she was trying to move through thick molasses, slow and heavy.

"Eleanor!" 

She shuddered at the sound. He was getting closer. She spoke her voice seeming almost too loud. "No please God no. Please no punishments. No, no, no, no, no, please God no. Please hear me and protect me."

She felt a panicked little gasp escape her throat as she heard her name being cried out again.

Her father's voice was different. It wasn't right. It wasn't that deep Texas drawl, There was something mingled up in his voice. It was as though someone had recorded another voice and dubbed it over her father's voice.

She felt a chill run down her spine as she recognized the second voice. It was the same voice that old her she was a stupid bitch. The same voice who told her she would never find anyone who would be willing to put up with her. The same voice that spent so much time degrading her. It was Adam's voice.

She whimpered as a harsh hand grasped her shoulder pain seering through seemingly straight to the bone. She was quick to speak beginning to beg though she knew it would do her no good. "Please, no! I'm sorry, no!  Please, don't hurt me! I'm sorry I'll be good! Please don't!"

A soothing voice entered the mix so different from the angry voice that had been stalking her through out the halls. "Elle....Elle, come on sweetheart wake up...Elle it's okay, it's just a dream, just a dream."

She furrowed her brow it hitting her just who the voice belonged to. 

"Danny?" She gasped her eyes peeling open to the sight of her dark bedroom in her apartment far from Texas.

She blinked a few times her eyes struggling to adjust to the room. The small lamp on her bedside table had been flipped on lighting the bedroom in a dull glow.

She let out a haggard breath her body still shaking as she stared up at a concerned Dan Avidan.

Dan furrowed his brow worry rolling through him as he stared down at the clearly frightened woman.

He'd been lying in the living room struggling to fall asleep when he'd heard her whimpers. He'd laid silent for a moment unsure of how to react.

It wasn't until he'd begun to hear the desperate pleas of no and prayers for God to help her that he'd found himself moving from the sofa and towards Elle's bedroom.

What he'd found had made his heart ache. Elle had been twisted up in sheets her body drenched in sweat fearful little cries working from her lips.

Dan had been there before. He'd struggled with nightmares and night terrors through out his entire life.

With out even thinking he'd moved to her side. He'd sat at her bedside and begun to attempt to soothe her and wake her.

Elle sat up hugging her knees to her chest as she struggled to come down from her panic attack.

The two sat in silence for a long moment before Elle spoke her voice weepy and small. She almost sounded more like a child than a grown woman. "I'm sorry."

Dan furrowed his brow hesitantly placing a hand on her arm. "It's okay....you don't have anything to apologize for."

The silence returned for a long while before Dan worked up the nerve to speak again. "Do you want to talk about it? I mean....your nightmare? You were having a nightmare right?"

Elle felt her stomach churn at this offer. She was almost tempted to refuse. He'd probably think she was a giant freak if she opened up to him about this.

Then again he seemed so willing to listen. He'd been so sweet to her so far...maybe he wouldn't think she was a freak of nature.

She spoke her voice still so tiny. "I dreamed about my grandfather's house....the nursery......Jake and I always were locked up in the nursery at both my grandparents house and our own house....I guess it was just to keep us quiet you know....if we were out of sight we wouldn't be in the way...My family really didn't like to spend time together....I mean my dad would take us hunting....and that was, it was pretty unpleasant. We didn't really go out of the way to spend time together though. We had dinner together but it was always sort of a quiet event....we never really talked to each other...dad and mom were usually too busy arguing for there to be a conversation."

She paused taking a deep breath knowing that she was getting off track. It would take her forever to explain just how unhappy her family was.  

She cleared her throat her voice tightening up as she tried not to let that sense of panic sneak up on her. "My dad he was...uh he was kind of...well he was a mean bastard really. I honestly don't think my mother and he loved each other.....It wasn't a marriage built out of love. I mean my mother had money and my father had money so marrying seemed like a good idea financially. It was more of a move to combine power and assets than a loving decision. They couldn't really stand each other. I think they kind of hated each other...I'm amazed they managed to stand each other long enough to even have two kids......My mother, she just ignored us...she drank a lot... shopped a lot...mostly partied....but my dad. I think he enjoyed making us suffer....Jake always got it worse than me. My dad was never happy....never satisfied. I managed to please him more than Jake did....I was always the tougher one....I could take the physical challenges my dad tossed our way...I had something to prove I guess....my dad didn't want a daughter so I had to prove to him that I wasn't just a waste of space."

She dared to glance up at Dan relieved that he seemed to be listening to her quietly no judgment in his eyes, only interest and a tiny hint of pity.

Elle ignored the pity as she continued to explain. "Still though Jake took the...the punishments. Jake...I guess since he was the oldest, he tried to protect me. He thought he should protect me even if I was the tougher one. He would take the blame when my dad was angry about something.....even if it was something stupid I'd done. Jake used to hide me...out in the stables near the house....my dad never thought to look there......He would hide me and take the pain for me. My grandad found out...and he'd try to keep us safe, but my dad always found a way.....when I was about eleven my dad finally left.....I think my grandad threatened to kill him....I'm not sure. I'll never be able to ask since my grandfather has pretty bad dementia now....he doesn't even recognize me anymore so...."

She let out a shaky pained laugh her voice bitter. "I thought I'd moved past this shit....or as much as I could move past it....I left the family estate and promised myself I would never to go back. Jake ran the second he turned eighteen and I really hated him for it for a long time.....he got out and left me there alone with mother. The second I turned eighteen though I ran too....I ran until I met Adam....and, and well it turns out he wasn't much better than my father."

She shook her head her eyes beginning to water as she spoke. "The dreams have always been there off and on....I used to just dream about my dad and just like flashbacks of some of the shittier memories of him.....but after Adam....after I left Adam, the dreams are getting worse. Now it's like both my father and Adam are twisted together and they want to punish me."

Dan was tempted to take her into his arms. He wanted to hold her and swear to her that she would never come into harms way again.

He held back though frightened that she'd shove him away.

Dan was unable to stop the question from leaving his lips cringing the second he spoke. "What was the punishment?"

Elle felt her throat tighten. She was tempted to refuse to tell him. But something in her screamed to trust him.

She took one of his large hands in her delicate ones moving a bit awkwardly at first to place it at the center of her back.

She turned her gaze from his as she lifted her shirt up just far enough for Dan's hand to press to her skin and the scars embedded into her back.

Dan felt bile rise in the back of his throat as he felt what she had to show him. Deep scars were embedded into her soft skin. He felt four of them, long and jagged.

Elle spoke her voice even smaller even more fearful. "He would whip us...with his belt....He only did it to me twice.....That second time was hard and deep enough to leave these.....My mother found out and she threatened to slice his dick off.....that was the only time I think she really protected me....after that he'd just backhand me or slam me into a wall....Jake...he, he never got that kind of protection from my mother....he...he got it worst than me....way worse."

She was stunned as Dan took her into his arms his grip tight and protective. He held his breath almost second guessing his choice. He almost expected her to push him away from her.

He let out that breath as she clung on to him her body shaking as she allowed herself to completely fall to pieces.

Dan spoke to her his voice soft and soothing the words falling right out of him without any hesitation. "It's okay. It's going to be okay. I'm so sorry that happened to you. I'm so sorry doe eyes. I wish there was some way that kid me could have known kid you....I wish I could have found someway to make it better. To keep you safe."

He paused a bit shocked by the determination in his own voice. "I'm here now though okay. I'm going to keep you safe now. No one will hurt you while I'm around okay. I promise I will be here to keep you safe."

Elle felt her throat tighten overwhelmed by the sincerity in his voice. He sounded so sure, so determined.

Her heart was screaming at her to trust him and her brain was screaming that he was lying.

He couldn't keep her safe. He couldn't promise her something like that.

She wasn't worth protecting. She was just a stupid spoiled bitch with daddy issues....that's what Adam had always said.

She tried to ignore her brain but found it far too hard. "You don't want to run away from me? I mean...we...we haven't known each other for too terribly long....it'd be okay if you ran away from me....I'd understand if you didn't want to put up with me."

Dan shook his head too stubborn to back down. He knew she was right they'd only been friends....or whatever they were, for a short while.

He wanted to protect her though. He didn't want to run away. He wanted to stay by her side. "I'm not going anywhere. I promise I'm staying right here. You aren't going to get rid of me no matter what."

More tears fell from Elle's eyes and she was shocked by it. She had spent so long trying not to let herself cry no matter what pain or despair life threw her way. The strong didn't cry after all.

Dan spoke again continuing to soothe her. "When you have bad dreams and I'm not around I want you to call me. I don't care how late it is or what's going on. You call me and I'll get on facetime and talk you down okay....I'll be there when you need me."

Elle shook her head so confused by his kindness. People weren't supposed to be so nice. No one was that kind without wanting anything in return.

"Why??? Why do you care so much?"

Dan felt the answer rolling around in the back of his throat Because I like you...I really really really like you. I like you more and more every day. I'm kind of crazy about you. I know it's insane but I really want to get to know you more....to have you give me a chance....to let me be with you.

He held back this answer though fearing it would come out all wrong. Besides now was so not the time to drop that on her. Who was to say she would even feel the same.  

"Because I know how it feels.....I mean the nightmares, I know how bad nightmares can be....I used to have them so bad that my roommate Barry would have to come and literally talk me down from full blown screaming sobbing anxiety attacks."

He paused clearing his throat as he spoke again. "And because I care. I care about you."

Elle furrowed her brow tempted to ask him more. What did he mean he cared about her? She wanted to press him to explain, but the words got all caught up in her throat.

So instead of asking she allowed him to hold on to her. She buried her face against his chest as she spoke allowing her fears to come to the surface. "I'm afraid Adam will come for me....I'm afraid he'll find me."

"I won't let anything happen to you. I promise. He's not going to hurt you ever again. No one is going to hurt you again." Dan reassured her doing all he could to ignore the cold chill that ran down his spine at her words.

Could he protect her? Would he really be enough to keep her safe? He couldn't be there twenty four seven.

He ignored these fears refusing to listen to them. He would keep her safe. He would find a way.

Even if she would never become more than a friend to him he would keep her safe.

Elle let out a shaky breath surprised as her brain let her heart make the choice. She allowed herself to believe him.

She closed her eyes stunned as she realized that for the first time in such a long time she felt safe.

As long as Dan was around she would feel safe.


	6. Deserve to Be Happy

                     

            Dan tried his best to hold back the yawn threatening to spill from his lips he leaned forward on the grump couch careful not to disturb the warm cozy blanket cocoon he'd built up around himself.

He listened to Arin speak into the mic the man sounding far too wide awake at this hour of the night. "I think it's time for Next Time on Game Grumps."

Dan spoke into the mic hoping he sounded more peppy and wide awake than he currently felt. "Yep it is, until next time lovelies."

He sat back easily sinking into the comfy couch cushions laughter spilling from his throat as Arin once again "accidentally" killed the little pixel character on the screen. Dan continued to giggle as he watched the screen in front of them a high pitched curse slipping from Arin's lips. "Damn it."

Dan glanced up at a nearby clock on the wall as the recorder was shut off his eyes growing droopy. It was getting pretty late. It was well after midnight now.

He had to silently wonder why he'd agreed to stay for a late night recording when Arin had suggested it. Dan guessed it was mostly because he really had nothing better to do, and besides a late night recording session would knock out a chunk of Arin's and his forever growing workload.

Dan couldn't help but to wish he could sink completely down into the sofa far enough to disappear as Arin spoke a grin on his face "So you still talking to your friend Elle?"

Dan resisted the urge to roll his eyes as Arin emphasized the word friend. "Yeah, a little."

He had been talking to her far more than a little. He had been talking to her a lot......almost every night for the past week actually.

Dan was surprised but grateful that Elle seemed to have taken his orders, to call her when she was suffering from nightmares, to heart.

They had been facetiming nightly for about a week now and Dan honestly hoped he was helping her as much as he'd hoped he could.

He couldn't exactly explain why it meant so much to him, being there for her. He guessed it just went along with how he'd been raised. His mother had taught him empathy from a young age. She had always reminded him to lend a helping hand to those in need.

Dan had always credited his mother for installing a strong sense of kindness in him.

That strong sense of kindness and empathy seemed to have latched on to Elle. She seemed to need someone to lean on and Dan couldn't help but to want to be that someone.

Dan wasn't about to admit any of this information to Arin though.

Dan's and Elle's nightly facetime conversations were private. She had trusted him enough to open up to him about her fears in these nightly conversations and he wasn't going to betray her trust by spilling any details to anyone.

"And you haven't asked her out yet?" Arin asked already knowing what Dan's answer would be.

"Nope." Dan stated his stomach churning at the choice in conversation. It seemed that Elle was Arin's top choice in a conversation topic lately, at least when they weren't recording.

Dan guessed he should count his blessings. He might have a heart attack if Arin decided to bring up Elle during a recording session.  

Yes they could always have Barry or Kevin edit that part of the conversation out, but still. The idea of a third party listening to Arin badgering him over Elle was mortifying.

It was bad enough that Suzy had joined in on the Elle conversations....and Ross too. Dan was actually pretty sure the entire office was aware of Elle's existence. Ross, Suzy, and Arin were the only ones brazen enough to actually harass him about it though.  

Dan knew why they were all pushing the Elle issue so hard. They cared about him and they could tell that Elle meant something to him, more than he would admit out loud.

He knew he was lucky to have friends that cared about his happiness, but they were all driving him a little insane.

To be truthful Dan just wished they would all back off and let him handle things with Elle his own way.  

"You haven't asked her out because you're just friends, right?" Arin asked being sure to emphasize the word friends once again.

Dan frowned at this comment his brain threatening to go into overdrive at the friend comment.

Were Elle and he still considered just friends?

They'd had some pretty deep conversations lately....deeper and far more serious than the types of conversations you carried on with someone who you considered to be just a friend.

Then there was the fact that he'd pretty much held her that night at her apartment. He'd held for a long long while. At first he'd just been trying to soothe her tears, but even after the tears had dried Dan had been still unwilling to let her out of his arms.

It had felt so right, holding her, keeping her safe. He liked knowing that he could make her feel safe. She'd seemed to like it as well after all she'd remained so willingly in his arms clinging to him for such a long time.  

A voice in the back of Dan's head already knew the answer to the questions bouncing around in his brain.  

Elle and he had probably skated past that thin line between a platonic friendship and over into something more. What that something more was though, Dan wasn't sure what to label it.

Did whatever was going on between Elle and he even really need a label yet though? It was probably too soon to label it dating. After all they would have needed to have gone on an actual date for it to be labeled dating.

Dan had thought that by his age he'd have more insight into the complexities of relationships, but he was still as clueless as he'd ever been.

He hadn't had felt this clueless in a long while, not since he was an awkward teenager.  

He guessed age didn't always equate to wisdom.....especially when it came to matters of the heart.

All Dan was absolutely sure of was that whatever was going on between Elle and he, it was something he wanted more of.  

It was a shock to him, after all a few months ago he would have said that he wasn't really interested in jumping into any sort of serious relationship especially not so quickly.  

With Elle though he couldn't help but to like the idea of having something with her, something serious if she'd allow it.

Being around her made him happy, and that was a good enough reason wasn't it? He deserved to be happy.  

She deserved someone great, and he liked the idea of being what she deserved.  

Sure the idea of having something more with her was a little intimidating, but Dan couldn't deny just how much he liked the idea of it. He guessed the heart really did want what the heart wanted.

"I don't know....it's complicated." Dan admitted shocked by his own answer. He mentally kicked himself a little knowing that Arin would latch on to this comment and try to push him to make a move sooner than later.

"What's so complicated about it? You clearly like her and she probably hopefully is into you....if she isn't then there is something clearly wrong with her.....but anyway....It's not that complicated. Just ask her out already. Shit on the pot or get off." Arin remarked tempted to smack his best friend over the back of his curly head.

Dan was making this far too difficult. What was so hard about asking a girl out? Sure Elle's brother was scary as shit, but that was something Dan could probably work past.  

He seemed to like her enough, he spent more than enough time with her after all. So why not just make a move already?

Arin was more than slightly tempted to find a way to lock Dan and Elle into a room together until they made a move. He wasn't sure if that would be an a reasonable plan though.  

He'd probably be better off just casually encouraging Dan to make a move on Elle before someone else came along and did it.  

Dan cringed at the shit on the pot comment. Leave it to Arin to end his motivational statement with an analogy about pooping.   

Dan shook his head wishing that asking Elle out was that easy. He was tempted to mention Elle's past relationship and how it maybe made moving too quickly with her a bit of a sensitive issue.  

She was still recovering from Adam after all, not to mention some of the more sensitive details she'd shared with Dan about her childhood trauma. She had a lot of healing to do.

He had to keep that in mind when it came to pursuing her. She needed time to learn to fully trust him before Dan made his move and pushed for some sort of label to whatever they had together.  

Dan knew he that telling Arin everything would be betraying Elle's trust though. No she hadn't told him to keep her past a secret, but Dan was sure she wouldn't want him babbling to just anyone about it.

He once again reminded himself that she'd opened up to him about her past and he had to keep it to himself.

"It's not that simple....trust me...it's just complicated."

"So you keep saying." Arin replied already planning on what to say to push the issue a bit more.

He didn't have a chance to do so though as Dan's phone began to ring. Arin raised an eyebrow at the sound. The sound of birds chirping was definitely not Dan's usual Tom Sawyer ringtone.

Dan cleared his throat avoiding Arin's questioning gaze. Yes he'd set a special ringtone for Elle's calls. She liked birds after all so when he'd found a ringtone of birds chirping it had seemed like it was meant to be.  

Giving her a special ringtone had just seemed like a sensible thing to do after Elle had agreed to call him when ever she was having a rough time. Dan just wanted to be sure he knew when to drop what he was doing and take her calls.

Dan continued to ignore Arin's gaze as Dan untangled himself from his blanket cocoon and answered his phone almost tangling himself up in the blankets in the process.  

He stood up from the couch moving past his mic his legs feeling a little unsteady after sitting for so long recording. He made sure that he was far enough away from Arin so as not to have the man join in on this conversation, as he answered the facetime call.

Dan hoped that he sounded and looked casual as he looked into his screen and spoke. "Hey."

He left the room shutting the door behind him grateful that Arin didn't take it upon himself to follow him and introduce himself to Elle.

The view on Dan's phone was dim, but he could clearly see Elle sitting up in her bed. She spoke her voice shaky that childlike tone present in her voice just like it had been that night in her apartment. "H-h-Hi."

"Talk to me....just slow down and breathe." Dan said his voice soft and soothing. He stopped mid hallway and leaned back against the wall his heart twisting a little bit as he listened to her attempts to slow down her breathing.

She was mid panic attack. He could hear it in her breathing alone. Her breaths were shallow and uneven, as though she was struggling to take in air and exhaling before she even had a chance to gather enough air into her lungs.

He spoke again his voice still gentle. "Turn on a light and keep taking deep breaths Ellie. I'm here, just keep breathing. Come on in through your nose and out through your mouth."

Elle did as he said trying to focus on maintaining deep slow breaths. She still couldn't help but to feel like such a burden, calling him so often always so late.

He always said that it was okay and not to worry about it, but she still felt like such an annoyance to him.

She was surprised he hadn't ghosted her yet. It would easy enough for him to do, all he'd have to do is block her calls. She was probably such a giant burden on him. He probably just felt sorry for her.

Elle cringed at these thoughts. Her brain always had a way of trying to convince her that Dan really saw her as some sort of pest. Her brain always told her that she was annoying Dan. Her mind always insisted that Dan really wanted her to leave him alone but he was just too nice to tell her so.  

Her brain told her that he would tell her to fuck off one of these days. He would tell her to get lost and find a damn therapist, quit dragging him down with her issues. Grow up and get over the fact that we all have scars from our childhoods. So grow a pair and pull yourself up.  

A more sensible voice tried to tell her that Dan would never say any of those things to her. He was too kind, too sweet. He wouldn't tell her to go away even if he probably should.  

Or at least she didn't think he would. She knew they hadn't known each other for too terribly long, but he didn't seem like the kind of person who would just kick her aside while she was down and tell her to deal with her own problems.

Still though Elle always felt like she needed to make sure that she wasn't bothering him. She always felt like she needed to apologize.  

It was a familiar situation for her, feeling like she should apologize for everything rather it was her fault or not. She always felt as though she should apologize for just existing.

She felt so pathetic. She guessed in reality she kind of was pathetic.  

She was always seeking reassurance, always wanting to double check where she stood with people. She was always so eager to please people even to the point of exhausting herself. She set herself on fire to keep other people warm.  

She was an obnoxious burden of a person, a real shitshow of a disaster. She couldn't understand why Dan was putting up with her.   

Elle couldn't deny the comfort that these late night talks with Dan had given her though. She was shocked at the way Dan seemed to know just what to say and do to calm her nerves and bring her back down from the midst panic.

He was always gentle, always patient, always calm. He always made her smile. He always made her feel like she just might be okay or at least okay enough to face another day.  

Dan studied Elle as she turned on her bedside lamp brightening the dim room.  

Without make up her freckles were clear as can be even in the slightly blurry camera phone lens. Her hair was a bit of a mess from sleep, and he could spot her dark blue comforter wrapped tight against her form almost as though she'd been clutching it trying to calm herself.

She finally spoke as her breathing began to even out a little bit. "I'm sorry for calling."

She cringed at her own apology already knowing he was going to brush it off. She still didn't understand how he could be so sweet to her without wanting something in return.

A more insecure less trusting part of herself almost feared he just might ask for something in return one of these days.  

That taunting voice in the back of her head was always warning her that Dan might just have some sort of ulterior motive behind that kindness he was so willing to give her.  

No one wanted to give you anything without expecting some sort of payback. It was human nature, to give and take.  

"It's okay....I keep telling you that you don't have anything to say sorry for." Dan reassured her their late night facetime conversations always starting out like this.

As soon as she began to come down from her anxiety attack the apologies started.

"I know, you always say that.....I still feel so stupid though." Elle admitted shame beginning to set in.

She'd become so comfortable crying out for Dan over the past week. Every night she called and every night he answered without complaint.

It was as though he'd become a walking talking poofy haired security blanket.  

That voice taunted her yet again; He would grow sick of being her security blanket soon. She was too much, she had always been too much for people to take on.  

"It's not stupid Ellie. It's really okay. I don't mind.....I wouldn't have told you that you could call me if it was going to bother me." Dan continued to reassure her.

He'd discovered that she seemed to need more than a bit of reassurance in moments like this.

It was a side effect of her past he guessed. She needed to be promised and assured that she wasn't a burden and that she wasn't dumb.  

It made his heart hurt to realize that she'd probably been made to feel like a stupid burden more than once in her life.

He wanted to fix it, to make her understand that she wasn't a burden....he knew you couldn't fix people though....all you could do was care for them....be there for them.

The two sat in silence for a short moment before Dan spoke up. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Elle felt her throat tighten up knowing just what he was asking. He wanted to know about the dream, her entire reason for calling him yet again.

"Just keep breathing and talk to me." Dan stated doing his best to stop her from falling into the pitfalls of another panic attack.

Elle did her best to follow his instructions trying to focus on her breathing as she began to recall her dream. "I was in the woods again....the same woods my father used to take Jake and I camping in....it was dark....really dark, like no moon or stars. I was running barefoot in a nightgown....I couldn't see what I was running from but it was probably my dad....it's usually my dad when I dream about the woods."

She paused taking a few more deep breaths her hands shaking ever so slightly. She propped the phone in front of her thankful that it didn't fall over on her and take Dan out of sight.

She kept breathing slowly her eyes shifting from the camera for a moment. "There was something new in this dream though....something that didn't belong....a cabin...it didn't belong there...I mean where we camped there wasn't a cabin for miles unless you count like one of those little recoup cabins that the rangers put in for people to rest up if they're out hiking too late."

She paused knowing she was rambling. She took another deep breath her heart still feeling like it might slam right out of her chest. "Anyway....this cabin it was huge...and something was screaming in me to get into it and when I did...it wasn't a cabin anymore....I was back in my condo....the one I lived in in Galveston. It was like I jumped from one nightmare to another. It was more of a flashback than an actual nightmare.....I was in Adam's and my bedroom....and I was getting ready for a party. I can remember it, it was one of these parties Adam always threw....like a big thing for his investors....he would always throw these fancy parties that I had to attend...and I had to look perfect because he said I was a reflection of him."

Elle paused a small bitter laugh escaping her throat. "I was a reflection of who he was as a man....When I was with him I wasn't my own person. I was only what he wanted me to be. I had to wear a nice dress and heavy jewelry. I had to have my hair and makeup perfect....He would pick out my clothing usually anyway, but at those parties I had no choice but to wear whatever he said.....my entire outfit really...I was always told to be on my best behavior....don't talk about politics or anything that might show I have a thought of my own....just smile and speak when spoken too. Play the perfect hostess....don't fuck up anything for him."

She paused again turning her gaze back to Dan relieved that he didn't have any signs of judgment in his eyes.

She'd almost expected him to look at her like she was an idiot, after all hadn't she been pretty stupid to stay with Adam for so long, to abide by his rules.

She'd been so desperate to be loved, to be taken care of. It hadn't been love though, love wasn't supposed to feel like that.

"I...was getting ready. I'd spent hours on my makeup and hair making sure it looked correct....good enough for Adam to approve of.....and the dress...it was this silky material...really fragile....really expensive. I noticed that there was this tear in the dress....I knew I didn't have time to fix it.....and I had a lot of dresses....nice ones, some of them I'd never even worn before....I didn't think it would be a big deal if I just wore one of those....I mean It wasn't the same color but it was almost an identical dress."

Elle let out a deep shaky breath anxiety threatening to take over again. She stared over to her bedside keeping her eyes off Dan as she spoke quickly wanting to get this all out, wanting to open up. "It was a big deal though to Adam.....He screamed at me, called me a clumsy idiot...it was my fault the dress he'd chosen had a tear in it....it probably got torn from my big ass...I was getting fatter.....I was just fat and stupid Eleanor....always fucking up things for him. When I tried to argue he...he smacked me....hard....he kept on hitting me...throwing a few kicks in too once I was knocked to the ground....he worked out his rage on me....and when he was done....he apologized....just like he always did....told me I just pushed his buttons sometimes.....that he was stressed....money was tight for him and some investors had backed out....and.....and he just left me after that....told me to clean up and rest up....that he'd tell everyone I had food poisoning and was resting."

She let out another shaky breath a small laugh slipping from her lips, bitterness dripping from the sound. "And I took it....just like I always did...I woke up before I got to the apology portion of the dream this time at least."

She finally connected her eyes back towards her phone her vision beginning to blur as she struggled not to cry. That mean little voice in the back of her head was quick to speak up; Oh God now you're crying, way to be pathetic. "Sorry....I'm....pretty freaking stupid to stay with someone like that.....I mean a little over a year of my life was dedicated to him....I said yes when he asked me to marry him....and he did that to me....I'm fucked in the head. I have to be....why else would I take that kind of pain...especially after taking it again and again as a kid...I was too stupid to leave the first time he hit me. I was so stupid."

"You aren't stupid.....I mean....he wasn't like that when you first started dating him right?" Dan blurted out saying the only thing he could think to soothe her.

To be truthful he was still reeling a bit from the story she'd just told. He was in shock that she could have endured so much pain. He was shocked that Adam would rage like that over a dress of all things....yes he knew the dress wasn't the real issue, it was really about controlling Elle's life, but still.

Dan didn't understand how Adam could have claimed to love Elle when he had treated her that way. He just couldn't wrap his brain around how you could hurt someone who you supposedly loved.

Elle frowned a bit thrown off by his question. She had almost expected him to agree with her. "No....no he seemed nice when we first started dating...charming really....It didn't get bad until after we got engaged.....I mean he was controlling before that.....he didn't like me to go out or talk to other people....he didn't get...ya know....the violence didn't start until after we'd gotten engaged."

Dan nodded his head trying his best to reassure her as he spoke surprised as a bit of anger began to bubble down within his gut, not anger towards Elle, but anger towards Adam. Dan felt anger for what the man had done and the mess he'd left in Elle's head. "So you couldn't have known that he could do that to you.....you didn't realize until you'd been with him for a while.....you didn't realize until you were trapped...So you can't blame yourself....Never blame yourself for the way he treated you, okay. Promise me you'll never blame yourself. What he did to you, that's all on him Ellie. He is the only one to blame. You had nothing to do with what he did to you."

Elle let out a small shaky breath his words hitting her hard. He was right, she couldn't have known that it would come down to that. She had been trapped.

She spoke her voice tiny her eyes still watering. "Okay...I promise...I'll try not to blame myself."

The two sat in silence for a short moment before Dan spoke wanting to do or say anything to bring Elle back up again. He just wanted to make her smile. "Twenty questions."

"What?....seriously?" Elle remarked completely thrown off by his request. Twenty questions, wasn't that a kids game.

"Yeah come on, it's lame I know....but It'll be fun...I'll start first. Favorite season?" Dan replied deciding that this was the best course of action. He could distract her, distraction was good.

Elle frowned still a little thrown off by the change in conversation. She spoke up deciding to play along though. "Fall....it's not too hot but not too cold either....I hate summer....I don’t like heat and Texas summers are the worst.....what about you?"

"Winter, but not this bullshit California winter....I'm talking a real winter, a Jersey winter, where you get snow up to your knees and it's so cold you think you might freeze....I like that kind of winter, where you can stay out in the snow all day playing with your friends and throwing snowballs....until your parents make you come inside to warm up with a hot drink and a quilt." Dan answered his mind flashing back to his childhood in New Jersey, the long cold winter days when it was so cold that the school had closed for a snow day.

"We don't have winters like that where I come from....I don't think I've ever seen real snow......I mean unless it was on a TV." Elle admitted a little embarrassed to admit this fact.

The only weather she'd gotten in her hometown was severe weather that threatened to form tornadoes. In Galveston there had just been hurricanes. She'd never seen snow though.

Dan was almost tempted to blurt out that he'd take her to Jersey and show her snow sometime, he held this comment in though worrying that it would come across as clingy, or just pushing for too much far too soon.

He was almost thankful as Elle spoke again stopping him from saying anything foolish. "What's your favorite color?"

She paused a small genuine laugh escaping her lips and filling Dan's heart with joy. "Lame question I know."

"Blue...like a nice turquoise blue...or an azure....I don't know the right term to describe it. You?" Dan replied his heart still feeling so much fuller knowing that she was returning to a happier state, her anxiety was beginning to fade.

"Green...like a cactus green...forest green is nice too." Elle explained tempted to ask if Dan's love of blue was the reasoning behind the color of the Danny Sexbang get up she'd seen in the videos he'd shown her.

She didn't have a chance to as Dan spoke it his turn to ask a question. "Favorite song?"

"So long Marianne by Leonard Cohen. Let me guess for you, anything by Rush...probably Tom Sawyer." Elle replied not helping but to tease him about his Rush obsession.

"Yep, you've caught on quickly. Favorite vacation? Mine is when my parents took me Israel for my bar mitzvah.....I think it's just because it was such a big deal ya know...my parents were really proud of me....and my dad...Avi...he's from Israel...so he got to show me where he came from." Dan explained a small chuckle escaping his throat a little amused that she'd guessed one of his favorites so easily.  

Elle felt a small smile tug at her lips remembering how Dan had explained to her that he'd grown calling his mom and dad by their first names. He'd practically taught himself to talk, and for some reason he'd wound up calling his parents by their first names and had called his grandmother mom.

The smile faded though as she spoke answering the question. "My family really didn't take vacations....unless you count the whole father taking Jacob and I hunting thing.....Adam took me to Jamaica once.....but it wasn't....it was a bad time."

Dan cringed as he spotted the look in her eyes, he could see the panic threatening to rear it's ugly head back into her mind as she tried not to think about whatever had happened in Jamaica.

He spoke rather quickly his voice gentle as he did the same thing he'd found himself doing these past few nights when her panic got to be too much. It was the only thing he could think to do. "Hey come on Doe Eyes, don't space out on me.....sing with me, okay....I'll start off and you join me when you're ready."

"Come over to the window, my little darling.

I'd like to try and read your palm

I used to think I was some kind of gypsy boy

Before I let you take me home.

Now it's so long, Marianne

It's time that we began to laugh

and cry and cry and laugh about it all again."

..................

Arin frowned thinking that his mind was playing tricks on him at first as he heard what was clearly the sound of Dan singing.

He was tempted to step out into the hall and follow the sound, but held back. He had the feeling that Dan clearly didn't want him to butt in on his conversation.

The sound continued for a long while before there was just silence.

The silence lasted long enough that Arin almost second guessed his decision not to check in on Dan.

He didn't have time to follow through on this change in decision though as Dan entered the room his phone stuffed back into his pocket his shoulders looking heavy.

Dan plopped down on the sofa beside Arin, Arin not helping but to silently study the man. He looked drained. He seemed far less peppy than he'd seemed just a few minutes ago when he'd answered that facetime call.

"You okay?" Arin dared to ask almost sure that Dan wouldn't tell him the truth anyhow.

"Yeah....just....tired, really tired." Dan stated half lying.

He was tired but it was both a physical and an emotional exhaustion. His mind was still reeling from Elle's story and his heart hurt when he allowed himself to think to hard about it.

She had managed to join him in singing. They'd sang for a long while, two songs until she'd calmed down enough to start acting like herself again.

A small part of Dan had to wonder if this was all too much for him to take on? She probably needed more help than he could provide.

His heart was quick to scold him for even daring to wonder this though. Yes he could handle it, he would handle it for her.  

He would do whatever she needed him to do.

"Elle okay?" Arin dared to ask completely sure that Dan would deflect from having to talk anymore about Elle.

He was stunned as Dan spoke up opening up a tiny bit his mouth moving before his brain could tell him to hold it all in. "She has nightmares....bad ones....she's got a bad....a bad past....bad relationships with everyone but her brother....We've been talking a lot.....a lot about her past....I don't think she has anyone else to talk to about it all....It's just, it's a lot to take in sometimes. I want to take it though....I just, I know it's stupid but I want to help her....Sometimes I have to wonder if I'm enough though."

"She seems to think you're enough....I mean you said she's opened up to you....You're probably....you listening probably means a lot to her." Arin replied a bit stunned that Dan had actually told him this much.

He guessed that explained the whole it's complicated policy Dan had seemed to adopt when it came to questions about rather he would make a move on Elle or not.

"I hope so....she just.....she's been kind of isolated these past few years.....she's got a lot of insecurities about herself and...well everything....I just hope I'm helping her even if it's just a little bit. I know I can't fix her....you can't fix people you know....she has to figure that out on her own. I want to help as much as possible though." Dan replied rubbing his eyes trying to stave off the need to sleep.  

They still had a lot of recording to do.

Arin nodded his head the two men sitting in silence for a long moment until Arin dared to speak up hoping that he wasn't suggesting the wrong thing. "Suzy and I are throwing a cookout this weekend....just a small thing. Bring Elle.....maybe it'll be good for her to get out....get her mind off of...things."

Dan frowned wanting to say no. She probably wouldn't want to be thrown into a cookout filled with strangers.  

Maybe Arin had a point though, maybe it would be good for her to get out, to see other people, maybe even make some friends.

"Okay....I'll bring her...it's just going to be a small thing right though? I don't want to overwhelm her." Dan asked having to double check.  

He just didn't want to do the wrong thing when it came to her. He didn't want to screw this all up.

"Yeah just our main crew....Brian and his wife, Audrey....not too many people. It's just going to be a small get together." Arin promised doing his best to reassure Dan.

It was odd he'd never seen the usually overly optimistic Dan look so unsure of himself before, not like this.

Dan nodded his head coming to a decision. He just hoped that this cookout really would be good for Elle.

..................................................................................................

Elle tried to focus on the food on her plate and keep her mind busy. She frowned at her brother's plate across the booth from her. Her stomach turned slightly as Jake sliced his fried egg open the yoak spilling out making a mess of the plate soaking into his toast.

She turned her eyes away trying to avoid the yawn threatening to sneak up in her throat from making itself known.

She failed though yawning big and loud.

Jake of course caught this his brow furrowing. "You not sleeping well?"

Elle bit the inside of her cheek the lie spilling from her lips. "No...I'm fine....I just stayed up too late last night....Netflix binge."

Jake frowned not looking as though he believed her. He was tempted to ask her just what she'd been watching on Netflix but held back the interrogation.

Elle poked at her pancakes trying to fight back exhaustion. She'd had another restless night, another long late conversation with Dan.

It seemed as though Dan was a thin thread holding the fabric that was her sanity and self together lately. She felt so pathetic still.

She was counting on him so much and he was so sweet. He was so willing to help her and she couldn't understand why.

She wasn't shocked as Jake spoke asking her the same thing he'd asked her the last time they'd talked. "You found a job yet?"

"I was thinking of giving exotic dancing a try....I'm not sure I could keep the bills in my g string though...and I don't like the idea of waxing everything....I mean you'd have to if you're going to wear a g string." Elle replied sarcasm dripping form her lips not shocked as Jake noticeably cringed a scowl appearing on his face.

"Stop it. That's not funny."

Elle shook her head a small sigh escaping her lips. "I haven't really looked to be serious....there's no rush...it's not like the family fortune is going to dry up anytime soon."

She resisted the urge to roll her eyes as Jake's scowl deepened at this comment.

They would never agree on rather to use their trust funds or not. She had long ago decided to use the money no matter how much she disliked the fact that it had come from their screwed up family.  

Jake however had decided to leave his trust fund alone. He'd rather starve than touch the family money.

Elle stared down at her plate praying that her cheeks weren't darkening as Jake spoke up his voice not sounding entirely pleased. "You've been hanging out with Dan a lot lately."

She shrugged her shoulders wondering how he'd react if he only knew just how much of a role Dan had begun to play in her life. She knew Jake probably wouldn't like it.

He was too overprotective. He didn't trust outsiders around her. She guessed it all went back to Jake's and her childhood. He'd spent so many years protecting her from their own parents, so how was he supposed to trust people around her if he couldn't even trust their own parents.  

Elle couldn't help but to be a little annoyed by it. She loved her brother but sometimes she couldn't help but to think that he still saw her as a scrawny little girl still in need of his protection.

She spoke trying to sound casual and not too interested as she continued to poke at her half eaten breakfast. "I have, a little."

"Hmph." was Jake's only reply.

Elle raised an eyebrow not helping but to speak up a bit too loud causing a few people in the booth behind them to glance over their way. "What's hmph supposed to mean?"

Jake sent their audience a glare regretting choosing this diner for this conversation. "Nothing....just be careful."

Elle raised an eyebrow unable to stop herself from defending Dan from whatever Jake was implying. "What's that supposed to mean? Dan isn't some kind of boogeyman predator out to defile me and my innocent ladylike sensibilities you know? I mean he is your friend right?"

"Right....he's also a single guy." Jake remarked his jaw tightening.

He couldn't get his mind off the way Dan had so sweetly smiled at Elle that night at Jake's apartment.

The last thing he needed was the gangly walking talking puff of hair making a move on Elle. She didn't need that crap not right now.

Elle spoke again knowing she might be scolding Jake but she couldn't help it, not when Dan had been so great to her. "Right, and he's a sweet guy so back off."

She cringed as Jake raised his eyebrow at the sweet guy comment.

She spoke again trying to play off her comment as being innocent. "Dan's a nice guy. We've just ate takeout and watched a few movies....he's lent me a few Rush albums....so you have nothing to worry about. He's just a friend...or an acquaintance really."

She knew she was lying. Dan and she were becoming something, what that something was she wasn't sure.

It felt like more than friendship though.

That realization didn't scare Elle as much as she'd thought it would. In fact the thought of whatever this was that was happening between Dan and her made her feel actually pretty good.

Yes it was a little scary, a little anxiety inducing to be honest. It was the last thing she'd expected to fall into when she'd made the choice to come to California to her brother.

Whatever this was that was developing between Dan and she was good though, she liked it and she wanted more.

Dan made her happy. She wanted to be happy, she deserved to be happy for once in her life.

She was almost relieved as Jake's cell beeped. He stared down at it a huff escaping his lips. "I gotta go. Second jobs calling me in."

Elle nodded her head allowing her brother to press a kiss to her forehead slapping the money down for the bill and the tip down on the table. She spoke not helping but to push her previous statement in. "Don't worry about Dan.....and don't worry about me....I'm just adjusting to some changes....I'll live through this though......Brannocks don't die easy, remember."

"Yeah we just die violent and bloody. It's the family curse, remember." Jake remarked rolling his eyes as he grabbed his jacket.

Elle shook her head trying to ignore the chill that ran down her spine at this comment, the family curse.

Was he right? Was misfortune bound to catch up with her eventually? Would it come in the form of something violent and bloody?

She did her best to swallow back these thoughts as she watched Jake disappear from the diner.

She let out a small sigh as she tried to quiet her restless mind. She needed to try to get some sleep.

Maybe she should take a nap when she got home.

As hard as she tried not to think about it she couldn't stop herself from beginning to wonder what Jake would do if and when he found out about whatever this relationship was between Dan and she.

Dan and she were more than acquaintances and they were more than likely more than friends. If they were moving in the direction she was sure they were moving in hell might break loose once her brother figured it out.  

Elle knew that Jake wasn't going to like it at all. There would probably be a lot of screaming and maybe some punches thrown from Jake. She cringed at the thought.

She pushed it from her mind as her own cell beeped. She stared down at her phone her heart lifting as she spotted a text from Dan.

My friends are having a cookout tomorrow night, just a small thing. Would you like to come with me? 

Elle felt her heart beat a bit faster, his friends. He wanted her to meet his friends. That was a big step, it was a step that was proving this was more than friendship.

What if his friends hated her? What if she made a big ass of herself?  

But what if she didn't? What if it all turned out just right?

She felt a smile cross her features as she typed her reply

Sure, I'd love to go. Sounds great.

Elle placed the phone down in front of her awaiting Dan's reply.

She deserved to be happy.


	7. Ruined Moments

Elle felt like a total and complete idiot as she stood in front of her open messy closet. She shifted on her bare feet the cold air in her bedroom against her skin almost too much to ignore. She scrunched up her nose as she stared at the dress she'd been holding and contemplating putting on for far too long now.

The sundress was a pretty yellow. It had a sunny and friendly vibe to it. It seemed a little too dressy for a cookout though. Weren't cookouts more jeans and shorts events?

Besides the skimpy black lacy bra and pantie set she was currently wearing would probably show right through the thin material of the sunny yellow dress.

Of course, she could just change her undergarments, but this was one of the few pairs of pretty matching undergarments she owned. Did it really matter though, a voice in the back of her head asked, it's not like Dan would see the bra or the panties…? though she couldn't deny that she wouldn't mind letting him see them…. maybe one day.

She felt her cheeks flush at this realization. She had to hope that Dan asking her to meet his friends meant what she hoped it meant, that perhaps they really were becoming far more than just friends now.

It was almost scary thinking that Dan and she might be moving beyond friendship. He was the last thing she was expecting to find when she made this move to California.

A little voice in the back of her head warned her that letting herself fall into anything with Dan would be a mistake. After all she'd just gotten out of a shitty situation. She should probably take some time to be by herself, to grow and heal.

Her heart couldn't deny what it seemed to want though. What her heart wanted was for Dan to take her into his arms and kiss her. It wanted him to buy her flowers and take her on little dates. It wanted to spend nights curled up against him listening to music and watching TV. Her heart wanted to spend the rest of her days memorizing every line along his palms. She wanted to rest her head against his chest and listen to the sound of his heart beating. She wanted him to hold her and make her feel secure the way he always seemed to know how to do. She wanted to know what made him laugh, what he was afraid of, and what he dreamed of.

Her heart wanted Dan and she couldn't deny it. She wanted to be happy and Dan made her happy.

That dark cloud of insecurity was quick to enter her mind and stomp on her hope as she thought about all of this. Dan would probably never want her. He deserved so much more than her. She was scared of her own shadow, beaten down and insecure. She felt like she was losing her mind most of the time.

Why would he want a mess like her when he could probably have anyone he wanted? He got attention after all didn't he? He'd told her the videos he did for Game Grumps and the music he made with his band got him attention.

He probably could find some gorgeous model and settle down happy as a clam with her. Why would he want Elle when he could have a bombshell?

Elle took a deep breath trying to shove away her insecurities. They always remained though, dancing around in the back of her head. It was like the dark thoughts were always around waiting to knock her down when she let herself feel too happy or feel too much hope.

She let out a huff shoving her dress back into her overstuffed closet. How could she possibly ever in a billion years have so many clothes but nothing at all to wear? This shouldn't be so hard, picking an outfit to wear to a cookout.

It was hard though, so extraordinarily difficult. She knew why a task as simple as picking out an outfit was so difficult. Tonight, was the night she would going to the cookout Dan had invited her to. Tonight, she would meet his friends and coworkers.

She could admit that she had never done well with first impressions or just socializing in general. To be honest she tended to avoid having to socialize too often if she could get away with it.

She wasn't just an introvert, she was a hermit. She liked to lock herself away alone.

Adam had killed any love of entertaining that may have lurked anywhere deep inside of her. He'd always made her play hostess even though he knew she felt anxious having so much attention focused on her.

She cringed shaking any thoughts from Adam from her brain.

She would be fine she tried to tell herself. It would be okay. They were all adults. All she had to do was make small talk, smile, and be polite and everything would be just fine.

What if it wasn't just fine though? What if his friends hated her? What if they despised her? What if she did or said something really really stupid and Dan's friends hated her for it? If his friends hated her then he'd probably never want to speak to her again.

The thought of Dan never speaking to her again made her stomach drop and anxiety bubble around deep inside of her. They'd only known one another for less than a month now but she didn't want him to disappear from her life anytime soon.

She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths, in through her nose and out through her mouth, the way Dan was always telling her to do when her mind started to throw frightening scenarios her direction.

Things would be just fine she tried to reassure herself. Maybe she'd even walk away from tonight feeling as though she'd made a friend or two. That would be nice, having friends.

She'd never really been the type to have friends, or well many friends. It had never been easy for her to make friends. At home she'd always been told that no one would care to have her around, or at least it had seemed that way. She'd spent most of her childhood locked away in the nursery out of sight out of mind. Then with Adam she'd been told she was constantly a burden to him.

In school she had kept to herself. It was easier to be alone. You were safer when you had only yourself to worry about. People did nothing but hurt you and disappoint you. In the end of the day you could only count on yourself.

The years in between her childhood and Adam had been spent throwing herself at the things that destroyed her. It wasn't on purpose of course; most people didn't go out looking to harm themselves.

She'd just found that in most situations that required her to be social it helped to have a drink or two or three or four. She had spent most of the years between her teens and her earliest twenties bouncing between bars and clubs always a drink in hand.

The booze, despite its disadvantages via hangovers, made it easy for Elle to talk to people without feeling like a nervous wreck. When she was drunk she could talk to anyone. They didn't call alcohol a social lubricant for nothing.

Drinking also shut up all of the shit constantly rolling around in her brain. Booze silenced her insecurities and her worries. It made her feel sane.

Drinking allowed her to put on the mask of a normal happy person. In reality that normal happy person was actually a promiscuous impulsive mess.

She'd been a drunken flirty thoughtless mess the night she'd met Adam. She'd been at a nightclub and she'd been on the dancefloor a few cocktails in when Adam had approached her. One thing had led to another, more drinks had been consumed, and she'd gone home with him that night.

They had moved fast after that and it had mostly been a drunken violent blur. Towards the end she had quit drinking cold turkey. So, things between Adam and she had just been one painful violent blur those last few months.

Elle gritted her jaw at the memory of her less proud more intoxicated moments. She didn't need alcohol to be a normal person. She had learned her lesson a long time ago. Alcohol had been what had landed her in Adam's bed. It was a mistake she'd never make again.

She audibly groaned as her eyes caught sight of her alarm clock. Dan would be here to pick her up sooner than later. She had to make a decision on clothing and make herself look presentable.

Elle yanked a soft gray ladies cut t-shirt of her closet shoving it on over a pair of dark jeans. That with a pair of black converse would be good enough.

She left her hair down doing her best to straighten it and fight the frizz. She wore just a pair of modest gold stud earrings and a simple gold heart pendant. She kept her makeup modest but she couldn't stop herself from putting on that cherry red kiss me lipstick that she'd been wanting to wear in front of Dan for a while now.

She was almost sure she'd trip over her own feet as the doorbell sounded out tearing her away from her room. She cringed at the mess she'd left behind. Dan wouldn't be seeing it she reminded herself, not yet.

Elle took a deep breath as she prepared to open the front door.

Here went nothing.

….

Dan could tell that Elle was anxious. She kept shifting in the passenger's seat of his car and readjusting her seatbelt. He'd turned on the radio to an old classic rock station in hopes that she'd join him in singing along to it, but it seemed that her mind was a million miles away.

She had been staring out the passenger's window most of the ride her hands going back and forth between adjusting the seatbelt around her waist and smoothing down the material of her shirt.

He wouldn't lie, he was just as anxious. This was a huge step in what ever the relationship between Elle and he had become. Meeting his friends and coworkers was a big move.

He had to hope it was the correct move. The last thing he wanted was to move too fast with Elle. That was just what he'd been trying to avoid doing, moving too fast, jumping in too quick.

He wasn't the type that jumped in feet first into relationships. He was cautious almost to the point of being commitment phobic after all.

Here he was though throwing himself into whatever this was with Elle. He wanted to jump in feet first without worrying about rather he would drown.

Dan felt the words sliding out of his mouth wanting to say something to reassure her. "They're going to love you…. You don't have to be nervous."

Elle turned her head to look at him her cheeks flushing as she spoke. "I hope you're right…. Is it that obvious that I'm nervous?"

"A little." Dan replied a small chuckle escaping his lips. He quickly decided it was best that he not tell her that it was so so so very obvious just how anxious she was right now.

It would just succeed in making her more of an anxious mess. Tonight, was supposed to be about relieving her anxiety, distracting her from the mess rolling around in her head.

Elle took a deep breath trying to stave off any nerves. She tried to change the subject a small laugh escaping her lips. "I should have cooked something to bring along…like potato salad or something…. I didn't even think to ask if I needed to bring anything. I don't want to seem rude…ya know, like I'm just there to eat without contributing anything."

"All you need to bring is yourself…. besides If you'd brought anything you'd cooked Barry would have vacuumed it up into his mouth in seconds like he does to all the other leftovers you send home with me." Dan replied trying to make a joke.

It wasn't really a joke though, it was true. Barry had made a habit of asking Dan if Elle had sent any food home with him, each time Dan came from her place.

He usually did have food in hand when he came home from Elle's. Occasionally it was food Dan had helped cook in those cooking lessons Elle had been giving him, sometimes though Elle just sent home food with him claiming she couldn't eat all of it by herself.

Elle nodded her head a nervous laugh escaping her lips. "At least someone is enjoying it…. I'm incapable of cooking small amounts. I figure two single guys would appreciate a free meal…. So, Barry can have all the leftovers he wants."

Elle bit her bottom lip automatically thanking the lord that her lipstick was matte and didn't smear onto her teeth…or at least it wasn't supposed to smear. She spoke the words spilling out of her mouth her insecurities getting the best of her. "I can be a little socially awkward sometimes…I do okay when it's just one on one but I can get a little antsy when it's a big group…. I just, I've never had an easy time making friends…. I mean I've never had an easy time making friends while I'm sober."

Dan gripped onto the steering wheel a little tighter his stomach churning a bit at her confession. He knew she had mentioned that she didn't drink any longer. She'd never gone into too much detail other than saying she was an asshole when she was drunk.

He did his best to reassure her clearing his throat as they came to a stop light. "You have nothing to worry about…. I mean we aren't big drinkers…. not all of us. I'm not."

Elle gave him a tight smile not helping to feel like she was being annoying. She could admit she'd purposely avoided going into too much detail about her past behavior while drunk. It wasn't anything she was proud of.

Her drinking days were humiliating actually. She'd been a drunken hot mess for a few years there. It wasn't something she liked to share with anyone.

Dan frowned tempted to ask her more. A part of him had to wonder just how many layers there were to Eleanor Brannock. He couldn't help but to want to peel back every layer of her and discover every single thing he could about her.

He wanted to know all the good and all the bad.

He'd come to realize just how much he wanted from Elle. He wanted to kiss her lips and hold her against him. He wanted to cradle her and reassure her when she woke up at night from her nightmares. He wanted to sing to her and make her laugh. He wanted to lie by her side at night and hold her tight as they drifted off to dreamland. He wanted to discover every secret her body held. He wanted to find every freckle, every ticklish spot, and every spot that made her melt. He wanted to kiss every bit of her body especially the scars along her back. He wanted to reassure her that nothing would ever hurt her again as long as he was here. He just wanted her.

He once again reminded himself that this cookout was a big step in whatever this was happening between Elle and he. He was bringing her into his inner circle. He was pulling her into his world and his life, making her a constant.

He had to wonder if perhaps he should have maybe taken her out on a few decent dates before he jumped into introducing her to his friends.

After all he hadn't even classified what this relationship between them was. Wasn't he jumping the gun pulling her into meeting everyone?

Maybe it would be good for her though he told himself. After all Arin had seemed to think that this cookout would be a good way to get Elle out of her head. Dan had to agree that it would be a good for Elle to form some friendships. She needed people to lean on. It would help her build a more concrete life here, hopefully a concrete life with him.

Elle sighed feeling like a moron for even bringing the drinking thing up. It was just another skeleton from her closet that she was tossing Dan's way. She was such a giant mess. It was amazing Dan hadn't ditched her yet. He had to get sick of her eventually.

She had too many issues for him. It wasn't his job to carry her baggage while she sorted through it.

She was once again reminded that he was too sweet for his own good. Sweetness had to run out eventually didn't it?

She pushed these thoughts out of her head as she spoke again trying to sound less anxious than she felt. "I just want your friends to like me…. I know they're important to you."

Dan nodded his head his stomach in knots as he responded. "Yeah they're important to me…. I'm pretty close to them all…. They're nice people though so I'm sure they'll like you even if you feel anxious about being in a social situation."

Maybe this cookout was a bad idea? Didn't Adam ruin parties for her? He cringed as he remembered what she'd told him about the parties Adam used to make her throw.

Wouldn't this cookout just bring up some bad memories for her? That was the last thing she needed to have bad memories thrown her way.

He didn't want her to be terrified of his friends, and his friends could be a little much sometimes.

What if his friends were too much for Elle? What if they did or said something that upset Elle? What if Elle hated them and it caused her to hate him?

He took a few deep breaths calming his own anxiety. No one would hate each other. Everything would be fine. She would be just fine and so would he.

He reached down surprising her and himself by placing his hand over hers on the armrest. He swallowed the lump developing in his throat as he gave her hand a small squeeze. "You're going to be okay…. I promise you don't have anything to worry about. I like you, I like you a lot actually…. and so, they will too."

Elle had expected him to pull his hand away as the light turned green, but Dan took a chance keeping his hand clasped over hers his stomach in tight furled knots.

Her hand was so tiny in his, so soft and delicate. He wanted to hold her hand in his forever or at least until she felt secure. He liked being the one who could make her feel secure.

Had he just said that he liked her out loud? His brain began to go into panic mode as he realized that he had just announced that he liked her…. he'd just said that he liked her a lot.

Did she feel the same? She hadn't yanked her hand away from his. She had left it there for him to hold, did that mean she was okay with this?

Elle felt her cheeks flush as it hit her that he'd just blurted out that he liked her a lot. Did he mean it in the way she hoped he did? Was it even possible that he could want someone like her? She was tempted to say it back. To let him know that the feelings were mutual, but didn't have a chance as Dan's phone rang.

He reluctantly pulled his hand from Elle's to answer his cell. He rolled his eyes cursing whoever was on the other end.

He was tempted to shut the phone off and go back to placing his hand on Elle's.

The moment was probably gone though.

He would recapture the moment he promised himself. He wanted to be happy. Elle was what made him happy. He was going to go for her. He would get the girl somehow.

…

Arin's and Suzy's house was a modest two story red brick home in a quiet suburb. The lawn was trimmed down neat and green. It was clear that they probably either paid for landscaping or spent a lot of time maintaining the property. The yard was quite clean and neat. It was clear that they took great pride in their home. The neighborhood seemed peaceful. Elle could hear birds singing and kids playing basketball in a nearby driveway.

Elle wasn't exactly sure what she'd been expecting to be honest. She guessed she had expected an apartment instead of a nice suburban home.

Elle tried not to pale at the sight of all the cars already parked in front of the home.

She was surprised as Dan moved quick to open the passenger's door for her before she had a chance to do it herself. She was even more surprised as he placed a hand on her lower back doing his best to establish some sort of contact with her as they headed towards the front door.

He spoke still able to sense her anxiety. He had to hope she wasn't aware that he was just as anxious. "You'll be great."

He spoke again as he noticed her eyeing all the cars. "It's just a small get together I swear."

She gave him a tight smile not helping but to feel like such a giant baby. She was always grasping for him. She was always begging for his reassurance.

He was always so willing to give her that reassurance. How wasn't he sick of playing the role of security blanket yet? She really really really didn't understand him sometimes.

Elle tried to smile and appear more confident than she felt as a woman answered the door a bright smile on her face as she greeted Dan. "Hey guys! Come on in. You must be Elle!"

"That's me." Elle replied hoping she didn't sound terrified.

Dan cleared his throat quick to make the introduction. "This is Suzy. Arin's wife…. Suzy this is…. this is Elle."

He felt that lump begin to develop in the back of his throat wondering if he maybe should have introduced Elle as his girlfriend…was she his girlfriend? Would it spook her if he told people she was his girlfriend? Or maybe he should have just said friend…but what if that upset her, saying she was just a friend.

This was just another reminder that he wasn't sure what she was to him yet. They needed to talk about it, but he couldn't make the words work themselves from his mouth.

Elle studied Suzy a bit intimidated by her. She was pretty, dark eyes and equally dark hair aside from a streak of blonde. Her makeup was flawless. It was clear she was far more proficient with an eyeliner pen than Elle ever would be.

Dan felt his cheeks flush ever so slightly as Suzy took notice of the fact that his hand still hadn't left Elle's back. He couldn't help but to want to keep Elle close, to let everyone know she'd come here with him.

"Welcome. Dan's talked a lot about you." Suzy blurted out only making Dan's cheeks darken more.

Elle felt a small smile tug at the corner of her lips. He'd talked a lot about her. She couldn't help but to feel flattered. She felt the smile grow as she noticed just how pink Dan's cheeks seemed to be.

He kind of looked cute when he blushed. It was something she'd noticed about him a lot. He tried to sound confident but his cheeks always gave his façade away. It was sweet, just another thing about him that was sweet.

Dan felt his stomach drop as Suzy spoke nodding to him. "Everyone is hanging out in the living room. I hate to ask, but are you okay with giving me a hand Elle? I got a late start and I could really use an extra hand with food."

Elle cleared her throat not entirely thrilled about being separated from Dan, but she definitely didn't want to seem rude. Besides hadn't she been clinging to Dan far too much lately? 'No, I don't mind…. it's no problem."

She sent Dan a look her voice soft as she tried to reassure him. "I'll be okay. See you in a bit."

"Yeah, you will." Dan replied reluctant to leave her alone.

She would be fine he reminded himself. It wasn't like Suzy was going to bite her.

She would be okay. Everyone would love her.

….

Elle helped Suzy in the kitchen hoping that she wasn't as anxious as she probably appeared to be. She spoke attempting to break some of the awkward silence. "Your home is lovely."

"Thank you. It's a mess though. We just did a baking video for my channel the other day and I still haven't gotten around to getting the place cleaned up." Suzy admitted able to sense the anxiety bubbling off of Elle.

Elle felt a bit confused by this statement for a short moment until her brain reminded her just what Dan and his coworkers did for a living.

She was tempted to ask a few questions about Suzy's channel, but kept her lips sealed. She didn't want to seem nosy or worse seem like she was only interested in the channel.

Suzy cleared her throat wanting to make Elle feel comfortable. After all Arin and she had been the one to push Dan to invite her over. Everyone wanted this to work for Dan.

Suzy could admit that it was kind of amusing. Elle was so shy and reserved and Dan was so ready to talk to just about anyone. They wee an odd match, but maybe it was a good thing. Dan could bring Elle out of her shell and Elle could drag him back down to earth.

Suzy spoke trying her best to ease some of the obvious awkwardness hanging in the air. "So, Dan said your new to LA?"

"Yeah…uh I'm from Texas originally…. So, this is a new move for me." Elle replied her eyes locked on the veggies she was helping chop for veggie dip.

She had to hope she didn't sound like a mess. She was terrible at small talk.

"How do you like it?" Suzy asked tempted to ask about what had brought about the move for Elle.

Arin had hinted that Elle didn't have the best past though, so Suzy decided it was better to hold back on too many questions regarding Elle's past for now.

Elle cleared her throat as she shoved her chopped veggies aside starting in on a bell pepper. "It's not that different from Galveston I guess…. just bigger…. The weather is more consistent than back home. It's more chaotic, louder. The only time Galveston is anywhere close to this crowded is during Spring Break. It seems nice here though from what I've seen so far. It's sunny here and pretty."

"Yeah the weather is nice…. Was your job okay with you moving? I mean…I don't think Dan has said what you do, ya know for a career?" Suzy asked quickly mentally kicking herself when she saw Elle's face pale ever so slightly.

Elle cringed at this question. This was the part where she explained she was a trust fund kid, a spoiled brat who didn't need to worry about working.

She took a deep breath unsure of why she decided to lie. It wasn't a lie though was it, it was just a little untruth…a tiny white lie. "I'm kind of in between work at the moment…. The move, it was just so sudden….jobs are hard to find."

Suzy nodded her head sympathetic. She hadn't been born with her odd career choice after all. They had all been there once, working crap jobs or just stuck unemployed.

Suzy grinned as a brilliant idea entered her mind. "We could always use more help at the Grump Space…. ya know someone to help out with office work."

"Grump Space?" Elle parroted a bit embarrassed. Suzy probably thought she was hinting that she was in desperate need for work. Suzy probably saw her as a charity case.

Suzy chuckled nodding her head. "Yeah…that's just what we call the office we work at. Anyway, like I said we could use someone to help out with office work…like shredding papers and sorting mail. We have an intern but the guys mostly just make him make coffee and lunch runs so... I mean if you're interested in it. It wouldn't be the most exciting job, like I said sorting mail and such. The pay won't be much either, but it would be enough to hold you over."

Elle couldn't help but to feel guilty. She wasn't desperate for money. Surely there were other people who could actually use the job she was being offered.

Still though a job would get her out of her apartment. It would give her something else to focus on than the mess going on inside her head. A job would get Jake off her back about not relying on the trust fund so much. Of course, Jake wouldn't like that she would be working anywhere near Dan, but she didn't have to share that information with him.

She would be working near Dan if she accepted the job. This fact made the words spill from her lips. "Yeah…I mean if you're sure you're okay with offering me the job. Like you said it'll hold me over."

"Awesome! You can come in in a week or two that way I have a chance to get things set up for you. It'll be fun to have another girl around. I'm surrounded by testosterone unless Holly stops by. I'm so excited." Suzy exclaimed knowing that the week or two was more so she could announce to Arin that she'd hired someone without asking him.

He would have to deal with it though, Suzy told herself.

Having Elle there would force Dan and her closer together after all. So, they could get office work done and set Dan up all at once. It was a great idea.

Elle felt a genuine smile tug at her lips as some of her anxiety quickly died away. She had to feel as though she was going to like Suzy. She was hard not to like it seemed. She was sweet, bubbly. It was nice to see someone so excited by her presence.

The anxiety that had staved off returned as Suzy spoke unable to stop herself from asking. "So, Dan and you?"

"What?" Elle squeaked out her stomach beginning to knot up. She looked up at Suzy her eyes widening as she tried not to panic at the choice in conversation.

"Do you like him?" Suzy blurted out knowing she might be jumping right into interrogating Elle, but she couldn't stop herself.

The need to play matchmaker was too strong in Suzy and she couldn't deny herself the chance.

Elle felt her cheeks flush as she stared back down at the cutting board in front of her. She spoke trying to play it coy in answering the question. "I'm pretty sure everyone likes him…. he's hard not to like. I mean that's why he has so many friends right? He's just one of those people whose likeable by just about everyone."

Suzy resisted the urge to giggle at the way Elle was so reluctant to admit what was written all over Dan's and her face. "Yes, but do you like him more than as just a friend?"

Elle felt her stomach churn already knowing the answer. Would it hurt to admit it? Suzy seemed nice enough. Would she go out and blurt this out to everyone here?

Elle took a deep breath the words falling from her lips. "I do…. like I said he's hard not to like. He's sweet and cute and patient with me. He makes me laugh. He's ridiculously talented and creative. He's perfect…. it's complicated though."

Suzy resisted the urge to roll her eyes at the last part of Elle's answer. That was the same thing Dan kept on saying It's complicated.

Elle spoke again shrugging her shoulders as she focused on pulling away seeds from the bell pepper she'd just cut into strips. Her insecurities began to cloud her brain. Adam had always told her that no one would want her. She wasn't meant to be loved by anyone. She was too much trouble to love. "He wouldn't go for me. So, what does it matter if I like him anyhow? I'm kind of a disaster at the moment…. he deserves more than what I am right now."

Suzy frowned tempted to ask just what Elle meant by she was a disaster. She held the question in choosing instead to reassure the younger woman. "He likes you though. He would so go for you. You're all he talks about most of the time…. I mean until he catches himself and realizes he's rambling on about you. Trust me he's very much into you."

Elle widened her eyes a little thrown off by Suzy's reassurances. Dan would go for her?

It was almost an alien concept, someone wanting her. It was even more of a strange concept thinking someone like Dan would ever want anyone like her. He could have someone so much better than her.

Was it possible though? Could she have what she wanted with him?

Elle didn't have much time to contemplate this as two men entered the room. One was a chubby guy who Elle quickly noticed had a matching blonde streak in his hair like Suzy. The other was a dark-haired man with a beard.

The chubby guy pressed a kiss to Suzy's cheek hinting to Elle that this must be Arin. He was quick to nod to Elle as he spoke. "You're Dan's Elle?"

Elle felt her cheeks flush at the words Dan's Elle. She hoped that it wasn't too terribly obvious that her cheeks had gone rosy for the millionth time today. "Yep that's me."

"So, you're the one who sends all the food." The other guy exclaimed looking almost resembling a child who had just met Santa Claus

Elle raised an eyebrow realizing this must be Dan's roommate Barry. She spoke hoping she was being funny. "And you're the guy who eats most of those leftovers."

Barry thankfully seemed to enjoy the joke letting out a small chuckle. "Yep that's me. Please send more soon."

Arin spoke quick to bring up what they'd entered the room for to begin with. "So, Elle end a debate for us. Best fast food place to hit when you're wasted?"

Elle raised an eyebrow her stomach unsettled by the comment about being wasted. She hoped it wasn't evident on her face as she spoke answering him. "Well I don't really drink any longer…. but when I still did I would usually just hit the Wendy's by the beach….it was close to the nightclubs so. A good frosty and a baconnater usually did the trick when I was drunk and hungry."

"Wendy's!" Arin exclaimed his eyes growing wide.

Elle widened her eyes as well fearing she'd said the wrong thing.

Arin spoke again right as Dan entered the room. He turned to Dan a grin on his lips. "Marry this woman Dan!"

Dan felt his cheeks grow dark pink at the comment though he knew the man was only joking. Thankfully this comment seemed to work a laugh from Elle even if her own cheeks were a little rosy as well.

Dan smiled at the sight. She was fitting in perfectly. This really had been a good choice.

…..

Maybe this wasn't the best choice. Dan knew he was pouting as he watched the young editor Kevin and Elle talk at the corner of the room. Kevin was standing a little too close to Elle a drink in hand and Elle was politely listening. The pair had been standing over in the corner talking for a long while now as the cookout carried on.

Drinks had started to be poured and everyone was just socializing and enjoying themselves.

The newest member of the Game Grumps family Kevin had seemed to stick a little too close to Elle for comfort through out the night and it made Dan feel like crap.

Apparently, the idiot hadn't gotten the memo that Elle was Dan's. Dan felt stupid for the thought. Elle didn't belong to him. She wasn't His Elle.

He knew it was stupid. He didn't have the right to feel like this. As he watched Elle and Kevin talk he felt as though a heavy ball was sitting in the pit of his stomach. It hurt seeing Kevin so clearly hit on her. Dan felt hurt and it felt so dumb. All the sudden all he wanted to do was snatch Elle's hand and yank her away from Kevin.

He was jealous and he had no right to be. Elle wasn't his girlfriend. He hadn't sealed that deal yet.

She was free to talk to anyone she wanted.

Why did Kevin have to make it so obvious that he was flirting with her in his adorable dorky little way?

Dan couldn't help but to listen to the voice rolling around in the back of his head. Kevin was closer to Elle's age. He was a sweet guy, though a bit on the shyer side. Elle was shy too though so it would probably be a good match.

A voice in the back of Dan's head kept insisting that Kevin would be better for Elle than him. They probably had way more in common than Elle and he did. Maybe the decade age difference between Elle and he was too much. She probably would want someone closer to her own age.

Dan clinched his jaw ignoring the need to go interrupt whatever Elle and Kevin were talking about, as he sulked from the room. He needed fresh air. He needed to get away from what was happening in front of him.

….

Elle tried to look as though talking to Kevin wasn't boring her out of her mind. He'd been talking to her about the latest movie he saw, some alien flick. She had been listening to him as he rattled on doing her best to be polite. He was boring her stupid though.

It was obvious he was flirting with her. He kept trying to make awkward jokes. He kept complimenting her. He kept trying to hint that he wouldn't mind seeing the movie he'd been blathering about again with some company, maybe a girl.

The feelings sadly weren't mutual.

Sure, Kevin seemed like a sweet guy. He was a little younger than Elle though maybe only by a year or two. All Elle could see when she looked at Kevin was a kid. She knew that was dumb. He wasn't a kid, he was old enough to drink after all.

He made her think of the college boy she used to live near back in Texas, a scrawny guy fresh from his mom's place who was always locking himself out of his apartment and asking her for advice about girls.

The short-lived friendship she'd had with that college guy in Texas had ended of course when Adam had found out, but still Elle thought about him from time to time. He'd made her think of what it would be like to have a little brother.

Kevin was a nice kid but she didn't feel a thing when she looked at Kevin. His hair was too straight unlike Dan's wild curls. He was too short. He wouldn't be able to cradle her against him and make her feel safe the way Dan did. Kevin was too clean shaven. He didn't have the hint of scruff that Dan had. He smiled but his grin didn't make her heart flutter the way it did when Dan smiled at her.

Kevin wasn't Dan. She didn't want Kevin.

She tried not to cringe as Kevin spoke again still attempting to lay on the charm. "Are you sure you don't want a drink? I can probably see if Suzy will make you up something other than a beer. Do you like Pina coladas. Suzy makes good cocktails. You've been drinking soda all night. Wouldn't you like something different?"

"I'm fine! thanks though. I like diet coke." Elle replied hoping that she hadn't snapped at him.

She frowned staring over his shoulder as he started to blather on about the stupid alien movie again and the big dumb twist at the end. Dan wasn't anywhere in sight.

Where had he gone?

She spoke knowing she might be being slightly rude. "Excuse me for a second."

She searched the room for Dan frowning lost as to where he could have gone.

After searching for what was probably too long she finally located Dan alone standing alone in the backyard staring off into the night sky.

He jumped ever so slightly as she approached him a small smile on her face her voice soft. "Hey. I was wondering where you went."

Dan tried to return her smile but he knew it came across as weak the image of Kevin so bluntly flirting with her stuck in his brain. "Hey."

Elle frowned sensing that something was off about Dan. He was almost seething. Was he upset with her? Had she done or said something to upset him?

She cringed her mind flashing back to Adam when he was upset. He would always start out seething but it would always end in rage. It was like he was a timebomb.

She pushed these thoughts from her mind. Dan wasn't like Adam.

"Are you okay?" She blurted out almost tempted to add on an I'm sorry if I screwed up.

Dan cringed knowing he was being a pouting jerk. He was out here seething over something so stupid. Elle wasn't his girlfriend. He hadn't asked her to be his girlfriend. He hadn't talked about what they were to each other. He had no right to be upset because Kevin was flirting with her.

He tightened his jaw trying to sound like he wasn't as bothered as he was. "I'm fine…. I just think I'm getting a bit of a headache…I might have to head off in a second."

"Okay. I'll get my jacket. I'll get you some tension headache meds on the way home if you need me to." She replied having a feeling he wasn't being honest with her, but she couldn't force herself to press him for what was really bothering him.

Dan couldn't stop himself from snapping at her a bit as he spoke knowing he was being so petty. "I'll be fine. You can stay here if you want…. I'm sure Kevin can take you home."

Elle frowned it hitting her what was going on. Was he jealous, could he really be jealous?

She spoke part of her wanting to snap back at him her temper threating to make itself known. He didn't have a right to be upset with her for Kevin's flirting.

He hadn't asked her if they were anything more than friends after all. He hadn't made this thing between them serious so what right did he have to get upset?

She held back her need to be upset deciding to go with her second instinct.

She spoke hoping she was making it obvious what she meant. "I don't want Kevin to take me home…. You're the only one I want to take me home."

Dan widened his eyes at her statement. Did she mean what he thought she meant?

Crap he was a jerk, a giant pouting stupid jerk.

He cleared his throat tempted to apologize for being such a giant moron. The words felt all jumbled up in his throat though. So, he did the only thing he could think to do.

He nodded his head his hand clasping over hers his voice soft hoping the action was apology enough. "Okay let's go home."

…

The ride home was mostly quiet Dan unable to move his hand from Elle's unless it was necessary to do so.

There was so much to say between them, Dan knew it, but he had no idea how to force the words out of his mouth.

So, he kept silence something telling him that just holding her hand was enough for right now. They would talk later. There would be time to talk about this all later.

Dan walked Elle to her front door his hand still locked over hers. Elle was the first to speak as they reached her door. "I had fun…Your friends are nice."

She thought about mentioning the job offer from Suzy but kept her lips shut. They would talk about it later. She hadn't committed to to the job yet after all.

"I'm glad…. They really like you." Dan blurted out suddenly quite aware of how close they were standing.

She smelled like cherry blossoms. He wanted to drown in the scent.

He spoke again the apology that had been rolling around in his mouth finally working itself out. "I'm sorry…. I mean I'm sorry we had to leave so soon. I'm sorry I was kind of being…weird."

"It's okay. It's all okay." Elle blurted out a bit lost in the smell of Dan's cologne; Old Spice.

The pair stared at one another in silence the seconds seeming to drag on. Both felt one another growing a bit lost in the other's eyes.

Elle was still a bit breathless at the emotion behind Dan's eyes. She wanted to spend the rest of her life staring into them soaking up all the kindness behind them.

She glanced down at his lips easily imagining them brushing against hers. She could picture the way his wild hair would probably halo around them. She wanted to bury her fingers in his curls and pull him close to her.

Dan felt his eyes shift down to Elle's lips. They were painted a pretty cherry red. He couldn't help but to imagine them pressed to his skin leaving traces of that red behind claiming him as hers.

First though he wanted those lips against his. He wanted to know just how soft they felt.

He leaned in closer his lips moments from brushing against hers when they were rudely broken from the trance they'd been locked in

Dan wanted to scream out in frustration as his cell phone interrupted the moment ruining it all.

He moved away from Elle reaching in his pocket rolling his eyes as Arin's voice rang out on the other end. He would have laughed in any other circumstances as he could hear Suzy's voice in the background. "Arin, I didn't mean call him right now."

Arin spoke clearly a little intoxicated. "Hey buddy."

"Hi" Dan remarked wanting to chew Arin out. He kept it in though as Arin spoke again.

"Suzy wants to know if Elle would be interested in maybe doing some sewing for her. One of her cosplay outfits needs some help."

"I'll ask her the next time I see her." Dan remarked too annoyed to bring this up with Elle now.

Dan was tempted to toss his cell phone into the bushes by Elle's door by the time he got off the phone.

He stared down at Elle wanting to curse the universe. The moment was long gone.

Elle stared up at him just as frustrated. She was tempted to ask him to come in for coffee to see if they could recapture the moment.

She didn't have the chance though as Dan cleared his throat speaking remembering his lie about having a headache. "I better go."

"Yeah…. I'll call you later." Elle replied as she headed into her apartment.

Everything in her wanted to throw open the door and just kiss him already.

She held back though an annoyed groan escaping her throat.

The moment was dead. She had to pray that there would be some way of reviving it somehow.


	8. Fall Off A Bridge

It was a week later and Dan was still kicking himself for not just going for it and trying to kiss Elle. He could have found a way to recapture the moment.

It would have been easy enough to knock on her door and just go for it. He even had the perfect line that he could have used all planned out. He could have knocked on her door. When she answered he could have smiled and blurted out I can’t leave until I do this. Then he could have gone in for the kiss.

It would have been so perfect. It would have made him sound so charming and smooth. It would have been a cute little story they’d tell people from years to come when they talked about how they’d gotten together.

He liked to think Elle would have bragged about it, talked about how he’d charmed her right off her feet.

He’d fucked it all up though. He’d left her there standing at her front door probably thinking she’d done something wrong to stop him from doing what they had clearly been about to do.

He had to wonder what would have happened if they’d kissed that night. Would they be together now? He liked to think that they would be together now. He liked to think she’d be his officially.

He had wonder if they would have slept together that night. He was surprised to find that he would have been just fine if they hadn’t gone any farther than kissing. He would have wanted to move slow with her anyway. He would have wanted to reassure her that she was everything he wanted.

A girl like her deserved to have things move slowly. She deserved to be cherished and cared for. When the moment came it would have to be perfect. She deserved perfection.

To be honest if they’d kissed that night Dan would have been happy to just spend the night curled up to her in her bed, holding her close, kissing her more, laughing about what an idiot he’d been about the Kevin thing.

Now though as Dan sat at a nearby diner seated across from Elle’s older brother Jake, he felt guilty for regretting not kissing Elle.

Jake suspected that Dan and Elle were so much more than friends, Dan could sense it. Jake was staring him down his mouth locked into a tight line, his eyes dull and judging.

The way Jake was looking at him made Dan think of a parent trying to get their child to confess to a misbehavior…just that judgmental stare. He almost expected Jake to blurt out Are you sure there’s nothing you’d like to share with me Daniel? If you tell me the truth I won’t be angry.

It was as though Jake was trying to psyche Dan out until Dan was so overwhelmed with guilt that he confessed.

He should have suspected something was up when Jake had called him up early this morning inviting him out to grab some breakfast at a greasy little old diner.

Dan shifted in his seat as he continued the conversation he’d been trying to carry mostly on his own. He did his best to try to pretend that he wasn’t unnerved by Jake. “So yeah, there’s a con coming up later this month. I’m pretty excited about it. It’ll be good to see some other YouTube people and the lovelies too. I mean it’s going to be hectic. Cons are always hectic and exhausting…. but it should be fun.”

He spoke again wanting to break the awkward silence. “I’ll just be happy if I don’t have to room with Brian this time around. He snores so damn loud. I have no idea how his wife sleeps at night.”

Jake let out a noise that might be a laugh but the man was so tense that Dan wasn’t entirely sure.

Jake spoke it seeming as though there was a rage underneath the surface of his voice. He was holding back though for some reason. Dan had a feeling it’d come out soon enough though. “Yeah, Elle used to bitch about my snoring…we pretty much were stuck in a bedroom together until our teens.”

Dan cleared his throat trying to sound as though he didn’t already know so much about Jake’s and Elle’s childhoods. “Yeah. She mentioned that.”

Jake spoke again a hint of a smile cross his features. “Of course, once she became a teen she got a room at our grandparents…almost the biggest room in the house. Granddad decided she was too old to have to stay in the nursery any longer.”

He paused chuckling slightly as he spoke again. “I was kind of jealous to be honest. I didn’t get my pick of rooms when I was her age. Grandfather spoiled her though…I guess it was fair though. Father didn’t want a girl…so I guess Grandfather saw that and decided that Elle would need to be reminded that she was wanted by someone.”

Jake spoke again after another pause, long enough to take a drink of coffee. “I think Grandfather and she were just so alike though…that’s why he doted on her so much. She’s driven like him, and clever…too sharp and witty for her own good. She’ll take any amount of pain and survive though it…. even when the pain is too much she keeps on moving. She’s always been tougher than me…She has always been too impulsive though…She was always getting into trouble when we were kids. My mother thought she was just being rebellious and I’m sure she probably was but there’s also that need to be so reckless…When she was in school she’d get into fights with the other girls if they said something she took as an insult…. did you know she beat up someone for me once?”

“Really?” Dan blurted out his eyes widening. Elle seemed so gentle, so tiny. Jake had needed her to defend him? Jake could lift her without breaking a sweat and he had needed her to defend him.

Jake let out a small laugh the underlying tension melting from him for a brief moment. “Yeah…. we went to this Catholic Private School…we had to take an hour-long bus ride just to go there, but our mother liked the feel of the place. A lot of kids from the surrounding counties went there. You had to apply to get in…. It was an elementary, middle, and high school all in one. It was huge…. a chapel, offices, gym, and classrooms. The place was this massive three stories. Elementary was on the bottom floor, middle school on the second and high school on the third.”

He paused shaking his head. “Elle wasn’t even supposed to be on the top floor. She was still a kid…. I don’t know why she was wondering around up there…. She may have been just wandering around when she was supposed to be taking a bathroom break…she didn’t like to sit still in class for too long before she’d get bored…like I said she was too smart for her own good. So, she’d get a hall pass and then wander the halls until she got caught…. Anyway, I was a pretty scrawny guy back then…It was before I started to hit the gym…. I was kind of an outcast…both Elle and I were kind of outcasts to be honest. The other kid, a real shithead, he had me backed up against a locker. He thought I was staring at his girlfriend. He was getting ready to beat the shit out of me when Elle showed up.”

Jake let out a more genuine laugh this time around shaking his head. “She jumped on his back like a little spider monkey. She was clawing the crap out of him screaming that not to touch her brother again or she’d kill him. It’s pretty funny in retrospective…she was this tiny little thing in a plaid skirt and knee socks pummeling he living crap out of this sixteen-year-old quarterback. The guy was stunned…He tried to knock her off his back but she was too relentless. It took two nuns to yank her off of him…Mother was so pissed. Mother was disappointed that Elle was being so undignified and un lady like…. I think she made a donation to the school to stop them from kicking Elle out for good. It wasn’t the first time she’d got into a fight ya know…the nuns were fed up. My father would just get pissed that my little sister was the one getting into fights instead of me…I was always the one coming home with blackeyes…Elle was the one giving them…. Father would always just say I was pathetic and that Elle had more balls than I ever would.”

Dan burst out laughing the image so clear in his head. It fit Elle, wanting to defend someone she cared for. He almost felt bad for laughing as he absorbed the last part of Jake’s comment. It was just another example of the mental abuse piled onto Jake and Elle from their father.

Jake shook his head his smile fading ever so slightly regret crossing his features. “I was kind of pissed off at her too…it was embarrassing…my baby sister defending me. I knew it was going to make me an even bigger target at school…. Now though that I’m older, I’m thankful for what she did. She was always willing to defend me at school…I was always taking care of her at home, so I guess she was just trying to return the favor. I left the second I turned eighteen. I wanted to get the hell away from my family…and that meant I had to get away from her too…. She pretty much moved into my grandparents’ place after that…she couldn’t live with Mother…. not alone. I kind of did a shit job protecting her these past few years. She needed me to protect her and I wasn’t there…That’s why she’s in the mess she’s in right now.”

Dan cringed as Jake spoke again clearly getting to what he’d invited Dan to breakfast for in the first place. “I need to ask you something….and I need you to be honest with me.”

Dan tightened his jaw his stomach dropping. He tried to seem as though he wasn’t seconds away from panicking as he nodded his head. “Okay.”

“You took Elle to a cookout at Arin and Suzy’s the other night.” Jake blurted out his eyes narrowing.

Dan felt his throat tighten. How’d Jake know about the cookout? It quickly hit Dan that Jake had probably seen a picture on Instagram. A phone or two had been pulled out and a photo or two had been snapped.

It was mostly just silly pics. Everyone goofing off and hanging out. Brian had taken a video of Audrey being silly dancing to the radio.

What picture had been snapped of Elle and Dan though? Dan knew he’d spent the night attempting to make little shows of affection towards Elle. He had wanted to reassure her but he had also been trying to hint to her and everyone else that she had come with him, that she meant a lot to him.

Dan’s throat felt bone dry all the sudden and he was tempted to take a sip of his hot herbal tea but he was sure he would choke on it if he attempted to. “Yeah…. uh, Suzy invited her…since she’s new in town and everything…she thought it’d be a nice way to welcome her to LA…. ya know let her meet some new people.”

Dan wanted to slam his head against the ugly Formica table in front of him as he mentally reviewed his response. He was such a shitty liar.

It was a lie after all. Sure, Suzy had been the one who’d brought up bringing Elle to a cookout. It wasn’t to welcome her to LA though. The invite to the cookout had been so Dan could introduce Elle to his friends as…his girlfriend? His girlfriend to be? His…something, maybe his person?

Dan wanted to be angry as Jake yanked his phone out of his pocket almost slamming it down on the table in between them. Dan stared down at the picture. It was clear his arm was around Elle’s waist. He was holding her close, closer than you’d hold a friend. They were laughing at Arin goofing around, probably telling a bad joke.

Dan felt his stomach drop as Jake spoke his statement more of an acquisition than a question. “You’re more than just friends with my sister.”

Dan wanted to lie. He wanted to deny it. He wanted to be angry. What business was it of Jake’s if Elle and he were more than friends? She was a grown woman after all.

He liked her, he really really liked her. He was falling for her. He was falling so hard for her. All he wanted in this world was to kiss her and hold her. He wanted to make her his.

Dan couldn’t make the words work themselves from his mouth though. They felt all tangled up in his throat, like a furled ball of letters that he couldn’t string together.

“I…I don’t know…. it’s complicated.” Dan blurted out wanting to slam his head down onto the table even if he knew it’d land in his half-eaten pancakes.

Jake spoke his voice holding an almost dangerous edge. “She doesn’t need to jump into another relationship so soon. She’s fragile right now…She’s too damn impulsive…You don’t know what she was like a few years ago before her ex. She was a disaster…. She was living too damn hard. She spent her time jumping from bed to bed, drunk off her ass half the time…I thought Adam would be good for her…he seemed stable. I thought having a serious relationship would straighten her out…. She was doing okay for a while…sobering up and then shit hit the fan…. She doesn’t know how to be stable…She picks the worst of the worst Dan…. She makes stupid bad decisions. I don’t want her relapsing back into being that impulsive party girl. She doesn’t need to become that disaster again. She needs time, not you. When the time comes she deserves better than anyone around here could ever give her. You’re a great guy, but I think my sister deserves more than any living man could give her.”

Dan wanted to be angry. He wanted to tell Jake that he needed to back off. He wanted to tell Jake that Elle was capable of making her own choices. She wasn’t that impulsive disaster Jake was describing. He wanted to yell that he was good enough for Elle.

Dan held the words in as Jake spoke again. “She needs time to heal. She’s struggling. So, I’m asking you as her friend…as my friend, just please stay away from her. I know you think you’re helping her heal. You can’t fix her though. She needs to be left alone. She doesn’t need to fall into anything with anyone any time soon. Being with her will just end in heartbreak for both of you. It will be a disaster. She can’t take another heartbreak. If you really want what’s best for her then you will stay away from her. If you really care about her then you’ll stay away from her.”

Dan wanted to argue. He wanted to insist that Jake was wrong.

All those nasty little cruel voices in the back of Dan’s head were insisting Jake was right though. He couldn’t fix her. He would only hurt her.

She deserved more than he could ever give her.

Leaving her alone would be the right thing…it would be the best thing for her in the long run.

If it was so right though, then why did it feel like Dan’s heart was breaking?

…………………………………………………………………

Dan was totally ghosting her. Elle could see it. Her calls to him went straight to voicemail. At first, she’d assumed he was just busy. He’d mentioned something about some sort of convention later this month. So perhaps he was just buried with work getting ready.

As the past two weeks went on it had become obvious though that he was totally and completely ghosting her.

Was it something she had done? What had changed from the night of that cookout to now?

They had almost kissed that night, hadn’t they? She had thought that they were maybe really moving towards having a relationship. She had been expecting for Dan and she to talk about things, to put a label on this thing between them.

Now he was ignoring her though. What had happened?

She wanted to be mad. She wanted to call him and curse him out. She wanted to call him a jackass. She wanted to tell him he was being an immature asshole. If he didn’t want her then he should at least have the balls to tell her to her face.

What right did he have to come into her life and make her feel so special? Who the hell did he think he was to do this to her? He had promised her he would be there. He had told her he would take care of her. He had promised her she’d be safe with him. He had told her he was going to be there when she needed him and he had lied.

She wanted to scream at him. She wanted to tell him how much he had hurt her. She wanted him to hurt just like she did.

Elle could admit she was almost tempted to show up on his doorstep just so she could tell him all of this. She was too afraid to do it though.

Her worst fear was showing up on Barry’s and Dan’s doorstep to find Dan with another woman.

That was probably what had happened after all. He had probably met someone else, someone better than her. He had probably met a girl that wasn’t walking around broken and frightened.

Why else would he drop out of her life like this after all? He had probably found someone better.

She wanted to tell Dan that he was being a giant douchebag. She wanted to find a way to hurt him the way he was hurting her.

The sorrow she felt overwhelmed her rage though.

Was she really that unlovable? She had hoped against hope that Dan would want her. She had let herself hope he could love her. She’d been so stupid to think it was possible.

Adam had been right, she was hard to love. She wasn’t worth loving. She had never been worth loving. Her father hadn’t wanted her. Adam had told her that he was only with her out of pity. And now Dan didn’t want her.

She had let herself fall for Dan like a sap and he didn’t want her.

Elle could distinctly remember something her mother had told her. Her mother had been in another drunken stupor when she’d dropped a pearl of wisdom on Elle’s head.

Meredith Brannock had glanced at her young preteen daughter. She had taken a slow sip of mint julep as she had spoken to her youngest child.

Take it from me Eleanor. Don’t fall in love. Fall off a bridge before you ever fall in love. It’ll hurt a hell of a lot less.

Elle hadn’t understood it at the time, but now it made sense.

She hurt. It was all she could feel, hurt.

Dan had come into her world and made her feel so special. He had made her feel loved and then ripped it away. You didn’t just walk away from people you cared about. He had probably never cared about her at all. He’d probably only felt pity for her all this time.

She cringed as her cell phone rang again. She glanced at the number unwilling to answer it. It was Suzy. Suzy had called more than once the day before and the day before that as well. Elle guessed Suzy had gotten the number from Dan.

Suzy had left messages. She had even texted her. Suzy wanted Elle to come to the Grump Space, to talk about the office job.

The messages Suzy left her were growing less friendly and more concerned. She had gone from talking about the office job to just asking Elle if she was okay.

Elle couldn’t force herself to answer the calls or return the messages though. She couldn’t help but to feel if she heard Suzy’s voice her heart would spill to the woman.

She would want to tell Suzy how bad she hurt, and how angry she felt. Elle would want to tell her how hopeless she felt. Elle’s heartbreak wasn’t Suzy’s problem.

Suzy was Dan’s friend, not Elle’s. Her loyalty was to him, not Elle.

So, Elle ignored the calls and the messages.

She sat on her sofa locked away from the world. The radio played but she didn’t hear it. She didn’t sleep not for long. The nightmares were too much and Dan wasn’t there to answer her calls and make her feel better. She barely ate. She barely functioned. She barely left her apartment. She felt pathetic, she was pathetic.

A voice in her head told her she should get over it and stand up on her own two feet. So, what if Dan had turned out to be a douchebag. The world was full of assholes but the world didn’t stop turning. Life went on.

She was being stupid and overdramatic. She needed to grow a set and move on.

She knew the truth though. She had come to rely on Dan so much. In the short time they’d spent together he had come to mean the world to her. He had given her hope and then disappeared.

Elle went against her better judgement picking up her cell and dialing that familiar number. She cringed as it rang and rang and rang before finally going to voicemail.

She spoke her voice cracking as she tried not to fall apart leaving the message. “It’s me again…. I just…I wanted to know what I did to make you just disappear…That’s what’s happening right? You usually always answer my calls and my texts…It’s been weeks and I haven’t heard anything…. I mean… You know what…forget it Dan. Have a nice fucking life okay. I thought you were someone you so clearly aren’t. I don’t blame you for disappearing, but I wish you were man enough to say goodbye to my face.”

Elle almost slammed the phone back down onto the coffee table. She knew she sounded crazy. She had left so many messages though…and he’d ignored them all.

The messages she’d left before had been her begging him to call her back. She had called him late at night scared and sobbing after waking from nightmares. He had ignored her when she had needed him the most. He told her he would be there any time she needed him and he was a liar.

She was tired to begging him to love her. She wasn’t worth loving. This just proved all those voices of doubt rolling around in the back of her head right. Adam was right no man would ever want her.

Elle glared at the paper bag on her kitchen counter knowing just what was inside. She’d stopped by a liquor store the one time she’d forced herself to leave the apartment in these past few weeks.

She stood up from her sofa making her choice. She needed a drink.

…………………………………………………………

Dan felt like he wanted to vomit as he listened to her message. He had heard them all, but he couldn’t force himself to call her back.

The late-night messages had been the hardest to ignore. She had called him sobbing scared out of her mind needing him. He had resisted the urge to call her back though. He kept trying to tell himself that he was doing the right thing, it felt so wrong though.

Jake’s words kept ringing out in his head. If you really care about her then you’ll stay away from her.

Dan was being a massive jerk. He knew he was being horrible. He had told her he would be there. He had told her he would take care of her and that no one would hurt her. He had hurt her though and now it was too late to take it back.

He tried to look like he didn’t want to fall apart as Arin reentered the recording room Thai takeout in hand.

Arin raised an eyebrow as he studied Dan’s face.

The man had been a miserable wreck these past two weeks. He barely got through recordings. Dan tried to sound upbeat and happy but Dan’s face told another story.

Dan tried to hide just miserable he was, his face always gave it away though. His eyes held so much sadness and his smiles were weak. Dan wouldn’t explain what had happened between Elle and he even though Arin had asked him a dozen times. Suzy had tried to call Elle a dozen times and the woman wouldn’t answer the calls or reply to the messages.

Arin was concerned.

He watched Dan open his order of Chili Fish the man barely eating it. In fact, he simply poked at it with his plastic fork his face fixed into a grimace.

Arin sighed decided to try to get Dan to open up again. “Talk to me man.”

“I am talking.” Dan replied trying to get out of where he knew this conversation was heading.

“I mean really talk to me. Don’t bullshit me anymore Dan.” Arin pointed out plopping down on the sofa beside him his hand reaching for his own takeout order.

Dan gritted his jaw not wanting to say the words. He’d been a giant idiot and he knew Arin would tell him. “It’s just complicated.”

“It’s always been complicated.” Arin replied rolling his eyes ever so slightly. He was beyond sick of hearing It’s complicated.

He paused opening his order of Red Curry Stir Fry. He took a bite not worrying about talking with his mouth full. “Elle and you get into a fight or something? Was it Kevin? Because I told the idiot that Elle was with you and he’s sorry for being so clueless. What happened? You two left hand in hand the other night and everyone was pretty sure you were going to go home together…I mean I know I kind of cockblocked you that night, but I assumed you’d get back to whatever you two were doing after you got off the phone with me. Did Elle do something to upset you?”

“It’s not that…. It’s all me…I’m the one who fucked up. She didn’t do anything wrong.” Dan admitted knowing he sounded pitiful.

Arin sighed shaking his head searching for a way to fix this for Dan. His best friend was miserable and he felt horrible seeing it. “What happened? Tell me about it.”

Dan shook his head finally forcing himself to open up. It hurt too much to keep it all in. “Jake happened…. he took me out to breakfast a few weeks ago and we got to talking…. He just started going on and on about how fragile Elle is…how she needs time. He told me I can’t fix her….and that she needs to be alone…He told me the truth…that I’m not good enough to be with her…He told me she can’t take another heartbreak and that’s what would happen…I’d just break her heart in the end…. He told me that if I really care about her then I’ll do what’s best for her and leave her alone so she can heal.”

Arin let out a huff suddenly wanting to go and find Jake so he could punch the idiot square in the nose. Yes, Jake was much larger than Arin and would probably pummel him, but still.

Jake had hurt their friend and Arin was pissed.

“So, let me get this straight. You met a great girl who adores the crap out of you. You’re stupidly attracted to her. She understands your job and doesn’t judge you for it. In fact, she seems pretty proud and impressed with everything you do. She gets along with all of us. She makes you laugh. She looks at you like you’re the reason the sun rises in the mornings. You’re crazy about her and she’s nuts about you, but you drop her because her idiot brother told you to.” Arin remarked not helping but to scold Dan ever so slightly for even listening to Jake to begin with.

Dan sighed placing his takeout box down his voice cracking. “Yes. Jake was right though. She’s struggling and she doesn’t need me to complicate everything for her.”

“That’s bullshit. You know Jake is so full of shit, right?” Arin remarked trying to ignore the sheer annoyance he felt.

Dan let out a shaky sigh his throat growing tight as he let despair kick in. He had been clinging to those voices of doubt telling himself that he was doing the right thing. He had been an idiot though. He had ruined it all and he couldn’t fix it. “I know…it’s too late now. Like I said I fucked up. She just left me a message tell me to have a good life…. I fucked up and now she’s gone.”

“So, go get her back. Grovel at her feet and beg forgiveness. Buy her flowers and tell her the truth. Fix things with her.” Arin pointed out the solution to this issue seeming so completely obvious.

“I can’t” Dan replied knowing he was whining. Didn’t Arin get it? It was too late for tears and apologies.

Arin let out a sigh shaking his head as he decided to be blunt. “Dan you’re my best friend and I love you to death, but I’m going to tell you the truth. You’re being really fucking stupid right now. If you don’t go fix things with her you will regret it for the rest of your life.”

Dan shook his head his eyes watering knowing Arin was right.

He couldn’t fix this though. He had hurt her and there was no taking it back. She probably hated him now. He had let her down.

It was too late for tears.

…………………………………………………………………….

Elle pulling into the parking lot of her apartment a bit haphazardly. She was exhausted and her body was starting to suffer from it. She couldn’t focus. She was sloppy, clumsy. Her body hurt and she just wanted to escape to a dreamless sleep that refused to come for her.

The alcohol didn’t help of course. It had become a nightly routine, to drink when the nightmares came. The drinks shut up her brain long enough for her to get a few hours of sleep at least. Booze was a depressant though so in the end it just made her feel worse. The drinking numbed the pain but it always made her feel all the more miserable.

She was sure she may have even overheard the little old Mexican lady next door referring to her as the Sad Eyed Girl in Spanish…that might have just been her imagination though. Spanish never was her strongest subject.

She put her car into park grabbing her purse and the large paper bag filled with Vodka and Whiskey from her passenger’s seat.

Elle struggled to carry the bag her sunglasses threatening to slide down her face and expose her to sunlight. She was hungover, so hungover.

She had just managed to open the heavy iron gate enclosing her set of apartments when she’d spotted him.

Her blood ran cold at the sight. Could it really be him? Adam…. was it Adam?

The man’s back was to her, but it looked just like Adam, tall and broad. He had the same closely cropped short haircut Adam had. He was heading towards the section of apartments that enclosed her unit.

She felt vomit rise in the back of her throat. He had found her, hadn’t he? He was here to take her back to Texas. He was here to make sure she never left him again. He was here to end her life.

Before she knew what was happening the heavy gate came swinging back slamming hard against her hand. She let out a cry dropping her bag of booze the glass shattering.

She yanked her hand back panic hitting her. Had he heard her? He had probably heard her. She needed to escape. She needed to run.

……………………………………….

Elle had found herself literally running. She had been too frightened to go back to her car. What if Adam was there waiting for her? What if he had found a way to make it back to the car before her?

So, she had just taken off running her hand clutched close to her body. Her hand hurt, it hurt really bad. She couldn’t move it. It looked a little swollen and there was a bruise forming where the gate had slammed against her.

No one had noticed her running down the street panicked or at least she didn’t think they had. She guessed if anyone took notice they’d decided to just leave her be. She probably looked insane right now.

Had Adam really been here at her apartment? Had he really found her? Or was he sleep deprived brain just playing a cruel trick on her?

She had found herself slowing the farther she got from home. Her mind was locked into an endless cycle of panic, fear and questions.

She had finally lost her mind, hadn’t she?

Maybe she was finally having an emotional breakdown? It wouldn’t be the first time she’d had an emotional breakdown in her life. There had been a few over the years. She’d never been stable. It was the family curse; madness, addiction and violence.

Her family didn’t die easy they just died bloody.

The more sensible part of her mind was telling her to turn around and head home, or better yet go to a hospital and have her hand looked at.

Her legs kept moving though. She wasn’t sure where she was going. She just wanted to escape from everything maybe even herself.

She frowned her legs stilling as a familiar voice sounded out. “Elle?…Elle is that you? Oh my God, are you alright? What happened?”

She turned to face the man approaching her. It took her a moment to place him, but as she did shame kicked in. It was Barry. The same Barry she’d met that cookout, Dan’s roommate Barry.

Barry approached Elle the woman looking traumatized. Her face was pink and streaked with tears. Her sunglasses had been shoved up to rest on her head. Her hair had begun to come loose from the braid it’d been tied into. She was clutching her hand close to her chest.

Barry widened his eyes as he studied her hand, it was a purple bruised swollen mess. What the hell had happened to her?

He could admit it hurt to see her this broken. Though they hadn’t talked for long that night at that cookout Barry had still felt that he could see himself becoming friends with her. She seemed sweet. Dan had seemed to like her.

Elle spoke her voice sounding more like a squeak than anything. “I thought…I thought I saw my ex…. I had to… I had to run. He’d kill me if he found me…. I had to run.”

“Did he hurt you?” Barry blurted out tempted to reach into his jeans pocket and grab his cell. If someone had hurt her then he would need to call the police.

This had been the last thing he’d expected to see when he’d decided to leave his house. He’d been taking a walk trying to get some fresh air. To be honest he’d been trying to get away from Dan for a few hours. The older man was a mopey mess. He wouldn’t say what was going on, just that he’d been an idiot and it was too late to fix things with Elle.

Elle shook her head her voice still tiny. “No…I, the gate at my apartment closed on my hand…I didn’t, I didn’t think I just ran.”

She spoke again her voice cracking as she felt herself fall apart again. “I don’t know if it was even Adam…He’ll kill me if he finds me though Barry. He’ll kill me for leaving him. I don’t know how he’d find me, but if he did he wouldn’t let me go. He’ll never let me go.”

She was surprised as Barry embraced her it being the only thing he could think to do for her. She was nearing hysteria.

He spoke the solution to her panic entering his mind. “Do you want Dan?”

Elle was surprised by her answer the words spilling from her lips despite the fact that Dan had been ghosting her. Even if her heart was broken it still wanted him. Her heart was screaming for him to make it all better. “Yes, I want Dan. Please…I want Danny.”

Barry nodded his head knowing Dan would probably kill him for this. It was the best way he could think to fix any of this though.

He would take her to Dan and then they would take her to a hospital.

……………………………..

Elle began to regret her choice as Barry and she neared the rental home Dan and he shared. It was an older two story house with faded white siding.

The house looked pleasant enough though it was a little more on the run down side. It could clearly use a new coat of paint and the driveway was cracked. The lawn was at least taken care of though, neatly trimmed and healthy looking.

Elle was tempted to turn and leave before she even made it to the front door. It was too late to turn back now. As her panic began to fade she began to focus on her hand and how bad it hurt.

She had probably broken it hadn’t she? Her hand felt broken. That gate was heavy enough that it could have easily shattered her bones.

Barry spoke hoping that he was doing a decent job at soothing Elle. He gave her shoulder a small pat. “Just wait here okay sweetheart. I’ll got get Dan and we’ll see about getting you to a doctor.”

Elle felt her heart drop as Barry walked away leaving her alone. What was she doing here? She shouldn’t be here. Dan didn’t want her. He wouldn’t want to see her.

She probably hadn’t even really seen Adam. Besides he didn’t know where she’d gone. He didn’t know where her brother lived in California. How would he have found her? It just didn’t seem possible.

Thinking she had seen him was probably just her brain playing a cruel joke on her. She was stressed and sleep deprived. She was headed towards an emotional breakdown. Her mind was just screwing with her.

She wanted to walk back out the front door, to leave before she had to see Dan. She couldn’t make her legs move though. So, she stood there feeling sick to her stomach as she watched Barry head upstairs.

Barry sighed knocking on the door to Dan’s bedroom. He wasn’t shocked as Dan’s voice sounded out a half asleep grouchy bark. “What?”

“It’s Elle.” Barry replied not surprised to hear scrambling as Dan probably tore himself out of bed trying not to trip over his bedsheets.

Dan practically tore his bedroom door open his eyes growing wide as a feeling of total dread enveloped him. “Is she okay?”

“No. She’s downstairs. I think her hand is broken…she’s claiming she thinks she saw her ex. I found her wandering around a few blocks from here…. she asked for you…. I thought you should be the one to take her to the hospital.” Barry explained hoping Dan wouldn’t respond with anger.

Dan felt his stomach drop as he absorbed this information. He should have been there. He had told her she wouldn’t hurt ever again.

He had let her down and she had still asked for him.

Part of Dan was tempted to snap at Barry for not calling the police. If Adam was here then the police needed to be notified. He felt a chill run down his spine at the thought of Adam being here. What if Adam had come for her and Dan wasn’t there to protect her the way he’d promised?

Dan let out a heavy sigh silently promising himself that if Adam was here then he would find a way to keep her from him. Even if she never forgave Dan for practically abandoning her, he wouldn’t let anything happen to her.

He swallowed the lump developing in the back of his throat as he stepped around Barry heading downstairs.

Dan felt like breaking down as he saw her. She looked terrible. He could tell she had been sobbing.

He fought the urge to take her into his arms and try to comfort her. He had lost the right to hold her. She would probably slap him if he tried to hold her.

She spoke her voice filled with regret. She shouldn’t be here. She should have just had Barry call an ambulance. “I shouldn’t have come here. I’m sorry…I should go. I’m not even sure if I saw Adam….I’m probably just sleep deprived, I should go. I shouldn’t have come here.”

“No…no it’s okay. Don’t go.” Dan blurted out wanting to say so much more. He wanted to drop to his knees and beg her for forgiveness.

Now wasn’t the time though.

He stared down at her hand feeling sick to his stomach. Her had looked so bad, really really bad. It was clearly broken. She needed to see a doctor. He needed to get her to a hospital.

Dan spoke placing a gentle hand on her shoulder relieved that she didn’t yank away form him. “Let’s get you to a hospital. Come on.”


	9. You're an Idiot

The ride over to the hospital was a silent one. Elle was in too much pain to speak. The anxiety attack she’d been locked into had faded completely so now all she could feel was the stabbing pain in her poor broken hand. Dan had found himself spending the entire ride mentally searching for the best way to fix all of this.

He needed to fix what he’d done to Elle. He needed to fix his mistake. What had happened between them had been all his fault after all. He was the one who had disappeared. He was the one who had broken all the promises he’d made. He had hurt her and he needed to find a way to make things right.

He spent the entire ride searching for the right words to say to earn Elle’s forgiveness. He’d fucked up, he had ruined anything that had been building between them due to his own insecurities. Just saying “I fucked up” didn’t seem like it was good enough though.

He knew he’d have to follow Arin’s advice. He would have to tell Elle the truth. He would have to tell her everything about the breakfast with Jake. He would have to tell her what Jake had said and why it had caused Dan to ghost her.

He would have to tell her the truth and hope and pray that she could find it in her heart to forgive him.

Dan couldn’t help but to fear though that hearing the truth would break Elle’s heart. It would hurt her to know that her older brother thought she was a total disaster, that he had told Dan that she was better off alone. She already questioned her sanity half the time as it was. The last thing she probably needed was to know that everyone around her was questioning her state of mind just as much as she was.

Dan couldn’t help but to fear that she’d hate both Jake and he for what they’d decided. They would probably deserve her hatred. They’d decided what was best for her without even consulting her about it.

Dan had abandoned her when she’d needed him the most. She had called him more than once in the midst of an anxiety attack begging for his comfort. He’d ignored her cries for help and he knew that he was garbage for doing so.

He had abandoned her when she needed him the most.

He had probably broken her heart. He’d abandoned her even when she’d called him begging for his help. He had let her down.

Dan sat in the ER waiting room his mind reeling. Elle had been whisked away back to the exam rooms a few seconds into their arrival. Her poor hand was a purple swollen mess.

Part of Dan had been tempted to follow her back into the exam room. He knew he wouldn’t be allowed to do so though. He wasn’t her family and he sure as hell wasn’t her boyfriend. He had screwed over any chances of that probably ever happening now.

He grimaced at the thought. No, he wasn’t going to give up on making things right with Elle. He would find a way to fix this. He would try to get them back on the right track even if it took him years. He would find a way to get them back to where they had been before he’d screwed it all up like a total moron. He had broken Elle’s trust and would do whatever it took to find a way to earn it back. 

Dan frowned his brain still searching for the right words to say to make things right with Elle. He was tempted to go to the hospital’s gift shop and buy roses. It would be easy enough; he could buy a few bouquets of red roses and hope that it softened any hurt feelings. 

He knew that wouldn’t be a wise choice though. She would just think he was trying to buy her forgiveness. She deserved more than flowers. She deserved a sincere apology. He would have to pour out his heart to her and hope it was enough.

Underneath the overwhelming guilt he felt there was also a hint of fear. Had Adam really been at her apartment? Or was she just so sleep deprived that she’d been mistaken.

The thought of Adam possibly being here in California made Dan feel sick. His brain kept flashing back to all the things Elle had told him about Adam; about Adam’s treatment of her.

Dan knew Adam wasn’t the type that would just let Elle leave him. He wouldn’t just let her walk away from him. Men like Adam didn’t let women leave them not without paying with their lives.

You heard about cases like this in the news all the time, didn’t you? Domestic violence cases that just went too far. You heard news stories about women leaving their abusive significant others only to have that significant other kill her in retaliation.

The possibility of Elle becoming just another one of these stories made Dan feel sick to his stomach.

Elle had left Adam without warning. She’d taken off while he was away at work. It had probably stung Adam’s ego and angered him. Adam most likely wouldn’t be too pleased when he found Elle.

In the back of Dan’s mind, he knew there was only one way for the story to end. Adam wouldn’t leave Elle alone until one of them was dead.

Dan took a deep breath trying to shove back the anxiety attack threatening to sneak up on him as he allowed his mind to get too lost to these fears.

If Adam did show up Dan would do whatever it took to keep Elle safe, even if Elle never forgave Dan he wouldn’t let anything happen to her. Dan silently promised himself that he would do whatever it took to keep Elle safe. That was one promise Dan wouldn’t break.

Dan continued to focus on his breathing his eyes focusing on an elderly couple a few rows away. They’d been here for a while. The man was wheelchair bound and hooked up to oxygen. The old woman who was clearly his wife had been doting on him the entire time they’d sat there. Dan watched as the man began to cough his frail body shaking. He watched as the woman helped her husband take a sip from a cup of water the man struggling a bit. The man’s hands shook as he struggled to hold on to the cup. The woman smoothed back her husband’s thin white hair as his coughing fit began to settle down. He watched as the couple held hands taking no notice of the gangly man gawking at them lost in his own thoughts.

As hard as Dan tried to stop himself he couldn’t help but to stare and take the moment in. He was quickly hit with the realization that he wanted that one day; someone to grow old with, someone to care for, someone to care for him.

He wanted this with Elle. The realization shocked him. He could picture it so clearly though; Elle and he old and frail but still together. He liked to imagine they’d still be crazy about each other, that they’d still take care of one another.

That’s what love was wasn’t it? Love meant you took care of the ones who meant the most.

He was a bit taken back by the big L word. That’s what was happening though wasn’t it? He was falling in love with Elle. He’d been miserable without her. Everything had felt so wrong without her there. These past few weeks all he could focus on was how all he wanted was Elle. He just wanted to take care of he. He wanted to be by her side even if she never wanted him again. Wasn’t that love?

Dan quickly made the decision that he would take care of Elle, he’d love her. He didn’t care what Jake thought. If Elle would take Dan he would spend the rest of his life trying to earn her trust and her love.

He almost knocked the chair, he’d been sat in, over as an older chubby gray-haired doctor in pale blue scrubs walked into the waiting area. The doctor’s eyes remained locked on a clipboard as he spoke. “The family of Eleanor Brannock?”

Dan raced over to the doctor the man leading him to the corner of the room as he spoke looking thoroughly uninterested as he glanced up from his clipboard. “You’re Miss. Brannock’s family?”

“I’m her boyfriend.” Dan blurted out the words slipping from his lips before he had a chance to stop them.

He swallowed back any shame he felt over lying hoping that the truth wasn’t written all over his face. Dan was a terrible liar. He’d always been the world’s worst liar. His guilty conscience always managed to find a way to seep out of him.

He was pretty sure that his usual line of It’s complicated wouldn’t fly with this doctor though.

He was relieved that the doctor didn’t call him out on what was so clearly a lie. The doctor glanced down at his clipboard as he spoke. “Miss Brannock has broken her hand. The bones in her hand have shifted giving her what we call an unstable fracture. The bones in her hand have become unaligned. So, they won’t heal without the placement of pins to hold them in place. She was lucky that we were able to place pins without surgical intervention. The pins will be removed once the bone realigns itself and heals. She will be in a cast for six weeks at the most. I’m going to be sending her home with a prescription for Codeine. So, you will need to pick that up at the pharmacy. I would suggest taking the codeine only as needed. Just follow the directions on the bottle. She can take Tylenol once her prescription runs out.”

The doctor glanced up from his clipboard for the briefest second making sure that Dan was soaking all this information in. He didn’t wait long to continue. “She will need to keep her arm elevated to reduce any swelling and help with the pain. I’m going to suggest physical therapy to help with any weakness she may experience in her hand once we are able to remove the cast…. she said she accidentally hurt herself with the gate at her apartment?”

Dan cleared his throat it hitting him that he was being asked to back up Elle’s account of what had happened. He spoke hoping he was telling the same story she had told. He wasn’t sure if Elle had included the part about Adam or not. “Yeah…she had her hands full of groceries…she got distracted and the gate swung back before she had a chance to move her hand.”

He shifted in place as the doctor raised an eyebrow not looking as though he quite bought the story.

The doctor spoke again a small frown crossing his features. “I did notice something strange when we took a few x rays. Were you aware that Miss Brannock seems to have had several fractures over the course of time? I looked in her medical records and it seems as though she’s had quite a few emergency room visits over the years.”

Dan felt his blood run cold at this information. Her body held a clear roadmap of everything she had been through in her life.

He felt his blood quickly begin to overheat as he noticed the look of total judgement in the doctor’s eyes. It quickly hit Dan that the doctor was accusing him of being responsible for these past injuries. The doctor thought that Dan was the one who had hurt her.

Dan swallowed back any anger holding back the need to lash out. Lashing out would most likely just end in him being escorted from the hospital. Elle would think he’d abandoned her once again if he wasn’t here when she was released from the emergency room’s care.

“She was abused as a child. She was abused pretty badly by her last boyfriend as well.” Dan blurted out his jaw tightening as he continued to struggle not to lash out at the doctor’s all too obvious accusations.

The doctor tightened his own jaw so clearly not believing Dan. He thankfully didn’t push the issue as he spoke. “We’ll be discharging her shortly. We’ve already given her a dose of codeine so she probably won’t need another dose for eight hours. Make sure she gets plenty of rest.”

Dan struggled to keep from lashing out even as the doctor left him. He took a few deep breaths thankful that no one in the waiting room had overheard the exchange he’d had with the doctor. The last thing Dan wanted was for anyone to think he was some kind of wife-beater.

Dan closed his eyes trying to keep focused on his breathing as he did his best to get his temper back under wraps.

He was tempted to follow the doctor and insist that he would never hurt Elle. He would rather crawl through broken glass than hurt Elle.

Dan held back this desire though telling himself that the opinion of one jackass doctor didn’t matter. Dan knew that all that mattered was his own actions.

He would prove that he wouldn’t hurt Elle. He would take care of her.

……………………

The ride from the emergency room was silent aside from the soft sound of the Eagles playing on the radio. Neither Dan nor Elle paid any attention to Hotel California playing over the radio. They were both too lost to their own thoughts. They were both searching for the right words to say to one another to cut the thick tension in between them.

Elle widened her eyes shocked as Dan didn’t drive her back to her own apartment. To be honest it was what she’d been expecting; to be left alone at her place. She had expected Dan to leave her at her own apartment before disappearing again making an awkward situation even worse.

Instead though Dan pulled into the driveway at Barry and his house.

He glanced over at Elle hoping that she wouldn’t demand to be taken to her own home as he spoke. “I figured you wouldn’t want to go back to your own place just yet.”

Elle nodded her head unable to form the right words.

They exited his car Elle managing to work out the words as Dan let her into the darkened home. “We should probably talk.”

Dan let out a small sigh as he turned on a nearby lamp and locked the door behind them. “I know.”

He shifted on his feet pushing back the desire to drop to his knees and beg her forgiveness.

They stood in silence Dan studying her. She looked worn down. She had already been sleep deprived before she’d arrived at his place with Barry. The emergency room visit had completely drained her though.

She had dark circles under her eyes, her body was slightly slackened from both exhaustion and the codeine. Her broken hand was wrapped up in a stark white cast.

Dan resisted the overwhelming urge to take her into his arms. He wanted to so badly to hold her close and let her relax against him. He wanted to reassure him that everything would be okay.

He held back though knowing that this wasn’t the right move.

He spoke hoping that his suggestion wouldn’t upset her. She was so tired. She needed rest before they talked, they both needed rest. “We can talk tomorrow…. I promise.”

Elle frowned wanting to argue. She wanted to talk now, to get this all out in the open. Her drowsy mind was winning out over her desire to talk though.

She followed Dan upstairs her eyes widening slightly as she realized they’d entered what was clearly Dan’s bedroom.

It was a little messy. He’d clearly missed the hamper a few times as hinted by the dis-guarded t-shirts sitting on the floor. There were a few Rush albums framed hanging on the wall. There was a potted plant by the closed closet that looked like it was in desperate need of watering. There were two picture windows were covered with pale gray curtains. The king-sized bedframe was a pale yellowish whicker. The bed itself was unmade with pale off white sheets and a navy-blue comforter. There was an old looking bass guitar leaning against the wall and several records. Elle was unsure if she had ever seen more vinyl records and CDs in one room. The desk in the corner of the room was a bit of a cluttered mess; mostly mail and papers. An empty coffee cup sat beside a closed laptop and a stack of pc games. There was a small shelf above the desk filled with novels; several sci-fi novels and more than a few Game of Thrones books.

Dan moved quickly going over to an old scuffed up dark wooden dresser a shuffling thorough the bottom drawer. He pulled out one of his many old Rush t-shirts and a pair of boxers his voice soft as he handed the clothing to Elle. “This should work as pajamas…I don’t think it’ll be too tight.”

Elle nodded her head too exhausted to be too embarrassed at this situation. To be honest most of her was still too hurt and confused by Dan’s behavior to allow herself to become too flustered and giddy over sleeping in his bed in one of his t-shirts.

Dan left the room long enough for Elle to strip down and place the boxers and the shirt over her body. She was relieved that the shirt was long enough to at least cover her backside, it coming down to her midthigh. The shirt was a bit tight across her chest but it wasn’t uncomfortable. The boxers were a little too tight. She was almost tempted to go without them but she knew she would just feel too exposed.

She stayed standing feeling a bit lost as what to do. Should she just crawl into his bed or not? What if he didn’t intend for her to sleep in his bed? What if there was guest room she was supposed to go to? He hadn’t mentioned a guest room. Wouldn’t he have mentioned a guest room if that was where he’d intended her to go?

Dan reentered the room trying not to let his eyes linger on her body for too long. His brain couldn’t help but to flash back to that dream he’d had not long after Elle and he had met; Elle standing in his room in nothing but panties and one of his Rush t-shirts.

He let his eyes admire the sight for the briefest moment a part of him wanting to commit the sight to memory just in case he never got to see Elle like this ever again.

He cleared his throat thankful that the lower part of his body had decided not to betray him by showing just how much he was enjoying the sight of her in one of his shirts. “You can take my bed. I’ll be downstairs on the sofa…. We’ll talk in the morning.”

Elle nodded her head that familiar anxiety that always hit her right at bedtime taking over as she pulled back the sheets to Dan’s bed and climbed in.

She spoke unable to hide her panic. She didn’t want to wake up alone from a nightmare again. She was so sick of waking up alone and scared. “Can you stay? I mean…can you sleep here with me…please. I just don’t want to wake up alone not if I have a nightmare…. even if you don’t want me, do you think you could stay?”

Dan felt his breath get caught in his throat. He was tempted to blurt out “of course I want you. I’ve always wanted you. I’m just a giant idiot who screwed things up between us. I’ve never stopped wanting you for even a second though.”

He held back the need to say these words though. He knew that if he blurted it out it would just lead to them having that talk that needed to wait until they were both well rested.

He instead chose to nod his head his voice soft. “Okay. I’ll stay.”

He quickly fished out what he hoped were appropriate pajamas. Usually he just slept in his boxers and a t-shirt. Sometimes he slept in just boxers if his room was too hot. He had a feeling he needed to be a bit more covered in this situation though.

He shoved on a pair of sweatpants along with his usual choice of boxers and a plain sky-blue t shirt.

Dan felt foolish to admit it but his heart was beating so fast he was almost sure it would burst out of his chest. He swallowed the lump developing in the back of his throat hoping it wasn’t so painfully obvious just how nervous he felt. He tried to keep his face neutral as he reentered his bedroom.

He could admit he was overwhelmed by the sight of Elle in his bed. She looked so tiny sitting up in his large bed. It was a sight he could grow accustomed to; her here in his bed safe and warm under his comforter.

He could so easily imagine himself curled up to her holding her close at night.

He pushed back those thoughts not allowing himself to get too used to such a pretty sight. Who was to say she would forgive him after their talk tomorrow? This could be the last night she laid in his bed.

Dan took a deep breath trying hard not to focus on this fact. He settled down into bed lying on his right side the same way he always did.

He was so tempted to wrap an arm around her to hold her close to him. He wanted to reassure her, to comfort her after the day she’d had. He held back though knowing that it wouldn’t be right.

They would need to talk before he made any showings of affection.

Elle was surprised at how quickly she found herself drifting off to sleep. It was so easy to fall asleep despite the usual sense of anxiety she always felt as she tried to fall asleep at night. Something about being in Dan’s bed was just overwhelmingly comforting to Elle. She wasn’t sure if it was being surrounded by his familiar scent; the hint of his cologne still lingering against the bedsheets along with the slight hint of the shampoo he used.

Rather it was due to the comfort of being so enveloped in Dan’s familiar smell or just the codeine making her drowsy Elle found herself sinking into a deep dreamless sleep for the first time in such a long time.

Though her back was turned to him Dan could hear Elle’s soft deep breaths as she fell into a deep sleep. Dan couldn’t help but to watch her sleep as he tried to calm his racing heart and his racing mind. He kept thinking about what he’d do if they talked tomorrow and she decided that she just couldn’t forgive him.

It would hurt. This was the only thought Dan could form in his head so clearly. If he had truly ruined things between them beyond repair he’d never forgive himself.

He pushed back these thoughts not wanting to get himself so worked up. They would figure it out, he told himself. They would lay it all out on the table tomorrow and they would work it all out.

He felt his heart clinch as she turned to face him a soft sigh escaping her lips. He couldn’t stop himself from reaching out placing his hand over her cast-free hand relieved that the little action didn’t wake her.

Dan couldn’t stop himself from speaking his voice barely above a whisper as he allowed himself to fade into sleep. “I never stopped wanting you Ellie. I’ll fix everything between us. I swear I’ll fix it all.”

……………………

Elle woke to the sound of the garbage truck doing it’s usual morning regimen. She felt a small sense of panic as her drowsy brain tried to place just where she was again.

She took a deep breath the events of the day before hitting her all at once.

She felt the panic return as she realized she was alone in the room. A small taunting voice in the back of her head was quick to tell her that Dan had left her again, he’d abandoned her and probably left the house before she had a chance to wake up.

Elle pushed back this thought knowing she was being ridiculous.

She tried to look as though she hadn’t internally been freaking out as Dan entered the room fully dressed a bottle of water in hand. He spoke giving her a tight smile trying to hide the fact that he was just as anxious as her.

He spoke making his way over to her. “I got you some water and some Tylenol. Your pain killers are still at the pharmacy.”

Elle nodded her head accepting the pills and the water the dull ache of pain in her hand beginning to come to the forefront of her mind.

Dan cleared his throat as he watched her stare down at the bottle of water in her hands the tension from the night before returning between them. “Do you want to eat something? I could make you some eggs or something.”

“I would rather we talk first…if that’s okay?” Elle blurted out unable to put this back any farther.

Dan nodded his head relieved that they were going to get straight to the point. To be honest he was pretty sure he wouldn’t have been able to get through eating breakfast before they had their talk.

Dan sat down beside her on the same spot he’d slept on the night before, his stomach in knots unsure of what to say or do.

Elle was the first to speak unable to stop herself from just spilling her heart and saying all the things that had been rolling through her mind. “I just don’t understand what happened…. You just walked away and disappeared. I thought something was happening between us and then you were gone. I kept calling you and you just ignored me. You said you would be there and it was all bullshit. I needed you and you weren’t there. I thought I meant something to you and then you just dropped me.”

Dan felt his throat grow tight guilt hitting him hard. He couldn’t stop his voice from cracking as he replied. “I know. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I was being so stupid. You do mean something to me. You mean so much to me.”

Elle shook her head allowing some of the anger she felt to come out knowing that her eyes were beginning to water. “It doesn’t feel like I mean anything to you. You don’t walk away from people you care about without telling them why. It just made me feel like shit. I felt so stupid because I let myself believe that you could actually want me and it was all so clearly a lie. It just made all the crap in my head that Adam drilled into me about how no man could ever want me just feel like the truth. I just, it hurt. It really really hurt me.”

Dan was tempted to reach out and wipe her tears. He held back though almost sure she would slap him. He was surprised to find that he almost wanted her to slap him. He had to feel that her slapping him would be less painful than watching her cry over him.

He took a deep breath knowing that he had to tell her the truth. He spoke hoping that he could make her understand. “I fucked up. I really really screwed everything up. The week after the cookout your brother invited me to breakfast. He just started talking about you…. about what you’ve been through and how you needed to heal. He said that you needed to heal before jumping into anything with anyone. He just started talking about how no one was good enough for you…not even me. He just, he got to me. He brought up all these stupid insecurities in me. He told me to leave you alone…that if I cared about you then I’d let you heal by yourself. I listened…. I did something so stupid. I knew I was hurting you but I let my stupid insecurities get to me. I was so stupid and by the time it hit me how dumb I was being I thought it was too late.”

He was a bit surprised as Elle spoke her eyes narrowing her voice rising as the temper Jake had told Dan about peeked out. “You’re an idiot. My brother and you are both idiots. Neither of you have the right to tell me what I need. You don’t get to decide what I need or what I want. Neither of you have any right to tell me who to love.”

Dan flinched a bit taken back by her anger. He knew he deserved to have her anger directed at him though. She was right. Jake and he had made a choice that wasn’t theirs to make. They had zero right to tell her what she needed. “I know. I screwed up. I’m an idiot. I’m a huge stupid idiot. If I could take it back I would. I would do anything to take it back. I never meant to hurt you. I know that saying that doesn’t mean shit. I can’t take it back.”

“You can’t take it back. I was falling for you and you hurt me so much. You made all these promises to me and got me to trust you and then you just ghosted me.” Elle remarked her anger fading into sadness.

Dan took a chance reaching out and placing his hand over her nonbroken hand. “I know. I was the worst. I can’t even begin to express how sorry I am. You mean the world to me. I’m crazy about you. I have never stopped wanting you not once. I think I’ve wanted you from the second we met. I wanted to kiss you that night after I took you home from the cookout…I would have kissed you if Arin hadn’t called. I know I screwed it all up with just disappearing the way I did.”

He took a deep breath relieved that she hadn’t yanked her hand away yet. Maybe he had a chance still? Maybe he could fix this. “I swear that if you give me a chance though I will do whatever it takes to make it right though.”

Elle wiped her eyes with her free hand. Part of her heart was screaming at her to give him a chance. Her heart was screaming to let him make it right. The other part of her heart was still so hurt though. It told her that she couldn’t trust him, that he’d just hurt her again. “I don’t know…I’m scared to let you in again…I just don’t want to hurt again…not like that. I’m so tired of hurting and feeling bad. I don’t want to feel that bad again. I just don’t want you to disappear again like that. I’m afraid I’ll start to fall for you again and then you’ll just be gone without warning.”

Dan gave her hand a squeeze knowing that he should have expected this reaction. He spoke up refusing to give up just yet a bit surprised as his own eyes began to water. “I know. I understand just how much I let you down…I let myself down too. I had no right to break those promises I made. I was so miserable without you and I don’t want to feel that bad ever again. I swear I will do whatever it takes to prove to you that I can be there for you. I won’t just walk away, not again. If I fuck up again you can hate me forever. I will do whatever you need to me to do to earn back your trust. I’m just asking you, I’m begging you to just give me another chance. Just please give me a chance to earn back your trust.”

The part of Elle’s heart that was screaming at her to give him a chance won out over her insecurities. She nodded her head her voice breaking as she lost control of her emotions. “Okay…I’ll give you a chance. I’m crazy about you too…I think I’ve wanted you from the second we met too. It scared me…wanting someone so much…especially so soon after everything that’s happened to me. I couldn’t deny how much I wanted you though. It just felt so right…being with you.”

Dan let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding as he took another chance his arms wrapping around her. He pulled her against him relieved as Elle clinged on to him just as tight as he was clinging to her.

He buried his face against the nape of her neck taking in the scent of her soap still lingering on her skin. He couldn’t help but to smile as he realized the scent of his bedsheets was hanging on her skin mixing with her familiar scent. He spoke his voice slightly muffled against her skin. “Thank you. I promise I won’t let you down again.”

Elle pulled back from him a few inches unable to stop herself from pressing her cast free hand to his cheek. “I know.”

She paused a small laugh escaping her lips as she spoke again. “You’re still an idiot though.”

Dan let himself laugh as well suddenly realizing it was the first time he’d genuinely laughed in weeks. “I know. I’m sorry I’m so dumb. I wish I’d gotten smarter sooner. I probably could have saved us a lot of trouble if I’d grown a brain sooner.”

Elle allowed herself to laugh the feeling so good. It felt like it had been forever since she’d allowed herself to laugh. She kept her hand pressed to his cheek unable to stop herself from caressing his skin. He hadn’t shaved yet giving his cheek a nice bit of scruff.

Dan eagerly leaned into her touch the words leaving his lips before he had a chance to stop them. “I want to kiss you.”

He wanted to kick himself for the words. He’d probably pushed for too much too soon.

He didn’t have time to panic any farther though as Elle spoke a small laugh escaping her lips as her heart decided to just go for what she wanted despite any insecurity she still had swimming around in her. “I’ve been waiting for you to say that for so long now.”

She spoke again making him breathless. “Please kiss me.”

Dan leaned in his lips brushing across hers experimentally wanting to move slow with her. His brain quickly flashed back to that dream he’d had pretty soon after they’d met. In his dream their kisses had brought out sparks between them.

Reality made his dreams seem so dull in comparison. There were definitely sparks, but there were fireworks too, so many fireworks.

Elle kissed back the hand that had been resting against his cheek moving back to rest against the back of his head. She had to love the way her hand sunk into his curls. She couldn’t help but to love the way his curls wrapped around her fingers. His hair was far softer than she had imagined. Dan took a chance deepening the kiss his tongue sliding against hers as she allowed him access.

Elle couldn’t stop the moan from spilling from her lips as she felt herself melt into the kisses. She felt like putty against him. He was a far better kisser than she’d allowed herself to imagine and god had she imagined.

She wasn’t sure if a kiss had ever felt like this before. It just felt so right. It felt like she could do this for an eternity. She couldn’t help but to feel a bit inept as his tongue slid against hers so easily dominating the situation. She tugged on his hair lightly as she tried to take a bit of control as well her tongue sliding against his just as eagerly.

She couldn’t help but to feel a bit proud as Dan let out a soft moan the tug to his hair causing a jolt of pleasure to shoot straight through him. He liked to have his hair pulled. She would have to commit that little fact to memory.

The pair parted reluctantly the need for air overtaking the desire to continue their kisses. Dan was the first to speak his voice soft. “So much better than my dreams.”

Elle couldn’t stop the giggle from sliding from her lips at this statement. She was tempted to tease him for the comment, but she knew she was just as guilty of the dreams he was describing.

The pairs lips met again the kisses this time around much softer.

They reluctantly parted again all too quickly as Dan’s bedroom door opened a flustered Barry entering the room.

The man spokes stopping mid-sentence. “Hey Dan, you up? I just thought I’d check on Elle. I didn’t hear you come home last night and I was worried about you. I didn’t see Elle downstairs did you take her home because I don’t think that’s a goo…”

He widened his eyes at the scene he’d walked into. Dan and Elle’s flushed skin and swollen lips would have given up just what they’d been doing if Barry hadn’t walked in on them midkiss.

Barry spoke the words sliding out of him without any thought as he pumped his fist ever so slightly in celebration. “Yes, I win the bet.”

“The bet?” Dan and Elle both blurted out lost as to what Barry was talking about.

Barry cleared his throat realizing he’d dug a hole he wasn’t going to get out of. He gave the pair a sheepish smile shrugging his shoulders as he spoke. “I-uh…it was Ross and Arin’s idea…I mean they started the bet…They made a bet on how long it would Dan to make a move…and then it grew to how long it would take you two to kiss…and then that grew into how long it would take you two to get together…. we kind of all got in on it…everyone at the Grump Space I mean…I don’t know if Suzy ever got in on the bet though…. The winnings are over 300 bucks now...or they were last time I checked.”

He paused hoping his roommate wouldn’t murder him for this confession. “I won…. I mean I think I won…you two are together right?”

Dan exchanged a glance with Elle as he spoke nodding his head not helping but to puff his chest out a bit pride flowing through him. “Yeah we are.”

Dan stared back at Elle a small smile on his face relieved to see that she wasn’t pissed at Barry’s confession.

Barry cleared his throat knowing he’d made the situation beyond awkward. “I’ll share the winnings with you.”

Dan raised an eyebrow turning to face Elle a small smile on his face. “What do you think Ellie? I personally think we should accept the offer. We could use that money for me to take you out on a real date.”

Elle felt a small smile cross her features both at the name Ellie and Dan’s promise of a date. “I think it’s fair. I mean he couldn’t have won the bet without us finally getting our shit together.”

They both turned to face Barry both speaking at once. “We accept your offer.”

Barry let out a small chuckle relieved to see that Dan and Elle had fixed things between them. He wasn’t too bummed about losing his bet winnings if it meant that his best friend and the girl who he could see himself becoming friends with had figured things out. “Okay then, it’s a deal.”

He spoke again clearing his throat thankful that most of the awkward energy had faded from the room. “So, do you two want to go grab something to eat….my treat.”

Dan nodded his head a small smile on his features. Nothing sounded better than eating breakfast with one of his best friends and his girlfriend. His smile grew at the thought; his girlfriend. Elle was his girlfriend. “That sounds good.”

He paused hoping that Elle agreed with him accepting the offer. She answered this question her voice soft hoping she wasn’t being a pain. “Is it okay if we stop by my apartment first…. I could use a change of clothing…I don’t think I can go to breakfast like this.”

Dan chuckled nodding his head unable to stop himself from flirting with her ever so slightly. “I wouldn’t have a problem with this outfit, but you’re right. It’s no problem. We’ll stop by the pharmacy and pick you your pain killers while we’re out too.”

He pressed a kiss to her cheek unable to stop himself from allowing it to linger. “I’ll let you get dressed and then we’ll get out of here.”

“Awesome. I’m craving pancakes.” Elle admitted a small smile crossing her lips.

She couldn’t stop herself from smiling. It felt like it had been so long since she’d smiled.

Elle let out a deep breath as Dan and Barry left her to get dressed. She felt a buzz of anxiety at the thought of her apartment and what had happened yesterday.

She couldn’t help but to fear that she’d walk into her apartment and find Adam there.

She shook her head doing all she could to shake those fears from her mind. She hadn’t seen Adam yesterday. It wasn’t possible. He didn’t even know where she was.

Elle took a deep breath allowing herself to recapture that feeling of joy once again.

She refused to allow herself to give into fear. Things were finally going her way for once in her life. She was winning for once in a life where it seemed like she was always losing.

It was time she won.


	10. Never Again

Dan stood outside his bedroom door for a moment mentally preparing to follow Barry downstairs and make a request. Dan couldn’t help but to fear that Barry would say no to what he was about to ask him.

He did his best to soothe this fear telling himself that if anyone would understand why he was asking this it would be Barry. His roommate would understand just why Dan was asking him this favor.

Dan knew it was a big favor; asking if Elle could maybe stay here with him in the home Barry and he shared, just for a while, until she felt secure enough to return to her own apartment.

Dan could imagine that Elle wouldn’t feel secure enough to stay in her own apartment now, not after what she’d gone through the day before.

Surely Barry would understand just why Dan was asking for Elle to stay. After all the younger man had seen Elle yesterday; he knew the truth now, about Elle’s ex. He knew about Elle’s mental state. Surely Barry could understand why Dan wanted Elle here with him.

Dan couldn’t help but to feel that Elle would be safe if she was here with him under his and Barry’s roof.

Dan had tried to ignore the flash of dread and fear that had entered his body when it had hit him that they would be stopping by Elle’s apartment this morning for her to change clothes.

As hard as Dan tried to stop himself he couldn’t stop himself from wondering if Adam had really in fact been at her apartment the day before.

He tried not to but Dan kept picturing opening he door to Elle’s apartment only for Adam to be there.

He kept picturing Adam shooting forward his fists ready to meet Elle’s body. He kept imagining a gun in Adam’s hand; a gun aimed at them. He could imagine Adam shooting Barry and him and then starting in on harming Elle while Dan laid there helpless to defend her.

The thought made Dan sick to his stomach with both horror and rage.

He was shocked by the rage. He wasn’t a violent person. He was far from violent. He didn’t lose his temper and react violently to the things that upset him. He’d always been more the type to yell than hit.

His mother and his grandmother had always taught him that it was okay to cry and show emotion. His grandmother had always told him that it was healthy and beautiful for a man to be able to show emotion. His mom had always told him that there was no shame in crying. He’d been taught that the whole idea of being masculine meant no crying ever, wasn’t true.

So, Dan was always the type to just cry and scream when he was upset. He wore his heart on his sleeve most of the time. He could cry at the drop of a hat. He’d only really lost his temper on a total stranger once in his life.

Dan’s father had always told him that it was only okay to react in violence in self defense of yourself or your family. Though Dan’s father Avi had served in the Yom Kippur War in Israel, Avi still had expectations on how one should handle themselves in moments of anger.

Dan had been taught to use his words instead of his fists unless absolutely necessary.

So, Dan had never been in a fight, or at least he’d never been in a fight he’d started. He’d been punched before, more than once. He was never the instigator in a fight though. He’d never had the desire to be the first one to throw a punch.

He had never wanted to punch anyone before, not seriously. He may have smacked Ross playfully a few times and made jokes about punching people out, but he would never react with violence not in reality.

Dan wanted to punch Adam though. He wanted to do more than punch the man. He wanted to make the bastard hurt in every way possible. Violent thoughts filled Dan’s mind when it came to Adam; he wanted to rip the man’s fingernails out, he wanted to kick Adam’s ribs until the man couldn’t breathe, he wanted to break every bone in Adam’s body. Dan wanted Adam to feel every ounce of pain Elle had felt at Adam’s hands.

It worried Dan; feeling this much rage; this much hatred and pure vehement fury. It was so out of character for him to want to hurt anyone. He’d never wished harm towards anyone before. People always commented on Dan’s gentleness, his kindness. His thoughts towards Adam were less than kind.

Dan kept telling himself that his father had said that fighting was okay if you were doing in defense of the ones you loved. So, wasn’t fighting in defense of Elle okay? Dan’s parents had always told him to protect the ones he loved. He would do whatever it took to protect Elle.

Dan took a deep breath telling himself that if Adam was in Elle’s apartment he’d deal with it. Dan would place himself in front of Elle if Adam was there. He would fight for her. Dan wouldn’t let Elle hurt ever again. He would keep that promise to her.

He tried to keep his face as neutral as possible as he made his way downstairs and into the kitchen. He shifted back and forth on his feet as he watched Barry pour himself a glass of orange juice.

Barry glanced up at the man his embarrassment of what he’d walked in on this morning still present in his own mind. He couldn’t help but to feel just as flustered as he’d been when he’d walked in on Elle and Dan just a few minutes before. “Sorry I interrupted Elle and you earlier. I kind of ruined the moment for you.”

“It’s alright.” Dan insisted only to have Barry speak again shaking his head.

“I kind of cockblocked you though…and made things kind of awkward and then I opened my mouth about the bet…I mean, what if she thought you knew about the bet and this was all some kind of messed up conquest for you. You just got her back and I could have ruined everything for you.”

Dan shook his head holding his hands up trying to stop Barry from continuing with the apologies. “It’s really alright Barry. It’s all good man.”

Dan paused his cheeks flushing slightly at Barry’s mention of cockblocking. He cleared his throat as he spoke up again the words spilling from him. “I have a big favor to ask you.”

Dan cleared his throat speaking again before Barry had a chance to respond. “I know it’s a lot to ask but do you think it’d be okay if I asked Elle to stay here a while…just until she feels safe enough to stay at her own place. I know this is your place too…I mean it was your rental before I moved in and you were nice enough to let me be your roommate when I first moved here and had nowhere else to stay… I just I thought I should ask for your permission before I gave Elle the invite to stay for a bit.”

He spoke once again wanting to get his reasons out before Barry had a chance to shoot him down. “I know it’s a lot to ask. I just, she’s going through some stuff right now, mentally…I mean you saw her yesterday. I just don’t feel right with her having to go back to her apartment after what happened yesterday. I think the change of environment would be good for her. I’d like to have her here with me where I can just…ya know keep her safe or at least make her feel safe. If the landlord has an issue with it then I’m sure Elle will have zero problem putting forward some rent or whatever she needs to do to make it okay. I really wouldn’t ask if…”

He didn’t have a chance to keep on rambling as Barry spoke up nodding his head. “I’m fine with it. When I couldn’t find Elle this morning I was actually worried you’d taken her back to her own place and left her there. I saw her yesterday Danny. I know she’s not ready to go back to her own apartment. I doubt the landlord is going to give a crap. Mac never makes unscheduled visits. He didn’t even care enough to bother fixing our air conditioning until you passed out from overheating and I made an empty threat that we’d sue the crap out of him.”

Dan snickered at this memory. Thanks to Dan’s nonactive sweat glands and a very hot summer the year before he’d overheated and promptly fainted from lack of cool air. Barry had taken matters into his own hands threating that they would sue the landlord Mac for ignoring their pleads to fix the air-conditioning unit and causing Dan’s health scare.

Of course, this hadn’t been funny at the time it had happened, but now looking back it made Dan chuckle. The scary incident had become a running joke between Barry and he anytime the landlord was mentioned.

Barry spoke again a small chuckle escaping his throat as he remembered all the food Elle would send home with Dan and how much he’d enjoyed it. “Just get her to cook a couple of times and I’ll be happy.”

“I’m sure that can be arranged.” Dan promised hoping Elle wouldn’t mind. He couldn’t help but to be on cloud nine. Elle would be here safe and sound with him.

Barry spoke shaking his head a small genuine smile on his lips as he took notice of the elated look on Dan’s face. “I’m happy for you man. She seems to make you happy. You were getting a bit insufferable when you two weren’t talking…no offense but you were kind of a moody jackass these past few weeks.”

Dan thankfully didn’t take offense to this comment. He nodded his head a small laugh escaping his throat. “Yeah I know. I was pretty miserable and wasn’t hiding it well. I was a giant idiot and I almost lost her. Never again though…I’m not letting her get away again. She means the world to me. She makes me stupidly happy.”

Barry nodded his head trying to hide the slight pang in his heart when he realized that he was now pretty much alone in being the awkward third wheel when it came to the grumps.

He spoke hoping his annoyance wasn’t too clear in his voice. “So, I guess there’s not going to be any Single Train this Valentine’s Day?”

Yes, they’d only done a Single Train once during a special Valentine’s Day episode of Steam Train, still though Barry had gotten accustomed to Dan and he being the single guys in the Grumps Office. They’d been third wheels together.

Being an awkward third wheel was less obnoxious when you had a friend to suffer with you.

Dan gave Barry a small sympathetic smile sensing the slight disappointment in Barry’s comment. “Sorry Barr…Kevin could do it with you…He’s still single…..maybe Elle has a cute cousin she can set you up with though…She has a couple of cousins I think.”

“Yeah, no thanks Danny. I don’t do well with blind dates.” Barry grumbled internally kicking himself for sounding so down.

Barry could admit that maybe he was a little jealous that Dan had found someone before he managed to find someone. Dan had always been the type that could attract girls so easily, but his weird commitment issues kept him from taking full advantage of it until now.

In a way Barry had always assumed he’d be the one to find a girlfriend long before Dan ever got over his issues and settled down. Now it seemed though that Dan was settling down happy to ditch his commitment phobia.

Barry had always been the total opposite of Dan when it came to girls. He’d always envied Dan’s ability to talk to just about anyone and turn on the charm when it came to women.

Dan had tried to help Barry hit on girls before. He’d tried hard to play Barry’s wingman, but Barry never could quite get the hang of flirting without coming across as an awkward mess.

To tell the truth Barry was usually totally unaware when a girl was hitting on him. Dan and the other Grumps were usually the ones who clued Barry in on a girl showing him extra attention. When Barry usually figured out that a girl was into him he tended to let his shy tendencies get the best of him. He’d clam up and it would just come across as disinterest. Girls would think he wasn’t into them and they’d disappear before he had a chance to actually let his personality shine through his shyness.

Barry had taken a bit of comfort in Dan being single too. He’d gotten complacent not being the only single one. It had made Barry feel like less of a hopeless mess in the love department.

Barry was quick to speak again in hopes of sounding less petulant. He could tell Dan was pitying him. He was trying to make him feel less shitty and it just made Barry feel worse.

He was happy for Dan. The last thing Barry wanted was for Dan to think that he wasn’t happy for him. Barry liked Elle and could see just how happy she made Dan. He wanted things to work out for the pair. Dan had been downright miserable these past few weeks without Elle.

Barry had never really seen Dan so down before, not in the five years they’d known one another. It hadn’t been a pleasant experience for Barry seeing his best friend so depressed.

So needless to say, Barry was happy for Dan, but god did it suck being the third wheel.

“I’m happy for you. Don’t worry about me. I’m just happy that I don’t have to put up with you being a grouchy jackass anymore.”

“Who’s a grouchy jackass?” A sudden voice entered the conversation Elle entering the room.

Dan smirked ever so slightly when it hit him that she’d not ditched his Rush t-shirt that she’d slept in the night before.

She looked so perfect in his shirt. It was a sight he could get used to; her in the skinny jeans she’d been wearing the night before, her flip flops, and one of his t-shirts. Her hair was pulled back a bit messily the cast on her hand making getting dressed a bit of an ordeal.

She didn’t have a spot of makeup on and she looked a bit exhausted the dark circles under her eyes apparent. The spread of freckles across the bridge of her nose was all too visible though and Dan couldn’t help but to want to press a kiss to each and every freckle.

Dan couldn’t help but to tease her his arm wrapping around her waist as she approached Barry and he. “That shirt looks good on you. Where’d you get it?”

“A really cute guy, he was pretty tall though and his hair was sooo curly.” Elle remarked melting a bit as Dan’s lips slid across hers a giggle escaping his lips at her description of his jewfro.

She spoke again teasing him. “I hope he’s okay with me wearing it. It felt so nice that I couldn’t bear to part with it just yet. In fact, I might wear it to breakfast if he’s okay with that.”

“I think he’s very okay with it. In fact nothing would make me…I mean him happier.” Dan replied preening a bit at the realization that she might just wind up wearing his shirt all day long.

A little voice in the back of his head couldn’t help but to sound a bit possessive as it spoke; now everyone will know she’s yours.

He slid his lips along hers unable to stop himself from kissing her again. Her lips felt better and better against each time they kissed.

They parted Elle’s cheeks flushing slightly embarrassed as she spoke holding her left hand up to show her cast. “Are we ready to go? I might need help with my seatbelt again. This stupid cast makes me a little helpless.”

“Yep, I’ll help you with your seatbelt anytime doe-eyes. I’ll even cut those pancakes you’re craving for breakfast if you need me to.” Dan replied his lips sliding along hers again unable to stop himself.

He had to hope that she wouldn’t mind him babying her. He felt the need to coddle her a bit. That guilty voice in the back of his head was all too quick to tell him that she wouldn’t have broken her hand in the first place had he been there to protect her when she needed him.

Dan pushed the guilt down not wanting it to ruin his morning. He was just so happy and he didn’t want that happiness to fade. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this happy. If he was honest with himself he’d probably never felt so happy to be with a girl.

Elle was his finally. He had gotten what he’d wanted for a little over a month now. He had the one person he’d told himself he couldn’t have. He was free to kiss Elle any time he wanted and he was taking full advantage of it.

Elle spoke the words slipping from her lips without thought as Dan’s lips parted from hers. “Awe thank you baby.”

“Oh, so I’m baby?” Dan teased his heart flipping at the little pet name. He couldn’t stop but to smile at the slight flush to her cheeks as she realized her use of words. She was so adorable when she was flustered. She was so perfect and she was all his.

“Only if you like it.” Elle replied a little anxious. What if he didn’t appreciate the pet name being used in front of Barry? She knew some guys flinched when their girlfriend’s used pet names in front of their friends. They found it emasculating, especially when that pet name was something like baby.

Her insecurities melted as Dan grinned pulling her a little closer to him his lips sliding along her forehead. “I’m more than fine with being baby.”

Barry couldn’t stop the audible groan from leaving his mouth at the tooth-rotting sweet sight in front of him. “Jeez you two are going to be one of those gross sugary overly affectionate couples, aren’t you?”

Dan chuckled it his turn to blush. He gave Barry an apologetic grin knowing that the man felt like a huge third wheel at the moment. “Sorry Barr…. I told you Elle could set you up with a cousin or something if you want.”

Elle gave Barry and Dan an apologetic smile shaking her head. “No can-do guys. My only female cousin is a lesbian…so I don’t think Barry is her type.”

“Story of my life.” Barry grumbled though he hadn’t been looking for any blind dates, especially not a pity blind date from his friends.

He spoke again trying to lighten the mood. The last thing he wanted was to bring the happy couple down and turn the attention on himself no matter how obnoxiously disgustingly sweet they were being towards one another. “I’m fine guys. Keep making out and being adorable. I’ll just be here third wheeling it out.”

Elle giggled reaching out and giving Barry’s arm a small pat. “Sorry Barry. We’ll try to keep the cuteness down a little. Come one let’s go eat. You owe us pancakes.”

Barry sighed nodding his head. Pancakes would make everything better, even if he was the third wheel.

……………………………………………

Before pancakes could make things better there had to be a few stops. The first stop had been the pharmacy to pick up Elle’s painkillers. Elle had been all too happy to down the codeine with a small granola bar and a water so as not to upset her empty stomach. The pain in her hand had begun to kick it up a notch despite the Tylenol she’d taken earlier today.

The next stop had been one everyone had been dreading; Elle’s apartment.

Everyone had let out an audible breath as they’d entered Elle’s apartment to find the place undisturbed. It was locked tight, safe and sound.

Elle couldn’t help but to tense up as she released that her freak out the day before had been over nothing. It had all been in her head.

She was really losing her mind.

She spoke pulling away from Dan and Barry as she spoke. “I’m going to go put on a pair of fresh jeans and freshen up a little. I won’t be long. Help yourself to a soda or whatever you want.”

Dan felt himself grow edgy taking notice of his girlfriend’s change in mood.

Yes, he was beyond relieved to find that her apartment was empty and free of Adam, but he knew what this meant. Elle’s panic attack yesterday had been brought upon by her own fractured mind. She had seen someone who had resembled Adam and her mind had gone into a panic.

She probably felt like she was going insane, and Dan was lost as what to say or do to make it any better. He almost wished he could just take her in his arms and kiss away all the trauma. He knew it wasn’t that simple though. He didn’t have the answers.

He only felt worse as he took notice of the mess in the place. He’d never seen her apartment look so out of order. Sure, there was always a little clutter and she wasn’t the best housekeeper, but the apartment had never been this messy.

Mail set out on the coffee table most of it unopened. There were a few fast food containers on the kitchen counter most of the food uneaten. Dan felt a little grossed out as he took notice of a melted pint of cookies and cream ice cream she’d forgotten and left out. It looked like she hadn’t been eating, or she hadn’t been eating well at least.

The ashtray on the coffee table was filled with ashes. It was clear she’d been chain-smoking. He had heard Jake scold her for smoking before but she’d always brushed it off insisting she only did it in moments of stress. It was her only vice she’d claimed.

It wasn’t just this that disturbed Dan though; it was the liquor. A whisky glass set out on the coffee table Elle’s lipstick print left on it; that pretty red Dan had imagined leaving prints along his skin. The bottle of whiskey beside it was almost empty a half drank can of cola sitting beside it.

What disturbed Dan the most though was the trash can. It was filled with empty liquor bottles. Barry spoke taking notice of it a slight frown on his face. “Did she have a party or something?”

“Or something.” Dan remarked his shoulders so tense.

She didn’t drink anymore; Elle had given up drinking. She had been in so much pain though. She had spent these past few weeks scared and locked in panic attacks. The booze had probably helped ease that pain and fear.

That guilty voice in Dan’s head was quick to speak again all too eager to taunt Dan. If he’d been here she wouldn’t have relapsed back into drinking to ease her anxiety. If he’d been here or just at least given her the decency of answering her calls he could have helped her through her anxiety.

She wouldn’t have woken up scared and alone and gone looking for something to numb her fear if Dan had just been here for her the way he’d promised.

Barry took notice of the guilt in Dan’s eyes the younger man quickly connecting all the dots. “Go to her. Talk to her, let her know you’re here now. You’re here now, that’s what matters. Just keep reminding her that you’re here. Comfort her.”

Dan nodded his head taking Barry’s advice his feet moving on their own accord. He knocked on the door before entering the sight of Elle attempting and failing to fasten her jeans one handed almost putting a smile on his face.

She glanced up at him a frustrated sigh escaping her lips as she glanced down at her unfastened jeans. “Help please.”

Dan couldn’t stop himself from sauntering a bit as he made his way towards her. His long fingers worked quick to fasten her jeans unable to ignore the slight twitch in his groin at the sight of a hint of lacy black panties beneath her unfastened jeans.

If he was getting this hot and bothered at just the slight hint of her panties then what would he do when it came time to see her without them.

He shifted in place pulling his hands back trying to ignore just how much his body seemed to like the idea of Elle without panties.

He spoke trying to ease her embarrassment and maybe even his arousal with a joke. “I always imagined myself unfastening your jeans, never fastening them.”

Elle felt her cheeks flush slightly rolling her eyes as she spoke. “Yeah same.”

Dan smirked a look that could only be read as pride crossing his features as he replied. “Good to see I’m not the only one with a dirty mind when it comes to us.”

Elle raised an eyebrow having zero problem playing this game. “Just how many dirty dreams have you had about me Danny?”

“Don’t get me started babygirl. We’ll be here all day and night if I tell you about all my dirty little dreams Ellie.” Dan replied his arousal only heightening.

He took a deep breath reminding himself that Barry was outside drinking a Pepsi totally unaware of the less than G rated conversation going on in this room.

This was so not what Barry probably meant when he’d sent Dan to reassure Elle.

Dan reminded himself that Elle and he had already made things all awkward for Barry this morning. The last thing they needed was to scar the man for life by having him walk in on something far less innocent than just kissing.

Dan pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead reluctantly deciding to put an end to the dirty little conversation they’d been having. “We better be good for now. Don’t want to traumatize poor Barry for life by having him walk in on anything.”

“Good point. He might change his mind about sharing those bet winnings with us if he walks in on us having too much fun.” Elle replied pushing back her own arousal.

It was a shock to her, being so turned on so easily.

Dan had such an effect on her body. She had spent so long thinking that no man would ever want her. Adam had always told her no man would ever find her sexy. Adam told her that any man that looked at the scars on her back would run away screaming. Other men would think she was hideous; a scarred freak, a fat scarred freak who was so ugly.

Seeing the look of lust in Dan’s eyes was so easily erasing all those lies Adam had told her. Dan wanted her; Dan lusted after her. Dan dreamed about having sex with her. It made her feel so wanted. It made her feel so sexy and so beautiful. She hadn’t felt beautiful in such a long time.

She wanted Dan like her lungs wanted oxygen. She wanted him to make love to her. She wanted him to push her down on her bed right now and fuck away any memories she had of Adam. She wanted Dan to claim her body as his. She wanted him to kiss and love away Adam’s touch.

She knew that now wasn’t the time though. She spoke her cheeks flushing hating to admit what the less lust filled part of brain was screaming. “I actually kind of want to take it slow…I mean ya know…the intimate stuff…I’m not a virgin, not by any means, but it’s…my head’s kind of a mess ya know.”

She paused turning her eyes towards the floor praying Dan wouldn’t be annoyed with her for this.

She had been all hot and heavy a few seconds ago and now she was going cold on him. “Adam always told me no man would ever want me…sexually…he said he was the only one would think I was pretty…Back when I drank I kind of…I wasn’t the most celibate person. I was kind of a slut, or at least that’s what Adam said. I actually met him at a nightclub, went home with him on the first night…I wasn’t, I was stupid and maybe I was a slut.”

She cringed at her own words. She widened her eyes so mortified. Great let Danny know all about her horrible drunken slutty past. “I’m clean…I got tested. My drunk brain at least decided to use condoms…I always made Adam use condoms and I was on birth control…he wasn’t faithful, so I kept it safe. So, it’s not stds or anything like that. I just…I’d like to be smart for once…I like you so much and I just, I want our first time to be special you know? I know that sounds stupid.”

“It’s not stupid. You aren’t stupid, and you aren’t a slut.” Dan insisted automatically enraged by Adam’s words.

Dan was shocked as a possessive sense of lust invaded his mind. He wanted to take Elle right now. He wanted to claim her. He wanted to strip those clothes off of her and kiss away all memories of Adam. He wanted to lay her down on her bed and admire her nude body; etch it into his memory. He wanted to be inside of her; let her know just how much he wanted her. He wanted to worship her body; every inch of it. He wanted to make love to her.

The thought intimidated Dan a bit; making love. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever done it before. He may have thought he was making love to past girlfriends; but it didn’t make him feel like this. He was so scared of making the wrong move. He was so eager to please Elle. What if he couldn’t please her? What if he fucked up? He just wanted to make her feel good, make her feel loved.

Dan reached out placing a hand on Elle’s cheek forcing her to look at him. He spoke his voice gentle as he did his best to reassure her and push back the lust dancing around his brain. “I want our first time to be special too. You deserve special. I’m fine with waiting for as long as you need me to.”

He paused pressing a chaste kiss to her lips knowing that he needed to be gentle. He didn’t need to push her not when she was feeling this fragile. He spoke again hoping that he was still soothing her. “We can work up to the main event…take our time with each other if that’s what you need. We have all the time in the world to get to know each other’s bodies. I just want to make you feel good when the time comes.”

“I’d like that…thank you for not being upset.” Elle remarked almost wanting to cry. He was too good to her. He was too good for her.

Dan frowned slightly his lips pressing to her forehead. “I could never be upset with you Ellie baby. I could never be upset with you ever doe-eyes.”

He wrapped his arms around her holding her for a moment wanting to reassure her the best way he could. She’d been so hurt in the past. He found himself once again wishing that he could just kiss all the pain away.

He pulled back from her hoping she would be okay with what he was about to suggest. “I was thinking that if you’d like that maybe you could maybe stay with Barry and me for a little while…I mean after yesterday…I can’t imagine you’d feel okay staying here right now. Maybe staying with Barry and me could give you a break from this place…it’d be like a little vacation.”

Elle widened her eyes stunned at what he was offering. “Are you sure? I mean is Barry okay with it?”

“He’s fine with it…I already asked him if it was okay this morning. I’m more than sure about it. So, is that a yes?” Dan replied trying not to get his hopes up.

What if he was being too clingy? What if she thought he was pushing for too much too soon.

These fears were silenced as she nodded her head her voice soft. “Yeah, it’s a yes. I’d like nothing more than to stay at your place.”

“Awesome. Now if you’ll kindly direct me to your suitcase I’ll get to work packing plenty of thongs.” Dan remarked attempting to make her laugh.

“I don’t think my thongs will fit you.” She replied not missing a beat.

She spoke again making Dan’s cheeks flush. “I mean I’ve seen the video for Sex Training, so I’ve seen you in what I’m guessing was a thong. I’m actually a little concerned that I’ve seen you in a thong before we were dating but whatever. I think my hips are a little wider than yours though so please no borrowing my thongs.”

Dan shook his head a sigh escaping his throat as he helped Elle fetch some luggage from her closet. “I’m going to forever regret showing you those Ninja Sex Party videos.”

Elle giggled as she unzipped her suitcase and began to pack it. “I didn’t say I didn’t like seeing you in a thong even if it was a bit awkward at the time. Those videos are amazing so never regret showing them to me.”

She paused only making him blush farther. “At least I know just what you’re packing…unless you stuffed your thong with a sock or something.”

Dan smirked ignoring his pink cheeks. “Oh, babygirl there’s not enough room for a sock down there trust me.”

She burst out laughing as Dan spoke again. “Do you know how many thongs I bought for those videos. I used to get them from this sex-shop in Philly and I bought enough that the employees just assumed I was a stripper.”

“I would imagine that was an easy assumption to make. Just how many do you own?” She asked curiosity getting the better of her.

“Too many. Don’t be expecting any fashion shows though. They aren’t comfortable…a little too tight to be comfortable…I mean they were at first. I got used to it though. Still not getting any free shows though.” Dan admitted shaking his head his cheeks still far too pink for comfort.

“I could have told you thongs feel weird at first. Women have been complaining about them for years.” Elle pointed out a bit amused at how natural this conversation felt.

If anyone had told her she would one day be comparing thong comfort levels with her boyfriend she might have assumed they were crazy.

She felt her stomach churn at the word crazy. Wasn’t she crazy? She was losing her mind after all. Yesterday was more than enough proof that she was tilting off the cliff of sanity.

She quickly spoke changing the subject attempting make a joke. “Are you and Barry sure you’ll be okay with me hanging out at your place while you’re at work. You guys aren’t afraid I’ll snoop around your house and discover all your deep dark secrets.”

Dan chuckled at this shaking his head hoping what he was about to suggest wouldn’t come across as making him sound too clingy. “I was actually thinking I could take you to work with me…show you the Grump Space. Show you off to the grumps again, this time around as my girlfriend. I could use it as a chance to make up for my behavior at the cookout, being a jealous idiot about Kevin.”

Elle felt her cheeks flush ever so slightly at the thought of going to the Grump Space. She hadn’t returned Suzy’s calls. Going to the Grump Space would mean seeing Suzy. Suzy probably thought she was some kind of flake. “Are you sure that’s okay? I mean I don’t want to be in the way.”

“You won’t be in the way. I want you to see where I work…I want you to see what I do.” Dan admitted surprised by his own statement.

He had liked the way Elle had so easily accepted his odd career choice. She hadn’t judged him and it had filled him with a wave of confidence. He wanted to share his work with her. He liked how proud of him she’d seemed when he’d told her all the details about his job. He wanted to make her proud.

Elle sighed deciding she should probably come clean. “I’m not sure if Suzy will want to see me…I kind of…well she’s been calling me lately and I’ve kind of been ignoring her calls. She probably thinks I’m a huge bitch. I mean she was kind enough to offer me a job and I just blew her off.”

She cringed a bit knowing this was the first Dan had heard of the job offer. She spoke again explaining herself. “I should have mentioned the job sooner…I, it was so sudden. I just, Suzy asked me about what I do for a living and I felt weird admitting the whole trust fund thing to her before she really got to know me. She thought I was desperately looking for work and offered me an office job…just shredding paperwork and sorting through mail. I was supposed to meet up with her and talk more about the job. I was kind of hoping I could talk to you about it, but ya know…things happened…us not talking and yeah.”

She cringed even more at the last part of her statement. Great make Dan think she was trying to guilt him.

She spoke once again staring down at her suitcase shaking her head. “I don’t really need the job. I mean, I’m not hurting for money. I am probably taking a job from someone who really needs it. I just said yes because I thought it might be nice to get out of the house and have something to do during the day. I won’t take the job if she even still wants to give it to me…I mean I don’t need it.”

“You should take it.” Dan blurted out the idea of her working in the same office as him putting a grin on his face.

Elle widened her eyes staring up at Dan. That wasn’t the reaction she’d been expecting. “You don’t think it’d be too weird? I mean won’t you get sick of seeing me? I’m going to be staying with Barry and you and going to work with you. Won’t you get tired of seeing me 24/7? I mean aren’t you going to want some space away from me? It probably isn’t that healthy to be around each other so much…this soon in our relationship.”

“I wouldn’t get sick of you. It’s not going to be 24/7. If we did need some alone time we could take it…I mean you won’t be handcuffed to me Elle.” Dan pointed out.

He sighed pressing a kiss to her cheek trying to soothe her worries. “Nothing would make me happier than having you working at the Grump Space. I will never get sick of seeing you. Like I said if either of us wants some space we’ll just say it. We can talk to each other Ellie. We need communication. Lack of communication kind of got us into a mess with the Jake thing.”

“The job offer probably isn’t even still on the table. I pretty much ghosted Suzy.” Elle pointed out a heavy sigh escaping her lips.

Suzy probably thought she was a freak. Elle had actually thought she might be forming a friendship with Suzy and she had gone and ruined it all.

“Suzy’s a cool lady babe. She isn’t going to be upset. If anything, she was worried about you. Trust me she called me an idiot and told me I was stupid jerk for ruining things with someone as great as you, when she found out why I wasn’t talking to you. She’s going to be thrilled to see you.” Dan pointed out remembering how annoyed he’d been when Arin had shared just why Elle and he weren’t talking.

Suzy had approached him in the Grump Space her eyes boring into him as she’d spoken. “Danny call Elle. Make it right you idiot. Elle is so perfect for you and you’re ruining it with her. She’s a great girl and you’re being a total stupid jerk and letting Jake talk you out of being with her.”

“She called you an idiot?” Elle asked a little stunned by this. Suzy was Dan’s friend, not hers. She had been upset with Dan on her behalf.

Dan chuckled his chin resting on top of Elle’s head as his arm encircled her waist. “Yep, so did Arin…which resulted in making me a weepy grouchy mess of a human being. I knew they were right. We’ve already established that I was an idiot.”

Elle was a bit stunned at this revelation. Arin and Suzy liked her enough to be upset with Dan for dropping her the way he had.

She spoke her voice a bit anxious. “Okay I’ll try to see if I can still get the job.”

The pair packed in silence for a moment before Dan spoke again remembering the entire reason he’d come to the bedroom in the first place.

He spoke praying she wouldn’t shut down when he brought this up. “I noticed the mess in the living area…. the bottles of booze.”

Elle tensed up resisting the urge to be angry with him. It would be so easy to tell him that she wouldn’t have broken her no drinking rule if he’d answered his phone when he’d needed her. “Yeah…I was struggling.”

Dan spoke unable to stop himself. “I’m sorry. I know you needed me and I wasn’t there.”

Elle sighed a bit shocked at his apology. She’d expected him to scold her for how little she’d taken care of herself in their time apart.

She cleared her throat giving him a tight smile. “I know…it’s in the past now though…no more okay. I promise. I’m done…no more drinking myself stupid.”

Dan sighed approaching her his arms wrapping around her praying that she wouldn’t shut what he was about to suggest down. “Okay babygirl. I trust you…I know you’re still going to struggle though. Maybe it’s time you talked to someone…a professional.”

“I don’t need rehab Dan. I’m not that fucked up.” Elle snapped her body going rigid her temper threatening to make itself known.

“That’s not what I mean Elle.” Dan pointed out.

He sighed knowing he was walking on thin ice at the moment. “I mean someone who can help you with your anxiety and all the things that have happened to you…a therapist. They could help you learn to cope in ways that don’t hurt you.”

Elle felt her eyes begin to water at this. “I know…I’m losing my mind Danny. I know it. I’m going crazy and I’m so scared. I’m not supposed to be like this. I’m weak. I’m so weak. Weakness is bad…I was always taught that weakness can’t be tolerated. I was told to be strong. Strong people don’t see shrinks.”

Dan wrapped his arms around her his lips pressing to her cheeks as he tried to soothe her. “Oh baby, no. You aren’t weak Ellie. It’s okay to talk to someone about what you’re going through. It doesn’t mean you’re weak. Everyone struggles and sometimes they need someone to help them when they’re struggling. Sometimes we need to talk to people who are qualified to help us. Therapy is nothing to be ashamed of. It doesn’t mean you’re crazy. I’ve seen a therapist before. I still see a therapist.”

Elle widened her eyes stunned by this admission. “You do?”

Dan began to stroke her hair knowing this wasn’t something he ever went into too many details about. He’d talked about it before on the Grumps, but he’d tried not to get too deep into it; explaining his OCD and his depression and his anxiety.

“Yeah. When I was eighteen I got mono really really bad. I was stuck at home. I missed more days my senior year of high school than I actually attended high school. I was stuck in bed and I was so germy…I always kind of was weird about things. I mean my childhood was really happy but I was always sort of…low-key anxious. After the whole mono thing I got really really outwardly anxious and my brain it’d obsess over things so much…. like I’d want to do something super simple like take a bike ride and then my brain would tell me that it was a bad idea because taking a bike ride would just make me remember something so unpleasant. Then my brain would just keep going until I was obsessing over why I shouldn’t ride a bike. I developed really really bad OCD. I was also suffering from depression so badly that all I would do was lie in bed and stare at the wall…It was like I couldn’t make myself live. I almost failed out of college because I couldn’t go to my classes. I didn’t leave my apartment for like five months.”

He paused clearing his throat. “I wound up in therapy and I was put on Prozac…eventually I decided I needed a change so I got in this exchange program and I went to France to study for a semester which helped…seeing how big the world was…how much beauty there is out there that I wasn’t letting myself see. That’s part of why I’m so happy all the time now. I know what it’s like to feel so miserable…. anyway, I got off the Prozac but I still stayed in therapy. The therapy helped me learn to cope. I’m still in therapy to help me cope with just day to day stuff…demands from work and my weird internet fame and all that crap. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. It doesn’t mean you’re weak or weird. It’s good to talk to someone in a judgement free environment. It’s helped me a lot. Trust me getting help doesn’t make you weak. I’m not weak right?”

He pressed a kiss to her forehead relieved that her tears seemed to be drying. She shook her head a slight frown on her face. She would have never imagined someone who was so filled with joy like Dan would have ever struggled. “No, you aren’t weak.”

He pressed another kiss to her forehead his hand continuing to stroke her hair. “You aren’t weak either.”

He spoke again knowing he was pleading with her but he couldn’t stop himself. He hated seeing her so broken. “Please get some help Elle. Just try it out for me. If you totally hate it I’ll drop it and never bring it up again.”

Elle sighed knowing he had a point. She could talk to someone. If he did it and it didn’t make him crazy then maybe she wasn’t crazy too. “Okay. I’ll try it out.”

Dan let out a relieved sigh his lips pressing to hers his voice soft. “I just don’t want you to hurt anymore Ellie. I can’t take seeing you hurt.”

“I’m tired of hurting.” Elle replied letting herself melt into his kisses.

He spoke as their lips finally parted. “I’m going to be there for you through this. I’m not going anywhere again. Never again.”

Elle nodded her head her heart allowing itself to believe him as she repeated his words. “Never again.”


	11. Some Advice

Dan opened his eyes to be greeted by total pitch-black darkness. It was late he realized as he glanced at his alarm clock, the big red numbers alerted him that it was two am. He’d had a long but relaxing day. Barry, Elle, and he had eaten breakfast before heading home. Dan had cleared a few drawers out in one of his dressers making more than enough room for Elle’s belongings.  
Barry, Elle, and he had spent the rest of the day just lounging around on the sofa in front of the tv. It had been heavenly for Dan; just getting to take a break from the usual chaos and stresses of his everyday life and relax with one of his best friends and his girlfriend.  
They’d snacked most of the day letting their brains rot from bad television. When dinner had rolled around Elle had treated them to ordering Thai food.  
It hadn’t been an exciting day, but had been just what Dan and Elle had needed especially after the day and the weeks before.  
Dan frowned as he heard the sound that had woken him; a tiny whimper. It took a moment for his drowsy brain to come to life and work out just where the whimper was coming from, and as it did he flipped the lamp on the bedside table on brightening the dark room to a dull glow.  
Dan felt his heart clinch at the sight of his sleeping girlfriend; Elle’s brow was furrowed tightly as though she was in pain. Her pale face was fixed into a tight grimace, her lips were parted tiny whines and whimpers working their way through them. She shifted in place twisting his pale grey bedsheets around her body. She’d kicked the comforter off her body in her struggle. Her arms were placed up in a defensive gesture as though she was fighting off an invisible assailant.  
Dan was quick to scoot over to her side his arm gently but firmly wrapping around her holding her still as she continued to writhe in place. He made sure to keep his grip on her tight but careful being mindful of the cast on her left hand.  
He spoke his voice soft and soothing as he tried to calm her. “It’s okay Ellie babygirl. Calm down hon. It’s all okay. It’s just a dream babygirl, just a bad dream. You can wake up, okay? Just wake up for me.”  
She continued to whimper and flail against him despite the grip he had on her body. Dan sighed it hitting him that his words were apparently doing little to calm her.  
Dan let out a heavy sigh apparently deciding to just go with plan B. He began to sing the first song that popped into his head his voice rising a bit as he began to harmonize. “Love is born with lightning bolts  
Electro-magnetic force  
Burning skin and fireworks  
A storm on a raging course  
Like a force of nature,  
Love can fade with the stars at dawn  
Sometimes it takes all your strength  
Just to keep holding on  
At the speed of love  
A radiance that travels  
At the speed of love  
My heart goes out to you.  
Love is born with solar flares  
From two magnetic poles  
It moves towards a higher plane  
Where two halves make two wholes.”

He paused relieved as his singing calmed her ever so slightly her flailing calming. He pressed a few kisses to her temple his voice gentle as he tried again to ease her into consciousness. “Come on babygirl, wake up. It’s all okay. Danny’s here. Your baby has you. I’m going to keep you safe, just wake up for me. Wake up and let me make it all better.”

Elle’s body jerked yanking out of his grasp as she woke. She shot up in bed her breathing uneven as she struggled to come to terms with consciousness.

She reached up with her cast-free hand smoothing back her sleep-wrecked hair as she struggled to calm her shot nerves.

She was a sweat-dampened mess. Her heart was beating a mile a second. She was having a hard time catching her breath.

Elle did her best to regain control of her breathing using the little breathing technique Dan had taught her; breathing slowly in through her nose and out through her mouth. 

As she finally maintained control over her own breathing guilt quickly hit her. She couldn’t help but to cringe as she realized that she’d allowed her terrible dream to wake her boyfriend. She spoke as she fell back against the mattress an exasperated sigh leaving her lips. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey, no apologies babygirl. It’s okay. I’m just glad you’re in the land of the living again.” Dan replied attempting to soothe her as he reached up to smooth her hair.

She turned to face him her nose scrunching up ever so slightly unable to accept his nonchalant reaction to her waking him. “I woke you though. It’s our first official night sleeping side by side as a couple and I ruined it with my stupid dream. If this becomes a thing between us you’re never going to get a full night’s rest ever again…or at least you won’t be able to as long as you’re stuck sleeping by me.”

Dan shook his head a small huff leaving him as he pressed a soft kiss to her cheek. “I’ll deal with it if it comes to that. I happen to like being “stuck” sleeping by you…. I’d hate to break it to you babe but I can’t promise you that there won’t come a time when our roles are reversed Ellie. I’ve woken more than enough people with my night terrors. So, you don’t have to apologize for waking me. Trust me I’ve been in your shoes before.”

She shot him a skeptical look causing Dan to shake his head again. He reached up caressing her cheek as he spoke again. “Let’s make a deal. You aren’t allowed to apologize for waking me anymore, okay? You have to promise me that you’ll stop apologizing for waking me over things like this.”

“It isn’t a deal if I’m the only one making a promise.” Elle pointed out whining still so unable to stop herself from beating herself up over the fact that she’d once again woken him.

She’d already put him through the annoying ordeal of waking him by calling him after her nightmares, now he had to put up with her waking him when she was directly beside him.

She hated how needy she was. She was so pathetic. She didn’t understand how he could want a pathetic mess like her.

“Fine then…my end of the deal will be that I have to promise to take you on a nice date tomorrow night. We haven’t been on a real date yet. I already promised you that I was going to take you out. So, tomorrow night is any good of a night as any. I promise to take you out for a sappy romantic dinner date tomorrow. You can get all dressed up and we’ll go out and have a good time. I’ll take you into LA and we’ll eat at some snooty place. We’ll do the candle light dinner thing.” Dan insisted knowing he wasn’t exactly making any sacrifices by promising to take her out. 

He’d already planned on taking her out on a date. After all Barry was going to split his bet winnings with Elle and he. Dan had already decided he was going to use his share of the winnings to take Elle to a restaurant; someplace more upscale than his usual choice in dining. 

Dan knew that a promise of a nice date would have to do for this situation though. She wanted him to make a promise too and this was the best his drowsy brain could come up with. If it soothed her and got her to quit apologizing he’d go with it.

Elle sighed tempted to insist that she didn’t need some upscale fancy dinner date. She could admit though that it did sound nice. It sounded normal. It didn’t feel like they’d had the chance to really do normal yet.

She could also admit that she was kind of curious to go into LA. If you wanted to get technical Dan and she both did actually live in Glendale. Glendale was a sixteen-minute drive from Los Angeles. She hadn’t had the opportunity to actually venture into Los Angeles yet. So far most of her trips had been within the Glendale area. None of those trips had been anything terribly exciting; just to an IKEA, a diner, a liquor store, a Super Target, and a Trader Joes.

A fancy candle light dinner date did sound nice. “Okay you win.”

She spoke again shaking her head unable to stop herself from being a little cynical. “I still don’t understand how you can be so sweet.”

Dan let out a small laugh shaking his head at the comment. He pressed a small peck to her forehead. “Trust me Ellie. I’m not sweet twenty-four seven. I’ve had my asshole moments.”

Elle furrowed her brow at this finding that hard to believe despite the fact that he’d been a bit of an asshole the few weeks he’d ghosted her. “I find that hard to believe.”

“It’s the truth. I make an effort to be kind, but trust me babe I’ve had my moments where I’ve been a real prick…. especially when I was younger.” Dan replied pressing another peck to her forehead.

Elle couldn’t stop more of her own cynicism from slipping out. “I don’t think anyone is capable of being kind without wanting anything in return. It’s human nature to give and take. No one is kind without having an ulterior motive.”

She cringed at her own statement knowing she probably sounded as though she was accusing Dan of having ulterior motives. She didn’t think he had ulterior motives at all. She knew it was just her own cynical attitude getting the better of her.

She spoke again hoping she could smooth over any possible hurt feelings. “I’m just not used to people being nice to me without expecting I repay them somehow.”

Dan let out a small sigh his heart aching at her statement. How many people had been kind to her only to force her to return the ‘favor’ of kindness? He reached out resting a hand against her cheek as he leaned in allowing his lips to slide along hers. 

He pulled back hoping he was doing a decent job of reassuring her. “That’s okay. Just trust me, okay? Trust me when I tell you that the only thing I want in return for my kindness is for you to be just as kind to me. I don’t have any horrible motives when it comes to treating you the way you deserve to be treated. I’m sweet to you because I care about you.”

Elle gave him an apologetic smile kicking herself for her own inability to see the best in people. People had let her down far too much for her to hope for the best. She placed a hand on his cheek the slight scruff along it tickling her palm. “I know. I’m sorry. I’m trying. I’m sorry I suck at this relationship stuff. I’m kind of garbage at seeing the good in people without letting my brain tell me that no one has any ounce of goodness in them.”

“I know you’re trying and that’s all I need you to do. You aren’t garbage doe-eyes. People just haven’t given you many reasons to trust them. That isn’t your fault.” Dan reassured her pulling his own hand from her cheek choosing instead to wrap an arm around her and pull her closer to him.

Elle kept her hand on his cheek allowing herself to be nestled close to his side. She couldn’t help but to soak up the comfort that she always seemed to gain anytime she was near him.

She pulled her hand from his cheek as she pressed her lips to his keeping the kiss chaste. “I’m going to try to get better at trusting you…It won’t happen overnight, but I’m going to try my best to get us there…We should get some sleep. We probably both have a long day ahead of us tomorrow.”

“I know Ellie…I guess that’s true. Are you okay to sleep now? Do you need to talk about the dream?” Dan asked ignoring his own desire to drift off into sleep. He didn’t realize how exhausted he was until he had her this close and this secure against him. 

She felt so right against him and all he could feel was absolute comfort. 

Elle shook her head knowing that there was nothing really to talk about. The dream was the same as all the others; her running from danger only to be captured and harmed. “I’m okay. I’ll be okay.”

She let out a small sigh as Dan took her word for it his eyes sliding closed as he allowed himself to slip out a soft “Good night.” 

Elle closed her own eyes repeating her own words. I’ll be okay.

…………………………………………………..

If Elle tried to say that she wasn’t an anxious mess the next morning she’d be a liar. This was technically her first day of work, well it would be her first day if Suzy was still willing to hire her.

She was relieved that Dan had at least taken some sympathy on her answering her questions on what to even wear. He’d reassured her that things were pretty casual around the office and jeans and a tee really was just fine as an outfit choice.

Elle had at least tried to make herself look put together though she’d reluctantly and rather embarrassingly had to seek out Dan's help once again when it came time to fasten her jeans.

She had to wonder if perhaps she’d be better off sporting leggings until she was free from her cast.

Her first plan of wearing converse had fallen flat given her inability to actually tie her shoes one handed. She had for a second entertained the idea of letting Dan tie her shoes, but had decided against it. The idea of asking him to tie her shoes sounded far too needy. She’d been left with no choice but to wear a pair of black flip flops.

Elle knew she probably sounded ridiculously as insecure as she felt as Dan and she pulled into his usual parking spot at the Grump Space. “I look okay, right?”

She mentally kicked herself for the question knowing she had already asked this exact question twice this morning.

She was relieved as Dan pressed a soft kiss to her cheek taking no issue with once again reassuring her for what seemed like the millionth time this morning. “You look great.”

Elle gave him a tight smile allowing herself to give herself a quick once over in the visor mirror. She’d settled on a pair of dark wash skinny jeans, a white and black striped tank top, a loose enough dark gray cardigan that she could easily fit over her cast, and a pair of black flip flops.

She left her hair down deciding it would be too much of a hassle to attempt to actually do something with it and she wasn’t about to ask Dan to braid her hair for her. She might have been allowing Dan to coddle her but she wasn’t that pathetic. 

She’d chosen to wear a pair of dangly gold earrings and had kept her make up light choosing just a hint of mascara and a pink lip gloss.

Elle was relieved as Dan took her hand in his as they entered the building Elle silently examining her surroundings.

The Grump Space as a plain dark brick office building set smack dab in the center of several other office buildings. No one on the outside would probably have any clue just what laid indoors given that the place didn’t have a sign hinting at just what it was; just a simple address printed over the doorway in black lettering.

The inside of the office was impressive. Once could tell a lot of money had gone into making the place look great. 

The first thing Elle noticed were the walls of art; fan art to be exact. It was clear that the crew took pride in the art that had most likely been mailed and given to them by their fans.

The walls were a bit odd. Some were painted black and others simply were a red brick. The dark wood floors were swept and polished.

A curved white desk sat in the lobby area along with cushy looking black couches and a glass coffee table piled high with magazines. 

Elle was stunned and taken back as Suzy shot up from behind the desk and rounded the corner taking Elle by surprise embracing the woman in a tight hug. “Elle! I’m so glad to see you. Dan fixed things with you! Oh my God, what happened to your arm?”

Elle felt her cheeks flush taken back by Suzy’s reaction to her. She had expected the woman to be a bit upset with her for just dropping off the radar after accepting a job offer.

She guessed Dan had been right when he’d insisted Suzy understood Elle’s reasons behind just dropping off the map.

“I just had an accident with the iron gate at my apartment complex…broke my hand.” Elle explained keeping her explanation as vague as possible as Suzy released her from the hug.

She didn’t exactly want to explain her freak out to anyone. She just hoped that Dan and Barry would keep all the details about her incident on the down low.

Dan gave her hand a gentle squeeze quick to explain away the fact that she was currently staying with Barry and he. He knew the rest of the Grumps were bound to figure it out eventually and he didn’t want to put her through having to explain her past until she was ready. “Her place is actually kind of a disaster. She’s staying with Barr and me until her landlord can fix the place up a bit more. It’s not safe for anyone to stay there right now. I keep telling her to file a complaint with her landlord about the gate, but she won’t listen.”

“Yeah, it’s a real disaster. I don’t want to bother the landlord with the whole gate mess. The gate thing was my fault really. I got distracted and the gate swung back before I had a chance to move out of the way.” Elle lied backing up Dan’s tale.

She was relieved that Suzy seemed to buy this giving Elle a sympathetic smile. “Oh, that’s rough.”

She paused a small teasing grin crossing her features. “I’m sure Dan has zero problems opening his doors for you though.”

Dan cleared his throat ignoring his flushed cheeks. If Suzy only knew. “Nope, no problems here.”

He was quick to speak again and drift the conversation away from Elle’s living space. “So, Elle was kind of wondering if that job offer was still open?”

Suzy nodded her head thankfully tearing her eyes away from Elle’s cast as she spoke. “Of course. I mean if Elle still wants it.”

“I do. I would be really grateful for the opportunity.” Elle insisted silently thanking God that she hadn’t shot herself in the foot and let the opportunity of this job pass her by.

Suzy nodded her head quickly motioning for Elle to follow her. “Okay awesome! I’ll give you the grand tour. Danny, I think Arin is setting up for recording. I think someone sent in a Sonic game for you two to play.”

Dan sighed nodding his head a bit reluctant to leave Elle’s side. He knew she couldn’t have him hovering over her all day long though. “Okay. Great, that means I get to start off my morning by listening to Arin rage.”

“When doesn’t he rage?” Suzy chuckled causing Dan to let out a laugh of his own.

“True. It is kind of his thing. A YouTube empire built on screaming at video games. It’s amazing your husband hasn’t made you go deaf with the volume of his rages yet.” Dan pointed out pressing a kiss to Elle’s temple as he allowed her to be pulled from the room by an enthusiastic Suzy.

Suzy giggled calling out behind her as Dan disappeared from sight. “Yep, I love my ragey husband.”

Suzy was clearly excited as she led Elle from room to room explaining each room’s use. She led Elle into the breakroom Elle widening her eyes at the size of it. “This is where we eat lunch and sometimes dinner if we’re pulling a late night. The fridge is stocked with tons of snacks and drinks. So, feel free to help yourself. I might put you in charge of maybe making grocery store runs for us if we run low on things. We’ve been making Matt the intern do it, but it’s a lot for him to keep up with along with all his other tasks.”

Elle nodded her head adding this on to the list of tasks she’d already been given. She was relieved to find that she was being trusted with these little tasks no matter how insignificant they might seem to some.

She could admit she’d been rather spoiled in her life, not having to ever really work a job aside from the job she’d held at the dress shop back in Galveston. What was the point of working after all? She had a hefty ever-growing trust fund to rely on so working had always seemed a bit pointless.

Elle could admit she wouldn’t mind having a real job though. It would feel good to feel as though she was actually making a contribution to society.

She had to feel that being at home would give her way too much time to think. Thinking could be dangerous given her state of mind lately.

She was taken out of her own thoughts as Suzy led her to a small office a proud smile crossing her features. “This is my office. I do some of my recordings here sometimes.”

“What kind of stuff do you do? I mean do you just play games or?” Elle asked not helping but to be curious. 

She knew of course that Dan said that the Game Grumps channel was mostly video game playthroughs. She hadn’t been aware that people had their own separate channels though. 

“I have three different channels. I do makeup tutorials and fashion videos along with unboxing stuff on my first channel. Then my second channel is mostly for cartoons I make…Arin does the voices for those sometimes. My third channel is for video game playthroughs. Some of the guys guest star on it sometimes.” Suzy explained perfectly accustomed to having to explain her work to outsiders.

She was honestly just relieved that Elle seemed to be curious instead of judgmental.

Elle couldn’t stop herself from being even more curious as she studied Suzy’s small office. It was clear from the office décor that Suzy liked black and purple. Elle guessed that Suzy was also a fan of taxidermy by the framed bat skeleton on the wall. The room had a somewhat eccentric feel to it but it seemed to fit Suzy’s personal sense of style.

“How’d you get started doing this? I mean the YouTube thing?” 

Suzy shrugged her shoulders accustomed to answering these kinds of questions as well. “I started the Meeperfish account first, like back in 2007…that’s my animation channel. I have always loved animation and it just seemed like a cool way to express that…. I modeled for about two years, so the whole makeup tutorials and fashion videos were kind of second nature for me. I was sort of inspired by Arin to do the video game channel…I mean he has a ton of fun doing it. So, it made sense. This totally isn’t where I pictured my career path going. I actually planned on being an animator. I went to college on this Disney Scholarship program. It was kind of awful, but it was a definite learning experience I wouldn’t trade.” 

Elle nodded her head not helping but to feel a little insecure about her own education. She hadn’t gone to college at all. She’d chosen instead to spend her late teens and early twenties as a party girl dedicating herself to a life of debauchery and excess.

She guessed in a way she’d been trying to rebel against her mother. Elle’s mother had expected her to be a proper little socialite; join a sorority and marry well. So, Elle had rebelled in the only way she could find; by going for the Paris Hilton route partying at nightclubs and being as improper as possible. 

Elle was relieved that Suzy didn’t ask her about her own education instead choosing another way of making Elle a little flustered. “You should totally be in one of my makeup tutorials. Or maybe my fashion videos. You make some pretty cute dresses. Dan showed me your Instagram, the dress pics. You’d be great at doing fashion videos with me.”

Elle hoped that she wasn’t being flat out rude as she brushed off the offer shaking her head. “I don’t know…I’m not really much for being in front of a camera…. Maybe give me some time to think about it.”

She was relieved that Suzy didn’t seem to be too bothered by her lack of enthusiasm at this offer the woman nodding her head understandingly. “That’s fine. Take your time and think about it.”

Suzy spoke again unable to stop herself from prying. “So, I’m taking it Danny explained why he was being such a giant idiot?”

“Yeah. It’s all okay now. He is a huge idiot, but he’s my idiot. So, I’m fine with it. We’re working on moving past it.” Elle replied her cheeks flushing at the small “awe” that left Suzy’s lips at the ‘my idiot’ comment.

Suzy nodded her head a small smirk on her lips. “Good. If he messes up again just let me know and I’ll sort him out.”

Elle giggled at this surprised by Suzy’s offer. She couldn’t help but to realize that perhaps Suzy and she still maybe had a possibility of forming a friendship. “I don’t think he’ll mess up again anytime soon. We actually have dinner plans tonight. It’ll be our first real date.”

“Awe. Where are you going?” Suzy asked so relieved that Dan had managed to snap out of being such an idiot and had moved past Jake’s horrible orders to leave Elle alone.

“I don’t know. He promised a romantic dinner date though. Some place upscale. Which honestly…I don’t really need anything that excessive. I mean I’d be fine with like In and Out Burger or Del Taco and a movie.” Elle insisted a little embarrassed that Dan was going to such great lengths for this date.

The last thing she wanted was for anyone to assume she was pushing Dan to give her something so extravagant. She didn’t want his friends to assume she was some sort of goldigger or groupie draining Dan for all he was worth. 

She mentally cringed knowing that his friends would eventually find out that Elle herself was worth a fortune. 

Suzy chuckled shaking her head. “No, it’s cute. He really cares about you. He wants to give you something fancy. What are you going to wear?”

Elle widened her eyes it suddenly hitting her that she probably hadn’t packed anything fancy enough for a nice dinner date. She of course could stop by her place to pick up a nice dress, but she knew she couldn’t exactly say that in front of Suzy given the lie Dan had told about her apartment being a mess. “I don’t know…I mean…I didn’t really think about it.”

Suzy hopped a little bit taking Elle’s hand in hers as an idea entered her mind. “Oh my God I have the perfect idea. You and I are taking a shopping trip on our lunch break. We’ll find you something super cute for you to wear tonight.”

“I don’t know.” Elle blurted out the idea of taking a shopping trip when she probably had a perfectly good dress at home seeming senseless.

She didn’t have time to protest for too long before Suzy shook her head speaking. “Come on it’ll be fun. We can do a girl’s lunch and a shopping trip.”

Elle couldn’t deny that the idea was tempting. It would be a chance to maybe make up for all the phone calls she’d ignored from Suzy.

“Okay. Sounds good.” 

She barely managed to work out the words as Suzy drug her down the hall a grin on her face. “Let’s go tell the boys.”

Suzy knocked on the door entering at Dan’s call to come in. Elle raised an eyebrow the first thing she heard upon entering the room was Arin’s frustrated yell. “Fucking fuck! This game sucks!”

Dan giggled shaking his head as he glanced back at Suzy and Elle. “See what I’ve been putting up with guys.”

Suzy giggled as well cooing at Arin. “Is the Sonic game being mean to my poor baby?”

“Yes babe. It’s the worst. It just sucks. These controls are total shit.” Arin insisted a groan spilling from his lips as the blue hedgehog on screen zapped around sliding off a ledge and to its death.

“Maybe it’s you, not the controls.” Dan dared to say causing Arin to let out a huff.

Arin spoke faking outrage. “Do you want to take the controller Daniel? We can see how you handle these ass controls.”

“Nah I’ll pass.” Dan stated giggling pushing the Sega controller back as Arin tried to hand it over to him. 

Suzy and Elle giggled at this exchange both women rolling their eyes at how ridiculous the two were being.

Suzy finally spoke getting to the point of why Elle and she had entered this madness. “So, just letting you guys know I’m kidnapping Elle after lunch. I’m taking her shopping. I’m sticking Brian out front while we’re gone.”

“What no fair! You can’t kidnap Elle. She’s my Wendy’s buddy.” Arin insisted causing Suzy to stick her tongue out at him.

“Don’t care. I hired her so she’s mine now.” Suzy remarked shaking her head her tongue sticking out to taunt her husband once again.

Arin shook his head a huff leaving his lips as he crossed his arms over his chest. “Well I said it was okay to hire her so she’s technically mine too.”

Dan rolled his eyes relieved that Elle seemed to be taking his friends jokes in stride her lips barely holding back giggles of her own. “Uh, guys I’d hate to break it to you, but Elle is my girlfriend, so she probably actually belongs to me.”

Elle rolled her own eyes failing to hold back her laughter. “Excuse me. I don’t belong to any of you.”

“You tell em Sister. You’re a strong independent woman who don’t need no man.” Arin remarked snapping his fingers and bobbing his head causing Elle to laugh all the more.

Elle chuckled at this a small smirk on her lips as she turned to leave the room behind Suzy. “Damn straight, don’t any of you forget it.”

Arin gave Dan’s knee a pat a sad sigh leaving his lips as the girls left the room. “Well buddy looks like my wife ran off with your girlfriend. It’s just us now.”

“Somehow I had a feeling this day would come. They’re just too cute for us.” Dan replied playing along with the joke.

Arin frowned as he realized the recording was still going. “Do you want me to get Barry or Kevin to edit this whole conversation out? I mean…have Elle and you talked about her ya know…being public knowledge?”

Dan sighed his heart screaming at him to just let the conversation remain in the video. He didn’t want to hide his relationship with Elle. He didn’t want it to seem like he was ashamed of her.

He had always been so private about his personal life despite his habit of oversharing on occasion. He’d taken girls out in the past but he never talked about it until after they’d broken up. 

He knew that he might not be able to be 100 percent private about being in a relationship with Elle.

His heart was screaming at him to proudly announce to the entirety of the internet that he was crazy about Eleanor Brannock. He knew though that this action would come with some consequences. 

He knew of course he could do damage control if anyone freaked out over the sudden mention of him being off the market.

He knew some of his more obsessive fans wouldn’t take his change in a relationship status well. He tried to tell himself that real fans wouldn’t care if he was in a relationship. Real fans would be happy for him. They would be thrilled he had found someone who made him so happy.

Dan knew of course that some fans had given Suzy a hard time when she’d first started appearing on videos though despite the fact that Arin and she made each other stupidly happy. Arin and Suzy were married but people still sometimes gave Suzy a hard time. 

He had a feeling it might be just as hard for Elle if she came into the public eye. People might not be too kind to Elle if she was suddenly thrust into the public eye.

Then of course there was the matter of her past. People might dig up some things about her that she would rather remain private; like her family’s wealth for instance. 

Being with him would put her into the public eye. There would be no getting around that even if she herself didn’t have anything to do with the Grumps aside from helping out with office work. 

Dan knew that he couldn’t hide her and to tell the truth he didn’t want to hide her. Would she be okay with her life suddenly becoming less than private though? Would she be okay with the price she’d have to pay for being his girlfriend? 

Arin watched the wheels turn in his best friend’s eyes. He was quick to speak. “I’ll get Barry to edit that whole exchange out. Barry…or Kevin. Edit that and what I’m about to say out, okay?”

Arin spoke again hating to be the one who had to be the voice of realism for Dan. “You’re going to have to talk to her about it man. There’s no way getting around it…I mean the more serious you two get the harder it’s going to be to keep her out of the spotlight. I have a feeling that you aren’t going to want to keep her a secret, not forever.”

“I know…I know being in the public eye might become part of being with me….edit this out Kevin.” Dan remarked shaking his head. 

There was no way getting around it. The price of being with him was a conversation they would have to have probably sooner than later.

………………….

Elle opened the door to the dressing room her cheeks flushing as she showed off the dress Suzy had insisted she would look perfect in. “I don’t know about this…. It’s a little…revealing.”

“No, you look hot. Trust me Dan is so going to melt from how hot you look.” Suzy insisted admiring her choice in outfit for Elle.

Elle felt her cheeks flush darker at Suzy’s praise. The dress was attractive. It was a tight spaghetti strapped number. It was black soft velvet material that ended right below the knee. It hugged her curves showing her figure off. It was low cut enough that it showed her cleavage off as well.

She hadn’t worn anything this revealing in public in a very long time. Adam hadn’t liked her to show too much skin unless he approved of it.

Suzy sensed her apprehension grabbing a pale gold sequined wrap off a nearby sales rack. “You can wear this with it. It’ll cover your shoulders.”

She spoke again giggling not helping but to tease the blushing woman. “I guess we can’t have you looking way too sexy. It just wouldn’t be fair on Dan. I don’t think Dan would be able to take it. He might overheat.”

Elle ignored Suzy’s need to tease her. She wrapped the wrap around her shoulders having to admit that it did make her feel less exposed. The wrap did work well with the dress and she was sure she had some gold and black earrings that would look great with the outfit.

She let out a small sigh holding her casted hand up. “What about shoes. I can’t handle anything with straps. I might kill the sexy look if I have to ask Danny to fasten any straps for me.”

Suzy snickered tempted to point out that Dan wouldn’t have an issue fastening or more importantly unfastening anything for Elle. She held back though getting the feeling that she might be embarrassing Elle a bit too much. She was getting the feeling that Elle was on the shyer side. 

“We can pick up some black pumps for you. Something you can just slide on. We can make sure your nails and toenails are painted too, maybe a deep red. You could match it to your lipstick.”

Suzy spoke again that excited smile crossing her lips as she was hit with another idea. “I have an amazing idea. I’m going to take you to Arin’s and my place tonight. I’m going to get you all dolled up and have Dan pick you up there. It’ll make it seem more like a first date. I mean it might seem less like a date if you’re just leaving from his place.”

Elle let out a sigh getting the feeling she wasn’t going to get out of Suzy using her as a living Barbie doll. She couldn’t deny though that she did appreciate the offer. 

Suzy did have a point; if Dan picked her up from Arin’s and Suzy’s it would make tonight feel more like a first date.

She rolled her eyes slightly joking. “Okay, as long as Arin and you don’t try to tag along and play chaperone.”

Suzy giggled shaking her head. “Don’t make that joke in front of Arin. He’ll totally take that opportunity to tag along.”

Suzy pulled her cell phone out quick to type a quick text to Arin: “Kidnapping Elle for the rest of the day babe. Change of plans. She’s coming to our place tonight and Dan is going to pick her up from there. I want to do her hair and makeup for her. She looks great right now btw. She’s going to look so drop dead gorgeous tonight. Dan is going to faint. <3”

Suzy spoke again as she shoved her cell back into her hoodie pocket. “We should do a double date sometime though. We should hit a karaoke bar or go bowling or something fun. We could probably turn it into a triple date if we got Holly and Ross to come along.”

Elle smiled at this nodding her head. “That actually sounds like a lot of fun.”

The conversation was interrupted by a small teenage girl approaching Suzy. Suzy turned to face the tiny blonde as the girl spoke “Uh…sorry…I hate to be annoying…but are you Suzy from Game Grumps?”

Suzy gave the girl a friendly smile doing her best to ease the girl’s anxieties. “Yep that’s me. Don’t worry. You aren’t being annoying.”

“Oh wow! Uh. If it’s not trouble can you sign this for me?” The girl exclaimed digging through her purse to find a sharpie and a receipt.

Elle watched the exchange not helping but to find it a little surreal. She had to admit she was impressed with the way Suzy was handling it. She had to wonder if this happened to Suzy often.

Suzy smiled nodding her head as she took the sharpie and the scrap of paper signing it in record speed. “No, it’s not a problem at all. Would you like a pic too?”

“If you don’t mind?” The girl squeaked out.

Elle stepped forward taking the girl’s cell phone in shaky hands as the girl held it out to her expectantly.

She did her best to seem as though this was a total normal everyday experience as she held up the phone opening the camera app. “Okay, say cheese.”

Elle handed over the phone as the photo was snapped the girl speaking again looking up at Suzy with wide eyes almost like a small child staring up at Santa Claus. “Thanks so much. It was so cool to meet you.”

“You’re welcome. It was nice to meet you too.” Suzy insisted as she watched the teenager scurry away the girl smiling as she stared down at her phone.

Suzy turned to Elle a small smile crossing her features as she noticed Elle’s stunned look. “Sorry…that happens sometimes.”

“How do you get used to it?” Elle blurted out her cheeks darkening as she realized she probably sounded somewhat impolite.

Suzy shrugged her shoulders that small smile still on her face. “You don’t. At least that girl seemed sweet though. I mean…trust me sometimes people can be pretty pushy and rude…especially when it comes to the boys.”

Elle felt her stomach churn realizing that Dan might be approached by some of these pushy people.

Suzy let out a small sigh the small smile leaving her face. “Dan and you really haven’t talked about this side of his job huh?”

Elle bit the inside of her cheek a small sigh leaving her lips. “Not really…I mean. I know he has fans and I know he does cons and stuff like that. I mean I kind of expected it…ya know from the band and stuff.”

Suzy sighed deciding she probably needed to give Elle a bit of much needed advice. “Can I give you some advice…don’t take it the wrong way please.”

“Please…. I won’t take it the wrong way.” Elle replied grimacing as she tried to picture just what this advice would be. She had a feeling she might not like it.

Suzy gave Elle’s arm a small pat as she spoke hoping she didn’t sound harsh. “Dealing with fans kind of comes along with loving men like ours…I mean I get noticed too because of my channel…but the guys, they get a lot of attention. It can be a lot to take on. Sometimes the attention they get can be on the more obnoxious side. Dan really loves his fans. He’s too sweet to tell people to back off when he probably should. He just wants to give everyone what they’re expecting from him. He’s a performer at heart. So, there will probably be times where you’re going to have to learn to share him with his audience. Sometimes that audience can be a little harsh. Trust me when it came to me being on the channel some fans weren’t happy about it…people haven’t always been too kind to me.”

Elle frowned shaking her head unable to stop herself from speaking up. “I’m not on the channel though…I’m not like you guys. I’m not a YouTuber.”

Suzy nodded her head a tight smile crossing her features as she dropped her hand. “I know, but people are still going to see you with Danny. The more serious things get between Dan and you the less he’s going to be able to keep you out of the spotlight…So you’re going to have to learn to navigate being the center of attention when you’d rather hide…you’ll have to learn to do that for him. He’s going to need you to stand by him and take that on for him...Dan is usually a pretty private guy. He’s…he’s been that way since I’ve known him. He’s had…to be honest he’s always had some commitment issues. I’ve never seen him stick with a girl for long.”

Suzy cringed as she realized these words had left her lips. She spoke taking in the look of shock on Elle’s face. “I don’t know if you knew about that.”

Elle sighed her stomach churning as she took in this information. She guessed this was what Dan meant the night before when he’d mentioned that he hadn’t always been sweet. “Not really…it’s never come up…I mean I know we had some trouble…ya know with the whole my brother being a dumbass thing. We’ve never talked about anything like that though. I guess we haven’t had the chance to talk about that kind of stuff.”

Suzy nodded her head mentally kicking herself. She didn’t mean to plant any seeds of doubt in Elle’s head. That wasn’t her intention at all.

She would never forgive herself if she opened her big fat mouth and scared Elle away from Dan. 

She spoke trying to smooth over her slip of tongue. “You’re different though…Dan is, he’s been different about you, about the way he’s approached you. Danny, he, he loves deep trust me. He’s got a super pure heart. He trusts so easily. He always tries to see the best in people even when they don’t deserve it. I think that’s gotten him into some heartbreak in the past. As long as I’ve known him it seems like he tries so hard to put up these walls around him when it comes to women. He is happy to flirt and have fun, but the second things start to get serious he panics and disappears. I think he does it because he doesn’t want to get hurt...I’ve noticed that things with you, I think they’ve been different for him. I think that’s part of why he was so hesitant to really ask you out sooner. You turned his fear of committing to the wrong person on its head and he didn’t know what to do…He clearly cares a hell of a lot about you. Those few weeks you weren’t talking to each other he was a mess. That alone shows me that you mean so much to him. I think that shows that he’s ready to move past putting up those walls. So, you’re just going to have to reassure him if you think he’s starting to panic. You’re going to have to make it known that you won’t let him just freak out and run when things start to get too real.”

Suzy sighed shaking her head as she spoke again. “I really didn’t mean to like…freak you out or anything like that. Please don’t think that Dan isn’t crazy about you. I know he’s got his past, but he seems to be really nuts about you. I think he’s going to let his walls down this time.”

Elle sighed realizing that she would more than likely have to bring up this all with Dan. It wasn’t something she could just let go without discussing it. “I guess we all have our pasts…don’t worry about it. I’m sure it would have come up eventually.”

Suzy reached for Elle again giving her shoulder a small reassuring squeeze. She was unable to stop herself from begging Elle. “Please don’t do anything drastic with this information…don’t like freak out on him or anything…just talk to him about it…calmly. Let him explain it himself before you jump to conclusions. Just don’t doom things between you right after you just got back on track. Just talk to him about all of this…the fan thing too. You two really need to get on the same page about that.”

Elle nodded her head knowing that Suzy was right. Besides she’d already made Dan promise not to abandon her again. Surely, he would keep that promise.

Surely, he wouldn’t freak out on her. He had told her that if he screwed up again she could hate him forever. She didn’t want to hate him.

They would have to talk about this. 

“I know you’re right. We’ll talk about it.”

Suzy gave her an apologetic smile praying she hadn’t ruined a fun day of shopping. “Come on let’s check out and go grab some lunch. I’m thinking sushi.”

Elle nodded her head a small laugh escaping her lips. “Sushi sounds great. Let me go change back into my clothes…I might need help fastening my jeans…this cast makes my life hell.”

Suzy chuckled relieved to move past the entire discussion about fans and commitment issues. “I’ll help you out.”

She watched Elle disappear into the dressing room a tiny sigh escaping her lips.

Suzy silently prayed to whoever might be listening that her big mouth didn’t screw everything up.

She shook her head reminding herself that Dan wasn’t going to let Elle get away again. Suzy would kill him if he let Elle get away from him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song is The Speed of Love by Rush


	12. Not Running

Arin let out less than dignified snort as he stared up from the text message on his cell phone. “I called it. My wife has kidnapped your girlfriend for the remainder of the day. They shopped and now they’re going to that rotating sushi bar….ugh, I’m kinda jealous. I love that place.”

Dan shook his head not too terribly shocked that Arin had been correct in his prediction that Suzy would more than likely disappear with Elle for the remainder of the work day. They had both figured that Suzy wasn’t going to miss the chance to have some girl time. Suzy was constantly surrounded by testosterone day in and day out after all, not that she ever complained about it. Still though Holly had been so busy with her own channel lately that this left Suzy on her own stuck in an office full of men.

Suzy took being the only girl in the office well. She was the one who kept them all in line after all. Arin and Dan had the feeling though that Suzy probably appreciated escaping dick jokes and belches for a few hours even if she was more than capable of holding her own as far as dick jokes went.

Dan just hoped that Elle was enjoying herself. He had hopes that perhaps Elle and Suzy could form a friendship. Lord knows Elle could use relationships outside of her brother and himself. Suzy might be pretty good for Elle as far as maybe building up her confidence.

Suzy was sweet enough to make Elle feel welcome and perhaps reassure any anxieties Elle had about any social situations. Or at least Dan hoped Suzy would be able to make Elle feel at ease.

Dan of course had the distinct feeling that if shopping was involved Suzy might just be turning Elle into her own living Barbie doll. Or at least that was what Dan’s very limited experience was when it came to being dragged along on a shopping trip with Suzy.

Dan had been reluctantly put through Suzy wanting to play stylist before.

He cringed remembering the day Suzy had taken him practically kicking and screaming to the mall the year before. Dan had been in desperate need for a decent looking suit for a mutual friend’s wedding, and had been procrastinating getting the job over and done with.

He had never having been one to enjoy the process of shopping, at least shopping for clothing that is. His long lanky body made it impossible to just snatch up a suit straight off the rack. In-fact his all too tall all too angular frame made even the simplest clothing shopping a nightmare for Dan.

Shopping for T-shirts was no problem and Dan actually found that he didn’t mind just buying t-shirts. It was buying jeans and pants that turned out to be a hectic affair for Dan. This was why he tended to wear his old torn jeans until they disintegrated to the point of being unwearable. Finding a good pair of well-fitting jeans was such a hassle. He wore a 34’ jean after all. So when he found a comfortable pair he tended to wear them until they were absolutely wrecked.

Most of the items in Dan’s closet had been gathered from gifts from family, friends, and sometimes fans. When Dan was feeling brave he allowed himself the occasional venture into online shopping.

As far as actually physically shopping for clothing though, nope Dan didn’t enjoy that.

Buying a nice suit seemed to be an impossible task to Dan. It was just so much trouble to get a decent suit that he’d be happy with. He knew that buying a suit would be long drawn out process. He would be forced to go through the awkward process of being measured by a tailor if he wanted a suit that actually fit him correctly and comfortably.

There was nothing pleasant about having a half blind shaky old man hold measuring tape all too close to your business and it made Dan pale when scissors came into the picture. A few too many inches over and a snip there and it could easily turn into a bloody painful traumatic disaster.

Suzy had practically ambushed Dan taking Arin and he for a shopping trip to the tailors though, so Dan had no choice in the matter. Dan had been less than pleased with the surprise shopping trip and had been all too vocal about his displeasure.

What should have been a quick two-hour process for the group had turned into a day-long undertaking. Suzy had been all too eager for Dan to look at every fabric option the tailor shop offered. Arin of course had been all too happy to play along, though his version of playing along had been holding up the most ridiculous options insisting Dan at least give them a try despite Suzy’s eye rolls and giggles.

Even if the end result had looked great, Dan had quickly learned to avoid shopping trips with Suzy. Apparently the Great Suit Adventure had taken a lot out of Suzy as well because when it had come time for Dan to once again take a trip to the mall, to add some décor to his Barry’s and his rental house, Suzy had offered to take Dan’s shopping list and go on a solo mission.

Dan was quickly proven correct by his assumption that Elle was currently playing Barbie doll to Suzy as Arin snickered staring back down at his cell. “Apparently Suzy has decided you’re going to be picking Elle up at our place tonight. Suz has grand plans of getting Elle all made up for you. She talked Elle into picking out a new outfit.”

Arin paused another laugh escaping his lips causing a snort to exit his nose. “My wife is going to make your girlfriend all hot for you. She says you’re going to melt.”

“My girlfriend is already hot.” Dan grumbled rolling his eyes as he popped the last of his chicken strip into his mouth.

He was beginning to wish that Arin would start stuffing his own face and put the phone down for a moment. His hopes were dashed as Arin spoke up not missing a chance to throw Dan’s past words into Dan’s face.

“And just to think a little over a month ago you were claiming you two were just friends.”

Dan bowed his head avoiding Arin’s knowing look as Dan started in on his next chicken strip. “Yeah, totally, I know I’m an idiot, thanks. You aren’t ever going to let that go, are you?”

“Nope, never. You have to admit it’s pretty freaking funny. You’ve spent so long insisting that you weren’t into her and that she wasn’t your girlfriend. You kept insisting that you’re just friends and it’s just too complicated and now here you are bragging about how hot your girlfriend is…how quick you jumped from just friends to girlfriend.” Arin pointed out finally tossing his cell phone down and getting started in on his own lunch.

“That’s because it was complicated…I mean it’s still sort of complicated.” Dan replied trying his best to defend his past arguments as he savored the greasy junk food.

This wasn’t the best choice in a lunch but he wasn’t complaining. He was going to enjoy the fried food in front of him even though he knew the next time Arin and he hit the gym their trainer so wouldn’t be pleased with Dan’s indulgence into fried chicken fingers and French fries.

Not that it really mattered or at least Dan tried to tell himself that his bad lunch choice wasn’t that big of a deal. Dan was only hitting the gym to attempt to add some bulk to his skinny frame. He had a feeling though that when his trainer pushed the idea of protein he didn’t mean fried chicken strips.

“What’s so complicated about it? Is it her brother? Because you’d be an idiot to let Jake screw things up for you again.” Arin pointed out as he chewed his salad not bothering to shy away from talking with his mouth full.

Dan shook his head a small frown crossing his features. He knew Jake was going to kill him when he found out that Dan hadn’t followed his orders to stay away from Elle.

Following those orders had clearly been a huge mistake though. Following Jake’s orders had just ended in Elle and Dan being miserable.

“I know. He’s going out of town for a month at least…I think he’s visiting one of his friends out in Montana. So that gives Elle and me a month to at least relax and not have to think about breaking the news to him…I’ll deal with him when the time comes…I will just have to be straight up with him about how I feel…I’m pretty sure he’s going to punch me out for it…and probably do a pretty good job at it since my scrawny-ass noodle arms aren’t exactly made for defending myself…I mean if middle school taught me anything it’s that I can’t fight off a punch to save my life…. I’ll take the punch and whatever else he wants to throw at me though. Taking the punch is going to suck so hard, but I’ll deal with it. No matter what I’m determined not to let Jake come between Elle and me again. If he doesn’t like me being with Elle then he’s just going to have to learn to deal with it. I’m not going anywhere…not again…that’s not the complicated part though…I mean it’s not all of it.”

Arin frowned shoving more salad into his mouth as he spoke again. “Then what’s so complicated about it? is she still, ya know…dealing with nightmares?”

Dan cleared his throat running a hand through his mass of chaotic curls his stomach dropping at the question. “Yeah…yeah, she is. She’s just, she’s dealing with a lot of crap…she’s getting some help though. All I can do is stand by her and support her. It’s just, it’s really complicated for her right now. I just need to take my time with her and be patient with her.”

Arin furrowed his brow tempted to dig at Dan for more information. He had the distinct feeling that Dan wasn’t going to spill the entire story though. The only thing Arin had dragged out of Dan was that there had been some violence in Elle’s life at some point and it had left some trauma behind.

Arin had the feeling that the full story wasn’t Dan’s story to tell anyhow. At the end of the day it was Elle’s story, not Dan’s. Perhaps Elle would one day feel comfortable sharing her story with everyone. Until then Arin knew he’d just have to wait it out and keep his curiosity under wraps.

Arin changed the subject getting the hint that his question about Elle’s nightmares was unsettling Dan. “So where are you taking Elle tonight?”

Dan let out a heavy sigh unable to stop himself from rambling as he let all his thoughts spill from his mind. “I was going to take her to that new Sushi place, Kiriko…but ya know Suzy took her to sushi for lunch so that’s out the window…I don’t know if she’d want sushi twice in one day…I mean I could try, but I don’t want to disappoint her. Then I thought about maybe that steak place that Brian took Rachel to for their anniversary, but ya know me and red meat don’t agree…. I’ll get gassy and that’s the last thing I need. I could get like chicken or fish or something, but then I’ll have fish breath and that kind of kills any decent kiss at the end of the date…plus it’ll be weird ordering something other than a steak at a steak restaurant…also Elle probably knows good steak. She’s from Texas so she definitely knows good steak, so what if it’s no good? I was also maybe thinking a Chinese place, but then I’m going to want dumplings and dumplings make me all vomity…Elle loves dumplings. If she ordered dumplings I don’t think I’d be able to resist and then I’ll just feel like crap…what if I eat dumplings and spend the rest of the night puking?”

Arin tried not to chuckle as he watched Dan obsess over his choices. He’d never seen Dan like this not over a date, but it was a welcome change. Dan had spent so many years running anytime things got too intense, but now here he was panicking over planning the perfect date.

Dan paused taking a deep breath as he realized he’d worked himself into a frensy over something as simple as dinner. He took another deep breath attempting to calm his mind before he let himself fixate to the point of freaking out even more. “I guess I could just take her for Italian though. I mean Italian is fancy enough right?”

“Yeah man, Italian is the cuisine of romance.” Arin stated giving Dan a reassuring pat on the knee.

Dan rolled his eyes at this a small snort exiting his nose as he chuckled. “I think that’s French Arin.”

“Nah pretty sure it’s Italian. If Lady and the Tramp taught us anything it’s that Elle and you need to eat a big plate of spaghetti, share a noodle.” Arin insisted as he shoved more salad into his mouth.

He spoke again knowing well enough that he was about to send Dan into another freak out. “So, what are you going to wear? Because you aren’t picking her up from my place in that.”

Dan stared down at his NY Giants t-shirt and his ripped jeans a groan escaping his throat. “Crap I gotta wear a suit, don’t I?”

Arin gave Dan’s knee another reassuring pat doing his best to stop Dan before he worked himself up again. “Nah, just wear some nice pants and a dress shirt. You’ll look great.”

Dan let out an exasperated sigh his head falling forward. He didn’t have many pairs of nice pants. He stared down at his trusty pair of athletic shoes it quickly hitting him he’d have to dig out one of his few pairs of decent dress shoes from the back of his closet.

“I’ll probably have to change shoes too huh?”

His usual choice in somewhat dorky tennis shoes weren’t the most attractive things but they really were his best bet most of the time. Unfortunately, one his long legs went inward farther than the other which caused a ton of discomfort not to mention he’d had back problems since his late twenties.

The tennis shoes alleviated some of that pain.

He spoke again shaking his head reminding himself that a few hours of discomfort would be worth it in the long run if it made Elle happy. “I guess I can stand dress shoes for a few hours.”

“Just take your shoes off in the restaurant if it gets too bad.” Arin insisted shoving the last of his salad into his mouth.

Dan snorted at this suggestion shaking his head. “I don’t think the waiter would approve.”

He paled as Arin nodded speaking again. “You make a reservation yet?”

Dan quickly fished his cell phone from his jeans pocket a low crap working from his lips.

Yep he was going to have a nervous breakdown before the night started.

…………………………………………………………………………………….

Elle tried not to fidget as Suzy practically shoved her down into a chair in front of a vanity. She glanced down at her cell phone trying not to feel self-conscious as she watched Suzy arrange the make up she was apparently going to use on Elle.

They’d taken a long lunch before she’d been dragged along to a shoe outlet and a Sephora by Suzy. Once they’d reached Arin’s and Suzy’s house Elle had been shoved into a bedroom so that she could go ahead and change.

Now she found herself sitting down in her new dress not helping but to feel a little nervous about her date tonight.

She couldn’t help but to feel even more anxious as she eyed the selection of makeup Suzy had lined up on the vanity top. Elle was usually pretty simple in her makeup routine; some foundation, some powder, mascara, and lipstick. She’d do her brows too but that was about as adventurous as she got.

She could already spot liquid eyeliner and a ton of eyeshadow along with a contour kit sitting out on the vanity. She was beginning to realize that Suzy truly was enjoying turning her into a living Barbie doll.

Elle rolled her eyes as a text from her brother poured into her phone. “Sure, you don’t want to go to Montana? There’s going to be horses. You’ve always loved horses.”

Elle sighed not shocked by the text. Her brother had been planning this trip for months now. He was going to visit an old high school buddy who lived in Montana. Elle was glad for him. He could probably use the vacation as much as he worked. There was no way in hell though that Elle was going to be forced to see anyone she’d known from her hometown not even with the promise of horses.

“Haven’t ridden a horse since I was sixteen. Plus, I have work. So nope. Have fun.” She quickly texted back shoving her cell into her purse as she spotted Suzy looking at her.

She cringed as her cell buzzed again. She fished her cell back out rolling her eyes at the text. “Since when do you work?”

“New job. Nothing special, just office stuff. Can’t talk right now.” Elle texted back rather quickly not shocked to hear another buzz from her phone her brother probably once again prying at her.

He always had to get into her business even at the expense of driving her insane.

Elle spoke as she silenced the phone shoving it back into her purse and tossing it back onto the floor “My brother’s trying to convince me to go to Montana with him.”

“What’s in Montana?” Suzy asked having only met Jake once or twice when Arin had decided to hang out with Dan and he. To be honest Suzy wasn’t quite sure what to think of Jake.

Jake for the most part seemed to keep to himself almost to the point of coming across as antisocial. Suzy had done her best to play nice with Jake, but to tell the truth he always seemed so moody. To tell the truth Suzy really didn't like Jake. The man came across as being a little bit of a jerk. Suzy had the distinct feeling though that Elle wouldn't be too pleased to hear that Suzy thought her brother was a giant jerk.

Elle shook her head a sigh escaping her lips. “Horses apparently. Haven’t ridden a horse since I was a teenager though. So that’s not a winning point for me.”

“You’ve ridden a horse?” Suzy asked trying to picture it. Elle seemed so tiny that it was almost amusing to picture her attempting to mount a horse.

Elle cleared her throat averting her eyes from Suzy as she tried to explain without getting too far into her family’s wealth. “Yeah, not since I was a teenager, uh, my grandparents had a horse ranch so…they mostly raised racing horses…and there’s some cattle too. Part of my daily chores were to help take care of the horse stables...or at least my horse’s area of the stables…I used to do equestrian sports…ya know show riding. I only did it for a few years though. I kind of hated it to tell the truth.”

She spoke again before Suzy had a chance to ask any more questions. “My brother apparently thinks I’m still crazy about horses. Sometimes I think I’m still a kid in his eyes.”

“I think all brothers feel that way.” Suzy pointed out a small chuckle escaping her lips.

She spoke again pleased that Elle seemed to become more comfortable around her as the day went on. The conversation had seemed to flow more naturally as the day wore on. “I have five siblings so, I have three brothers to put up with.”

Elle chuckled feeling bad as she cringed a bit at the thought. “I think I would lose my mind if I had three Jakes. One is bad enough.”

She cringed crossing her arms as her phone buzzed within her purse. Suzy took notice of this hinting at it as she spoke. “Jake seems protective of you.”

Elle closed her eyes as she allowed Suzy to begin applying foundation. “Yep. That’s one way to put it. To tell the truth I’ll be glad that he’s out of town for the month. I kind of need the break.”

She spoke again struggling to explain Jake’s and her relationship. “He can be a little much at times…. hence the whole mess with Dan and me not talking for a while….to be honest I’m not too pleased with my brother right now because of that whole mess.”

“So, I’m guessing he’s not going to be pleased when he finds out about Dan and you?...I mean he is the one who told Dan to stay away.” Suzy blurted out not helping but to ask.

She cringed at her own question worrying that she had maybe veered the conversation to something that would unnerve Elle.

She was relieved that Elle didn’t seem to be too upset to hear the question the woman opening her eyes as Suzy began to apply contour. “Nope, he's not going to be happy at all. He’s going to have to learn to deal though. I know my brother loves me, but like I said, he can be a bit much at times. My brother sometimes likes to shove his nose where it doesn't belong...I really do like Dan, so Jake is just going to have to learn to live with it. At the end of the day my relationships aren't his business.”

Elle was surprised as she felt the words slip from her lips before she had too much of a chance to think about them. “I don’t blame Jake for being an overprotective nut. I mean, yeah it drives me nuts, but I guess I can't be too upset with him for it...I know why he is the way he is when it comes to me…. our childhood was, it was pretty rough…violent most of the time really. Our parents probably never should have had kids to begin with. Things were rough. Jake and I were all each other had growing up. He’s just so used to protecting me all the time...I've...there have been times in my life where I haven't made the wised choices, and Jake...he's not one to forget that....Of course it doesn't help that my last relationship was…well...my ex...he beat me…. and I guess Jake, he just blames himself. Jake probably sees what happened to me as a failure on his part...He can't forgive himself for it and it's just made him go into overprotect mode....so now he’s not ready to let me go. He’s afraid I’ll get hurt again.”

She averted her eyes from Suzy’s the woman paling at this confession. She spoke again shaking her head unsure if she was speaking more to herself than to Suzy. “I’m not going to get hurt again.”

Suzy spoke quick to reassure the woman despite her shock over Elle’s previous statement. “Dan wouldn’t hurt you.”

“I know. He won’t. He’s really, he’s something special. I just hope Jake sees it when the truth comes out.” Elle replied toying with the bracelet on her wrist.

She spoke again a small laugh escaping her lips as she attempted to lighten the mood. “One request for my hair. Leave it down for me. I don’t want to ruin the mood having to ask Dan to pull bobby pins out at the end of the night.”

Suzy chuckled as Elle held up her casted hand once again speaking. “I’m basically a giant toddler thanks to this mess.”

“Can do. I’ll just curl it.” Suzy reassured her.

Elle nodded her head running a hand through her long hair. “I’m kind of tempted to cut my hair actually…my ex would never let me cut my hair…so I think it’d be kind of freeing.”

She paused clearing her throat hating that she’d let the comment about Adam spill out. She already felt awkward enough after explaining just why Jake was so overprotective.

She took a deep breath refusing to let Adam or Jake or anyone ruin the night for her. “I was kind of thinking of going pretty short…maybe chin length…. or I don’t know maybe shoulder length first. I don’t know what Dan would think though.”

Elle cleared her throat again cursing herself for this comment. Dan wasn’t Adam. Dan wouldn’t make decisions for her.

She was relieved that Suzy didn’t read too much into her comment. She spoke making a joke. “I think Dan likes you for more than your hair.”

“I’d hope so.” Elle chuckled.

She paused unable to stop herself from bringing up her brother again. “My brother is a stubborn ass sometimes. I love him but he drives me nuts.”

“All brothers do.” Suzy insisted relieved that this worked a laugh from Elle’s lips.

Suzy went back to work on Elle’s face not helping but to let her mind wonder. She had to hope that Jake wouldn’t screw this up.

Suzy had a feeling that if Jake screwed this up then she might have to have a few words with him herself.

…………………………………………….

Elle felt ridiculous at Suzy and Arin’s insistence that she stay upstairs as they rushed downstairs to answer the door. She tried to stifle her laughter as Suzy called out her voice doing the perfect imitation of a sitcom mom. “Oh honey, your date is here.”

As she made her way downstairs Elle quickly realized that Suzy had been right when she said Dan was going to freak over how hot she looked.

Elle had to hand it to Suzy. The woman had really made her look amazing.

She’d applied a light golden hued eyeshadow to her eyes that perfectly matched the sequined shrug Suzy had found. She had somehow managed to give Elle a sharp black cateye using liquid eyeliner with skill that Elle envied. She’d applied a dark red lipstick to her lips that Suzy had teasingly mentioned wouldn’t stain when Elle kissed.

Elle’s hair had been left down Suzy choosing to curl it loosely.

They had managed to find a pair of black open toed pumps that went perfectly with the velvet dress Suzy had talked her into buying. She’d even found a black clutch to match it.

Dan’s eyes locked on Elle as she entered the room a familiar flash of lust entering his dark gaze. Elle couldn’t deny the flash of lust in her own eyes as she took Dan’s appearance in.

He’d pulled his hair back somehow managing the unruly curls with a ponytail holder. He had found a dark pair of dress pants that seemed to fit well enough with the help of a belt. The dark dress shoes he’d fetched from the back of his closet weren’t too terribly uncomfortable. He’d taken Arin’s advice wearing a dark and light blue ombre dress shirt that he was particularly fond of. He’d topped it off with his black leather jacket deciding that the item would be a comfort with rarely worn dress clothes.

Dan couldn’t help but to feel like an awkward teen on his first date as he spoke the words flying out of his mouth. "Wow! You look...you look great, like really great...like perfect." Thankfully Elle didn't seem to be deterred by his lack of smoothness, letting out a small chuckle as she spoke knowing she probably sounded just as smooth. "You look pretty perfect yourself." Dan felt his cheeks flush ignoring Arin's obvious snickers at their exchange. He felt even more like an awkward teen as he held forward the small bouquet of pink hydrangeas he’d purchased on the way here. “These are for you...I wasn't sure what you'd like. I know I got wildflowers last time, but wildflowers didn't seem very first dateish and I thought roses would be too cliche. So I thought you might like these.”

“Thank you. I really do like them.” Elle exclaimed taking the bouquet from him unable to stop herself from smelling the flowers. She tried hard not to chuckle over Dan's clear nervousness. To be brutally honest she felt just as anxious. She'd never really done the whole date thing, not in the traditional sense at least. She'd never allowed anyone to get close enough to take her out on an actual normal date. She definitely hadn't dated in high school. She had been too angry and introverted to be approached by the opposite sex when she'd been a teenager. She'd spent her teen years determined to be a loner, shying far away from friendships. She had been hit on more than enough in her early twenties, but she'd been too busy partying to ever really do anything more than have a few drunken hook ups. No one had ever really put the effort towards romancing her...well no one but Adam, and that had turned out horribly. She cringed at the thought refusing to allow her ex to even enter her mind tonight. She had to appreciate Dan's determination to give her the awkward first date she'd never had.

Dan felt his cheeks flush as Suzy spoke a squeal spilling from her lips. “You two are so cute. I’m taking a picture.”

Elle chuckled rolling her eyes slightly allowing Dan to wrap his arms around her from behind as Suzy pulled out her phone snapping more than a few pics.

Arin thankfully put an end to the photo session before Suzy got too carried away. “Alright, now Daniel, make sure you have Elle back home by eleven young man. No going to that lovers lane either. I expect my daughter to be respected this evening.”

Elle chuckled playing along letting out a groan doing her best impersonation of a teen girl. “God dad, you’re embarrassing me.”

Suzy giggled playing into her role as well. “Now Elle, show your father some respect young woman.”

Dan thankfully put a stop to the joke all too happy to lead Elle towards the front door as he attempted to put an end to the sitcom improv. “Leaving now.”

“Yep, don’t want to get me grounded.” Elle joked shaking her head as Arin called out.

“Have fun kids.”

Elle wasn’t surprised to find that Dan’s radio was on an eighties station. She was even less surprised as Dan began to tap on the steering wheel and sing along.

“Foreigner?” Elle teased causing Dan to pause from his singing.

“Yeah, come one Ellie. You know you love it.” Dan insisted teasing her as they pulled up to a stop light.

Elle gave in turning up the stereo slightly as she gave in and began to sing along.

“I want to know what love is, I want you to show me  
I want to feel what love is, I know you can show me

I'm gonna take a little time, a little time to look around me  
I've got nowhere left to hide, it looks like love has finally found me

In my life there's been heartache and pain  
I don't know if I can face it again  
Can't stop now, I've traveled so far, to change this lonely life

I want to know what love is, I want you to show me  
I want to feel what love is, I know you can show me”

 

Dan laughed taking her hand in his as the light changed to green. “That’s my girl.”

 

…………………………………………………

 

Elle felt her stomach churn as she stared down at the menu in front of her. This was expensive. Yes, she’d known Dan had said a fancy dinner date, but she hadn’t expected over 20 dollars a plate.

 

Dan apparently spotted the apprehension on her face soothing her as he spoke. “Don’t worry about it. This is Barry’s treat remember.”

 

Elle smiled remembering that Dan had been all too quick to demand that bet payout from Barry this morning.

 

Dan shifted in his seat not helping but to feel out of place here. The restaurant was beyond nice; low lighting from heavy looking expensive chandeliers, white linen table cloths at little round tables, a small candle at the center of the table, stark white folded napkins, more heavy utensils than Dan was sure what to do with, and his coat had even been checked at the door.

 

This was far more upscale than any of Dan’s past dining experiences. As hard as he tried to ignore it he couldn’t help but to feel that the waiter was judging him. He had caught the waiters slight glare when he’d jokingly asked if they had Pepsi.

 

Though in reality Dan knew the waiter was probably just annoyed that Elle and Dan hadn’t been interested in purveying the wine menu.

 

Dan hoped that it wasn’t obvious just out of place he felt here as he picked at his bread silently reminding himself to pop a piece of chewing gum into his mouth at the end of the night. “So, did you have fun with Suzy? She didn’t overwhelm you playing dress up right?”

 

Elle chuckled taking her eyes from the menu as she spoke. “Yeah. She’s really sweet. The shopping was okay…I think she had more fun than me. I don’t think I’ve ever tried on so many dresses in my life.”

 

Elle chewed at the inside of her cheek remembering the rest of the day Suzy and she had had as well as the advice Suzy had given her.

 

She debated bringing it up, but she knew herself enough to know that if she didn’t get it out now she would procrastinate until the conversation either never happened or happened at the worst possible time.

 

Dan spoke nodding his head relieved that she’d had a good time. “That’s good. I’m glad you had fun.”

 

He spoke again feeling foolish for the words that left his mouth. “So, it just hit me that I don’t know your birthday or your middle name…which is super embarrassing since you know my first name.”

 

Elle chuckled amused at this comment. She guessed it had never come up. “Well Leigh, my birthday is June 28th and my middle name is embarrassing so you have to promise not to laugh.”

 

“Uh I might laugh in revenge for the use of Leigh…. Eleanor.” Dan joked shaking a bit with laughter ignoring the harsh look he gained from a nearby patron.

 

Elle did her best to shoot him a glare but knew that her giggle probably took power from the glare. “Well Leigh if you’re playing that game….my middle name is Temperance.”

 

She was surprised that Dan didn’t laugh at her middle name only giving her small smile. “That’s actually pretty cute. Eleanor Temperance Brannock.”

 

“I don’t know about that. Temperance literally just means self-restraint and abstinence from alcohol…. I’ve never been one for self-restraint.” Elle pointed out.

 

She bit the inside of her cheek quickly speaking again wanting to drift the conversation from the comment about alcohol given her past behavior. “I guess I’m lucky though. My grandmother wanted to name me after her. I could have been a Dolores Theodosia.”

 

“I would have so laughed if you were a Dolores Theodosia.” Dan teased as he took another bite of his bread.

 

Elle shook her head at this taking a bite of her own bread. “So, when’s your birthday old man?”

 

“I’m not going to dignify the old man comment with a response. My birthday is March 14th.” Dan replied pretty sure that Elle would never let him forget the almost decade he had on her.

 

Elle took a deep breath taking a sip of her lemon water as she worked up her nerve to bring this up. It was now or never. “So, while Suzy and I were shopping for a dress Suzy ran into a fan.”

 

Dan paled at this almost choking on his bite of garlic bread. He tried to pretend that he wasn’t internally panicking over just what her reaction would be to the fan encounter. “That happens sometimes.”

 

Elle took a deep breath silently repeating the advice Suzy had given her. “I know…. Suzy kind of, explained it to me.”

 

She paused taking another drink of water as she prepared herself to get into the depth of this hoping she wasn’t going to make a fool of herself. “I get it…I mean, I know that the fans are just, they’re something that comes with being with you. I know it’s something I’ll have to learn to deal with. I’m okay with it. I mean yeah it’s a little surreal, but I know it’s part of your job.”

 

Dan worked up the nerve to reach across the table his hand sliding over hers as he forced the words from his mouth hoping she didn’t take his offer the wrong way. “We can keep things private between us if you want…. I mean if the fans make you uncomfortable.”

 

“I don’t want to hide it…I mean I get if you want privacy. I wouldn’t like force you to wear a sign around your neck announcing that I’m your girlfriend or whatever. I don’t want to keep us a secret though…unless you want to, I mean I understand if you want privacy…I’m not going to force you to make anything public if you don’t want to. I don’t want to be the pushy girlfriend.” Elle replied trying to hide the sting that Dan’s suggestion caused.

 

She could understand if that’s how he felt though. He was probably approached by fans constantly. She could understand the desire to perhaps keep your relationships a secret from prying eyes of strangers.

 

Dan was fast to reply mentally kicking himself for even making the suggestion. “I don’t want that…I just, I wanted you to know that you have the option if that’s what made you comfortable…I don’t want to hide you though.”

 

He paused dreading the next part of his statement. He knew though that it was best to get it all out in the open. It was best they lay it out now before it came up later and they got hurt. “The fans…they’re usually great, but sometimes…you know they’re still people and sometimes people are jerks. I can’t promise that sometimes people won’t be too nosy or just flat out rude.”

 

Elle nodded her head quick to reassure him. “I know, Suzy kind of gave me a pep talk about that. I’m not going to like scour the internet for people’s opinions of me or anything like that. I like you and you like me. This is our relationship. I don’t care what anyone has to say about it.”

 

Dan let out a relieved sigh thankful that Suzy had apparently beaten him to the punch. He guessed Suzy understood just as much as anyone how cruel a fanbase could sometimes become.

 

He spoke the answer seeming so clear in his mind. “Then it’s settled. Do you want me to make an announcement? Because I will stand on a chair right now an announce that I’m dating you to this entire restaurant.”

 

“I’ll let you get away without having to go through that degradation for now.” Elle teased taking a bite of her own bread roll.

 

She felt her stomach roll staring down at her salad as the waiter scurried off shooting them a disapproving look as Dan apologetically admitted that no they weren’t ready to order yet.

 

She knew that Suzy had also brought up another conversation that needed to be had. “That’s not all we talked about…Suzy and me I mean.”

 

Elle took a deep breath deciding to just jump right into it. “She kind of…she mentioned in her little pep talk that when things get serious for you…you run. She said you have commitment issues.”

 

Dan felt his stomach drop at this panic hitting him. He guessed it would have come up eventually. He knew this had to be discussed. He couldn’t escape his past forever.

 

Part of him wanted to be upset with Suzy for even bringing up his commitment phobia, but he guessed he should have known that he couldn’t hide his issues forever. “I guess I have some explaining to do.”

 

Elle nodded her head trying her best to soothe just how awkward this was. “Suzy said to let you explain it yourself.”

 

Dan nodded his head relieved that Suzy had at least left the ball in his court. He kept his hand over hers relieved that she hadn’t yanked it back yet despite the less than comfortable conversation choice. “I was engaged…or well I was almost engaged. It was back when I lived in Brooklyn in my mid-twenties…I’d just started a new band, Skyhill. I was poor, like rice and beans and shitty totally not up to code studio apartment poor. I, I had this girlfriend, Regina. I loved her…I really did. She was, she wasn’t the nicest person though…not really. I always made excuses for her though. I looked past her faults. I ignored how badly she treated me. I thought she loved me as much as I loved her. I thought she supported me even though I was a poor struggling musician. I took a chance, sold my nicer bass and bought this shitty ring…the best I could afford. I poured my heart out to her and she, well she laughed at me. She told me I needed to grow up that music wasn’t going to get me anywhere…She told me we had no future…that we were just having fun. She told me that there was no way in hell her parents would let her marry a musician. She pretty much threw me away like garbage and totally obliterated my heart.”

 

Elle widened her eyes not helping but to hate this Regina though she’d never met her. She couldn’t believe that she’d so cruelly turned down his proposal. She’d been so horrible to someone as sweet and as wonderful as Dan.

 

Dan apparently spotted the fire in her eyes and was quick to speak his thumb running across hers soothing the anger she felt for his heartbreak. “It’s okay…I mean…in the long run it probably saved me some trouble. She was…like I said she wasn’t the nicest person. She treated me like garbage and I called it love… It did kind of mess me up though…I was so crazy about her and she just she was terrible…. I let myself fall into a few shitty relationships after that...I didn’t have the best self worth for a while...I’ve never had to best judge of character, at least not when I was younger....I fall too fast sometimes...I let myself look past people’s bullshit and try to convince myself that they have good in them...I trust way too easily...as I got older I guess my self worth improved...I gained some confidence in myself...or at least learned to fake it... I kind of convinced myself that I had to be careful when it came to relationships. I told myself that I couldn’t risk committing to the wrong person too soon. Anytime things got too serious with a girl I would panic and run…I told you that I haven’t always been sweet and, well that’s kind of an example of that.”

 

He let out a heavy sigh so thankful that she hadn’t yanked her hand away yet. She was still here. She was hearing him out. “I thought I was okay being alone…I told myself I was fine with not tying myself down. I’ve let myself believe that for way too long now. I thought I was okay with just having fun and splitting when things got to be too much…then I met you. You were so sweet and gorgeous and I liked everything about you. You were so adorable, even your giggle was adorable. I got to know you and it just made me like you more. You implanted yourself in my head so easily and for the first time in a long time I didn’t want to run. I don’t want to run, and I won’t lie it terrifies me, but I’m not running away from you.”

 

He gave her hand a squeeze trying to get it across that he meant this. “I promised you I wasn’t going to disappear from your life again and I meant it. I’m not running from us.”

 

Elle returned the squeeze to his hand suddenly understanding just why Suzy had insisted that Dan be given a chance to explain himself. It all made sense. She spoke up knowing he needed to hear the words too. “I’m not running either.”

 

She couldn’t stop the giggle from leaving her lips as Dan pulled her hand up to his lips pressing a kiss to it as he spoke. “There see, there’s that giggle. Still crazy about it.”

 

Dan wasn’t running and neither was she. They were in this no matter what anyone had to say.

…………………………………………………………

 

Dan was relieved that he’d remembered to pop that piece of gum in his mouth on the way home because soon Elle and he found themselves sat on the sofa in Barry’s and his house, Elle straddling Dan’s hips her lips locked over his.

 

Neither were quite sure how they ended up in this situation. They’d sat down on the sofa and turned the tv on eager to rid themselves of their uncomfortable footwear.

 

The plan had been to just watch some tv and try not to fall asleep on the sofa. Here they were though Elle above him his hands on her hips their lips locked together.

 

Elle buried her hand in his curls the ponytail that he’d used to pull his hair back long gone. Dan’s tongue slid along hers confident and determined always so easily dominating their kisses. Dan took a chance sliding his hand along her thigh a groan spilling from his throat as he reveled in just how soft her skin was, how silky.

 

He was tempted to slide his hand up higher to caress her lace covered bottom. He could picture it so easily her firm bottom underneath the squeeze of his large palm. He could use his other hand to massage one of her breasts. Her breasts looked so perfect in this dress. He’d be a filthy liar if he tried to claim he hadn’t admired the sight of her cleavage more than once over the course of their night. He could imagine what they’d look like under the soft lace of her bra; pale perfect breasts. He could bury his head between those perfect breasts leaving little marks in his wake; little signs that she was all his.

He held back pushing this fantasy from his brain reminding his racing hormones that he had promised to take things slow with her.

Dan quickly realized that this was easier said than done as Elle took a chance allowing her hips to grind against him. The action earned a low growl from Dan as he moved his hand back up grasping at her hips encouraging her movements. He moaned the soft velvet of her dress bunching against his fingers as she grinded causing the dress to ride up.

 

Elle tugged at his curls earning another growl from Dan’s lips as she continued to rock against him so eager draw more of those noises out of him.

 

She couldn’t stop herself from making some of those noises herself as she took notice of his clear excitement against her clothed center. He was only half hard straining against his slacks but she could clearly feel the girth of him through the fabric. The sensation sent a hot flash of arousal straight through her her center aching at the thought of him filling her. She preened at the realization that she was getting this reaction from him. She wanted more; to feel him against her skin, to feel him inside of her. He felt so big. He would stretch her filling her right to the brim and she’d soak up every inch of him. 

 

She pushed back this desire though reminding herself that she had wanted to take things slow. She wanted to take things slow with him.

 

Dan and Elle parted their lips swollen their cheeks flushing pink as the overhead light suddenly flipped on lighting the dim room as a stunned Barry entered the house.

 

Elle buried her face against Dan’s neck mortified that they’d been interrupted in their fun by poor flustered Barry.

 

Barry cleared his throat this being the last thing he’d expected to walk in on. “Sorry guys…didn’t mean to interrupt.”

 

“It’s okay Barr…didn’t expect you home so early. I figured you’d be pulling an all nighter.” Dan replied trying not to giggle over the fact that his embarrassed girlfriend was still nuzzled against his neck hiding from the current situation.

 

“Nope, decided to call it a night.” Barry replied the situation way beyond awkward.

 

He couldn’t help but to poke fun at his roommate as he headed upstairs. “I’ll let you two get back to it…just ya know, move upstairs before you have too much fun…no offense but I sit there too. I don’t think I can hang out on the sofa knowing you two have defiled it.”

 

“So funny. Night Barry.” Dan replied chuckling as Elle let out a muffled night Barr against his neck.

 

Elle finally pulled from Dan’s neck as he spoke. “We’re going to have to start covering Barry’s therapy bills.”

 

Elle rolled her eyes sure that her cheeks were the color of a cherry tomato now. Dan soothed her his lips pressing to her forehead. “It’s alright. This definitely isn’t the weirdest thing Barry’s walked in on since we became roommates.”

 

“Do I want to know?” Elle asked her brain jumping to a million different possibilities.

 

“Nope. So, are you ready to head upstairs? Ya know just in case we get into it again and wind up scarring poor Barry for life for the millionth time.” Dan teased his lips pressing to her cheeks unable to keep his lips off of her.

 

It was Elle’s turn to tease Dan as she nodded down at his lap and the previous hardness that had been pressed against her. “I don’t know…you sure you can walk?”

 

“I think Excalibur is down for now.” Dan teased causing Elle to raise an eyebrow parroting his words.

 

“Excalibur?”

 

Dan chuckled as she reluctantly pulled from him the action rather awkward given their previous position. “Oh yeah sometimes it’s Admiral Excalibur.”

 

Elle giggled shaking her head at just how proud he was to announce this. “You are a strange man.”

 

“And you adore it.” Dan pointed out wrapping an arm around her as he yanked himself from the sofa.

 

Elle shook her head as she allowed him to lead her upstairs. He was strange, but he was right. She did adore him.


	13. Lost Control

Chapter Thirteen: Lost Control  
Two Months Before:

Adam Reyes liked to be in control. Adam’s father had always told him that a man was nothing if he didn’t have complete and total control over four simple things; his home, his business, his money, and his woman.

To Adam’s dismay he had found himself losing control of all four of those things in a quick succession of events.

His luxurious former home had been seriously behind on its mortgage meaning Adam had been forced to move his fiancée and he into a much smaller much cheaper condo. No, the move from a lavish home to a still lavish condo wasn’t the greatest sacrifice nor failure. Still though it was a big blow to Adam’s over inflated illusions of grandeur.

Adam’s formerly successful business was suffering. Adam had owned a series of profitable high-end nightclubs throughout the lower half of Texas. Adam had long had dreams of having at least one nightclub in every city in the US. He had been gathering investors from every part of the country in hopes of making that dream a reality. He’d already managed to place a few more clubs out west but it wasn’t going well. Business had been slowing in his newest clubs and as a result causing his business to suffer. The newest clubs that he’d placed in the New Mexico and Nevada areas weren’t attracting enough business. There was just too much competition in Vegas where he’d placed his biggest club and the lack of business had hit him hard. He was spending more money on the club in Vegas than he was pulling in. His investors had taken notice of the lack of money pouring in from his newest club. It was supposed to be his biggest most extravagant club right out on the Vegas strip. He had sunk a lot of money into the Vegas club and he was getting so little back in return. The investors had begun to grow uncertain of Adam’s ability to run a successful business and they were dropping out of the possibility of any future projects left and right. It was becoming clear that Adam’s dream was dying a slow painful death.

Adam’s money was dwindling faster than he’d ever thought it could. It didn’t help of course that he lived well beyond his means despite the lighter paychecks. Adam had spent money that simply wasn’t there to sustain the lifestyle he was so accustomed to.

He had been raised wealthy and had been raised to think that he would forever remain wealthy. He had never learned to do without or abstain from spending on his wants no matter how extravagant those wants may be.

Adam’s father had bailed him out financially more than once these past few years. Based on the last conversation Adam had with his father Adam had the feeling that the days of his father cleaning up his messes were drawing to a close.

Adam quickly realized that the final chip of losing complete control was falling into place as he arrived home to his condo that night. He had been shocked and beyond pissed off to discover that he had now lost control of his woman as well.

Elle was gone. She had disappeared without a hint at where she’d gone. He had never dreamed she would actually work up the nerve to leave him, how could she after all. Adam had her under his control, or at least he thought he did.

Of course, Adam could admit that he had never planned on dating Elle when he’d first met her, he’d sure as hell never planned on settling down. He was having too much fun being single; jumping from bed to bed. Then again who was to say he would have to stop having fun once he settled down?

Adam had approached Elle at his nightclub that night with the intention of her being another one-night stand. That had changed though when he’d taken assessment of just how wealthy Elle truly was; real Chanel n. 5 perfume on her skin and massive real diamond studs in her ears. The all too tall black designer pumps on her feet had been real Louboutins and not some cheap knock offs. The short silver sequined party dress she’d been wearing had clearly been expensive as well and Adam had the feeling the Gucci purse she’d had tucked under her arm had been the real thing too.

What was better than a trophy girlfriend than a wealthy trophy girlfriend? She was in his league as far as affluence came. She would make a decent enough wife; wealthy and pretty enough to look nice on his arm.

So, Adam had made Elle his.

Things had been fun at first. She had fit Adam’s lifestyle; she could party, drink, and live in excess with the best of them. She had been a blast until she’d sobered up.

Charming Elle had been so easy. She had been happy to accept Adam’s extravagant gifts. She had been all too happy to take his debit card and treat herself. Adam had made sure that Elle had the type of lifestyle appropriate for his fiancée. The price of the lifestyle he gave her of course was enduring his temper.

Of course, she’d tried to fight back when he had his little outbursts. She had tried to leave more than once but he had broken her will to fight back so easily. Adam had made sure that Elle learned her place in their life. He had taught her the lesson with harsh punishment rather it be with his fists or his words.

Soon enough Elle had learned to take what Adam gave her. It had been so easy to teach her to take what he gave her.

Manipulating Elle into believing that she deserved what he gave her had been too easy. It hadn’t been hard at all for Adam to convince Elle that he was the best she could do. It had been easy to convince her that he was more than she deserved. It had been easy to make her believe that she had to stay by Adam’s side no matter how badly he treated her.

Adam had quickly realized just how starved for approval Elle was. Underneath that drunk party girl had laid a fragile woman who was susceptible to his charms and his control. She was so starved for someone to love her that she’d put up with just about anything.

She had been so easy to isolate. Elle didn’t really talk to her family after all. Her piece of shit father was God knows where, her mother was too selfish to care, and her grandfather was out of his mind with dementia. Her old brother Jake had been a definite road block for Adam of course. It hadn’t been hard to convince Elle to cut off contact with her brother though. All Adam had to do was play Elle’s need for independence against Jake’s need to overprotect her.

Soon enough Adam had Elle all to himself. Her friends had stopped coming around and she had learned to ignore Jake’s calls. She was all alone with Adam and no one stood in his way when it came to molding her into the woman she should be for him.

Once he’d found out about Elle’s less than ideal childhood Adam had of course used it to his advantage. She was so accustomed to being treated badly that she’d take just about anything from him as long as he told her he was doing it out of love.

Anytime she’d questioned his poor treatment of her All Adam had to do was remind her of where she’d come from. When she spoke out all Adam had to do was remind her that she was just a spoiled stupid bitch who was lucky that he bothered to put up with her. He played on her past; her shitty parents, her affluent but troubled childhood, and her desire to be loved and accepted.

She had been so eager to find a place in the world that she had taken Adam’s abuse and his infidelity. He had so easily convinced her to take the abuse and clear disrespect. He had made her believe that she simply got what she deserved.

Adam had no problem gaslighting Elle. She was so easy to manipulate. Adam had little trouble convincing her that the beatings were her fault. All Adam had to do was tell Elle that if she didn’t piss him off and step out of line then she wouldn’t make him lose his temper.

The lesson had been that she got what she gave when it came to Adam. Sometimes she just got the brunt of Adam’s frustrations. It was all fair though as far as Adam was concerned.

It seemed that something had finally snapped within Elle though. She had finally worked up the nerve to run. Adam had assumed he had broken her, but Elle had somehow remained strong enough to walk away. Elle had finally worked up the nerve to leave him.

The bitch was gone. This was the only thought that ran through Adam’s head as he walked into the dark condo to find the place empty of human occupants.

Half the dishes were missing; her favorite pink coffee cup and the tall blue crystal glasses most noticeably were missing from their place in the kitchen cabinets.

The few childhood items she had taken into their new home were gone; the pink tiger stuffed animal and the yellow fuzzy duck stuffed animal. Her records were long gone as well as her record player. Her laptop was missing as well as her camera.

Her sewing machines were gone as well as her books of sketches. Most of the dresses she had made were gone from their racks. She had even taken the gown she had been working on.

Adam slammed the door to his fiancée’s walk in closet open bile rising in his throat as he took in the sight. Most of her clothing was gone; at least the less expensive items were missing. She had taken the clothing she refused to part with despite all of the extravagant outfits he’d given her to wear.

Adam silently took inventory of the only things that remained the large closet: piles of designer dresses and gowns, extravagant jewelry, designer heels and purses, perfumes that cost him a fortune, an expensive set of Louis Vuitton luggage, and a pile of fur coats.

The final item sitting in the center of the room only twisted in the knife farther cementing the fact that she really wasn’t coming back; a ring. The engagement ring was hard to miss. The clear large pear-shaped diamond twinkled under the bright lights of the closet as did the platinum band.

Eleanor was really gone. The bitch had grown a pair and left him. No one left Adam Reyes.

With the realization that his fiancée had finally left him Adam lost it. His explosive temper was once again kicked off like a powder keg. He threw the items around her closet wrecking everything, ripping fabrics, breaking shelving, and shattering glass.

When the damage was done Adam picked up the only thing remaining safe from his destruction; the ring. He stared down at the engagement ring knowing that he would put it back on Elle’s finger one way or another. She would wear her engagement ring again even if he was forced to slip it on her cold dead finger.

No one abandoned Adam Reyes without regretting it. Eleanor would come back to him one way or another. She would be coming back home to him where she belonged rather she came willingly or not.

Adam didn’t know how he would find Eleanor; but when he did it wouldn’t be pretty.

She was his after all. Eleanor belonged to Adam Reyes for life.

………………………

Present Day:

Elle stared down at the copier in the Grump Space her mind easily drifting off into a daydream as she went through the tedious task of making copies. Suzy had put her in charge of the task of copying and passing out the Grumps itinerary for the upcoming con they were leaving to attend at the end of this month.

The listed agenda Suzy had written up looked long and exhausting from the little Elle had read. She didn’t envy anyone who had to follow this schedule.

She could admit she was a bit bummed to realize that Dan would be leaving along with rest of the Grumps for a con in just a few short weeks.

Elle was a bit stunned to realize that she would miss Dan so much while he was away. She felt a little stupid for it. It would only be a week, but still it would be an entire week without him. She had grown so easily accustomed to waking up in his bed, eating breakfast with him and Barry, going to work with him, and coming home with him.

It would be strange not having Dan around, or Barry for that matter. Everyone was going to the convention after all.

Elle had to wonder if she would be allowed to stay at Dan’s and Barry’s place. Or would she be expected to go back to her own apartment with Dan and Barry gone.

Were Dan and she even at the point where she would be trusted to stay at his place all alone. She was pretty sure they weren’t.

She tried to ignore the sinking feeling she felt in her heart at the thought of going back to her own place. She had gotten so lost in playing house with Dan. Going back to her own place all alone was certainly going to be a sad wake up call.

Elle frowned at the thought. It had been so easy to fall into a routine with Dan. They’d spent every waking moment together since they’d gotten together.

Part of her had to wonder if this much closeness was healthy at the beginning of a relationship. She guessed Dan and she hadn’t had the most normal relationship though given her issues and all the drama surrounding her brother’s stupidity.

They had moved fast, but it all seemed so right. She was surprisingly comfortable with the pace Dan and she had been moving at. It wasn’t as though they’d jumped right into being physical after all. They were actually moving pretty slow as far as the physical aspect of their relationship went.

So far, they’d just been playing house; spending the night in his bed, eating meals together, going into work together. It had been like living together without taking the big scary jump of actually living together.

At the end of the day Elle had decided it was best not to worry about how close they’d gotten and rather it was normal or not. Dan and she had been happy so far, and that was enough to quiet any of her worries.

Elle almost jumped out of her skin her mind snapping to alertness as she felt a pair of familiar gangly arms wrap themselves around her waist.

She eagerly leaned back into the embrace Dan’s amused voice sounding close to her ear. “Are we having fun yet?”

“Such a blast.” She replied lying about how dull her morning had been so far. She had spent most of the morning sorting mail. That was after she had gone on a coffee run for everyone in the office. 

She had driven Dan’s car which had been nerve-wracking given the SUV was bigger than her little car. Still though she’d managed to navigate her way through LA traffic in the SUV and make it back to the office with everyone’s complicated coffee orders.

The day had been slow so far and Elle could admit she was having a hard time keeping her eyes open. It didn’t help that she’d had another restless night. The lack of sleep the night before and the slow day were catching up with her and she wouldn’t be shocked if she didn’t fall asleep the second she made it back to Barry and Dan’s place.

“Oh, if that’s the case I better go then. I can’t take any of your fun from you.” Dan teased a chuckle escaping his throat as she leaned back further into him one of her hands grasping onto his arm holding him back from parting from her.

“No, no leaving me alone. I’m a big fat liar. This isn’t fun. Stay and amuse me.” Elle whined not helping but to snuggle against him more.

Dan snickered at this glad to nuzzle her neck his grip not loosening on her. “Okay I’ll stay, even if you did lie.”

Elle let out a small giggle as he continued to nuzzle her neck the scuff on his face tickling her skin. She moved slowly starting in on the next copy the movement a bit difficult with Dan clinging to her, not that she was complaining. “Honestly though, this is taking forever. It feels like I’ve been making copies for hours. There’s so many copies to make. Suzy still wants me to email hotel directions to everyone and she said something about making copies of maps to the hotel and the convention center. I feel like Suzy is just going to handcuff me to this thing and turn me into some kind of copy making slave.”

Dan giggled shaking his head at this comment. “Come on now Ellie. If anything, Suzy would handcuff you to a makeup counter so she could just use you as a model for makeup tutorials”

Elle sighed knowing that Dan probably had a point. She’d quickly realized that Suzy seemed to enjoy using her as a living doll when it came to things like makeup.

Since Dan’s and Elle’s date the week before Suzy had been happily attempting to try out new lipsticks and eyeliner on Elle. Elle was trying not to complain. She usually did enjoy the result of Suzy’s work after all.

She changed the subject frowning down at the copies she’d already made. “This itinerary for this convention you guys are going to is crazy.”

“Yeah they always are. It’s a lot of work and it’s exhausting. We’ve been to this convention center before. It’s huge. Florida is going to be so humid though. My hair is going to be a bigger mess than usual. The convention should be fun though. It’s cool to see all the lovelies and some other YouTube people. Plus, there’ll be some cool gaming stuff and some cosplay to look at when I’m not working. I just hope I don’t get stuck rooming with Barry. He snores so damn loud. I mean he doesn’t snore as loud as Brian…or Arin. When Arin toured with Brian and me to play as Starbomb I didn’t get any sleep between listening to the two of them. At least at home I have a hallway between Barry and us to protect my ears. Ugh and I hope I don’t get con plague.” Dan responded not helping but to gush a bit at his excitement for the upcoming convention.

It was going to be exhausting, but it was a fun part of the career he’d been blessed with. There were still times though that he had a hard time wrapping his head around the fact that he actually had fans. It was at times still a little bit surreal especially when he allowed himself to think too hard about it.

“Yeah, Barr isn’t quiet…pretty sure I could hear him through his door when I got up to get a glass of water the other night…At least it’s not Brian this time around. I mean didn’t you say you usually get stuck rooming with him? What the heck is con plague?” Elle replied trying to ignore the slight ache in her heart that popped up any time she allowed herself to think about him leaving for this convention.

“That is true. Brian is three times more deafening than Barry. Brian is bringing the wife and kid though. So, I’m being spared from sharing a room with him this time around. Con Plague is the result of being in a convention center with too many germy people. Crap gets passed around. It’s pretty much a stomach bug from hell. I’ve avoided it for the most part, but someone in our group always gets it every time there’s a convention. Personally, I’m planning on bathing in hand sanitizer this trip.” Dan replied ignoring the ache in his own heart and the question blooming in the back of his mind.

He didn’t like the idea of leaving Elle alone even if it was just for a week. She was still continuing to struggle with nightmares. The idea of leaving her to struggle all alone bothered Dan.

Yes he knew there would be calls and maybe even facetime calls, but he still din’t like the idea of leaving her alone to deal with her issues.

It was more than just that though; he had been so happy spending all this time with her. He’d been shocked by how effortlessly he’d fallen into the routine of spending most of his free time by her side. He’d had zero desire to escape from how serious things were growing. He’d had no yearning to seek out space away from her. There had been no desire to run from her.

He’d happily sunk into this routine of being by her side; having her there by his side when fell asleep at night and by his side when he woke in the mornings.

Being apart wasn’t going to be easy even if it was just for a short period of time. The fact that he was so reluctant to leave her behind took him off guard. It had never felt so easy being like this with anyone before. It had never been so easy for him to let go of his anxiety and let himself fall for anyone without panicking.

Dan worried that he was being too clingy, but he just couldn’t stop himself. It was a new feeling for him; feeling so attached so quickly. He wasn’t the type to cling to anyone not even when he’d been younger and less jaded. He was always the first to disappear at the first sign of clinginess. He was the first to run at the first sign of commitment after all.

Dan was stunned at the lack of anxiety he felt about how things were developing with Elle. It felt so natural, like this was how it should have been all along. There was zero desire to get out of it; no need to cling on to his independence.

He was just happy to sink into the change in their relationship. He was happy to just focus on having her here by his side. There would be more than enough time to think about the future later. Right now, he just wanted to live in the moment with her.

Dan was just relieved that she was willing to give him a chance to earn her trust and to prove that he wasn’t going to fall back into his habit of running when things got too serious.

It was a somewhat daunting feeling; falling this fast this hard. He couldn’t fight it though. He could admit that he didn’t want to fight it.

As pathetic as Dan felt about it he couldn’t stop himself from pouting over being apart from his new girlfriend for a week.

He guessed that no one could really blame him. It wasn’t as though Elle and his relationship was just some fresh relationship forming out of the blue. They hadn’t come together in the most traditional of ways after all. They’d bonded before they’d become a couple. There had been so many late-night calls and so many talks. They’d probably gotten to know one another better than most couples got to know each other before the first date. They’d formed a close bond as friends first. So, feeling this clingy had to be normal in these circumstances, didn’t it?

Besides Elle had been through so much, so Dan didn’t think anyone could criticize him for being such a mopey clingy mess when his girlfriend was going through something so difficult. He was just being a good boyfriend; worrying about her, wanting her to feel safe in his absence.

Dan kept trying to tell himself to be a mature adult about this entire trip. This was part of his job after all. He was being ridiculous getting all mopey over leaving his girlfriend for a week.

The idea of asking her to join him on this trip danced around in the back of his mind. After all she could probably afford the plane ticket and he could shell out the money for a hotel room for them to have all to themselves. Getting her a backstage pass wouldn’t be too hard. It would just take a few phone calls and a little sweettalking to the right people. Getting her all the proper passes wouldn’t be too much to ask for, Brian was already getting a pass for his family after all.

The idea of asking Elle to come to the con with him was tempting. Dan felt the question become lodged in his throat though.

Fears of being too clingy kept him from asking the question. It was probably too soon for a trip like this. It would probably be too much too soon for her; being thrown into a convention, seeing the depth of his internet celebrity.

Besides some time apart might do them some good, it would probably be healthy for them.

If it was such a good idea though then why’d he hate it so much?

Dan pushed this conundrum from his brain refusing to allow himself to get too worked up over it. He continued to nuzzle her neck allowing his hands to caress her curves. He smirked at the slight hitch in her breath as his hands slid along her sides. He couldn’t help but to tease her a bit as he changed the subject his voice lowering. “So, Miss Brannock after you get done with those copies would you mind coming to my office. I might need you to take some diction for me.”

Elle giggled shaking her head unable to stop herself from sinking against his hands. He was way too good with his hands. “I don’t think diction means what you think it means Mr. Avidan.”

Dan snorted at this giving her hips a squeeze unable to stop himself from playfully rutting his hips against her at least once. He smirked at the gasp that left her lips at this action. He was tempted to do it again but held back more than sure that too much rutting might get Excalibur a little too excited. “I happen to have an extensive understanding of vocabulary.”

Elle chuckled at this a hand gripping down onto the copier as she struggled to ignore the desire to grind her bottom against his hips. The last thing she needed was anyone in the office to walk in on her grinding against Dan.

She spoke slipping back into the little game they’d started. “I don’t know if I can take satisfactory diction for you Mr. Avidan. Your office is so small. I’d have to take your seat and it doesn’t seem right for my boss to have to stand in his own office.”

Dan snickered at this tempted to point out that Arin was probably technically her boss, but he was pretty sure bringing up Arin in the middle of flirting wasn’t a turn on for either of them. “Oh, you can sit in my lap…ya know so I can be sure you’re taking precise notes. Can’t have my sexy secretary making any typos.”

Their little game was interrupted by a groan a familiar Australian accent joining in on the conversation. “Oh my God, get a room.”

Dan and Elle felt their cheeks flush both wondering just how much of their conversation Ross had heard. Dan refused to part from Elle just yet choosing instead to send a glare Ross’ way. “We had a room. You’re the one who entered it.”

“Yeah, it’s a public room. I didn’t expect to walk in on this.” Ross grumbled returning Dan’s glare a grimace fixed into his features.

Elle snickered shaking her head as Dan and Ross continued their stare off. “No one said you had to listen in Ross.”

Ross shook his head the grimace on his face deepening though in reality the grimace was more a means to annoy his coworkers than a sign of true disgust. Lord knows he’d seen Arin and Suzy do worst. “Kind of hard to ignore you two grinding up on each other. You two are disgusting.”

Dan let out a huff shaking his head at Ross’ statement. “Like Holly and you don’t cuddle in the office all the time.”

“Yeah but it’s not disgusting when we do it. Barry is right you two are disgustingly affectionate.” Ross remarked smirking at the paleness that crossed Dan and Elle’s faces at the mention of Barry’s complaints.

Barry really hadn’t shared much, just triumphantly announcing that he’d walked in on Dan and Elle kissing and had therefore won the bet. Still though Ross had to enjoy making Dan squirm.

Dan spoke up reminding himself that Barry probably hadn’t shared anything about Elle’s and his make out session Barry had interrupted the week before. Ross was more than likely just yanking their chain. “You’re just pissy because you lost that bet to Barry.”

“Of course, I’m pissed. There was like over three hundred bucks in the pot. I had plans for that money. Barry actually split it with you two. It’s not fair. You two weren’t supposed to benefit from that bet.” Ross remarked rolling his eyes hating to admit that he was bummed over the loss of the bet he’d started.

The bet was supposed to annoy Dan but Dan had somehow managed to benefit from it. It wasn’t any fun for Ross when Dan wasn’t annoyed.

Dan rolled his eyes pulling Elle away from the copier. “Well since we’re sooo disgusting we’ll leave. Come on Ellie. Come cuddle with me while I record.”

“But I have to make copies.” Elle pointed out her protest falling on deaf ears as Dan continued to drag her away.

He spoke sending a smug grin Ross’ way as he pulled Elle from the room. “Ross can finish them. He clearly wants the room so he can have control over making copies.”

Elle shook her head ignoring Ross’ protests as Dan and she disappeared from sight. She spoke giving Dan a nudge as he wrapped an arm around her leading her to the recording room. “Suzy better not kill me for abandoning those copies.”

“If Suzy gets upset she can yell at me. Just blame it on me if you get in trouble. Come on. I need your support. I think Arin might be playing a horror game. He told me I’m going to love the game, and then said something about demon possession and psycho killers. Those aren’t any of the things I enjoy.” Dan insisted knowing that Suzy probably wouldn’t be too upset Elle had abandoned her job on his request. If it was that big of an issue Dan could always help make copies before they left for the day.

Elle felt herself freeze up as Dan drug her into the room shooting Arin a victorious smile. “Elle is going to protect me from the scary game while we record. She’s tougher than me and can keep me safe.”

Arin snorted at this announcement shaking his head. “Good, you’re going to need her to keep you safe. This one has a lot of jump scares and we both know you freak out when you get jump scared.”

“I can’t help it. I hate that crap. I hate that we’re playing this. I know people sent it in, but I hate it so much. I can’t handle anything horror at all. This game looks like a nightmare.” Dan grumbled ignoring the fact that Arin sometimes purposely picked these games just because he knew it gave Dan the creeps.

He knew that fans had been requesting that they play this game, but Arin had been way too enthusiastic to agree to the suggestion.

Elle shifted in place staying close to the door as Dan’s hand left hers. She couldn’t stop herself from feeling apprehensive about this entire situation. What was she supposed to do while they recorded? She probably shouldn’t talk even if Dan and she had already decided that they weren’t going to hide their relationship.

She should probably keep quiet while they recorded. Arin and Dan would probably want her to keep her lips sealed so they could work. It would be hard to keep quiet when she had to be so close to the mics though. What if she accidentally sneezed or bumped a mic? What if she did something that messed up the entire recording?

Dan cleared his throat as he caught Elle eyeing the microphone set up as though it was capable of biting her. “Just sit with me and cuddle me Ellie. You don’t have to say a word. You can just close your eyes and try to get some rest while we work. No one will even know you were here.”

“Yeah sit and cuddle him Ellie.” Arin snickered earning a small jab in the shoulder from Dan though it did little to quell Arin’s cackles.

Dan sat down on the sofa easily wrapping himself into a warm cocoon with a large white blanket. He opened the blanket signaling for Elle to join him. “Come here, get warm.”

Elle pushed back her own anxieties settling down beside Dan not helping but to sink against him as he all too happily wrapped the blanket around them forming a cozy little cocoon. Thankfully the blanket was more than big enough for the two of them.

Elle couldn’t stop herself from burying her face against his chest pushing the cord to his headphones aside as she attempted to relax against him. Arin snickered taking in the sight of Elle curled up against Dan the older man looking downright giddy to have her so close. He could clearly spot the look of bliss on Dan’s face as he held her against him his arms happily encircling her underneath the heavy blanket.

Arin spoke not helping but to tease Elle able to sense she still was a little unsure of all of this. “Just don’t snore and no one will hear a thing.”

“I don’t snore. Dan says you snore.” Elle mumbled causing Arin to let out an overdramatic gasp.

“Daniel why would you share all my secrets?” He exclaimed causing Dan to chuckle his chest shaking causing Elle to let out a small huff the movement causing her to rock against him.

Dan snickered pressing a kiss to the top of Elle’s head as he settled back down. He shook his head answering Arin. “You do snore. I have the video to prove it. It’s not my fault I’m a silent sleeper.”

Elle sighed exposing his lie as she allowed herself to be lulled into a state of comfort by the sound of Dan’s heartbeat. “You do talk in your sleep though. You mumble and you kind of drool when you’re in a deep sleep.”

“You adore my drooling.” Dan insisted giving her backside a small squeeze causing her to jerk against him ever so slightly.

Arin caught sight of this giggling when Elle sent Dan a glare it obvious to Arin that Dan had been coping a feel. Dan was quick to move his hand back to the small of her back giving her forehead an apologetic kiss as he spoke. “Try to get some rest babygirl.”

He sent Arin a warning glare quick to shut up any response to the babygirl comment as Arin started up the recording quickly jumping into work mode. “And we’re here. Hey everyone. We’re going to be playing Nightmare Estate.”

Dan let out a groan his reaction authentic. “Yep…so glad to be playing it. Apparently, a lot of you lovelies have been requesting it…. I am not going to lie. I don’t think I will enjoy this at all.”

“You don’t know that. You could love the Nightmare Estate. It sounds like a lovely place.” Arin insisted sounding all too giddy to be subjecting Dan to this.

Elle tried hard not to chuckle as Dan spoke rolling his eyes as he reluctantly took in the title screen. “That doesn’t sound like a lovely place Arin. It sounds terrible. It looks terrible already.”

Dan grinned able to feel the vibration of Elle’s chuckles against his chest. He began to rub her back happy to hold her close. He felt overjoyed any time she was near. Having her so close while he was recording was incredible. 

Arin sighed shaking his head still insisting that this wouldn’t be horrible for Dan. “No, it doesn’t look terrible at all. Look at all that blood. It totally sets a beautiful scene. This is going to be just the most delightful peaceful experience of your life Dan.”

“Totally, real peaceful right now. Feeling so at peace.” Dan replied gritting his jaw as he watched the scene play out. Of course, the main character had to be waking up in an asylum and of course there had to be severed body parts and congealed blood.

He eagerly tore his eyes from the screen staring down at his girlfriend all too happy to bury his face against the top of her head the cherry blossom scent of her perfume a pleasant distraction from the terror on the screen in front of him.

Elle was surprised as she felt herself begin to drift off even as Arin spoke up his voice rising and Dan jerking slightly as the main character was attacked by an axe wielding asylum patient. “See Dan, so peaceful.”

“Ugh, yeah that guy looks so Zen.” Dan remarked pressing a kiss to the top of Elle’s head attempting to silently apologize for his jumpy movement.

He had a feeling he might be getting jumpy off and on throughout this entire recording. They were barely into the game and his heart was already slamming in his chest. He really really really hated horror games.

He had a feeling Elle didn’t mind how much he was moving though given that she stayed still snuggled up against him. He felt a small smile work its way across his lips as her breathing began to slow. She was clearly beginning to drift off her exhausted mind overriding any reaction to his freak outs.

Dan cringed the short moment of relief that the main character had escaped the axe wielding psycho fading as the character was snatched into the darkness by another set of bloody arms. There were too many bloody arms for whatever grabbed the main character to be human.

This play though wasn’t going to be pleasant for him at all.

Dan was surprised that Elle stayed fast asleep never allowing his jumps and jerks to wake her from her nap. Arin spoke as they finally ended the recording being sure to shut off the mics. “She must have been exhausted to sleep through you jumping every five seconds.”

Dan shook his head ignoring Arin’s comment about him jumping. “She had a rough night last night. I don’t think she settled down and got a deep sleep until four am.”

Arin nodded his head tempted to dig for information about the rough night, but he held back reminding himself that it wasn’t his place to push for information. Elle would open up if and when she was ready. “So, have you invited her to the con?”

“No, I mean…I wasn’t sure if it would be a good idea.” Dan blurted out more than surprised at Arin’s question. He had to wonder it had been that obvious that he was so morose over the thought of leaving her behind for the con.

Arin shrugged his shoulders taking a swig of water as he tried to reassure Dan. “Why would it be a bad idea? She’d probably enjoy it. She’d get to see you being worshiped by hundreds of adoring lovelies. You two did say that you had the fan talk right? I mean she is cool with it. So, you might as well let her get a taste of what it’s like.”

Dan snorted at worshiped by lovelies comment. “You don’t think she’ll get freaked out by it? I mean it’s going to be weird to see…ya know the panel and the meet and greet…not to mention the fact that we always get approached by tons of fans at these things. People are going to ask questions especially when they see her and me hand in hand outside of me doing work stuff there…. You don’t think it’ll scare her off.”

“There’s only one way to tell. I mean you’re probably going to want to take her to a convention eventually. Maybe it won’t be too weird for her. Rachel will be there with Audrey, so Elle won’t be the only non-internet famous person there.” Arin pointed out.

He spoke again a small smirk crossing his lips. “Plus, it’ll stop you from letting out that sad little pathetic sigh every time Suzy brings up the con. You can make plans to take your babygirl with you and stop being so sulky.”

“Shut up, I listen to Scuz and you call each other gross pet names constantly. I won’t be shamed for my use of babygirl.” Dan replied relieved that it was Arin and not Ross commenting on the babygirl subject, though Dan had a feeling Ross was bound to overhear it eventually.

Arin chuckled nodding his head. “Good point. I won’t give you too much crap. She makes you too disgustingly happy for me to rib on you too much.”

Dan shook his head a small sigh leaving his lips. He knew Arin had a point. He might as well let Elle see the insane reality of his life sooner than later.

She had promised that she could deal with the fans, and he and she had both agreed that they didn’t want to keep their relationship a secret.

He spoke up making his choice known. “You think you can make the calls for me. See about getting her the pass and anything else she might need.”

Arin gave him a small pat on the arm taking another swig from his water bottle. “Can do. Suzy is going to be thrilled…Holly is too.”

Dan chuckled at this knowing that Arin was right. Suzy and Elle had seemed to grow a bit closer since Suzy had helped Elle get ready for their date. Dan had a feeling that Holly and Elle would bond just as easily thanks to their shared love of all things bird related.

This would be a good idea he told himself. This would be a fun experience for them both.

Now all he had to do was bring up the idea to Elle.


	14. Home Isn't a Place

Elle took a deep drag from her cigarette before exhaling cringing as the gray smoke slipped between her lips. If there was any possible way to go back in time and slap fifteen-year-old her for ever picking up a cigarette in the first place, Elle would so do it.

She guessed that most smokers probably shared that exact sentiment though some had probably started smoking much later than Elle.

She’d had her first cigarette with her own mother. Meredith Brannock had held the pack out to Elle her voice a drunken slur as she sipped the Mint Julep Elle had mixed up for her. “Take one. You’re old enough now. Might as well start feeding your demons young Eleanor. I know they feed kids nowadays that lung cancer, cigarettes kill garbage, but we all gotta die eventually. Just don’t tell your brother I’m letting you indulge your vices. He will never get off his high-horse if he finds out.”

Elle shook her head at the memory; just another trademark of Meredith’s highly skilled parenting and Elle’s messy childhood.

She’d also had her first alcoholic beverage with her mother. Elle could still remember the burn as she, then at thirteen years old, felt as she took a big swig of the Old Fashioned Elle herself had mixed up.

She’d been mixing drinks since age ten mostly for her mother. It wasn’t until she was in her late teens that it had hit her that this wasn’t a normal activity for any child.

Elle guessed her childhood was just another symptom of the famous Brannock Dysfunction. They were cursed; addiction, madness, and tragedy.

Elle was sure her father’s side hadn’t been any better. The Burkes weren’t any less dysfunctional or at least the Burkes she’d met weren’t any less screwed up. Grandfather Burke had hung himself at forty allegedly after knocking up one of his mistresses, this mistress allegedly being all of barely eighteen. Great Grandmother and Grandfather Burke had died in a murder suicide. Her aunt Gertrude Burke had been institutionalized off and on from the age of eight and on. Then there was her father of course; a powder keg of rage and a real bastard of a man.

Madness and tragedy were just family traditions on both sides of the family apparently. 

She would have guessed that dysfunction attracted dysfunction. Or at least she would have guessed that if her parents’ marriage had been one built out of love and attraction. The only attraction between Reginald Burke and Meredith Brannock had been the attraction of combining fortune and “good” breeding.

Elle shook her head trying to shove the thoughts and memories from her mind. She guessed being at this therapist’s office was pushing her brain into doing its own psychoanalysis.

Elle could admit that she was tempted to run away from this entire experience. It would be so easy to walk across the hot parking lot pass Dan’s SUV and head to a bus stop. She could just walk away from this entire appointment. She could just run far far away. She could just keep on running and running until she ran out of steam. She could just disappear. She was good at running when pain seeped in. She was great at numbing pain so she didn’t have to face it.

She pushed the desire to run from her brain reminding herself that she was doing this for Dan. She had promised Dan she was going to get help and she wasn’t going to break her promise.

The things we do for love. She cringed at that thought; love. It was too soon to be making any declarations of love.

Elle stared down at the still burning cigarette in her cast-free hand, her mind a muddled mess. She wasn’t ready for this appointment. She wasn’t anywhere near ready to face her past. Then again, she guessed she had never been ready to face the past.

She had been running away from her past for so long now.

It was kind of funny; people always insisted that the future was scary, but in Elle’s opinion the past was far more frightening.

In a way she’d always assumed that she knew exactly what her future held; pain and death rather it be by her own hands or by someone else’s hands. It was the Burke and Brannock family way; destroy yourself repetitively until there was nothing left to destroy.

She sighed rolling her eyes at the thought. She sounded so overdramatic. Her thoughts rang true though, or at least she’d always assumed they did. The dark corners of her mind always tried to remind her of the truth; that the family curses were bound to catch up with her eventually.

A part of her had to wonder how long it would take Dan to discover all the dark corners of her mind. How long would he stick around once he discovered just how fucked up her family history was?

A sick little voice in the back of her brain told her that she should just save Dan the trouble and the pain and tell him to get the hell away from her before she either destroyed him or forced him to watch her destroy herself.

Elle took a deep breath doing her best to shut this voice up. Dan had sworn to her that he wasn’t going to run away from being with her. He wasn’t going to let his past commitment issues convince him to run away from her. The least Elle could do for Dan was keep the promise she’d made to him about not running away either. She couldn’t allow her fears and issues to force her to run from him.

She was unable to stop her hands from shaking ever so slightly as she took another drag from her cigarette hoping that the nicotine would calm her frazzled nerves. It was seeming to do very little to help though. She guessed her anxiety was just too far gone for even a nicotine blast to soothe her.

Elle finished off the cigarette contemplating lighting another one, but quickly decided against it as she caught sight of the time on the watch on her right wrist.

She tossed the cigarette butt on the ground grinding out the flame grimacing as she realized that there was no ashtray nor garbage can in sight to deposit the cigarette butt in.

Elle left the butt on the ground pushing back any guilt she found over leaving the litter behind. Usually she would have shoved it into her jeans pocket and disposed of the evidence at the first trash can she met. She had a feeling though that this would only make her smell like an ashtray. She probably wouldn’t be able to ditch the cigarette butt until after her appointment given that she hadn’t spotted a trash can in the waiting room inside.

She at least made sure to give herself a quick spray of perfume from the travel bottle she kept in her purse, before she headed back inside.

Elle attempted to give Dan a smile as their eyes met from across the waiting room but knew that the smile came out as more of a weak grimace than a genuine smile.

She rolled her eyes ever so slightly as Dan curled his lip probably catching a whiff of the cigarette smoke still hanging on her clothing. She spoke attempting to defend herself. “I know it smells horrible and it’s horrible for me. I’ve cut back though. This is the first cigarette I’ve had in weeks…and I’ve stopped the menthols.”

Dan chuckled softly shaking his head not helping but to allow a bit of sarcasm to slip from his lips. “I’m sure the non-menthols won’t give you COPD.”

Elle waved her hand as if to shoo away his comment a small chuckle slipping from her own lips. “Very funny.”

She bit the inside of her cheek tempted to tell him that he sounded a lot like Jake right now. She held back though sure that comparing Dan to her older brother probably wasn’t the best choice especially considering the subject of her brother was still a little bit of a fresh wound for the both of them.

Elle herself was still more than pissed off at Jake over the entire stunt he’d pulled telling Dan to leave her alone. Elle was pretty sure that Dan was on the same page as her given that anytime her brother was brought up Dan’s body went tense and his face became fixed into a scowl.

Elle began to fidget in her seat unable to calm her nerves. She trained her eyes on the closed door leading from the waiting room to the therapists’ offices, her stomach in knots.

Dan let out a sigh swallowing back any desire to further nag her over her cigarettes. Lord knows he’d probably damaged his own lungs the years he’d spent smoking pot like marijuana was going to be depleted from the earth at any second. He probably didn’t have the right to criticize her over her smoking cigarettes when he himself wasn’t entirely innocent.

Still he couldn’t help but to worry about her vices. At least she was cutting down he told himself. Cutting down was a step towards quitting.

Elle visibly jumped as Dan reached across the armrest of the lumpy waiting room chairs his hand grasping over hers. Elle took a deep breath trying her best not to grasp down too hard onto his hand.

She spoke a shaky breath escaping her lips allowing herself to repeat the same thing she’d said a million times this morning. “Thank you for coming with me…you really didn’t have to. I mean I know we both had to leave work early for this…I would have been fine on my own. I mean going on my own would have sucked, but you really didn’t have to fuck up your recording schedule to tag along with me. I mean I’m making you miss work and thus probably screwing with Arin’s schedule as well as yours all so you can sit in a waiting room bored out of your mind waiting on me to do something I could do on my own.”

Dan gave her hand a gentle squeeze soothing her the same way he’d done at least a thousand times today. “I wanted to come…I wanted to be here for you, I know you’re going to need the support. Arin’s and my recording schedule won’t be too messed up by me leaving early. We’ll just have to pull a late one tomorrow night to make up for today.”

Elle gave him a tight smile struggling not to let her eyes water. How could he be so sweet? She really didn’t deserve him. “Thank you.”

Dan gave her hand another gentle squeeze continuing to soothe her. “You don’t have to thank me.”

He let out a small sigh clearly able to see her still fidgeting. He spoke still attempting to calm her. “Just take some deep breaths, remember in through your nose and out through your mouth. Breathe slowly.”

Elle nodded her head attempting to follow his orders struggling to calm herself.

She widened her eyes realizing that she didn’t have time to calm down as a tall woman opened the previously closed door looking up from the clipboard she was holding. “Eleanor Brannock.”

Dan stood up with Elle unable to stop himself from giving her a light hug his lips pressing to her temple as he tried to reassure her. “I’ll be right out here waiting for you. You’re going to be okay. Just be honest, okay babygirl. She can’t help you if you aren’t honest.”

Elle nodded her head biting the inside of her cheek as she resisted to joke that being honest might get her committed to the nearest psych ward.

She reluctantly parted from Dan turning to follow the woman from the safety of the waiting room to the last thing she wanted to face.

Elle tried to scooch up in the leather sofa Dr. Lopez had gestured for her to take a seat in. The brown leather sofa seemed to be bound and determined to practically swallow Elle’s frame.

Elle allowed her eyes to scan the tiny office as Dr. Lopez finished scribbling down the information Elle had provided so far. Elle knew that Dr. Lopez was more than likely reading over the checklist Elle had been directed to fill out when Dan and she had arrived at the office. It was just a form asking about her psychiatric history; asking if she hallucinated, if she abused illegal substances.

Elle was just relieved that Dan hadn’t looked over her shoulder as she’d filled the form out. No, it wasn’t like she was hallucinating or hearing voices, but still filling out the form hadn’t been something she’d enjoyed filling out while sitting beside her boyfriend of less than a month.

The office was tiny with old retro looking dark wood paneling and ugly gray carpet. She guessed the dreary gray was meant to hide any wear and tear from foot traffic. There were several metal file boxes which was a strange sight to see given Elle had assumed most of these places had moved past keeping paper files. Wasn’t everything filed electronically by now in order to cut back on paper usage? There were several degrees hanging on the walls; Ivy League universities where Dr. Lopez had apparently been educated.

Dr. Lopez sat in a modern looking white desk chair beside an old mahogany desk. The desktop background on her computer was a cheerful looking Golden Retriever. Elle had to wonder if it was Dr. Lopez’s dog, or was it just some random stock footage dog?

There was a large mahogany coffee table placed between the doctor’s desk and the couch where Elle found herself sitting. The coffee table was practically covered with helpful pamphlets for just about every disorder in existence; Bi Polar Disorder, Schizophrenia, Post-Partum Depression, Clinical Depression, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, PTSD, and OCD.

What Elle noticed the most though were the boxes of tissues. Tissue boxes sat on just about every available surface. Apparently, this was a room where a lot of crying took place.

Dr. Lopez herself or Gina as she had insisted Elle should call her was an older woman, almost old enough to be Elle’s mother. Although unlike Elle’s mother Dr. Lopez was clearly lacking the extensive plastic surgery and gaudy jewelry Elle’s mother had indulged in. Dr. Lopez was far heavier than Elle’s mother would ever dare to be as well.

Still though Dr. Lopez was an attractive woman though her hair was graying she wore it elegantly, her brown skin held a few wrinkles but she clearly wore them without shame. Her hair was fixed back into a tight twist and the navy pantsuit she wore seemed to be tailored to fit her tall frame.

Elle continued to shift in her seat tempted to ask if she was allowed to light a cigarette. She had a feeling Dr. Lopez wouldn’t approve her request though.

Elle was pulled out of contemplating this question as Dr. Lopez spoke. “So, Eleanor, why don’t you tell me what brings you to my office in your own words.”

Elle tried not to cringe at the sound of her full name. She cleared her throat hoping she didn’t sound like a total brat. “It’s Elle…I prefer Elle to Eleanor.”

She cleared her throat already picturing just what Dr. Lopez had to be scribbling down on her notepad. She tried to shove the thought out of her brain as she spoke again. “I’m here because my boyfriend thought it was a good idea.”

“Your boyfriend is the gentleman in the waiting room?” Dr. Lopez asked still scribbling away on her notepad.

Elle shifted in her seat trying hard not to focus on Dr. Lopez’s scribbling. “Yes, Danny…his name is Danny. He…he thought it might help me.”

Elle felt the words fly from her lips without much thought. “I don’t really know why Dan puts up with me to be honest. I’m kind of fucked up, but he’s still here. I really don’t deserve him.”

“Why do you feel that you don’t deserve him? He clearly cares a great deal about you to attend this appointment with you.” Dr. Lopez asked looking up momentarily from the notepad as Elle stared down at her lap her stomach knotting up tighter.

Elle let out a shaky breath keeping her eyes locked on her lap as she spoke. “I’m a mess. He’s so sweet and gentle. He’s too kind for his own good. He’s really something special and he deserves someone just as special. I’m afraid that I’m not special. I’m too…damaged. I’m just a spoiled poor little rich girl. I pour so much onto him and he just takes all my issues…listens to me and tries to be there. I hand him all my baggage and he’s carrying it. He’s so wonderful and…and I’m just…not. I’m so pathetic. I’m a bad person…I’ve done things that I’m not proud of. I’ve been in screwed up situations that I’m so not proud of. I don’t deserve the love he gives me.”

Dr. Lopez scribbled down onto her pad before speaking causing Elle to look up at her. “I’m going to ask you a few simple questions Elle. If a good friend came to you saying what you just said to me, what would be your response? Would you agree with them? Or would you tell them they’re wrong and try to reassure them?”

Elle frowned a bit thrown off by the question. “I wouldn’t agree with them…. I mean I don’t really have friends…or I don’t think I do…It’s complicated. I’d like to believe I’m making friends here, but…I don’t know…I guess if I did have a good friend though and they said that to me I would try to reassure them.”

She was even more stunned by Dr. Lopez’s next statement. “So, you would be willing to give a friend a kindness that you wouldn’t allow yourself?”

“My hypothetical friend would probably deserve the kindness…I mean my friend probably wouldn’t have my history.” Elle argued her eyes locking back down on her lap.

Dr. Lopez stopped scribbling for a moment as she spoke. “Perhaps it’s time that you start treating yourself as a friend Elle. Anytime you have a negative thought about yourself I want you to start asking if you would accept it as a statement from a friend about themselves. If the answer is no, then you need to tell yourself not to accept it from yourself.”

Elle frowned part of her wanting to insist that it wasn’t that simple, but the other half of her couldn’t help but to wonder if perhaps it really was that simple. Maybe she really did need to start treating herself as a friend?

Dr. Lopez stayed silent for a moment seemingly allowing Elle to absorb this information before she spoke again. “How long have Danny and you been a couple?”

Elle felt her stomach roll quickly guessing that Dr. Lopez would tell her that she’d jumped into a relationship with Dan far too quickly after leaving her past relationship. “Not long…we were friends first…my, I moved to the area recently. Dan and my brother are friends…that’s how we met…I kind of, well I moved to California very suddenly…my ex fiancé, Adam…”

Elle paused her throat growing tight. She was quick to push back the need to cry. She wasn’t going to cry. She refused to cry. Crying meant weakness. “He…Adam, He wasn’t a nice guy…I-I didn’t know that when we met. When we met he was wonderful…a little egotistical and kind of a jerk sometimes, but I looked past it. He spoiled me, bought me so many nice things. He offered to buy me my own shop, so I could sell dresses…I’m a seamstress…. I refused though. I didn’t want another thing handed to me. I’ve had things handed to me all my life. Adam and I…we moved way way too fast. We both drank and partied too much…Adam he owns a nightclub, a lot of them…and I guess he lives a lifestyle to fit it. I know there’s drug use on his end…Cocaine…I’m pretty sure steroids too. He tried to get me to try the cocaine with him more than once…but I refused…I sobered up pretty soon after he started trying to push the coke on me. I probably should have left him then, but he just, he got really discreet about it after that. Pretty soon after Adam asked me to marry him, he got…he started to become angry…physically. At first, he’d just throw things…sometimes the things he threw…they’d hit me…sometimes he’d aim for me. He would always apologize…always buy me gifts; jewelry, fur coats, a car. He was always pretty possessive…he didn’t like me to go out alone. He was always very critical of me…always pointing out my faults, reminding me of my past…of my childhood. I should have left the first time he hit me. I was weak though…he told me I just pushed his buttons, that it was my fault. I believed him…and then he’d buy me more gifts and promise it wouldn’t happen again. I’d always convince myself that it was going to get better…that this was just normal couple shit…The last time was the worst. I found an earring in his car…I knew it wasn’t mine…I don’t wear cheap jewelry…so I knew what it meant. I confronted him…it wasn’t the first time he’d been unfaithful. He didn’t have the decency to deny it. He told me that he was allowed to stray…that I didn’t have the right to tell him what he could and couldn’t do. He said I needed to remember my place. I argued with him and he…he beat me…he beat me pretty badly.”

Elle took a deep breath refusing to look at Dr. Lopez. She didn’t want to see her pity. She didn’t want her pity. “He left after that…just tossed down a towel and told me to get in the shower…clean myself up and cover the bruises…we had a party to go tomorrow. A voice in the back of my head just…it just told me that this wasn’t the way to live…that this was how I was going to die. So, I just left. I ran without telling him where I was going. I couldn’t tell him…he’d kill before he let me leave him. I packed up my things and went to a hotel. I called my brother and got the first flight I could get to LA. Adam doesn’t know where I am…I know if he finds out though he’ll…he’ll make me regret leaving…Dan…he knows about it all…he keeps promising me that no one will hurt me as long as he’s around…he can’t make a promise like that though. Danny can’t protect me from everything.”

With this statement Elle felt her eyes begin to water. She reluctantly snatched up a tissue dabbing her eyes as she spoke again. “I don’t want anyone to get hurt because of Adam…If he found out about Dan and me…I don’t know that he wouldn’t hurt Dan too. I wouldn’t forgive myself if Dan got hurt because of me.”

Elle was stunned as Dr. Lopez spoke. “Have you considered the possibility of taking out a restraining order on your ex fiancé?”

Elle frowned knowing that her voice was sharp, angry. “I would have to face him in front of a judge for a restraining order to be instated. That would defeat the purpose of him not knowing where I am. What good would a restraining order do? I mean if he came after me what would I do with it? Roll it up and throw it at him?”

Dr. Lopez didn’t seem to take offense to Elle’s outburst. The woman simply nodded her head suggesting an alternative. “Perhaps you should consider taking a self defense class…once your out of that cast. The self defense class might make you feel more secure. If he does ever come near you though Elle, you would need to contact the police. I know that must be a scary concept, but you say that you're worried for the safety of the ones you care about. Contacting the police is the best way to protect your loved ones from Adam. You need to tap into the courage it took you to walk away from him.”

Elle soaked the idea in her eyes still watering as she came to a decision. She was going to learn to defend herself.

She would learn to fight back. If Adam came for her, if he came to hurt Dan, Elle would fight back. No one was going to get hurt. Adam wouldn’t hurt anyone again if she could stop it.

………………..

Dan shifted in his seat his eyes continually shifting upwards to look at the closed door. Elle had been in Dr. Lopez’s office for a long while now and Dan was beginning to worry.

He knew that she hadn’t been willing to go to this appointment today. He knew she was only doing it because she had promised him she would.

A part of him couldn’t help but to worry that he’d pushed her into something that might do her more harm than good. He did his best to shake this thought from his brain trying to tell himself that this would help Elle. Talking to someone capable of helping her handle her issues would help her a lot.

He continued to shift in his seat the thing horribly uncomfortable. The chair’s cushion had gotten so worn down that it was like sitting on a block of wood. It of course didn’t help that Dan’s body was all too bony. He didn’t have enough cushion on his butt to really help protect him from the chair’s lack of cushion.

Dan tried to keep his mind off his worries and his lack of cushion as he stared back down at his cell phone. He’d spent more than a while scrolling Reddit mostly looking at memes and scouring the Rush subreddit. He had found himself quickly growing bored with this though and he was slowly growing restless.

He entertained the idea of perhaps texting Arin or maybe Barry but he imagined Barry was busy editing and Arin may have decided to attempt to record a few things on his own. He probably didn’t need to interrupt either man while they were working just because he was bored out of his mind.

Dan found himself opening his phone’s camera roll his thumb quickly clicking on the photo Suzy had taken of Elle and he the night they’d had their first date. He’d had Suzy text it to him and he was thankful for it.

He knew that he looked so anxious in the photo. It was almost pathetic how much he looked like a deer in the headlights. Elle was smiling though the flowers he’d bought her held up proudly as she leaned back against his embrace.

He felt a small tight smile cross his lips so thankful for the conversation Elle and he had on that date. It had cleared a lot issues that might just have come up later; his past issues with committing, learning to deal with the fans.

He couldn’t help but to feel like he didn’t deserve Elle. She was so willing to take on his weird career and all the bizarre little things that came along with it. She was willing to allow him to explain his past to her. She was willing to reassure him that she trusted him not to run away from her.

A part of Dan couldn’t help but to wish that he’d met her years ago. Perhaps if he’d met her a few years ago he’d have saved himself a lot of heartache. Perhaps if there had been a way to meet her when he was in his twenties he might have gotten his shit together sooner. He at least might have been less miserable in his twenties if there had been a way for him to meet Elle back then.

He knew if he’d met Elle years ago he probably could have saved her a lot of pain too. Dan frowned realizing he could have saved her from Adam. Elle could have escaped ever knowing any of the pain Adam had subjected her to if Dan had met her first.

Dan pushed these thoughts away telling himself that there was no use thinking about what could have been. He had Elle now and as long as she would have him no one would hurt her. As long as Dan was around he wouldn’t let Adam hurt her.

Dan swiped his screen coming across the next pic. It had been taken the day before at the Grump Space when Elle had sat in on Arin and his recording. Arin had taken it before Dan had a chance to stop him. Elle was fast asleep her head buried against Dan’s chest the both of them still cocooned up in a blanket. Dan’s chin was resting over her head his eyes locked on the screen in front of him.

Dan stared at the photo his fingers moving fast to open the Instagram app. He frowned as he debated his next move. He had been telling the truth when he’d told Elle he didn’t want to hide their relationship.

She’d already assured him that she didn’t care what anyone had to say, that this was their relationship not anyone else’s. She had already said she wasn’t going to scour the internet for comments about herself. She could always turn to Suzy or even Dan himself for support if she somehow happened to see anything that got to her.

There weren’t any rules that said Dan would have to tag Elle in the photo if he uploaded it. Her face was obscured enough that it would be a decent photo to post as a little first step of making the fact that he was off the market public.

He knew that Jake seeing it wouldn’t be an issue. Jake had deleted his Instagram app. Dan was thankful for this. After all Jake had used Instagram to confront Dan about Elle in the first place.

Dan made his decision telling himself that he would remove the picture if Elle was upset. He uploaded the photo typing up a quick caption: “When you’re trying to be Not So Grump, but your girl needs a body pillow.”

He pushed the post button quickly shutting the app before he had a chance to second guess himself. He knew people would freak out. He’d called Elle his girl after all. There was no being cryptic about the fact that she was his girlfriend.

Dan rarely read his comments though. He was the type to post and then forget about it as he moved on to doing things he’d much rather be doing. This was a big move, but he quickly decided he didn’t care what anyone had to say.

He just hoped Elle felt the same way about this choice.

Dan stood up from the chair mentally kicking himself as he realized he’d practically knocked the thing over with the force in which he’d hopped up from his seat. He felt his heart twist as Elle walked out from behind the now open door. It was obvious she’d been crying; her cheeks were flushed and puffy and she was still clutching a tissue in her hand.

Dan was fast to embrace her allowing her to bury her head against his chest as he wrapped his arms tight around her. He pressed kisses to the top of her head unsure of what else he could do.

He managed to speak his voice soft. “Let’s go home, okay? You can take a bath and I’ll order something to eat for dinner. Are you ready to go home?”

Elle nodded her head ignoring the fact that he’d referred to Barry’s and his place as her home.

Home sounded good. Maybe home wasn’t a place. Maybe it was a feeling.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Elle managed to climb into the bath in Dan’s bathroom. She felt a little ridiculous having to wrap her cast in a garbage bag and tape the stupid thing down in order to keep the plaster cast dry. Still though Elle kept her arm out of the water allowing it to rest on the side of the tub. She would be so glad to be rid of the cast. It made bathing a complicated endeavor.

Elle was just relieved that Dan’s bathroom had a separate bath and shower. The old clawfoot tub looked as though it had never even been used. She guessed Dan wasn’t a bath type of guy, not that many men were. A tiny part of her couldn’t help but to wonder if perhaps she might one day get Dan to join her in the tub.

She had a feeling it would be a difficult endeavor fitting his long lanky body into the tub along with her shorter fuller body. Of course, taking a bath together would involve being exposed in front of one another. So, Elle was sure a shared bath might have to wait for a while.

She couldn’t deny that she liked the idea of sharing the tub with him though.

She closed her eyes allowing herself to relax in the hot water as she tried to recover from her appointment. She was surprised at the way she’d opened up. Once the words had begun to leave her mouth she hadn’t been able to stop them.

She wasn’t sure if she felt any better now that she’d talked. Mostly she felt drained. She guessed that therapy wasn’t an automatic fix though. Maybe the more she went the better she might feel. She was a little stunned at this thought after all before the appointment she’d been so unwilling to go, but now she was accepting that she would have to go again and again and again.

Therapy was going to be a long process, but maybe she wouldn’t feel so damaged by the time it was all over.

Elle spent probably too long in the tub it taking her a while to wash and condition her hair as well as shave. She hoped that she’d managed to get herself as clean as she’d hoped before pulling herself from the tub. She couldn’t help but to smile as she dressed not entirely surprised that Dan had handed over one of his Rush t-shirts along with her pajama pants and undergarments.

It was the same shirt she’d slept in that first night at his place. She guessed he really had enjoyed the way it looked on her.

Elle widened her eyes stunned as she walked into Dan’s bedroom to find him plugging his iPod into speakers’ music filling the room.

She spoke unable to stop herself from joking. “Mood music to go with the Chinese delivery?”

Dan chuckled shaking his head. “Something like that. Come here.”

She raised an eyebrow giving into his request making her way over to him. She was stunned as he pulled her against him wrapping his arms around her waist. He rested one at the small of her back allowing the other the rest above it.

Elle wrapped her arms around him assuming this was a hug. She was surprised though as he began to move swaying them slowly. “Dance with me. It’s our song.”

Elle felt the laugh escape her lips as it hit her that Foreigner was playing over the speakers; I Want to Know What Love Is.

“We have a song now? Was there a vote on what it was? Cause I didn’t get to place my vote.” She teased feeling a little hopeless as she attempted to follow his lead.

Dan chuckled taking her comment in stride. “I thought about picking an NSP song…ya know something super romantic like No Reason Boner, or Everybody Shut Up (I Have an Erection). I figured I’d spare you though. Besides I dance to my own albums alone all the time.”

“Oh, good. I might start worrying that you may need to check your ego if you wanted our song to be one of your own songs. If we were doing a Ninja Sex Party song though I would have chosen Best Friends Forever…nothing says romance like a homicidal ninja murdering all your friends.” Elle replied the laugh leaving her lips causing Dan to smile.

She spoke again shaking her head as she continued to struggle to follow his lead. “I’m afraid I’m not doing too great at this…I blame it on you being a tall skyscraper of a human being. I have zero idea where to put my arms because I can barely rest them around your shoulders.”

Dan snorted at this comment shaking his head. “You’re doing just fine. It’s not that I’m too tall it’s that you’re too short. Just turn your brain off and follow my lead. Just don’t think.”

Elle rolled her eyes ignoring his comment as she allowed herself to follow his suggestions. She was surprised that it became easier as she managed to move feeling less like a klutz.

She allowed herself to close her eyes letting herself sink into the feel of it; swaying gently close to him. She felt a small smile work its way across her lips as Dan leaned down his voice soft as he began to sing along. “In my life there’s been heartache and pain. I don’t know if I can face it again. Can’t stop now, I’ve traveled so far, to change this lonely life. I want to know what love is, I want you to show me. I want to feel what love is, I know you can show me.”

Elle felt the words become trapped in her throat but she didn’t allow herself to speak them. Now wasn’t the time, and what if she scared him off by saying it too soon. She knew it was the truth though. She couldn’t deny it.

So instead of speaking them out loud, she allowed the words to be said in her head: I love you Dan. I’m falling in love with you Danny. I love you. I’m so scared to tell you. Please don’t break my heart when I tell you.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Elle took a bite of her Spicy Tuna roll trying hard to ignore Dan’s eyes on her. He’d been staring at her all morning but anytime she questioned him about it he shrugged it off insisting it was nothing.

Dan stared back down at his Tempura roll silently trying to psyche himself up to do this. He’d purposely asked her out to lunch to do this. He had to man up and say it.

He stared up at her again causing her to raise an eyebrow as she took a sip of her Thai Milk Tea. She placed the plastic cup down not helping but to sound as frustrated as she was growing. “What? And don’t you dare say it’s nothing again Danny. You’ve been giving me that look all morning.”

She paused trying to smooth over just how demanding she was sounding. “Just spill…do I have like spinach in my teeth or something and you’ve just been debating the best way to tell me?”

Dan let out a shaky laugh his stomach knotting up. Maybe the tempura was a bad idea? His stomach was cramping. “No, no. It’s not that.”

He took a few deep breaths reminding himself to man up already. Just ask her. “You know how I have that convention coming up soon?”

“Yeah the one Suzy made me make a million copies for and send a million emails around the office for.” Elle remarked remembering how she’d silently groaned over how hard it was to type with one hand.

Dan chuckled nodding his head. “Yeah that one.”

He paused forcing the words from his mouth. “Come with me. I mean come with me to the convention. I’d like you to come to the convention with me.”

Elle widened her eyes totally thrown off by this offer. “I uh…is that even an option?”

“Oh yeah, Arin was actually the one who kind of suggested that it was okay to go ahead and ask you if I wanted to. All you’d have to do is buy a plane ticket. You can probably get a seat on our plane if we call today. I already took care of the hotel room. Arin has made the calls to get you the security pass you’d need to be with us.” Dan blurted out hoping she wouldn’t be upset that he’d jumped the gun and booked a hotel room for the two of them.

He was just sure that the hotel would book up fast. The hotel was only two blocks from the convention center so of course it would book up if he waited any longer. The courier had told Dan that he was lucky to have called when he did given that he’d actually managed to book one of the last rooms remaining with a queen-sized bed.

Elle cleared her throat her mind spinning. She wanted to go. Of course, she wanted to go. She’d just assumed he wouldn’t ask her. She hadn’t even thought it was an option. “Won’t I be in the way…I mean you’ll be working.”

Dan was quick to slide his hand across the table clasping it over hers. “No, you won’t be in the way. Brian’s wife and daughter will be there…so ya know while I’m doing the meet and greet you guys can hang out. She’d probably love to have someone to hang out with…Holly too. I mean Holly isn’t a Grump. So, she won’t be at the panel or the meet and greet. When I do the panel, you can just stay backstage and watch….and when I’m not working we can look around the con…just hang out and see what there is to see. You’ve never been to a con or anything like that. So, you can have your first con with me. You said you’ve never been to Florida so maybe we could go out to dinner or something too…see some things around town when I’m free.”

Dan paused fearing he’d made a giant mistake. Maybe she didn’t want to go to this con. Maybe she thought it was too soon to take a trip like this together. He spoke unable to stop the words from slipping from his lips. “I just thought you might want to see what I do at cons…ya know let me share it with you. I can understand if you ya know aren’t like ready for this kind of trip though. I totally get it if you don’t want to.”

Elle mentally cursed herself as she listened to his words. She’d shoved her foot in her mouth. She gave his hand a squeeze giving him a small anxious smile. “I want to go. I’d like to go. I want to share this with you.”

Dan returned the squeeze excitement hitting him hard. “Awesome! We can pack when we get home tonight.”

Elle chuckled that realization hitting her again. Home wasn’t a place. Home was definitely a feeling.


	15. Authors Note/Question

So I'm looking to sort of improve this story. I'm not 100 percent satisfied with it, or at the very least I don't feel that it's as entertaining and as perfect as it could possibly be. I really have enjoyed plotting out this story and I want everyone to enjoy reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it.  
So what I'm getting at is there anyone who maybe has some constructive criticism they'd be willing to give me as to how I can improve this fic for the better. Like I said I want it to be entertaining for you all. So if anyone has any sort of criticisms you can give I'd appreciate it as it would perhaps help me to do some rewrites and such.  
Any guidance/valid criticisms would be appreciated!


	16. Take On Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not even sure if anyone is actually enjoying this, but I've plotted it out too far to drop it so. Call it stubbornness, but I'm determined to see this fic out .

Elle knew she looked pathetic as she struggled to reach behind her and grasp a hold of the clasp to the necklace she’d chosen to wear. Why did they have to make these stupid clasps so tiny and so thin?

This was one of her favorite necklaces; a tiny gold heart engraved with a floral design hanging from a thin golden chain. It was a nice necklace; a family heirloom, but the chain and the clasp were so tiny and delicate. Her big stupid fingers could barely grasp it even without the cast hindering her progress.

She let out a heavy sigh shooting Dan a pitiful look as she spotted him enter his bedroom. “Help, please. I’m never going to get this dumb thing clasped by myself.”

Dan tried not to chuckle as he approached her easily taking a hold of the clasp and fastening the necklace all too easily. If she wasn’t so grateful to finally have it clasped she might be annoyed with how quickly he got the job done.

Elle let out a soft sigh as he pulled back a small smile on his face. “Better?”

“Much better. Sorry I’m so helpless.” Elle remarked having become used to apologizing to Danny as he was forced to help her do the simplest tasks that her lack of mobility made far too difficult.

It was just a few more weeks stuck in this cast she reminded herself, just a few more weeks of suffering through it and then she would be free of it.

Of course, she would probably need physical therapy to help strengthen her hand back up, but still being without this stupid cast would be a gigantic improvement to her everyday life.

Dan wrapped his arms around her embracing her from behind as he nuzzled her neck. “Don’t apologize doe-eyes. I’ll help you out any day of the week.”

Elle felt a small smile cross her features as she allowed herself to sink into his embrace. She was still stunned by how good a simple touch from Dan could feel.

It was an unfamiliar sensation for her, having someone touch her so gently simply because they enjoyed showing her affection.

She had begun to realize through the few therapy appointments she’d had that Dan truly was the first person in her life who gave her affection so freely and so enthusiastically.

Her brother was the only one who had ever been really affectionate with her, but of course that affection was far different from the type of affection one’s boyfriend showed them.

She had never had a boyfriend be so openly selflessly affectionate with her. Then again, she hadn’t had many boyfriends, not unless you counted Adam.

She couldn’t help but to cringe at the thought of him.

Elle knew that Adam’s touches had never been this gentle. His kisses and touches had been more of a means to show dominance over her. Adam’s kisses and touches had been about possessing her, showing everyone, she belonged to him. Adam had never really kissed her simply for the joy of kissing her. It had never been about showing her love.

Adam’s touches had never felt this good. She had never felt safe with him. Wasn’t a hug or a hold of the hand supposed to make you feel safe?

Dan’s acts of affection were the total opposite of Adam. Dan was so happy to kiss her, so thrilled to hold her hand, so eager to wrap an arm around her and hold her close to him.

She felt secure when Dan held her. She felt like no one could touch her when he held her hand.

She could only hope that she was doing just as good of a job in being affectionate with him. It was all a new experience for her. At times she couldn’t help but to feel a little lost. She wasn’t sure what was normal in a healthy relationship after all.

Dan had somehow remained so patient even with her ineptness when it came to what was expected in a healthy relationship.

Dan stared at their reflection in the mirror a content smile crossing his features. He couldn’t help but to be entranced by the sight of Elle and he together. It looked so right, like she should have been here in his arms all along.

She looked great. She looked elegant even if they weren’t going anywhere fancy enough to require more than jeans and a t-shirt. They were just meeting the Grumps for dinner. They were going out to a nice fun dinner before they had to take a plane early tomorrow morning and head for the convention in Florida.

They had picked a gourmet burger place not far from Suzy and Arin’s house. It had all sorts of specialty burgers including veggie and turkey burgers. It was a good affordable place to have a nice laid-back meal between friends.

Though they were just hitting a burger place Elle had still worn a plum hued sundress and a nice comfortable pair of dressy sandals. She’d managed to find a black cropped cardigan that would stretch over her cast.

Dan couldn’t help but to smile at all the signatures on the cast. Everyone in the office had happily signed and drawn all over the cast making it appear less dreary, though Dan had given the strict order, mostly to Ross and Arin, that no one was to draw anything resembling a dick.

Elle couldn’t help but to chuckle as Dan pulled his cell phone from his pocket eagerly snapping a selfie of the two of them. Her laughter only grew as he opened Instagram posting the photo with a caption: Night out with my girl before I leave for Playlist Live. Florida here we come!

Elle couldn’t help but to tease him as she spoke. “I think you’re addicted to posting selfies on Instagram. It’s like you’re a fifteen-year-old girl.”

“What can I say. I’m proud of my girlfriend. I want to show her off. How else am I going to prove that I’ve really made it to all the guys who beat me up back in middle school? I have to rub in how awesome my life is somehow. I have a hot girlfriend and a cool job, that’s revenge enough.” Dan joked snorting at the comparison to him and a teenage girl.

He was quick to speak again chucking at Elle’s darkened cheeks the praise of her being hot. “Fifteen year old me would be psyched to know I have a cute girlfriend….he’d be totally psyched to see me now…ya know, knowing I found a way to make the music thing work and I’m living in LA with a cute girl by my side. 15 year old Danny would be ecstatic.”

“Fifteen year old Danny wasn’t getting the girls?” Elle teased causing Dan to snort again.

Dan shook his head a smirk on his lips his cheeks flushing slightly as he went down memory lane. He hadn’t always had success with girls. In fact, he’d been downright awkward up into his later twenties. He was still a little awkward to tell the truth, he’d just gotten better at hiding it. “Let’s put it this way when I was like sixteen I asked a girl to Junior Prom, I had pretty much convinced myself she was going to say no…when she said yes I was so embarrassed and flabbergasted I avoided her for like two months. I came across as looking like a jerk when in reality I was just a neurotic awkward mess of a kid.”

Elle bit the inside of her cheek to stop herself from dissolving into giggles. She knew she didn’t have much room to laugh. She had gone to both of her proms all alone. She would have never had the nerve to ask anyone to prom. “Did she still go to prom with you?”

“Yeah, she was my first real girlfriend…my first kiss too when I was like seventeen. We broke up pretty soon after that kiss. I told her I loved her and I freaked her out, because I got a little clingy…teenage me didn’t understand how to play it cool. I think I cried for like a month when she broke up with me.” Dan admitted never telling the entire story to anyone, at least not the crying part.

He spoke again shaking his head embarrassed to admit it though it wasn’t the first time he’d told these stories. “I was a late bloomer as far as dating went. I mean technically I had my first date when I was like thirteen…but no one told me that you were supposed to actually spend time with a girl on a date…so she spent the entire time roller skating and I spent the entire time playing arcade games…..I didn’t take much after that unless you count my high school girlfriend…I dated a little in college but it was always a mess…so yeah, I haven’t always been smooth with the ladies.”

“You mean you actually think you’re smooth now?” Elle teased causing him to let out a huff giving her side a playful poke as he spoke.

“Funny. I was smooth enough to get you…I mean, after screwing up a little bit…I got smoother.” Dan remarked a chuckle leaving his lips.

He pressed a kiss to the nape of her neck not helping but to tease her even more though he was sure this wasn’t the first time he’d made this comment. “Fifteen-year-old me would have followed fifteen-year-old you around like a lost puppy. I would have had a massive crush.”

“I doubt that.” Elle remarked shaking her head as he shoved his cell back into his jacket pocket.

He refused to let the comment go pressing another kiss to her neck as he spoke. “I would have been so crazy about you. I would be stupidly obnoxiously into you. I’d probably follow you around hoping you’d notice me. I would be too scared shitless to actually make a move on you. I’ve seen the pictures of you when you were a teenager. You were cute and kind of a little badass even in that Catholic School uniform. You would have been out of my league. I would have been too geeky for you to ever look twice at.”

“I wouldn’t have minded you being a geek. I didn’t fit in with anyone so….geeky may have not been too big of a deal. I think I would have been happy to have a genuine friend no matter what they were interested in.” Elle replied trying not to cringe as she thought of her teen years.

It was something she preferred not to focus too hard on.

Dan gave her a weak smile already aware that her less than stellar childhood had probably made things difficult for her. He tried to joke not wanting her to focus on the trauma of her childhood too much. “You would have wanted to be my friend even if I played a lot of Magic: The Gathering…like a ton of it, oh and Dungeons and Dragons…and there might have been some LARP too.”

Elle shook her head this comment pulling her mind from wandering too far down memory lane. She spoke attempting to sound disgusted though her laughter definitely killed any sign of fake disgust. “Jeez Dan, you were such a geek.”

“I’m still a geek thank you very much.” Dan remarked giving her side another poke managing to tickle the sensitive skin even through the fabric of her dress.

She chuckled practically melting against him her body never always turning to jelly anytime anyone hit one of her ticklish spots. She managed to speak through her giggles. “I like the geekiness. It’s adorable.”

“Hey, adorable is for puppies.” Dan joked continuing to tickle her like the laughter that spilled from her. He would do anything to make her laugh like this.

“Okay, then hot. I totally find DnD hot.” Elle joked still laughing.

She spoke again her voice serious as Dan finally eased up on the tickling. “I wish I’d been more comfortable in my own skin back when I was a teenager…I mean, I’m still not entirely comfortable in my skin, but back then when I was a teenager, it was worst. I spent most of my time plotting how to get out of my hometown and the rest of my time smoking pot and avoiding home.”

Dan gave her a soft smile trying to hide the pity from his face. He knew she hated pity. “I probably would have smoked you out…I mean, you have heard the pot brownie story.”

Elle snorted knowing exactly what he was talking about. When he’d been twenty four he’d spent basically a year of his life doing nothing but smoking pot every day and playing Morrowind. During this period of time he had also decided to spend three days doing literally nothing but eating an entire tray of pot brownies he’d made. He had literally been so stoned that he didn’t leave the sofa the entire time except to use the restroom.

She’d heard a few other stories from Dan’s stoner years. She had to admit she would have been curious to meet Stoner Danny. She had a feeling he would have been just as sweet, though completely totally stoned out of his brain.

Dan had admitted to her that sober him was a lot happier. He had quit smoking pot because it stopped helping his anxiety and instead made it worse. Not to mention it wasn’t great for his singing voice.

Elle let out a sigh as her cell phone chimed. At least it wasn’t Instagram. She had followed Dan’s lead on how to react as far as the Instagram thing went.

She had turned off her Direct Messages in order to avoid any nosy messages in response to Dan’s posts about her. There had been a few messages at first, but she had chosen not to open them. She had gone into her Instagram and cleaned it up a bit, deleting all photos of Adam. She had even removed her location. She had thought about setting her profile to private but had decided against it.

She wasn’t going to hide from anyone, not Adam, not fans, not even her brother. She was here to stay. She was happy with Dan and she was willing to fight anyone who had anything shitty to say about her being with Dan, even Adam.

She had put more thought into her last therapist’s appointment. She wasn’t going to let Adam ruin anything for her. She had moved on from him. She wasn’t going to be afraid of him, not anymore. She was done being afraid of him. He didn’t hold that power over her any longer.

She wasn’t going to be afraid of anything anymore. She was going to focus on being with Dan. She would take everything that came with Dan.

Elle was just doing her best not to focus too much on being thrust into the public eye. She had promised Dan that she could handle any response to her, good or bad. She had told him that she wouldn’t go out seeking any one’s opinion of her. She intended on sticking to that promise.

She reluctantly pulled away from Dan going over to her purse to check her phone. She shook her head a small chuckle escaping her lips. “It’s another freaking horse picture. You’d think Jake would get that I’m not that impressed.”

Dan snickered as he watched Elle text Jake a thumbs up emoji before silencing her phone.

She let out a small laugh as she shoved her phone back into her purse. “How is it that my brother is all the way up in Montana but he’s still found a way to drive me insane?”

“Eh, brothers are pretty good at that, especially older brothers. You should see how nuts I drive Dana.” Dan replied trying to ignore how the mention of Jake still made him a little irritable.

He wasn’t sure if he would ever really be able to forgive Jake for telling him to stay away from Elle. It really wasn’t Jake’s place and it had been a bit cruel, suggesting that Elle was too unstable for anyone. Dan wasn’t entirely sure how things would go with Jake once the truth came out.

He had a distinct feeling that things would be ugly. Jake was probably going to murder him, but he wasn’t going to back down. Dan had promised he wasn’t going to go anywhere and he had meant it.

He spoke unable to stop himself from bringing it up. “Jake is due back next month?…I mean I know the month hasn’t really started yet…we only have a few days in this month…but he’ll be back next month if we’re considering this being a new month already….He’ll be back in May.”

“Yep, he’s already bugging me about dinner plans.” Elle replied her eyes shifting to the floor.

There had been so many moments where she had wanted to tell her brother the truth about Dan and her. It didn’t seem like the perfect moment though, not when she knew he was going to act like a total nutcase.

Dan should be there when the truth all came out. They should tell her brother together.

Dan apparently could sense just what he was thinking as he made his way towards her. He pressed a gentle kiss to her lips his words soft and reassuring. “We’ll tell him when he gets back. We’ll go to lunch or something…do it in a public place. We’ll just bite the bullet and tell him the truth.”

Elle let out a small sigh knowing that Dan probably had the right idea. It would be best to just bite the bullet and get it all over with.

Her brother was going to freak out, but they might as well have him freak out in a public place…if they were in public maybe he wouldn’t murder Dan.

Elle wasn’t quite sure she believed that it would be that simple though.

Dan pressed a kiss to her lips once again reassuring her. “No matter what happens I’m not going anywhere.”

“I know baby. I’m not going anywhere either.” Elle replied allowing herself to sink into the kisses.

They would handle her brother when the time came. No matter what happened they would figure it out.

……………………………………………

Dan felt a genuine smile cross his lips as he sat at a big table at the back of the restaurant his hand resting on Elle’s knee as she chatted away about birds with Holly.

There was nothing better than having his friends and his girlfriend all in the same room. He was relieved that Elle was able to set aside any social awkwardness and be comfortable in the group.

Working at the Grump Space had definitely helped her break through her shell a little bit. Still though it was clear that she felt a little out of place in big groups like this.

Dan was doing his best to silently reassure her, resting his hand on her knee rubbing the skin with his thumb, occasionally pressing a soft kiss to her cheek.

Dan may have helped ease her into a comfortable conversation with Holly by mentioning that Elle was into birds. He knew that the simple mention of birds would start an easy conversation between Holly and her.

Dan stroked Elle’s knee the soft skin pleasant underneath his hand as he tried to focus on Arin, Suzy, and Barry arguing over what was the best Monster Hunter game in the series.

Dan only had minimal knowledge of the game having only watched Barry play it once or twice and having heard his friends talk about it. Arin had discussed possibly doing a playthrough of it at some point, but it had yet to happen.

Still though Dan was trying to engage in the conversation to the best of his ability while listening to Elle and Holly at the same time. It was a hard task to balance.

Dan felt the smile on his face grow as he heard Elle’s laughter. “Birbs…huh, I’ve never heard them called that.”

Elle felt her cheeks flush worrying that she may have sounded like a total jerk. She didn’t mean to make fun of the comment, it was just something she had never heard.

She had enjoyed chatting with Holly so far. She could see why Dan had insisted they would get along well. Holly seemed just as sweet as Suzy, and Elle couldn’t help but to like the pink hue to her hair. She was the slightest bit envious of the cotton candy hue. She had never been able to make pastel tones work with her own dark hair.

Dan gave Elle’s knee a reassuring squeeze apparently spotting the flash of panic in her eyes. He was quick to speak trying to calm her anxieties. “Holly has a pigeon coop in her back yard.”

Holly smiled apparently not at all phased by Elle’s comment. “Yeah, I had it built a few years ago. I’ve been rescuing birds, pigeons, working as a sort of rehabilitation for them until bigger rescues can take them on. I have a few that I keep as pets. I have a cockatiel too. I have several of birds actually. I also have a bearded dragon and two cats… You should totally check the enclosure out some time.”

“I would really love that.” Elle replied her eyes widening a bit having to admit she found the idea of seeing this enclosure pretty exciting.

She was relieved as Holly smile apparently happy to show it off. “Cool when we get back from the con we should totally just pick a day for you to come over and see the enclosure, meet the birbs. Maybe we could grab lunch too, just make a girls day out of it.”

“That would be great.” Elle stated trying not to show just how nervous the offer made her. She took a deep breath refusing to let any of her social awkwardness ruin a friendship from developing.

She was enjoying talking to Holly and she would like to have a friendship with her. She had been getting along so well with most of the Grumps. She could use all the friends she could get.

She spoke again hoping it wasn’t obvious how nervous she was. “I’ve always loved birds. I was never allowed to have pets growing up, but my grandfather let me keep love birds at his house when I was a teenager. I’ve thought about getting another bird, but it’s a huge responsibility. It would be nice to have one again though…maybe someday. I wouldn’t mind maybe getting a dog too…just a small one. I’ve never owned a dog.” Elle remarked relieved that she hadn’t shoved her foot in her mouth yet.

Dan listened to this comment silently wondering if maybe he should buy Elle a bird. It might be a nice gift, something to make her smile. A bird would probably be a nice gesture. It might mean a lot to her, him giving her something that she seemed to want so badly.

He silently reminded himself to ask Holly for some advice on just what to buy.

Dan didn’t have much of an opportunity to focus on this thought as the food was brought to the table. He was quick to move grabbing a butter knife and cutting Elle’s massive turkey burger for her knowing she had a hard enough time eating with her cast. She couldn’t exactly eat a burger with a fork without making a total mess of things. Dan had discovered that cutting sandwiches into fours made things a bit more manageable for her.

He shook his head as Arin spoke quick to tease Dan over his obvious coddling. “Really Dan? Is she that helpless?”

Elle was quick to hold up her cast nodding her head. “Clearly. Trust me I have zero ability to maneuver day to day life with this stupid thing. Dan is stuck waiting on me for a few more weeks at least.”

Dan snorted pressing a kiss to her cheek as he replied to Arin joking. “I have no problem waiting on her. You’re just jealous that I don’t cut your food for you Arin.”

“I am jealous. You never offer to cut my food for me anymore.” Arin insisted playing right along.

Dan snorted once again shaking his head quick to bring up an inside joke. “Well you don’t look at me during anymore. Why should I spoil you when I’m so underappreciated? Elle appreciates me.”

Elle and Suzy exchanged a look a laugh leaving the women’s lips at the men in their lives’ ridiculousness.

Dan eagerly placed a hand back against Elle’s knee as they began to eat their meals.

Ross smirked all too happy to poke at Elle a bit. “So, Elle…I have to say I’m kind of surprised you didn’t order the Cowboy Burger. I thought it would have been the first item to catch your attention on the menu. It has barbeque and Texas Toast.”

Elle rolled her eyes having grown accustomed to Ross’ jokes about her being from Texas. She had lost count of the amount of times she had been greeted by Ross with a sarcastic yeehaw or a howdy.

She gave him a cool smile already having learned to deal it back out by bringing up him being from Australia. “You’re just cranky that they didn’t have any vegemite sandwiches on the menu.”

The comment managed to work a snort from Holly causing Ross to shoot his wife an incredulous look. “Seriously? You’re supposed to be on my side.”

Holly shook her head giggling at the statement. “Uh, that wasn’t in the marriage vows. Don’t be upset just because Elle served it right back to you.”

Dan chuckled at the look of annoyance on Ross’ face as Holly and Elle quickly high fived across the table.

Yep Elle and Holly were going to get along just fine.

………………………………………………………………………………………….

Elle sank back against the airplane seats her eyes bleary with sleep. She hadn’t been ready to get up this morning and catch this plane, but she had very little choice in the matter.

She wasn’t shocked as Dan shoved the jacket he’d covered her up with a bit higher on her body the turbulence making it fall ever so slightly. She couldn’t stop herself from snuggling against the leather jacket it holding the slightest scent of old spice.

It had been set to only be a five hour flight, but there had been a delay leading everyone to be stuck at the airport for an hour and a half longer than they’d planned.

Needless to say, everyone was well past ready to arrive in Florida so they could go to their hotel and relax before the busy day planned out tomorrow.

She widened her eyes her grip onto the jacket tightening as the plane hit another patch of turbulence. Dan slid a hand under the jacket clasping his hand over hers in an attempt to soothe her. “It’s okay. We’re almost there.”

Elle took a deep breath trying to shove back her anxiety. She didn’t exactly love flying. She didn’t have like a massive phobia of it or anything, but still it wasn’t her favorite activity.

She gave Dan a tight smile trying not to let herself get too worked up. The turbulence was over as quickly as it started.

Dan kept his hand clasped over hers he gave her a soft smile holding up his iPod showing off what was attached to it. “I picked this up at the airport gift shop. I thought I’d let you get a good nap in before I forced you to try it out.”

Elle chuckled spotting the duel headphone jack plugged into his iPod and the extra pair of headphones.

“What are we listening to?” She asked as he opened his arm allowing her to lean against him the best the armrest between them would allow.

“Rush of course.” Dan replied a grin crossing his features as he remembered one of the very first conversations Elle and had ever had; him telling her about Rush.

Elle put in the ear buds offered to her as ‘Fly By Night’ began to flow through the headphones. She allowed herself to sink more against Dan her eyes once again closing.

She tried her best to shut off her brain and will herself into sleep. These next few days were going to be interesting to say the least.

Whatever happened though, she was ready to take it on. She was going to take on anything for Dan.


End file.
